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Maintain A Successful Long Distance Relationship is Less Harder If You Understand Your Partner’s Attachment Style

Maintain A Successful Long Distance Relationship is Less Harder If You Understand Your Partner’s Attachment Style

The adage “out of sight is out of mind” is more fitting in relationships than is “absence makes the heart grow fonder”. Clichés as they both might be, long distance relationships are indeed no cakewalk and need far more effort and patience to maintain than a normal relationship where people live together or live in the same city and meet up often. Long distance relationships are hard to maintain simply because bringing the physical gap of not being able to see each other often, not knowing what the person is up to and even seeing your loved one in the presence of other people is a tough nut to crack! Also, it might have something to do with our attachment styles! [1]

Your attachment styles can predict the success of your long distance relationship.

    Photo credit: Source

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    We all have specific behaviors, when it comes to romance, which remain unchanged, even if we change partners. Many of us are often dubbed as clingy, or commitment-phobic, or even too independent when it comes to our relationships and basically, it all boils down to our specific attachment styles. [2]

    Attachment styles are simply the way we behave with our loved one, and this behavior of ours then can make a relationship smooth and enjoyable to be in, or bumpy with too much strife and expectations. Remember that attachment styles can change with a big change in life – things like pregnancy, a new baby, adoption, a sudden financial crisis, the loss of a job, an accident or injury. [3]

    Now the thing with attachment styles is that depending on the kind we have or are, and depending on the kind of attachment style our loved on has, is key to making a relationship work, or not!

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      Photo credit: Source

      Secure Attachment

      If you grew up in a warm, safe and loving environment then you are the kind who feels secure in your relationship with your partner, are close to him or her but still respect individuality and independence in a relationship. You are the kind who can be with any kind of attachment type, and most likely to make a long distance relationship work to your advantage as well. [4]

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      Anxious-Preoccupied Attachment

      If you are the anxious attachment type, you are likely to be the one most partners describe as clingy, possessive and even stifling. You often remain worried about the future of your relationship and depend on your partner for your happiness and fulfillment. You might find it difficult to maintain a long-distance relationship as your demanding nature will not find satisfaction in not getting the due attention over the distance. [5]

      Dismissive-Avoidant Attachment

      So, you are the one who would probably thrive in a long distance relationship for you probably like to keep detached from your partner and may not even consider him or her that important, to begin with. You are likely to come off as cold, distant and perhaps even narcissistic in nature. [6]

      Fearful-Avoidant Attachment

      You are the one everyone dubs as commitment-phobic. Being in a relationship is scary enough for you, naming it and establishing concrete boundaries makes you run strike back and be rather moody. A long distance relationship should work for you as well as you basically like some distance between you and your significant other. [7]

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      Do the right thing based on you and your partner’s attachment styles to sustain the LDR!

        Photo credit: Source

        If you’ve already had a failed long distance relationship and fear being in another one since you took that failure personally, well don’t, on all counts. Your failure may not have been your fault or even the other’s, rather it may be a relationship doomed to fail due to different attachment styles. But does that mean that you can never be successful in a long distance relationship, like ever?

        Of course not! We all can be successful at anything we so wish to if we only put in a little effort and also change ourselves a tad. Depending on your attachment style, here’s what you need to do, to make it work! And mostly, the work remains the same – trust, patience and a lot of loving attention along with space given! [8]

        • Secure Attachment: You are the kind of person who remains happy and loved in any circumstance of your relationship, distance immaterial. The problem in a long distance relationship will arise if you are with a person who has an anxious attachment type. Your security in the relationship could be mistaken for taking the relationship for granted, so you might need to shower some special attention on your “clingy” partner.
        • Anxious Attachment: You need constant reassurance in every relationship and a long distance relationship is particularly hard for you to maintain. If your partner is also anxious-preoccupied, frankly, the long distance may not work out for either one of you for both of you need to remain in constant touch with each other. If your partner is a secure attachment type, then remember that he or she is happy in your relationship and you need not feel abandoned or ignored. Your avoidance attachment partner is likely to be the happiest in this long distance relationship and may need a gentle reminder every now and then that you need attention too.
        • Avoidance Attachment: So your secure partner may not be affected by the distance or even the various emotional phobias you have, and in case your partner is also the avoidance attachment type then you guys would probably revel in the relationship you have over the miles. But if your partner is anxious attachment type, Houston, we have a problem! You need to get over yourself and give a little part of you over the phone or the chat to your loved one to make sure the distance does not stress out your already hyper anxious partner. And with the distance, a little more attention should be easy for you to maintain as well.

