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Maintain A Successful Long Distance Relationship is Less Harder If You Understand Your Partner’s Attachment Style

Maintain A Successful Long Distance Relationship is Less Harder If You Understand Your Partner’s Attachment Style

The adage “out of sight is out of mind” is more fitting in relationships than is “absence makes the heart grow fonder”. Clichés as they both might be, long distance relationships are indeed no cakewalk and need far more effort and patience to maintain than a normal relationship where people live together or live in the same city and meet up often. Long distance relationships are hard to maintain simply because bringing the physical gap of not being able to see each other often, not knowing what the person is up to and even seeing your loved one in the presence of other people is a tough nut to crack! Also, it might have something to do with our attachment styles! [1]

Your attachment styles can predict the success of your long distance relationship.

    Photo credit: Source

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    We all have specific behaviors, when it comes to romance, which remain unchanged, even if we change partners. Many of us are often dubbed as clingy, or commitment-phobic, or even too independent when it comes to our relationships and basically, it all boils down to our specific attachment styles. [2]

    Attachment styles are simply the way we behave with our loved one, and this behavior of ours then can make a relationship smooth and enjoyable to be in, or bumpy with too much strife and expectations. Remember that attachment styles can change with a big change in life – things like pregnancy, a new baby, adoption, a sudden financial crisis, the loss of a job, an accident or injury. [3]

    Now the thing with attachment styles is that depending on the kind we have or are, and depending on the kind of attachment style our loved on has, is key to making a relationship work, or not!

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      Photo credit: Source

      Secure Attachment

      If you grew up in a warm, safe and loving environment then you are the kind who feels secure in your relationship with your partner, are close to him or her but still respect individuality and independence in a relationship. You are the kind who can be with any kind of attachment type, and most likely to make a long distance relationship work to your advantage as well. [4]

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      Anxious-Preoccupied Attachment

      If you are the anxious attachment type, you are likely to be the one most partners describe as clingy, possessive and even stifling. You often remain worried about the future of your relationship and depend on your partner for your happiness and fulfillment. You might find it difficult to maintain a long-distance relationship as your demanding nature will not find satisfaction in not getting the due attention over the distance. [5]

      Dismissive-Avoidant Attachment

      So, you are the one who would probably thrive in a long distance relationship for you probably like to keep detached from your partner and may not even consider him or her that important, to begin with. You are likely to come off as cold, distant and perhaps even narcissistic in nature. [6]

      Fearful-Avoidant Attachment

      You are the one everyone dubs as commitment-phobic. Being in a relationship is scary enough for you, naming it and establishing concrete boundaries makes you run strike back and be rather moody. A long distance relationship should work for you as well as you basically like some distance between you and your significant other. [7]

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      Do the right thing based on you and your partner’s attachment styles to sustain the LDR!

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        If you’ve already had a failed long distance relationship and fear being in another one since you took that failure personally, well don’t, on all counts. Your failure may not have been your fault or even the other’s, rather it may be a relationship doomed to fail due to different attachment styles. But does that mean that you can never be successful in a long distance relationship, like ever?

        Of course not! We all can be successful at anything we so wish to if we only put in a little effort and also change ourselves a tad. Depending on your attachment style, here’s what you need to do, to make it work! And mostly, the work remains the same – trust, patience and a lot of loving attention along with space given! [8]

        • Secure Attachment: You are the kind of person who remains happy and loved in any circumstance of your relationship, distance immaterial. The problem in a long distance relationship will arise if you are with a person who has an anxious attachment type. Your security in the relationship could be mistaken for taking the relationship for granted, so you might need to shower some special attention on your “clingy” partner.
        • Anxious Attachment: You need constant reassurance in every relationship and a long distance relationship is particularly hard for you to maintain. If your partner is also anxious-preoccupied, frankly, the long distance may not work out for either one of you for both of you need to remain in constant touch with each other. If your partner is a secure attachment type, then remember that he or she is happy in your relationship and you need not feel abandoned or ignored. Your avoidance attachment partner is likely to be the happiest in this long distance relationship and may need a gentle reminder every now and then that you need attention too.
        • Avoidance Attachment: So your secure partner may not be affected by the distance or even the various emotional phobias you have, and in case your partner is also the avoidance attachment type then you guys would probably revel in the relationship you have over the miles. But if your partner is anxious attachment type, Houston, we have a problem! You need to get over yourself and give a little part of you over the phone or the chat to your loved one to make sure the distance does not stress out your already hyper anxious partner. And with the distance, a little more attention should be easy for you to maintain as well.

        Remember that all relationships are same only in that they all need work, effort and plenty of love to work. Mostly, if the love is there, you can make it work – distance be darned! That said; a long distance relationship does need that extra bit of effort more to retain the spark for an ending that’s equally bright and happy!

