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You Know What Kind Of People You Want But Do You Know What Kind Of Romance Attracts You The Most?

You Know What Kind Of People You Want But Do You Know What Kind Of Romance Attracts You The Most?

We always have our own set of answers when it comes to “What kind of people you want to be with?” or “What kind of people attract you the most?”

Some might focus more on personality and their answers will typically be “I like people who are funny, caring, responsible and commit to the relationship.”

There are people who might be more concerned about appearance, some people I know even have a checklist on “How my dream guy/woman should look like” and they will search for their “the one” based on that list.

    We tend to develop a set of criteria while searching the love of our lives.

    I think that’s totally fine because everyone has their own standards about how they should pick the love of their lives.

    However, I have come across the idea that most people ended up being with a person that’s totally different to what they originally pursuit. That’s interesting, right?

      We are so concerned about the type of person we want but we seldom talk about what kind of romance we desire.

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      Which one is more important? The Sex of Your Partner or the Romance he/she can offer?

        Sexual orientation is about who you can be sexually attracted but Romantic orientation describes who you will be romantically attracted. Although we talk a lot about sexual orientation, romantic orientation is actually more important as it determines who and how you will form a relationship with.

        You can have a clearer picture of what kind of relationship you TRULY want by understanding the type of romance that attracts you the most.

        After all, you cannot start a relationship with a person who failed to get you emotionally engaged, even if he/she fits all your “requirements”.

        So let’s take a look different kinds of orientations in the Aromantic spectrum!

        Apothiromantic – “I don’t need romance in my life”

        People who are apothiromantic do not need any romance in their lives. They are romance repulsed and do not experience any romantic relationships. They enjoy relationships such as pure friendships and bondings with their families.

          families and friends are more important compare to romance

          There is no rule in the world that says being in love is a must. It’s ok if you feel like you don’t need it in your life.

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            Although society nowadays has shaped our minds to think “Single people are sad.”, it’s important to understand that being in love is a want instead of a need, and just because you don’t think the same as what the majority do doesn’t mean you are wrong.

            Families and friends can also make our lives fruitful and happy too!

            Requiesromantic- “Love hurts so I don’t want it”

            This group of people they don’t really want to be in a relationship because of mental or emotional exhaustion.

              One serious heartbreak can damage someone’s life

              They might have had bad relationship experiences before and feel tired about starting it over again. They refuse to be in a love or even being romantically attracted just to protect themselves from being hurt again.

                People who’ve been hurt before will eventually shut down themselves emotionally.

                One failed relationship doesn’t define you, as a person or a partner. You need to understand there are lots of factors that can affect a relationship.a healthy and sustainable relationship needs two people’s effort instead of one.

                  Remember there are lots of factors that affect a relationship

                  A healthy and sustainable relationship needs two people’s effort instead of one.

                  So if you fall into this group, it’ ok to feel insecure and feel free to take some time off. Reflect on your previous relationship when you are ready.

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                  See what lessons you can take away, embrace and love yourself and I am sure you will meet your Mr/Mrs. Right in your life!

                  Lithromantic- “I enjoy loving you but please don’t love me back.”

                  People who are Lithromantic enjoy being in a relationship but they don’t want the feeling to be reciprocated. They don’t want to develop a relationship with their crush and some of them might lose their affection once in a relationship.

                    when the love reciprocates, the person will feel uncomfortable

                    This group of people they enjoy the feeling of “being in love”, they have a belief that once they started a relationship, all the affection and romance will not be the same as before and that’s not the love they enjoy.

                    Responsibilities scare some of them too.

                    Feelings in a relationship are constantly changing. It’s a natural process that every couple will encounter. Don’t see it as a bad thing because it means the relationship is getting more mature and you value your partner as a family.

                    And keep it in mind that you need to take the other person’s feeling into account. If you don’t want to be in a relationship you need to make it clear so he/she won’t get hurt!

                    Quoiromantic- “Love is confusing. Am I in love or not?”

                    People who are in this group are often unsure about emotional attraction or feel like romantic attraction is inapplicable or inaccessible.

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                      Can’t distinguish when it’s an act of love or just friends

                      They find it hard to distinguish the difference between romantic attractions and other attractions.

                      Not fully understand themselves and lack of experience maybe the reasons why they failed to process the feelings they have.

