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10 Reasons To Tell Yourself, “I Love You”

10 Reasons To Tell Yourself, “I Love You”

Have you ever said something negative about yourself?

“I have such a big nose.”

“I’m so stupid.”

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When was the last time you said, “I love you,” to yourself? There are some surprisingly amazing benefits to this. If you want to increase your level of happiness, here’s why you should start saying those three little words—to yourself.

1. You deserve it.

i love you

    You are a masterpiece. Not only are you great, you are great just the way you are. You’ve likely accomplished a lot in your life and you deserve love. So, why not leave yourself an “I love you” note as a reminder?

    2. It will make your day better.

    The kind of days where your friend cancels dinner, you didn’t get the job, and you just can’t find anything to wear are the days you need to hear, “I love you, most. The next time it seems nothing is going your way, try focusing on love instead of concentrating on what has gone wrong. See if your day doesn’t brighten—even just a little.

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    3. Your existing relationships will become stronger, and you’ll develop new relationships, too.

    When you feel good about yourself, you are able to give more to others. You worry less about your own problems and can devote more time to your friends and family. This, in turn, will strengthen your existing relationships. In addition, people will naturally be attracted to the selflessness you exude, and they will want to get to know you more. Sounds good, right?

    4. You will see an increase in your confidence and self-esteem.

    When successes are challenged, people can lose confidence. It’s best to keep in mind that failure creates momentum for ambition. If you are having an I’m-not-good-enough moment, soothe yourself by saying, “It’s okay, I love you.” It’s the same thing you would do for your kids and husband or wife, isn’t it?

    5. Your productivity will skyrocket.

    When you have love in your heart, you get things done. You are more efficient at home. You are more effective at work. Your chances at success increase. You might land that promotion, solve that issue, or fix that item you’ve been meaning to fix. People will likely notice. Go on, now. Give it a try.

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    6. It will help you truly be present.

    Forgive and forget—another set of three words with such huge meaning. Negative thoughts keep people stuck in the past. When you rethink and relive uncomfortable situations, you are preventing yourself from moving on. Telling yourself, “I love you, redirects your attention to the present moment (the here and now!) and lets you focus on what is happening right in front of you. Forgive. Forget. Then move on.

    7. You will feel healthier.

    Physical health is important. We truly need to take care of our bodies. We need to eat right, exercise, and drink lots of water. Also incredibly important is our mental health. Mentally healthy people feel good about their choices and are proud of themselves, which, in turn, allows them to work on their physical health. Balance out your health by improving both your physical and your mental health.

    8. It will motivate you.

    Maybe you’re feeling lethargic, you’re tired, and you’re having trouble getting going with your day. Love can go a long way. Sometimes you just need that extra push. Give it a whirl. It’s worth it.

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    9. It will make your mom happy.

    —and your dad. And your brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, cousins, grandmas, grandpas, and friends, too. Those who love you will be happy to know you are treating yourself the way they would treat you. Not only that, but you will begin to appreciate your kindness and respect, too. Grandma would tell you she loves you, wouldn’t she?

    10. It will make you laugh.

    Everyone needs to laugh. If shouting “I LOVE YOU!” to yourself doesn’t make you laugh, giggle, or at the very, very least smile, try shouting louder! Laughter is happiness. And after all, isn’t that what we are all aiming for?

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    Last Updated on September 18, 2020

    13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

    13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

    For the original article by Celestine: 13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

    “We all have problems. The way we solve them is what makes us different.” ~Unknown

    “It’s not stress that kills us, it is our reaction to it.” – Hans Selye

    Have you ever experienced moments when things just don’t go your way? For example, losing your keys, accidentally spilling your drink, waking up late, missing your buses/trains, forgetting to bring your things, and so on?

    You’re not alone. All of us, myself included, experience times when things don’t go as we expect.

    Here is my guide on how to deal with daily setbacks.

    1. Take a step back and evaluate

    When something bad happens, take a step back and evaluate the situation. Some questions to ask yourself:

    1. What is the problem?
    2. Are you the only person facing this problem in the world today?
    3. How does this problem look like at an individual level? A national level? On a global scale?
    4. What’s the worst possible thing that can happen to you as a result of this?
    5. How is it going to impact your life in the next 1 year? 5 years? 10 years?

    Doing this exercise is not to undermine the problem or disclaiming responsibility, but to consider different perspectives, so you can adopt the best approach for it. Most problems we encounter daily may seem like huge issues when they crop up, but most, if not all, don’t have much impact in our life beyond that day.

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    2. Vent if you have to, but don’t linger on the problem

    If you feel very frustrated and need to let off some steam, go ahead and do that. Talk to a friend, complain, crib about it, or scream at the top of your lungs if it makes you happy.

    At the same time, don’t get caught up with venting. While venting may temporarily relieve yourself, it’s not going to solve the problem ultimately. You don’t want to be an energy vampire.

    Vent if there’s a need to, but do it for 15 to 20 minutes. Then move on.

    3. Realize there are others out there facing this too

    Even though the situation may be frustrating, you’re not alone. Remember there are almost 7 billion people in the world today, and chances are that other people have faced the same thing before too. Knowing it’s not just you helps you to get out of a self-victimizing mindset.

