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10 Sentences An Upset Person Doesn’t Want To Hear

10 Sentences An Upset Person Doesn’t Want To Hear

In a world divided by so many differences, the truth is that we’re all very much the same. We all want to be happy and to live meaningful lives. We all struggle with similar challenges and insecurities. We all need someone to be there at one time or another.

When a person is feeling upset, angry, sad, disappointed, anxious, or any other negative emotion, this is the opportunity for you to be there for them. To help them feel less alone. It’s a time where you can reflect back on when you’ve felt a similar way and what you wished someone had said to you.

It’s not always easy to say the right thing, but it’s important that we think twice about our words. To someone going through an upsetting time, inappropriate comments can make a lot of difference – but not in a way that benefits them.

Here are 10 sentences an upset person doesn’t want to hear.

1. “You’re overreacting.”

We all have our own temperaments, personalities and life experiences. We all respond differently to different events. What may upset one person, may not upset another. There is no ‘wrong’ or ‘right’ way to feel.

Telling someone that they’re overreacting isn’t empathizing with how they feel. It’s telling them, “You’re not allowed to feel that way.” It’s making them feel that what they’re actually feeling doesn’t matter.

What you want is to acknowledge how they’re feeling – without insulting or criticising them. If they are struggling to think rationally, it’s best to be kind and compassionate in your approach.

Listen to what the person has to say and try putting yourself in the person’s shoes. Try saying, “I can see how you’d feel upset…” and nod along to show you’re actually listening.

2. “Get over it.”

Everyone responds differently to stressful and upsetting events. Everyone grieves at their own pace. Everyone has their own way with dealing with things.

It’s not kind nor helpful to tell someone to “just get on with things” or to “harden up”. It’s not showing them that their sadness matters to you. It’s a very hurtful thing to say to someone already in pain.

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We need to let them express how they’re feeling – it’s vital for maintaining their emotional and mental health. If we continue to push them away, they might withdraw and stop talking about their feelings completely.

My grandfather passed away when I was 11 years old. I didn’t know him all that well, but I saw his life fade away slowly with multiple strokes and Alzheimer’s disease. I recall my mother taking on the role of his full-time carer. She showered him, dressed him and fed him for the last five years of his life.

I recall walking by his room every morning before school and thinking, “This could be the last time I see my grandpa.”

I am now 26 years old, yet when I think of him, I still feel incredibly sad. I’ve been told in the past to “get over it”. But grief and pain doesn’t have a time limit. You’re allowed to be sad.

Instead of saying, “get over it”, try saying, “I know things are really hard for you at the moment. Let me know when you want to talk about it.”

3. “You’re such a cry baby.”

Crying is a very effective way of letting your feelings out. A way of releasing all the emotions you’ve been keeping locked inside. People who cry are often labelled as ‘weak’. But they’re not. In fact, they’re strong for having the courage to be honest about how they’re feeling.

I’m a very sensitive person and up until I was in my early 20’s, I thought it was something to be ashamed about. I hated that part of myself. I was repeatedly told that I was a “cry baby” and that crying in front of people was embarrassing.

But I know now that it’s not. Crying is normal. And I’ve realised that my sensitivity means I am more empathetic. I’m more aware of how other people might be feeling. I can relate better with others and have more honest and fulfilling relationships.

Instead of rushing to put a stop on someone’s tears, let them cry it out. Put a hand on their shoulder and let them take their time. Get them a tissue. Remind yourself that what you’re doing – just being there – is enough.

4. “Your life isn’t that bad.”

Just because a person generally has a ‘happy’ life, doesn’t mean they don’t have a right to feel unhappy. Telling someone, “Your life isn’t that bad” can make someone feel that they’re ‘complaining about nothing’ and their problems are trivial.

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When you tell someone all the things they should be grateful for, it can shine a light on the positive but it doesn’t necessarily solve the problem at hand.

