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10 Signs of a Toxic Friend that You’ve Probably Never Realised

10 Signs of a Toxic Friend that You’ve Probably Never Realised

Building relationships with people is part of life. We all form strong friendships that make our lives healthier and happier. However, some friendships may be more harmful than they are helpful. It’s important to notice signs that your relationship is toxic so you don’t let them affect you for the worse. Below are signs that you have a toxic friend even if you haven’t realised it yet.

1. They always seem to be focusing on the negative side of things

Friends share the ups and downs of their lives with each other. However, friends who are toxic tend to always talk about how everything that is bad without seeing any of the good. They tend to ignore all the good which makes you ignore it as well bringing your mood and motivation down. It’s important to help them out with their problems but also make sure it doesn’t affect you negatively.

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2. They never listen to any of your problems

They always call you when something is wrong with them but never seem to have time for you when you have a problem. They expect you to be there for them when something goes wrong but are nowhere to be found when you need help. Friends who do this leave you feeling more lonely than you realise.

3. They are quick to point out your flaws

Honesty is important in any relationship, and friendships are no exception. However, it’s when the honesty becomes relentless criticism of everything you do that the relationship becomes toxic. You find yourself unable to talk to your friend because you are afraid that they will point out everything you did wrong instead of offering you their support.

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4. They get mad at you easily

It’s perfectly normal to experience friction and have arguments in your relationships. Toxic friends seem to always get angry with you for the smallest things you do. Any argument that you have always leaves you feeling guilty and apologetic. Friends like this are toxic because they aren’t able to work out problems in a mature way.

5. They aren’t happy for your success

Friends who don’t appreciate your success and celebrate with you are friends who are toxic to your life. People who love you will be happy when they see your happiness. It’s important for friends to be happy for each other and celebrate each other’s good fortune to maintain healthy, supportive relationships.

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6.  They always want to talk about themselves

Friends like this always seem to be talking about their accomplishments. They never think to ask about you or your life, and it seems like they don’t really care. Friends like this are harmful to your life because they leave you feeling like you are unimportant.

7. They don’t care enough to keep in touch

Life is complicated. It’s important to understand that sometimes people can’t always call or talk to you but they are thinking of you. However, relationships get toxic when the other person isn’t thinking of you and makes no attempt to keep in contact. You find yourself being the only one reaching out, while they seem uninterested in maintaining the relationship. This is toxic because to have a healthy life you should engage in mutually fulfilling relationships with people who care about you as much as you care about them.

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8. They never consider your feelings

Friends who never consider how their actions or words affect you are toxic to be around. They do things to benefit themselves even if it means your feelings are being compromised. it’s unhealthy to have people like this in your life because you should surround yourself with people who don’t better themselves at the expense of others.

9. They pressure you to do things you don’t want to do

When you’re around them, they pressure you into doing things you aren’t comfortable and make you feel like a loser when you don’t do them. It’s good to be around people who encourage you to try new things but it becomes toxic when they are forcing you to do things. You should be encouraged but not forced to try new things and move out of your comfort zone. Being forced to do anything has dire consequences that makes relationships like this toxic.

10. They aren’t willing to change

Human beings are constantly changing. Change is important in relationships. To maintain relationships and grow as people you should be able to change and adapt to each other to an extent that is beneficial to both of you. Friends who are set in their ways, which may not necessarily be right, and don’t attempt to change and grow are toxic to your life.

Featured photo credit: Volkan Olmez via unsplash.com

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Last Updated on July 13, 2020

9 Simple Ways to Always Stay Positive

9 Simple Ways to Always Stay Positive

It’s common to be struck with a bout of pessimism, or to naturally be more towards the pessimistic end of the perspective spectrum. It’s hard to see the positives in life and become an optimist when you’re lost in the murky waters of negative thinking.

However, Henrik Edberg, the founder of The Positivity Blog is here to share nine ways we can create a more optimistic outlook and positive perspective:

“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.” — Maria Robinson

When I was younger — in my teens and early 20s — I was trapped. Not physically, but mentally: by the destructive thought pattern called pessimism. This negative thinking poisoned what might have been a pretty good and opportunity-filled childhood, adolescence, and early adulthood. This pessimism created ceilings and walls where there really were none.

Throughout the period when I was ridden by pessimism, my life and I mostly stood still. Looking back, it was a terrible waste. If you are in pessimistic place, you don’t have to stay there for the rest of your life. I didn’t, for I learned to replace my negative thinking with optimism.

In this article I’ll explore nine positivity habits that have helped me to go from someone who was pessimistic most of the time to someone who is now optimistic almost all the time. I recommend to not try to add all the habits at one go but to choose one habit and to practice it for 30 days so it becomes a habit, before adding the next.

1. Ask Yourself the Right Questions

This is the simplest but perhaps also the most important habit I have discovered in adopting an optimistic mindset. The questions we ask ourselves day in and day out when we wind up in negative, difficult or uncertain situations make all the difference in our life.

A pessimist might ask him/herself questions like:

  • “Why did this happen to me?”
  • “Why do bad things happen to me all the time?”

But an optimist asks him/herself the questions that open up the mind to new viewpoints and possibilities. A few of my favorite questions for finding the optimistic perspective are:

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  • “What is one good thing about this situation?”
  • “What can I learn from this situation?”
  • “What is one small step I can take today to start solving this situation?”

