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You Know What Kind Of People You Want But Do You Know What Kind Of Romance Attracts You The Most?

You Know What Kind Of People You Want But Do You Know What Kind Of Romance Attracts You The Most?

We always have our own set of answers when it comes to “What kind of people you want to be with?” or “What kind of people attract you the most?”

Some might focus more on personality and their answers will typically be “I like people who are funny, caring, responsible and commit to the relationship.”

There are people who might be more concerned about appearance, some people I know even have a checklist on “How my dream guy/woman should look like” and they will search for their “the one” based on that list.

    We tend to develop a set of criteria while searching the love of our lives.

    I think that’s totally fine because everyone has their own standards about how they should pick the love of their lives.

    However, I have come across the idea that most people ended up being with a person that’s totally different to what they originally pursuit. That’s interesting, right?

      We are so concerned about the type of person we want but we seldom talk about what kind of romance we desire.

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      Which one is more important? The Sex of Your Partner or the Romance he/she can offer?

        Sexual orientation is about who you can be sexually attracted but Romantic orientation describes who you will be romantically attracted. Although we talk a lot about sexual orientation, romantic orientation is actually more important as it determines who and how you will form a relationship with.

        You can have a clearer picture of what kind of relationship you TRULY want by understanding the type of romance that attracts you the most.

        After all, you cannot start a relationship with a person who failed to get you emotionally engaged, even if he/she fits all your “requirements”.

        So let’s take a look different kinds of orientations in the Aromantic spectrum!

        Apothiromantic – “I don’t need romance in my life”

        People who are apothiromantic do not need any romance in their lives. They are romance repulsed and do not experience any romantic relationships. They enjoy relationships such as pure friendships and bondings with their families.

          families and friends are more important compare to romance

          There is no rule in the world that says being in love is a must. It’s ok if you feel like you don’t need it in your life.

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            Although society nowadays has shaped our minds to think “Single people are sad.”, it’s important to understand that being in love is a want instead of a need, and just because you don’t think the same as what the majority do doesn’t mean you are wrong.

            Families and friends can also make our lives fruitful and happy too!

            Requiesromantic- “Love hurts so I don’t want it”

            This group of people they don’t really want to be in a relationship because of mental or emotional exhaustion.

              One serious heartbreak can damage someone’s life

              They might have had bad relationship experiences before and feel tired about starting it over again. They refuse to be in a love or even being romantically attracted just to protect themselves from being hurt again.

                People who’ve been hurt before will eventually shut down themselves emotionally.

                One failed relationship doesn’t define you, as a person or a partner. You need to understand there are lots of factors that can affect a relationship.a healthy and sustainable relationship needs two people’s effort instead of one.

                  Remember there are lots of factors that affect a relationship

                  A healthy and sustainable relationship needs two people’s effort instead of one.

                  So if you fall into this group, it’ ok to feel insecure and feel free to take some time off. Reflect on your previous relationship when you are ready.

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                  See what lessons you can take away, embrace and love yourself and I am sure you will meet your Mr/Mrs. Right in your life!

                  Lithromantic- “I enjoy loving you but please don’t love me back.”

                  People who are Lithromantic enjoy being in a relationship but they don’t want the feeling to be reciprocated. They don’t want to develop a relationship with their crush and some of them might lose their affection once in a relationship.

                    when the love reciprocates, the person will feel uncomfortable

                    This group of people they enjoy the feeling of “being in love”, they have a belief that once they started a relationship, all the affection and romance will not be the same as before and that’s not the love they enjoy.

                    Responsibilities scare some of them too.

                    Feelings in a relationship are constantly changing. It’s a natural process that every couple will encounter. Don’t see it as a bad thing because it means the relationship is getting more mature and you value your partner as a family.

                    And keep it in mind that you need to take the other person’s feeling into account. If you don’t want to be in a relationship you need to make it clear so he/she won’t get hurt!

                    Quoiromantic- “Love is confusing. Am I in love or not?”

                    People who are in this group are often unsure about emotional attraction or feel like romantic attraction is inapplicable or inaccessible.

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                      Can’t distinguish when it’s an act of love or just friends

                      They find it hard to distinguish the difference between romantic attractions and other attractions.

                      Not fully understand themselves and lack of experience maybe the reasons why they failed to process the feelings they have.