Try a kinder and gentler approach. For example, if someone has lost their job but they’re quite wealthy, you could say, “I know it sucks that you’ve lost your job, you’re probably worried you won’t find one soon. Do you want to look at job vacancies together?”

5. “You don’t look good.”

When someone is going through a difficult time, the last thing on their mind is how they look. They may be struggling to get a good night’s sleep, not eating as well as they should be, and already feeling low and insecure about themselves.

Three years ago, I was going through possibly one of the hardest times in my life. I wasn’t sleeping well and it was quite evident on my face. And a friend of mine saw me and immediately said, “You look really tired.”

There was no “Hello”. No, “Are you okay? You look really tired.” Although I’m sure the person didn’t mean to be hurtful, the comment left me feeling worse than I already was feeling.

If you’re concerned that your loved one is behaving or acting differently, simply say, “I’m worried about you. Try to eat well and get enough sleep. If you need anything at all, just let me know.”

6. “Just tell me what’s wrong!”

For some people, it’s not easy to open up and express their emotions and feelings. It’s not easy to put into words how they feel. Don’t rush them into opening up. Instead, make it clear that you’re there for them, but you will give them the time and privacy that they need.

Try saying, “When you’re ready to talk about it, I’ll be here for you.”

7. “You’re always angry.”

Sometimes it’s so easy to label someone ‘angry’, than it is to look beneath the surface. Why do you think they are ‘always angry’? Is there something going on in their life that they’re too afraid to talk about?

Is their ‘angry’ attitude a result of negative experiences in the past? Is it possible that depression, or some other illness, might be the cause?

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Rather than criticizing your loved one, seek to understand their behaviors. Think about what may have happened to them recently or what may be happening to them now. Show them kindness and compassion.

Try saying instead, “I’ve noticed that you’ve been really upset lately. Do you want to talk about it?”

8. “You’ll be fine.”

Reassuring a loved one that they will be okay is great – unless it’s done in a patronizing and condescending way. Don’t dismiss how they’re feeling and brush off what they’re trying to say.

People don’t always want solutions. They want someone to listen, to remind them that their pain is valid.

Instead, try, “I know everything is hard at the moment, but try to hang in there. Let me know if you need anything.”

9. “You’re bringing me down.”

Nobody likes to feel that they’re a burden, that they’re bothering someone with their problems. But when you say, “you’re bringing me down”, it can have a much deeper impact than you realize.

The person going through a difficult time might feel even more lonely, more helpless. They might wonder whether things will ever get better. They might even want to give up.

Try not to say this at all. Instead, just remind yourself that life is filled with ups and downs. And your loved one just needs a hand in being lifted back up.

10. “I’m too busy to talk.”

When I was 18 years old, I saved someone from ending their life simply through talking. I’d only known the person for two weeks, yet I sat with him in his car for two hours. He was a friend of my now-husband’s and the second I looked at him, I knew he needed to talk.

He told me why he was living off of chocolate bars for dinners. He told me why he had a broken relationship with his mother. He cried and I listened.

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The defining moment came when he looked me in the eyes and said, “I was going to end my life tonight. I had it planned and everything. But you stopped me. I didn’t do it, all because of you.”

I will never ever forget those words. Because I had reached out to someone, because I had taken time out of my day to help someone, I had saved their life.

Sometimes we forget how much of a difference we can make to someone else’s life. How much our kindness, our compassion, our smile, our hug – can completely change someone else’s life.

We’re all busy. We all have responsibilities.

But we all have similar problems too.

And sometimes we just need to be reminded that we are important. That our feelings matter.

Rather than saying to someone, “I’m too busy to talk,” think to yourself, “HOW can I make time for this person?”

Sometimes just 15 minutes is enough to remind them that they’re really not alone.

Sometimes just 15 minutes can save a life.

Featured photo credit: goodinteractive via pixabay.com

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Last Updated on January 16, 2020

12 Simple Ways to Boost Your Confidence Right Now

12 Simple Ways to Boost Your Confidence Right Now

The way you feel about yourself greatly influences how you live and interact with others. If you are confident about yourself, you tend to see yourself positively and actually enjoy spending time with and around people. You don’t feel self-conscious or awkward around others, and that allows you to live your fullest and happiest life.