        Remember that all relationships are same only in that they all need work, effort and plenty of love to work. Mostly, if the love is there, you can make it work – distance be darned! That said; a long distance relationship does need that extra bit of effort more to retain the spark for an ending that’s equally bright and happy!

        Reference

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        Last Updated on September 30, 2020

        How to Live a Stress Free Life in a Way Most People Don’t

        How to Live a Stress Free Life in a Way Most People Don’t

        Learning how to live a stress free life may seem impossible, but the truth is that there are specific things you can do to begin eliminating sources of stress.

        No, it doesn’t look like a made-for-television movie. No, it doesn’t look like something only people with extra time and money can do. It looks like your life—but without any self-created stress triggers.

        Here are 11 ways to help you live a stress-free life:

        1. Stop Overanalyzing Situations That Haven’t Happened

        The first step to living a stress-free life is to stop overanalyzing imaginary scenarios. It’s easy to spend time in the world of worst-case scenarios. People tend to cultivate this world for one of two reasons.

        First, because if you know what the worst-case scenario is, then it won’t surprise you when it happens. Second, if you know what the worst-case scenario is, then you can do everything in your power to control the universe so the worst case never happens.

        If that’s really the world you want to cultivate, then become a professional risk assessor. If not, then ask yourself how you are benefiting from continuing to live that way.

        Does it make you feel better about yourself and your life? Does it make you want to leap out of bed in the morning, eager to embrace the worst-case scenario? Does it bring you joy or fulfillment?

        If your answer to these three questions is no, then stop living in the future and bring yourself back into the present.

        2. Don’t Take on Other People’s Problems

        The whole advantage of other people having problems is that they aren’t your problems. When you frequently take on other people’s problems, you get into the habit of enabling.

        Let’s get crystal clear about the definition of enabling: enabling is the art of continuing to take responsibility for other people, thereby disallowing their personal responsibility[1].

        It is of no service to other people to take on their problems because they can’t/won’t/don’t know how to fix the problem.

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        It is of service to empower others to take responsibility for themselves and their lives, to encourage, teach, and motivate others to address their own problems. So stop enabling, and start empowering.

        3. Get Present in the Moment

        Being present in the moment involves being in your body and feeling your feelings—two things that lots of folks actually don’t know how to do.

        Ask yourself these two questions: What does fear feel like in your body? What are you afraid of?

        If you don’t know the answer to these questions, you probably aren’t present in the moment. Being present involves vulnerability, humility, and openness[2].

        How to live a stress free life by being present

          The past and the future stop being so relevant and intriguing when you’re able to get in your body and feel your feelings. When you can do these two things, you actually want to be in the present moment.

          To get started, close your eyes, focus on your breathing, and watch your stress levels drop. Then, try these tips: How to Live in the Moment and Stop Worrying.

          4. Focus on What You Have, Not What You Don’t

          The easiest way to stop focusing on what you don’t have is by not watching TV commercials. Marketing teaches us to focus on what we don’t have, and advertising campaigns spend millions of dollars convincing us that we must have what we don’t yet have.

          Can you think of a marketing campaign that teaches you to enjoy what you already have without buying something to enhance it? Odds are you can’t.

          In a world dictated by Super Bowl commercials and Facebook ads, it takes stalwart focus to recognize what you have more than what you don’t. If you want a stress-free life now, get stalwart, and stop letting other people dictate your focus.

          In order to do this, try cultivating a gratitude practice to help refocus your mind toward what is good in your life. You can get started with this guide.

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          5. Stop Surrounding Yourself With People Who Don’t Make You Happy

          Honestly, what kind of people do you really like to be around with? People who get you, who see you clearly, who accept your flaws and all; people you can be yourself with; people who have shared interests?

          How many of those people are in your life? What characteristics do all of the other people in your life have?

          If you find that the people in your life aren’t adding anything positive, it may be time to make some changes. If you find that other relationships you have are downright toxic, start working to cut out those relationships immediately.