                        lack of experience can sometimes be a problem.

                        Before starting a relationship, it’s important for you to know and understand yourself. This doesn’t only help you pick the right person but also saving you from getting into confusing and heart-breaking relationships.

                        The feeling of love is hard to describe and if you are really confused, try to seek advice from your friends or even parents, listen to their experiences and you will get more ideas on how love should feel like.

                        The first thing you might want to look for is to feel comfortable about yourself and being with that person.

                        Know Yourself and change your focus from now

                        Maybe you won’t fall into any of this group or you are a mix of different kinds, it’s important to understand that you should focus on what kind of relationship you want instead what kind of person you are looking for.

                        I hope this piece of advice can help you understand yourself before getting into any relationships or give answers to some of your current relationship struggles.

                        More by this author

                        Jolie Choi

                        Having experienced her own extreme transformation process, Jolie strongly believes that staying healthy takes determined and consistent action.

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                        Last Updated on April 19, 2021

                        How to Deal With Anger (The Ultimate Anger Management Guide)

                        How to Deal With Anger (The Ultimate Anger Management Guide)

                        We all lose our temper from time to time, and expressing anger is actually a healthy thing to do in our relationships with others. Expressing our differences in opinion allows us to have healthy conflict and many times come to an agreement or understanding that works for everyone. However, there are times when anger can become overwhelming or damaging, and during these times, it’s important to learn how to deal with anger.

                        Expressing anger inappropriately can be harmful to relationships, both personal and professional. You may express too much anger, too often, or at times that are only going to make things worse, not better. In this article we will look at anger management techniques that will help you better control your emotions.

                        Let’s take a deeper look at how to deal with anger.

                        Expressing Anger

                        Anger is a natural and normal part of almost any relationship. This includes relationships with your significant other, kids, boss, friends, family, etc. Anger provides us with valuable information if we are willing to listen to it. It clues us in to areas where we disagree with others and things that need to be changed or altered.

                        Unhealthy Ways to Express Anger

                        Here are some common yet unhealthy ways to express anger that you should avoid:

                        Being Passive-Aggressive

                        This is a term many of us are familiar with. Passive-aggressive behavior happens when someone is angry but uses indirect communication to express their anger.

                        Some of the more common passive-aggressive behaviors include the silent treatment, making comments about someone behind their back, being grumpy, moody, or pouting, or simply not doing tasks or assignments that they should.

                        This is a passive-aggressive person’s way of showing their anger. It’s not very productive but extremely common.

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                        Poorly-Timed

                        Some people get overwhelmed and express anger in a situation where it can’t really do any good.

                        An example would be getting angry at one person in front of a crowd of people. All that does is make people uncomfortable and shuts them down. It’s not a healthy way to express anger or disagreement with someone.

                        Ongoing Anger

                        Being angry all the time is most often a symptom of something else. It’s healthy and normal to express anger when you disagree with someone. However, if someone is angry most of the time and always seems to be expressing their anger to everyone around them, this won’t serve them well.

                        Over time, people will start to avoid this person and have as little contact as possible. The reason being is no one likes being around someone who is angry all the time; it’s a no-win situation.

                        Healthy Ways to Express Anger

                        What about the healthy ways[1] to adapt? When learning how to deal with anger, here are some healthy ways to get you started.

                        Being Honest

                        Express your anger or disagreement honestly. Be truthful about what it is that is making you angry. Sometimes this will entail walking away and thinking about it for a bit before you respond.

                        Don’t say you’re mad at something someone did or said when it’s really something else that upset you.

                        Being Direct

                        Similar to being honest, being direct is a healthy way to express anger.

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                        Don’t talk around something that is making you angry. Don’t say that one thing is making you angry when it’s really something else, and don’t stack items on top of each other so you can unload on someone about 10 different things 6 months from now.

                        Be direct and upfront about what is making you angry. Ensure you are expressing your anger to the person who upset you or you are angry at, not to someone else. This is very counterproductive.

                        Being Timely

                        When something makes you angry, it’s much better to express it in a timely manner. Don’t keep it bottled up inside of you, as that’s only going to do more harm than good.

                        Think of the marriages that seem to go up in flames out of nowhere when the reality is someone kept quiet for years until they hit their breaking point.