However, if you’re drowning in a sea of self-doubt, hesitancy and shyness, you often withdraw and isolate yourself from others and avoid interacting and connecting with people. That anxiety you feel in the pit of your stomach when you are around people is holding you back greatly and it is not good for your emotional health and overall well-being. You need to do something about it if you are low in self-confidence or have friends or family members who are not confident.

“Confidence isn’t walking into a room thinking you’re better than everyone, it’s walking in not having to compare yourself to anyone” – Anonymous

Here are simple, practical tips to boost your confidence right now and make you feel and act your best.

1. Stop labeling yourself as awkward, timid or shy.

When you label yourself as awkward, timid or shy, you sub-consciously tell your mind to act accordingly and psychologically feel inclined to live up to those expectations. Instead of labeling and entertaining negative self-talk, visualize and affirm yourself as confident and strong. Close your eyes for a minute and visualize yourself in different situation as you would like to be.

Be your own cheerleader. Experts believe that positive affirmation and good mental practices like picturing yourself winning or achieving a goal can lead to greater feelings of self-assurance and prepare your brain for success.[1] As the saying goes, “seeing is believing.” Picture yourself as confident and soon enough you will begin to manifest behavior that gives evidence to this new ‘fact.’

2. Recognize that the world is not focused on you (unless, of course, you are Kanye West).

That means you don’t have to be excessively sensitive about who you are or what you are doing (or not doing). You are not on the center stage; there is no need for preoccupation with self and perfectionism. As rap music star Rocko sings, “You just do you and I will do me, aight?”

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Forget about trying to please everyone or being perfect. Trying to be perfect and being a people-pleaser puts too much pressure on you and creates unnecessary anxiety. Besides, people are too preoccupied with their own issues to pay much attention to your every move unless, of course, you are a mega famous, super celebrity like Beyonce or Kanye West.

3. Focus on other people as opposed to yourself.

If you are low on confidence, self-conscious, nervous and shy in social situations, focus your attention on other people and what they are saying or doing instead of focusing on your own awkwardness.

For example, think about what it is that is interesting about the person who’s the centre of the party or the guy or girl you are talking with. Prompt them to talk more about themselves and be genuinely curious and interested in what they say. You will instantly come across as confident and warmhearted.

People generally want to talk about themselves, be heard and understood. They will love it when you’re eager and willing to listen to them and really hear what they have to say.

This habit of focusing more on what you love in others as opposed to what you dislike in yourself will not only help you become more assertive and comfortable in virtually all social situations, but also instantly make you feel great about yourself.

4. Know (and accept) yourself for who you are.

Chinese military general, strategist and philosopher Sun Tzu, author of the internationally acclaimed book The Art of War, said, “Know yourself and you will win all battles.” Even in the battle with lack of confidence, you will need to know yourself to win.

Knowing yourself starts with understanding that people are not all the same, neither are all social situation suitable for everyone. You might not be confident in large gatherings, but you could be bold and confident in one-on-one and small group interactions. We all have our own unique gifts and unique ways of expressing ourselves. Embrace yours!

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Introverts, for example, have a quiet confidence that is, unfortunately, often confused for shyness. They are naturally low key and prefer to spend time alone. However, this natural disposition affords them certain unique gifts, such as an ability to listen better than most people and notice things that others don’t.

Your uniqueness is where your strength and advantage lies. You won’t be comfortable and confident in all situations all the time. Albert Einstein said,

“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”

5. Crack a smile.

If there is one sure way to instantly boost your confidence, it’s cracking a smile. Christine Clapp, a public speaking expert at The George Washington University, says that flashing those pretty, pearly white teeth will immediately make you appear both confident and composed. But, the effect of smiling is not just external. Studies show that smiling can also help nix feelings of stress and pave the way for a happier and more relaxed you.[2]

Not a bad return for something seemingly so trite, wouldn’t you agree?