          6. Find a Job That Makes You Feel Good

          You don’t have to stay at a job just because it pays the bills. Most people spend more time working than sleeping. The average person spends 40 to 80 hours a week—or 2,000 to 4,000 hours a year—working. That is a significant investment!

          If your best friend or child told you that they were going to spend 4,000 hours giving their emotional, mental, and physical energy to something (or someone) that wasn’t going to value them, give anything back to them, or pay them what they were worth, what advice would you offer? Give that same advice to yourself. You won’t be stress-free unless you don’t learn this[3].

          Here’re 11 Signs That You Should Leave Your Job.

          7. Only Take on What You Can Handle

          Busyness is an addiction. Slowing down can actually be terrifying because it causes you to notice that you have feelings that you now have time to feel.

          I get it.

          By the time I slowed down, I had decades of busyness under my belt. I went into a tailspin depression because I didn’t understand how to be in the right relationship with my own emotions.

          When I finally figured out that feelings are just feelings and allowing them to express themselves is healthy and natural, I stopped experiencing withdrawal from my addiction to busyness and started figuring out the pace of life that felt best for me.

          Remarkably, I discovered that I don’t actually like being busy. What will you discover about yourself?

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          8. Let Go of Grudges and Anger

          For me, it took 20 years of adulthood to figure out that holding on to grudges and anger only hurt me. Lucky for you, though, you can benefit vicariously from my experience just by reading one short paragraph!

          No one is holding your feet to the fire, demanding that you hold on to grudges and anger. The energy of anger slowly eats away at your body, mind, and spirit, until one day you wake up more resentful than optimistic.

          One day, people no longer want to be around you because the stink of negativity is oozing out of your pores. One day, you even get tired of hearing yourself get angry. And the person or people you are angry at or holding grudges against probably haven’t been affected at all.

          Who gets hurt the most in that process of repeating negative thoughts? You do.

          Some good advice for you here: How to Let Go of Resentment and Anger

          9. Stop Reliving Your Past

          To live a stress-free life, you have to stop reliving your past. I know it seems like fun to compare everything in your present to your past, and to experience the present through past-colored glasses, but it actually isn’t.

          When you wear past-colored glasses, you can’t truly experience the present for what it is. Your boyfriend or girlfriend gets compared to a list of expectations and failed relationships rather than recognized for the unique blessing they are in your life.

          Your boss gets compared to all the bosses who came before her/him. Your friends’ ability to parent gets compared to your parents’ ability to parent.

          People, including you, deserve to stand on their own past-free merit.

          10. Don’t Complain About Things You Can’t Change

          There are always going to be people elected into office whom you don’t like, taxes that you don’t want to pay, idiot drivers who refuse to move out of the left-hand lane, and a person ahead of you in the check-out line who won’t stop chatting with the clerk.

          The great benefit of being human is that we get to experience all of what life offers us. To live stress-free is to learn to deal with this fact.

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          Dwelling on your frustration with something that can’t be changed doesn’t do anything other than drag you down. You are the only person who will ultimately decide how to respond to what is.

          11. Stop Living Through Other People’s Lives

          Someone else’s life is not your life. Your life is your life.

          What that means is you get to live your life in the way you want. You get to make ridiculous mistakes, take leaps of faith, and stuff things inside your handbag of fear just as much as the next person.

          Going through stuff is the whole great messy adventure of being human! Being alive and living life is terrifying and glorious and everything in between.

          Stop living through social media, trying to soak in all of the experiences everyone else is having. Focus, instead, on what it feels like to be you in this moment. You may find you like it.

          Final Thoughts

          An astounding thing happens when you reduce stress and anxiety, get into a relationship with your body, mind, and spirit, and just be yourself without judgment.

          Your life literally slows down. You stop wishing for the weekend. You begin to live in each moment, and you start feeling like a human being. You just ride the wave that is life, with this feeling of contentment and joy.

          You move fluidly, steadily, calmly, and gratefully. A veil is lifted, and a whole new perspective is born through improved mental health. And this is how you live a stress-free life.

          More Tips on How to Live a Stress-Free Life

          Featured photo credit: Drew Coffman via unsplash.com

          Reference

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