2. Create a Positive Environment to Live In

The people you spend your time with and the information you let influence your mind will have a huge effect on your attitude and how you think about things.

Watch this YouTube video and learn the power of a positive environment:

So choose to:

  • Spend more time with the people who lift you up. And less time – or no time – with people who just bring you down by being negative and critical. Read: You are the Average of the 5 People You Spend the Most Time With
  • Let in the information that supports you. Spend less time on negative and self-esteem damaging media sources and spend more time reading positive and constructive blogs and books, watching motivating movies, listening to inspirational songs, and listening to audio books and podcasts created by optimistic people. Check out 12 Inspirational Movies With Important Life Lessons To Learn and 25 Most Inspirational Songs of All Time.

3. Be Grateful for What You Have (Don’t Forget About Yourself Too)

A very simple and quick way to boost the positive energy in your life is to tap into gratitude.

I usually do it by asking one or more of these questions:

  1. What can I be grateful for in my life today?
  2. Who are 3 people that I can be grateful to have in my life and why?
  3. What are 3 things I can be grateful for about myself?

Just spend 60 seconds or a few minutes during your day with answering one of these questions to reap the wonderful benefits.

4. Don’t Forget About Your Physical Self

Being an optimist isn’t just about thinking in a different way. It is also about caring for the physical part of ourselves.

I have found that working out a couple of times a week, enough quality sleep each night and eating healthy food has a huge effect on my mindset.

If I mismanage those very basic things then negative thoughts pop up far more often and I become more pessimistic and shut down about the possibilities in my life.

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So don’t neglect these basic fundamentals. Just caring for your physical self the right way can minimize a whole bunch of problems in life.

5. Start Your Day in an Optimistic Way

The way you start your morning can set the tone for the rest of your day. For example, a stress-free morning often leads to less stress during the rest of the day.

So how can you set an optimistic tone for your day?

A three-step combination that has worked very well for me is to ask myself a gratitude question during breakfast, read some positive information online or in a book very early in the morning and then follow that up with exercising.

This sets my mind on the right path and fills me up with energy for my day.

6. Focus on Solutions

A sure way to feel more negative about a situation is to sit around and do nothing about it. Instead, use the questions I shared in step one and open up your mind to the possibilities of the situation you are in.

If you have trouble to get started with taking action, ask yourself:

What is one small step I can take today to get the ball rolling?

Then take that small step forward. However small this step is, it can have a big effect in your mood and thoughts. If the step feels too big or it just makes you procrastinate, then ask yourself:

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What is an even smaller step I can take to move forward today?

The most important thing is to move forward, even if it’s a tiny baby step.

7. Reduce Your Worries

The worrying habit is a powerful and destructive one and can take over anyone’s thinking. It used to be one of my biggest obstacles to optimism and to moving forward in life.

Two effective steps that have helped me and still help me to this day to minimize the worries are:

  1. Ask yourself: how many of my worries ever happened in reality? If you are like me you will find that the answer is: very few. Most of the things you fear throughout your life will never happen. They are just nightmares or monsters in your own mind. This question can help you to do a reality check, to calm down and to realize that you have most likely just been building another imaginary nightmare.
  2. Focus on solutions and the action you can take. The worries grow stronger in a foggy mind and an inactive body. So use the questions in Steps 1 and 6 to move out of your worries and into resolution.

8. Don’t Let Ideals Ruin Things

A common mistake people make when making a shift in their attitudes is that they think that they have be perfect and do things perfectly all the time. This traps them from being positive.

Changing to a positive attitude can be gradual. While you may slip and stumble, continuing this way over time will strengthen your positive viewpoint more and more.

But if you set an inhuman standard for yourself and think you have to go from being a pessimist to always being an optimist, then you may find it hard to live up to that. And so you may feel like a failure. You get angry with yourself. And you may even give up on changing this habit and fall back into negative thinking.

So instead, focus on gradual change. If you are optimistic 40% of the time right now, try to improve this to being optimistic 60% of the time. Then, increase that to 80% when you are used to the new standard, then subsequently 100% if you can.

This focus on gradual improvement is far more sustainable and likely to bring long-term success than trying to reach an inhuman standard grounded in perfection.

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9. Finally, a Reminder to Help You to Not Give Up

I would like to end this article with a simple but powerful and timeless thought that comforted and encouraged me to continue on when things looked bleak.

That thought is: It is always darkest before the dawn.

This thought has helped me to hold on and keep going when my social skills and dating life was just plain bad. It has helped me to continue on in my online business when things looked like they would never pick up. It has helped me to put one foot over another even when things looked dark.

I have found this thought to be very true. Why? Because when things seemed to be at the lowest for my blog, business, dating life or life in general, something positive would always happened. That’s probably because being at a low point forced me to change how I did things.

But maybe also because life has a way of evening itself out when I go on. By taking action rather than give up, something good will always happens.

Seeing this thought live itself out has strengthened my belief in staying optimistic, in taking action and to keep going even when going through rough patches.

Re-syndicated 9 Simple Habits to Stay Positive in Life | Personal Excellence

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Featured photo credit: Allie Smith via unsplash.com

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