6. Break a sweat—with exercise.

Working out is another great way to make yourself feel amazing and confident. Science has shown that exercising increases your endorphins, helps reduce stress, tones your muscles and makes you feel happy and confident.[3]

And hey, all you have to do is take a walk a few times a week and you’ll see the benefits. What seems to matter—as far as your confidence goes—is whether you break a sweat, not how strenuous your session is, which is pretty cool. Start working out now.

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7. Groom yourself.

This might seem mundane, but it’s amazing how much of a difference a shower and shave can have on your confidence and self-image. And when you spritz on a scent, the boost on confidence and self-esteem is incredible. As it turns out, your favorite fragrance does more than make you smell oh-so-nice.

A study found that a fragrance can inspire confidence in men. Interestingly, the study also found that the more a man likes the fragrance, the more confident he might feel. Another study found that 90% of women feel more confident while wearing a scent than those who go fragrance-free.

8. Dress nicely.

Another one that might seem trite, but it works. If you dress nicely, you’ll instantly feel good about yourself and give your confidence a real boost. That is largely because you’ll feel attractive, presentable and sometimes even successful in nice clothes.

While dressing nicely means something different for everyone, it does not necessarily mean wearing $500 designer outfits. It means wearing clothes that are clean, that you are comfortable in and that are nice-looking and presentable, including casual clothes.

9. Do activities you enjoy.

Whether it is reading a book, playing a musical instrument, riding your bicycle or going fishing, do what you really enjoy and what makes you truly happy often. It will boost your self-esteem, soothe your ego and allow you to identify with your gifts and talents. That will in turn bolster your self-belief and grow your confidence exponentially.

You might not become popular for doing what you love, but you might not even want to be popular at all. Being popular doesn’t make you happy; doing what you love does.

10. Prepare for the possibility of rejection / setback.

Late World No. 1 professional tennis player Arthur Ashe said, “One important key to success is self-confidence. A key to self-confidence is preparation.” You need to prepare for the possibility of rejection and setback.

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Why?

Everybody suffers rejection and setback at one point or another. You are not exempted. The question on your mind, therefore, should not be if you will be rejected, but how you will handle rejection when it comes.

Prepare yourself adequately in every situation to minimize the risk and effect of rejection and so that your confidence is not broken. For example, learn public speaking and rehearse what you are going to say beforehand if you have landed a public speaking engagement. That way, you are sure of yourself and confident you have what it takes to hack it. If you are rejected, don’t take it personally.

Rejection and setbacks happen to the best of us. Take it as a learning experience. Learn from your mistakes and move on.

11. Face uncomfortable situations square in the face.

Don’t run away from uncomfortable situations. Running away from people or situations because you feel scared, shy or timid only confirms and reinforces your shyness. Instead, face the situation that makes you uneasy square in the face. For example, go ahead and talk to that person you are afraid to approach, or go straight to the front of your yoga class! What’s the worst that can happen?

Prepare and be ready for any eventuality. The more you face your fears, the more you realize you are stronger than you thought and the more confident you get. This simple, yet admittedly courageous, act makes you unstoppable. You get comfortable being uncomfortable and begin to feel like you can take on the world. And that is the hallmark of someone destined for great things.

12. Sit up straight and walk tall—you are awesome!

Yes, sit up straight and believe you are awesome. Don’t slump in your chair or slouch your shoulders. Experts say the right stance can not only keep your self-esteem and mood lifted, but also lead to more confidence in your own thoughts.[4]

The way to sit is to open up your chest and keep your head level so that you look and feel poised and assured. And when you get up, stand tall and walk like you’re on a mission. People who sit up straight and walk tall are more attractive and instantly feel more confident. Try it now: you’ll feel fierce and confident just by sitting up straight and walking tall.

Featured photo credit: Freshh Connection via unsplash.com

Reference

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