        Reference

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        Last Updated on July 18, 2019

        What Makes People Happy? 20 Secrets of “Always Happy” People

        What Makes People Happy? 20 Secrets of “Always Happy” People

        Some people just seem to float through life with a relentless sense of happiness – through the toughest of times, they’re unfazed and aloof, stopping to smell the roses and drinking out of a glass half full.

        They may not have much to be happy about, but the simplicity behind that fact itself may make them happy.

        It’s all a matter of perspective, conscious effort and self-awareness. Listed below are a number of reasons why some people are always happy.

        1. They Manage Their Expectations

        They’re not crushed when they don’t get what they want – or misled into expecting to get the most out of every situation. They approach every situation pragmatically, hoping for the best but being prepared for the worst.

        2. They Don’t Set Unrealistic Standards

        Similar to the last point, they don’t live their lives in a constant pursuit towards impossible visions of perfection, only to always find themselves falling short of what they want.

        3. They Don’t Take Anything for Granted

        Happiness rests with feeling fulfilled – those who fail to stop and appreciate what they have every now and again will never experience true fulfillment.

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        4. They’re Not Materialistic

        There are arguing viewpoints on whether or not money can really buy happiness; if it can, then we know from experience that we can never be satisfied because there will always be something newer or better that we want. Who has ever had enough money?

        5. They Don’t Dwell

        They don’t sweat the small things or waste time worrying about things that don’t really matter at the end of the day. They don’t let negative thoughts latch onto them and drain them or distract them. Life’s too short to worry.

        6. They Care About Themselves First

        They’re independent, care for themselves and understand that they must put their needs first in order to accommodate the needs of others.

        They indulge, aim to get what they want, make time for themselves and are extremely self-reliant.

        7. They Enjoy the Little Things

        They stop to smell the roses. They’re accustomed to find serenity when it’s available, to welcome entertainment or a stimulating discussion with a stranger when it crosses their path. They don’t overlook the small things in life that can be just as important.

        8. They Can Adapt

        They’re not afraid of change and they work to make the most out of new circumstances, good or bad. They thrive under pressure, are not overwhelmed easily and always embrace a change of pace.

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        9. They Experiment

        They try new things, experience new flavors and never shy away from something they have yet to experience. They never order twice from the same menu.

        10. They Take Their Time

        They don’t unnecessarily rush through life. They work on their own schedule to the extent that they can and maneuver through life at their own relaxing pace.

        11. They Employ Different Perspectives

        They’re not stuck in one perspective; a loss can result in a new opportunity, hitting rock bottom can mean that there’s no where to go but up.

        12. They Seek to Learn

        Their constant pursuit of knowledge keeps them inspired and interested in life. They cherish information and are on a life-long quest to learn as much as they can.

        13. They Always Have a Plan

        They don’t find themselves drifting without purpose. When something doesn’t go as planned, they have a plan for every letter in the alphabet to fall back on.

        14. They Give Respect to Get It

        They are respectful and, in turn, are seen as respectable; the respect they exude earns them the respect they deserve.

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        15. They Consider Every Opportunity

        They always have their eyes open for a new road, a new avenue worth exploring. They know how to recognize opportune moments and pounce on them to make the most of every situation. Success is inevitable for them.

        16. They Always Seek to Improve

        Perpetual self-improvement is the key towards their ongoing thirst for success. Whatever it is they do, they take pride in getting better and better, from social interactions to mundane tasks. Their pursuit at being the best eventually materializes.

        17. They Don’t Take Life Too Seriously

        They’re not ones to get offended easily over-analyze or complicate matters. They laugh at their own faults and misfortunes.

        18. They Live in the Moment

        They don’t live for tomorrow or dwell on what may have happened yesterday. Every day is a new opportunity, a new chapter. They live in the now, and in doing so, get the most out of every moment.

        You can learn how to do so too: How to Live in the Moment and Stop Worrying About the Past or Future

        19. They Say Yes

        Much more often than they say no. They don’t have to be badgered to go out, don’t shy away from new opportunities or anything that may seem inconvenient.

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        20. They’re Self-Aware

        Most important, they’re wholly aware of themselves. They self-reflect and are conscious of their states of mind. If somethings bothering them, they fix it.

        We’re all susceptible to feeling down every now and again, but we are all equipped with the necessary solutions that just have to be discovered.

        Lack of confidence, inability to feel fulfilled, and susceptibility to stress are all matters that can be controlled through the way we handle our lives and perceive our circumstances.

        Learn about How Self-Reflection Gives You a Happier and More Successful Life.

        Final Thoughts

        The main philosophy employed by the happiest includes the idea that life’s simply too short: life’s too short to let things get you down, to take things for granted, to pursue absolute and unrealistic perfection.

        For some, employing these characteristics is a second nature – they do it without knowing. For others, a conscious effort must be put forth every now and again. Self-Awareness is key.

        More About Happiness

        Featured photo credit: Charles Postiaux via unsplash.com

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