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I Love You: To Say, or Not to Say

I Love You: To Say, or Not to Say

We have all been there, deep in emotions, with our hearts fluttering. Every time you see that person who gives you butterflies in your stomach, your eyes and gestures give it away: you love them. But the age old notion, the question stays the same: Should I say it or not? When to say I love you?

Love is beautiful.

Being in love is great. It’s wonderful to find someone you love to share your life with, to start and end your day with and be happy to return to.

But it’s not easy for an individual to just determine when is the right time to confess their love to the other person.

Forget time, some are just honestly confused about whether to say it or not. This happens more often than not, to us, especially the younger lot who barely believe in love anymore.

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The best timing to speak the three magical words.

There are several things that make you wonder whether you should say those three precious words or not.

It’s the fear of rejection, the fear of getting hurt, coming across as desperate, and just constant ego clashes.

But know that, saying ‘I Love You’ at some point in your life is very important and we know exactly when is the right time for you to say it.

When you know your feeling is true.

Firstly, you need to know that if your emotions are genuine or not. It can be just be an infatuation. But once you are sure of your feelings, know that there’s no looking back.

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You are about to change the way someone looks at you forever. We’d suggest for you to wait till the other person is at ease with you. Bombarding someone with an I love you in a third date wouldn’t work well. Once the other person is comfortable with you, make sure you drop a few hints.

No, we aren’t asking you to just explicitly go around making people nervous, just tell them how much you love spending time with them and how big a part of your life they are. They need to know that they are special.

Those three words mean a lot, you are becoming each other’s most important person from then onwards in no time or you are in for a bit of embarrassment. So, don’t use it easily. It’s powerful.

Try the minimalistic approach.

There is also a set of people who believe that, these words need to be said with a gesture. That’s a misconception. We have heard terrible stories of people going overboard with shiny candles and beds of roses, and getting turned down.

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It’s good to have a gesture, but know that you will never now if you are gonna date the person from then onwards with certainty.

So keep it minimal, go for flowers, chocolates or a book they love. These little gestures can back your next move up. Do it at memorable place so that if it works out, you will have a great story to say.

Remember that love can’t be forced.

One thing we would like to mention here is that love can’t be forced. We have time and again, though Bollywood has created this pseudo reality that is pestering works to win love in return. It doesn’t.

Troubling people, following them anywhere to create scenes and borderline stalking them isn’t acceptable. True love doesn’t force, I love you isn’t your license to own people.

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Be true, like your love.

Most importantly, be brave, be confident, be genuine, don’t be superficial or shallow! Be prepared for the worst, yet be hopeful.

Know that those words behold immense power. Power to change life. Confess your love, embrace it and if you are heartbroken, pick yourself up and smile.

Because, it’s the most beautiful thing. Feel grateful you had that gift. Soak it all in its glory!

More by this author

Abhay Jeet Mishra

Writer at Lifehack & Enterested.com

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Last Updated on October 14, 2020

Psychologists Say It’s Really Possible To Change Our Personality

Psychologists Say It’s Really Possible To Change Our Personality

Do you feel that you can become a better person, but your personality is hindering you from doing so?

Are you one of those people who is making a conscious effort to change, but no matter how hard you try, you remain a prisoner of your personality traits?

Don’t lose hope – it is indeed possible to change your personality!

Personality Crisis

According to the widely accepted model of personality with over 50 years worth of research and study, there are five dimensions of our personality, known as the “Big Five:”

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  • Extraversion: People with high levels of this personality dimension are much more outgoing and tend to be more comfortable in social situations compared to others.
  • Agreeableness: Your level in this dimension determines whether you are more cooperative with other people or competitive (even to the point of being manipulative) with other people.
  • Conscientiousness: Thoughtful people who have high levels of this trait dimension are much more detail-oriented and driven.
  • Neuroticism: Moodiness and the propensity for sadness are associated with people who possess excessive amounts of this personality dimension.
  • Openness: Imaginative and insightful people are very receptive to change and new experiences, whereas those who are not are much more stubborn and reluctant to try out new things.

These personality dimensions are further shaped by our genetics and our upbringing, the latter of which also involves our living environment and culture. These factors ultimately help shape your personality as you grow up, some of which could lead to personality disorders.

However, your personality is never fully set in stone. In fact, it is not uncommon for adults to tweak their personalities as they prepare themselves for new challenges and life situations. For example, stubborn partners will find themselves making an effort to become more cooperative with their loved ones if they want their relationship to work. While these instances may not necessarily lead to positive results, it is evidence enough that changing your personality is not impossible.

The question that begs to be asked is this:

How Much Effort Are People Willing to Put in to Make That Change?

According to a recent study at the University of Illinois, only 13% of respondents were satisfied with their personalities – most of them wanted to change for the better. However, instead of encouraging these people to get help from experts or take courses, R. Chris Fraley and Nathan Hudson conducted different tests instead to see if the respondents can quantify their personalities to make the necessary changes. The results of the test were published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, which you can view here.

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The first experiment involved an introductory psychology class, who were educated about the Big Five personality dimensions and asked to grade their personalities by filling out a rating form. They were then asked if they wanted something to change in their personality over the 16-week period of this study. To do this, they needed to find a way to change their undesirable personality traits using goals and metrics to track their progress.

Among the 135 participants, half joined the “change plan” condition, in which they were given writing assignments over the same period to assess the changes they need to make for their personalities. Every week, they were also required to complete additional writing assignments to evaluate their progress further. The other half were not asked to write – instead, they were placed in a controlled setting and were provided feedback about their development.

The second experiment involved roughly the same number of participants. The only variable that Fraley and Hudson changed is that, instead of focusing on personality traits, they targeted daily behavior related to the traits that defined their personalities.

The result of both experiments demonstrates the capacity for people to make breakthroughs with their personalities. Participants were able to make strides by getting better scores on personality traits that they wanted to improve. However, the comprehensive change plans only had a modest impact on the actual changes in personality. Also, the 16-week period for the study was not enough for the participants to make the drastic changes one might expect.

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Steps to a Better You

Now that you are aware that you can still change your personality, below are some proactive steps that you can take so you can make the change as early as possible.

1. Do not let “labels” define you

You are not a shy and timid person. Nor are you a cold and callous one. You are simply a person full of potential to change and become a better version of yourself every day. You can be anything, as long as you put your mind to it.

2. Do good deeds

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Getting rid of a terrible personality can start with doing something good. A study published in Motivation and Emotion suggests that engaging in acts of kindness allows you to overcome anxiety. Letting the focus from yourself shift to others leads to more opportunities for social engagement.

3. Just wait

If you cannot force change, then let it come to you. According to a study conducted at the University of Manchester and the London School of Economics, change that naturally takes place is not out of the question. The more you undergo transformative experiences in life as you grow older, the more chances that changes in your personality take place.

At the end of the day, change is inevitable. As mentioned above, our personalities are shaped by our experiences in life. By exposing ourselves to positive experiences that we can live by and keeping an open mind for our own identities, there is no doubt that change for the better is indeed possible.

Featured photo credit: https://unsplash.com/photos/GmoHIZ61eMo via unsplash.com

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