                        lack of experience can sometimes be a problem.

                        Before starting a relationship, it’s important for you to know and understand yourself. This doesn’t only help you pick the right person but also saving you from getting into confusing and heart-breaking relationships.

                        The feeling of love is hard to describe and if you are really confused, try to seek advice from your friends or even parents, listen to their experiences and you will get more ideas on how love should feel like.

                        The first thing you might want to look for is to feel comfortable about yourself and being with that person.

                        Know Yourself and change your focus from now

                        Maybe you won’t fall into any of this group or you are a mix of different kinds, it’s important to understand that you should focus on what kind of relationship you want instead what kind of person you are looking for.

                        I hope this piece of advice can help you understand yourself before getting into any relationships or give answers to some of your current relationship struggles.

                        More by this author

                        Jolie Choi

                        Gone through a few heartbreaks and lost hundreds of friends but I am still happy with my life.

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                        Last Updated on April 11, 2019

                        How to Improve Communication Skills for Workplace Success

                        How to Improve Communication Skills for Workplace Success

                        Possessing strong communication skills will help you in every phase of your life. This is especially true in the workplace.

                        I have personally worked with several leaders who were masters of communication. A few were wonderful speakers who could tell a great story and get everyone in the room engaged. Those of us in attendance would walk away feeling inspired and eager to help with what came next. Others were very skilled at sharing a clear direction and job expectations.

                        I knew exactly what was expected of me and how to achieve my goals. This was the foundation of an energized and vibrant role I was in. What I have found is strong communication skills are incredibly helpful and sometimes critical in how well we perform at work.

                        Here we will take a look at how to improve communication skills for workplace success.

                        How Communication Skills Help Your Success

                        Strong communication skills pave the way for success in many ways. Let’s look at a few of the big ones.

                        Create a Positive Experience

                        Here are two examples of how well developed communication skills helps create a positive experience:

                        When I first moved to the city I now live in, I began a job search. Prior to my first live interview, I was told an address to go to. Upon arriving at the address provided, I drove around and around attempting to find the location. After 15 minutes of circling and looking for the address, I finally grabbed a parking spot and set out on foot.

                        What I discovered was the address was actually down an alley and only had the number over the door. No sign for the actual company. The person that gave me those very unclear directions provided a bad experience for me.

                        Had they communicated the directions to get there in a clear manner, my experience would have been much better. Instead the entire experience started off poorly and colored the entire meeting.

                        As a recruiter, I frequently provide potential candidates with information about a job I’m speaking to them about. In order to do this, I also provide a picture of the overall company, the group they might be joining, and how their role fits in and impacts the entire company.

                        Time and time again I have been told by candidates that I have provided the clearest picture of a company and role they have ever heard. They have a positive experience when I clearly communicate to them. Even when the position does not work out for them, often times they will want to stay in touch with me due to the open communication and beneficial experience they had during the interviewing process.

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                        Strong communication skills will provide a positive experience in virtually any interaction you have with someone.

                        Help Leadership Skills

                        It’s certainly a skill all its own to be able to lead others.

                        Being a mentor and guiding others towards success is a major hallmark of great leaders. Another characteristic of effective leaders is the ability to communicate clearly.

                        As I referenced above, having a leader who can plainly articulate the company’s mission and direction goes a really long way towards being the Captain of the boat that others want to follow. It’s like saying “here’s our destination and this is how we are going to get there” in a way that everyone can get on board with.

                        Another critical component of everyone helping to sail the boat in the right direction is knowing what your portion is all about. How are you helping the boat move towards its destination in the manner than is consistent with the leaders’ vision?

                        If you have a boss or a manager that can show you what it takes for not only you to be successful, but also how your performance helps the company’s success then you’ve got a winner. A boss with superior communication skills.

                        Build Better Teams

                        Most of us work in teams of some sort or another. During the course of my career, I have led teams up to 80 and also been an individual contributor.

                        In my individual contributor roles, I have been part of a larger team. Even if you are in business for yourself, you have to interact with others in one manner or another.

                        If you have strong communication skills, it helps to build better teams. This is true whether you are in an IT department with 100 other fellow programmers or if you own your own business and have customers or vendors you communicate with.

                        When you showcase your robust ability to communicate well with others while interacting with them, you are building a better team.