    4. Process your thoughts/emotions

    Process your thoughts/emotions with any of the four methods:

    1. Journal. Write your unhappiness in a private diary or in your blog. It doesn’t have to be formal at all – it can be a brain dump on rough paper or new word document. Delete after you are done.
    2. Audio taping. Record yourself as you talk out what’s on your mind. Tools include tape recorder, your PC (Audacity is a freeware for recording/editing audio) and your mobile (most mobiles today have audio recording functions). You can even use your voice mail for this. Just talking helps you to gain awareness of your emotions. After recording, play back and listen to what you said. You might find it quite revealing.
    3. Meditation. At its simplest form, meditation is just sitting/lying still and observing your reality as it is – including your thoughts and emotions. Some think that it involves some complex mambo-jumbo, but it doesn’t.
    4. Talking to someone. Talking about it with someone helps you work through the issue. It also gets you an alternate viewpoint and consider it from a different angle.

    5. Acknowledge your thoughts

    Don’t resist your thoughts, but acknowledge them. This includes both positive and negative thoughts.

    By acknowledging, I mean recognizing these thoughts exist. So if say, you have a thought that says, “Wow, I’m so stupid!”, acknowledge that. If you have a thought that says, “I can’t believe this is happening to me again”, acknowledge that as well.

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    Know that acknowledging the thoughts doesn’t mean you agree with them. It’s simply recognizing the existence of said thoughts so that you can stop resisting yourself and focus on the situation on hand.

    6. Give yourself a break

    If you’re very stressed out by the situation, and the problem is not time sensitive, then give yourself a break. Take a walk, listen to some music, watch a movie, or get some sleep. When you’re done, you should feel a lot more revitalized to deal with the situation.

    7. Uncover what you’re really upset about

    A lot of times, the anger we feel isn’t about the world. You may start off feeling angry at someone or something, but at the depth of it, it’s anger toward yourself.

    Uncover the root of your anger. I have written a five part anger management series on how to permanently overcome anger.

    After that, ask yourself: How can you improve the situation? Go to Step #9, where you define your actionable steps. Our anger comes from not having control on the situation. Sitting there and feeling infuriated is not going to change the situation. The more action we take, the more we will regain control over the situation, the better we will feel.

    8. See this as an obstacle to be overcome

    As Helen Keller once said,

    “Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experiences of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved.”

    Whatever you’re facing right now, see it as an obstacle to be overcome. In every worthy endeavor, there’ll always be countless obstacles that emerge along the way. These obstacles are what separate the people who make it, and those who don’t. If you’re able to push through and overcome them, you’ll emerge a stronger person than before. It’ll be harder for anything to get you down in the future.

    9. Analyze the situation – Focus on actionable steps

    In every setback, there are going to be things that can’t be reversed since they have already occurred. You want to focus on things that can still be changed (salvageable) vs. things that have already happened and can’t be changed. The only time the situation changes is when you take steps to improve it. Rather than cry over spilt milk, work through your situation:

    1. What’s the situation?
    2. What’s stressing you about this situation?
    3. What are the next steps that’ll help you resolve them?
    4. Take action on your next steps!

    After you have identified your next steps, act on them. The key here is to focus on the actionable steps, not the inactionable steps. It’s about regaining control over the situation through direct action.

    10. Identify how it occurred (so it won’t occur again next time)

    A lot of times we react to our problems. The problem occurs, and we try to make the best out of what has happened within the context. While developing a healthy coping mechanism is important (which is what the other helping points are on), it’s also equally important, if not more, to understand how the problem arose. This way, you can work on preventing it from taking place next time, vs. dealing reactively with it.

    Most of us probably think the problem is outside of our control, but reality is most of the times it’s fully preventable. It’s just a matter of how much responsibility you take over the problem.

    For example, for someone who can’t get a cab for work in the morning, he/she may see the problem as a lack of cabs in the country, or bad luck. However, if you trace to the root of the problem, it’s probably more to do with (a) Having unrealistic expectations of the length of time to get a cab. He/she should budget more time for waiting for a cab next time. (b) Oversleeping, because he/she was too tired from working late the previous day. He/she should allocate enough time for rest next time. He/she should also pick up better time management skills, so as to finish work in lesser time.

    11. Realize the situation can be a lot worse

    No matter how bad the situation is, it can always be much worse. A plus point vs. negative point analysis will help you realize that.

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    12. Do your best, but don’t kill yourself over it

    No matter how bad your situation may seem, do your best, but don’t kill yourself over it. Life is too beautiful to worry so much over daily issues. Take a step back (#1), give yourself a break if you need to (#6), and do what you can within your means (#9). Everything else will unfold accordingly. Worrying too much about the outcome isn’t going to change things or make your life any better.

    13. Pick out the learning points from the encounter

    There’s something to learn from every encounter. What have you learned from this situation? What lessons have you taken away?

    After you identify your learning points, think about how you’re going to apply them moving forward. With this, you’ve clearly gained something from this encounter. You’ve walked away a stronger, wiser, better person, with more life lessons to draw from in the future.

    Get the manifesto version of this article: [Manifesto] What To Do When Things Don’t Go Your Way

    Featured photo credit: Alice Donovan Rouse via unsplash.com

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