We always have our own set of answers when it comes to “What kind of people you want to be with?” or “What kind of people attract you the most?”
Some might focus more on personality and their answers will typically be “I like people who are funny, caring, responsible and commit to the relationship.”
There are people who might be more concerned about appearance, some people I know even have a checklist on “How my dream guy/woman should look like” and they will search for their “the one” based on that list.
I think that’s totally fine because everyone has their own standards about how they should pick the love of their lives.
However, I have come across the idea that most people ended up being with a person that’s totally different to what they originally pursuit. That’s interesting, right?
We are so concerned about the type of person we want but we seldom talk about what kind of romance we desire.
Which one is more important? The Sex of Your Partner or the Romance he/she can offer?
Sexual orientation is about who you can be sexually attracted but Romantic orientation describes who you will be romantically attracted. Although we talk a lot about sexual orientation, romantic orientation is actually more important as it determines who and how you will form a relationship with.
You can have a clearer picture of what kind of relationship you TRULY want by understanding the type of romance that attracts you the most.
After all, you cannot start a relationship with a person who failed to get you emotionally engaged, even if he/she fits all your “requirements”.
So let’s take a look different kinds of orientations in the Aromantic spectrum!
Apothiromantic – “I don’t need romance in my life”
People who are apothiromantic do not need any romance in their lives. They are romance repulsed and do not experience any romantic relationships. They enjoy relationships such as pure friendships and bondings with their families.
There is no rule in the world that says being in love is a must. It’s ok if you feel like you don’t need it in your life.
Although society nowadays has shaped our minds to think “Single people are sad.”, it’s important to understand that being in love is a want instead of a need, and just because you don’t think the same as what the majority do doesn’t mean you are wrong.
Families and friends can also make our lives fruitful and happy too!
Requiesromantic- “Love hurts so I don’t want it”
This group of people they don’t really want to be in a relationship because of mental or emotional exhaustion.
They might have had bad relationship experiences before and feel tired about starting it over again. They refuse to be in a love or even being romantically attracted just to protect themselves from being hurt again.
One failed relationship doesn’t define you, as a person or a partner. You need to understand there are lots of factors that can affect a relationship.a healthy and sustainable relationship needs two people’s effort instead of one.
A healthy and sustainable relationship needs two people’s effort instead of one.
So if you fall into this group, it’ ok to feel insecure and feel free to take some time off. Reflect on your previous relationship when you are ready.
See what lessons you can take away, embrace and love yourself and I am sure you will meet your Mr/Mrs. Right in your life!
Lithromantic- “I enjoy loving you but please don’t love me back.”
People who are Lithromantic enjoy being in a relationship but they don’t want the feeling to be reciprocated. They don’t want to develop a relationship with their crush and some of them might lose their affection once in a relationship.
This group of people they enjoy the feeling of “being in love”, they have a belief that once they started a relationship, all the affection and romance will not be the same as before and that’s not the love they enjoy.
Responsibilities scare some of them too.
Feelings in a relationship are constantly changing. It’s a natural process that every couple will encounter. Don’t see it as a bad thing because it means the relationship is getting more mature and you value your partner as a family.
And keep it in mind that you need to take the other person’s feeling into account. If you don’t want to be in a relationship you need to make it clear so he/she won’t get hurt!
Quoiromantic- “Love is confusing. Am I in love or not?”
People who are in this group are often unsure about emotional attraction or feel like romantic attraction is inapplicable or inaccessible.
They find it hard to distinguish the difference between romantic attractions and other attractions.
Not fully understand themselves and lack of experience maybe the reasons why they failed to process the feelings they have.
Before starting a relationship, it’s important for you to know and understand yourself. This doesn’t only help you pick the right person but also saving you from getting into confusing and heart-breaking relationships.
The feeling of love is hard to describe and if you are really confused, try to seek advice from your friends or even parents, listen to their experiences and you will get more ideas on how love should feel like.
The first thing you might want to look for is to feel comfortable about yourself and being with that person.
Know Yourself and change your focus from now
Maybe you won’t fall into any of this group or you are a mix of different kinds, it’s important to understand that you should focus on what kind of relationship you want instead what kind of person you are looking for.
I hope this piece of advice can help you understand yourself before getting into any relationships or give answers to some of your current relationship struggles.