                        Now let’s jump in to how to improve communication skills to help you pave the way for your workplace success.

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                        How to Improve Communication Skills for Workplace Success

                        There are many tips, tricks, and techniques to improve communication skills. I don’t want to overwhelm you with too much information, so let’s focus on the things that will provide the biggest return on your time investment.

                        Most of these tips will be fairly easy to become aware of but will take time and effort to implement. So let’s go!

                        1. Listen

                        Ever heard the saying you have two ears and one mouth for a reason? If you haven’t, then here’s the reason:

                        Being a good listener is half the equation to being a good communicator.

                        People who have the ability to really listen to someone can then actually answer questions in a meaningful way. If you don’t make the effort to actively listen, then you are really doing yourself and the other person a disservice in the communication department.

                        Know that person who is chomping at the bit to open his or her mouth the second you stop talking? Don’t be that person. They haven’t listened to at least 1/2 of what you’ve said. Therefore the words that spill out of their mouth are going to be about 1/2 relevant to what you just said.

                        Listen to someone completely and be comfortable with short periods of silence. Work on your listening skills first and foremost.

                        2. Know Your Audience

                        Knowing your audience is another critical component to having strong communication skills. The way you interact with your manager should be different than how you interact with your kids. This isn’t to say you need to be a different person with everyone you interact with. Far from it.

                        Here is a good way to think about it:

                        Imagine using your the same choice of words and body language you use with your spouse while interacting with your boss. That puts things in a graphic light!

                        You want to ensure you are using the type of communication most relevant to your audience.

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                        3. Minimize

                        I have lunch with a business associate about 3 times a year. We’ve been talking for several years now about putting a business deal together.

                        He is one of those people that simply overwhelms others with a lot of words. Sometimes when I ask him a question, I get buried beneath such an avalanche of words that I’m more confused than when I asked the question. Needless to say this is most likely a large portion of why we never put the deal together.

                        Don’t be like my lunch business associate. The goal of talking to or communicating with someone is to share actual information. The goal is not to confuse someone, it’s to provide clarity in many cases.

                        State what needs to be stated as succinctly as possible. That doesn’t mean you can’t have some pleasant conversation about the weather too.

                        The point is to not create such an onslaught of words and information that the other person walks away more confused than when they started.

                        4. Over Communicate

                        So this probably sounds completely counter intuitive to what I just wrote about minimizing your communication. It seems like it might be but it’s not.

                        What I mean by over communicating is ensuring that the other person understands the important parts of what you are sharing with them. This can be done simply yet effectively. Here’s a good example:

                        Most companies have open enrollment for benefits for the employees in the fall. The company I work for has open enrollment from November 1 to 15. The benefits department will send out a communication to all employees around October 1st, letting them know open enrollment is right around the corner and any major changes that year. There’s also a phone number and email for people to contact them with any questions.

                        Two weeks later, we all get a follow up email with basically the same information. We get a 3rd communication the week before open enrollment and another one 1 day before it starts.

                        Finally we get 2 emails during enrollment reminding us when open enrollment ends.

                        There’s minimal information, it’s more of a reminder. This is effective over communication.

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                        5. Body Language

                        The final critical component to how to improve communication skills for workplace success is body language. This is something most of us have heard about before but, a reminder is probably a good idea.

                        When I am in a meeting with someone I am comfortable with, I tend to kind of slouch down in my chair and cross my arms. When I catch myself doing this, I sit up straight and uncross my arms. I remember that crossing arms can many times be interpreted as a sign of disagreement or conflict.

                        In general, the best rule of thumb is to work towards having open body language whenever possible at work. This means relaxing your posture, not crossing your arms, and looking people in the eye when speaking with them.

                        When you are speaking in front of others, stand up straight and speak in a clear voice. This will convey confidence in your words.

                        Conclusion

                        Possessing strong communication skills will help you in many facets of your life and most certainly in the workplace.

                        Good communication helps create better teams, positive experiences with those we interact with, and are critical for leadership.

                        There are numerous tactics and techniques to be used to improve communication skills. Here we’ve reviewed how to improve communication skills for workplace success.

                        Now go communicate your way to success.

                        More Resources About Effective Communication

                        Featured photo credit: HIVAN ARVIZU via unsplash.com

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