                        Expressing anger as it occurs is a much healthier way of using anger to help us guide our relationships in the moment.

                        How to Deal With Anger

                        If you feel angry, how should you deal with it right at that moment?

                        1. Slow Down

                        From time to time, I receive an email at work that makes me so angry that steam is probably pouring out of my ears.

                        In my less restrained moments, I have been known to fire off a quick response, and that typically has ended about as well as you might imagine.

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                        When I actually walk away from my computer and go do something else for a while, I am able to calm down and think more rationally. After that happens, I am able to respond in a more appropriate and productive manner. Doing things that helps you learn how to release anger can make an uncomfortable situation more manageable before it gets out of hand.

                        2. Focus on the “I”

                        Remember that you are the one that’s upset. Don’t accuse people of making you upset because, in the end, it’s your response to what someone did that really triggered your anger. You don’t want to place blame by saying something like “Why don’t you ever put away your dishes?” Say something more like “Having dirty dishes laying on the counter upsets me—can you work with me to come to a solution?”

                        When you are accusatory towards someone, all that does is increase the tension. This doesn’t usually do anything except make your anger rise higher.

                        3. Work out

                        When learning how to deal with anger, exercise is a great outlet. If something happens that angers you, see if you have the opportunity to burn off some of the anger.

                        Being able to hit the gym to get a hard workout in is great. If this isn’t an option, see if you can go for a run or a bike ride. If you are at work when you become angry and the weather permits, at least go outside for a brisk walk.

                        Besides working some of your anger out through exercise, this also helps to give your mind a chance to work through some ways to address what it is that upset you.

                        If you’re not sure where to start with an exercise routine, check out Lifehack’s free Simple Cardio Home Workout Plan.

                        4. Seek Help When Needed

                        There are times when we could all use some help. Life can be stressful and overwhelming. It’s perfectly fine to seek some help from a mental health professional if it will help you get back to a healthy balance.If you find that you are angry all the time, it might be a good idea to go talk to an expert about learning to control intense emotions. They can give you some sound advice and ideas on how to get your anger to a more manageable and healthy level.

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                        5. Practice Relaxation

                        We all seem to lead incredibly busy lives, and that’s a good thing if we are loving the life we are living. That being said, it is very beneficial to our physical and mental well-being to take time out for relaxation.

                        That can mean spending time doing things that help us calm down and relax, like being around people we enjoy, practicing deep breathing or listening to music. It could be making time for things that help bring us balance like a healthy diet and physical activity.

                        Many people incorporate techniques such as yoga and meditation to calm their minds and release tension when learning how to deal with anger. Whatever your choice is, ensure you take time out to relax when warning signs of anger start to bubble up.

                        6. Laugh

                        Incorporating humor and laughter on a regular basis will help keep anger in check and help you get over a bad mood and feelings of anger more quickly. This isn’t part of formal anger management techniques, but you’ll be surprised by how well it works. Remember, life is a journey that’s meant to be enjoyed fully along the way through healthy emotion. Make sure you take time to laugh and have fun.Surround yourself with people that like to laugh and enjoy life. Don’t work at a job that just causes you stress, which can lead to anger. Work at something you enjoy doing.

                        7. Be Grateful

                        It’s easy to focus on the bad in life and the things that cause us negative emotions. It’s vitally important to remind ourselves of all the wonderful things in life that bring us positive emotions, things that we easily forget because we get caught up in the whirlwind of day to day life.

                        Take time out each day to remind yourself of a few things you are grateful for in order to help you learn how to release anger and invite in more positive feelings.

                        Final Thoughts

                        Life can be overwhelming at times. We seem to have constant pressure to achieve more and to always be on the go or motivated. People we are around and situations we are in can cause stress, anger, and negative emotions. At times, it can seem to be too much, and we get angry and our emotions start to get out of control.

                        During these times, keep in mind that life is an incredible journey, full of wonder and things that bring you joy. When you find yourself angry more often than is healthy, take time out to remember the good things in life—the things that we seem to forget yet bring us so much positive energy and emotions.

                        Use some of the tips included here to help with how to deal with anger and better control your emotions.

                        More Resources on Anger Management

                        Featured photo credit: Andre Hunter via unsplash.com

                        Reference

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