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Want To Live A More Fulfilling Life? You Need To Understand This Concept First

Want To Live A More Fulfilling Life? You Need To Understand This Concept First

“Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.” – George Bernard Shaw

If you’ve ever asked someone for advice about life, chances are you were told, “Just be yourself,” “Do what you love and the money will follow,” or the classic phrase by Joseph Campbell, “Follow your bliss”.  So you rack your brain trying to find the bliss. You’re good at Instagram captions, Facebook comments, buying lots of books and never reading them.

The truth is, you want nothing more than to be successful and live a wonderful life. You want to be a #forceofone. You want to be a #successgenius. You want to be someone you’re proud of. You’ve accomplished things. Difficult things and challenging things. You understand gratitude. You want to be thankful for what you have and still dream bigger. You know you’re a hard worker. You love hard work. You’re so sick and tired that you’re willing to go through anything to get you out of this place. You simply could not have been put on this earth to suffer this mediocrity. There’s got to be more.

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To some people who have achieved many things in their life, have a feeling of dissatisfaction is worse. Some feel like they’ve been living a lie: that who they appear to be on the outside doesn’t quite match who they are on the inside. After all of the work it takes to get anywhere in this world, it’s quite a shock to realize that you haven’t accomplished anything in life that really matters to you. It’s like climbing the ladder of success until you reach the top to find out the ladder is leaning against the wrong wall.

Time For Reinvention

“The measure of intelligence is the ability to change.” – Albert Einstein

When you’re struggling with finding fulfillment, you may need to make some changes. Change means reinvention. To create something new. This is a concept you may struggle with because you might believe you were created with certain characteristics that determine who you are and what you will become. Nothing is further from the truth. You’re capable of creating anything you desire and you’re intelligent enough to know this. So stop letting other people define who you are. Don’t allow your past accomplishments define what you can and cannot do.

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Treat reinvention as a call to action. Getting to choose how you will shape your interests and desires and what work you will put into becoming the person you desire. I won’t lie to you. This is not easy. Change is not easy. You need to be willing to devote the time and energy to clear away those thoughts that limit you and instead focus on your desires. And then commit to doing anything and everything to move yourself in the right direction.

A Recipe for Bliss

“To live in infinite bliss, practice mindfulness and live in the moment.” – Debasisch Mridha

Living in the moment means not to dwell on the past. Remember, your past does not define you so don’t let it. Always be mindful of your thoughts because they can betray you. You can find some advice about that here. Let’s focus on some steps you can take today that will help you on your journey to reinvention.

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1. Create a vision of your desired future.

Visualization is a very powerful method for manifesting. If you imagine yourself already living the life you desire or having the things you desire, chances are very high you will attain it.

Find a quiet place, sit down and close your eyes. Imagine the future you want. Live it. See yourself going through the motions, actually moving through it. Allow yourself to experience the feelings and emotions. Visualize the sun light of the sun glowing on your face.

Stand up and express your gratitude appreciation for everything in the past. Now imagine yourself walking away from the past and toward your future.

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2. Use visual reminders of your desired future.

Use anything that reminds you of what you’re moving toward. It can be pictures or written affirmations. Place them where you can see them every day.

3. Take the vision of your future and break it into workable tasks.

This is where to rubber hits the road. This where you commit. Make a list of everything you need to do and be specific. Work on accomplishing the tasks on your list every day. Here is a blueprint for long term success to help you.

4. Every day, visualize your desired future.

Take time either first thing in the morning or at bedtime to visualize the future you created in step 1. This will reinforce your stated desire and give you confidence to keep moving  forward. Make this a daily occurrence and eventually it will become a habit.

Living a more fulfilling life takes responsibility and courage to look at yourself in the mirror and be brutally honest about what really matters to you. To understand that you have the ability to recreate yourself and you get to choose what you want your life to be: to be the architect of a new life of fulfillment on your terms. Make that choice and accept the challenge.

More by this author

Anthony Pica

Freelance Writer

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Last Updated on February 21, 2019

The Secret to Effective Conflict Resolution: The IBR Approach

The Secret to Effective Conflict Resolution: The IBR Approach

In business, in social relationships, in family… In whatever context conflict is always inevitable, especially when you are in the leader role. This role equals “make decisions for the best of majority” and the remaining are not amused. Conflicts arise.

Conflicts arise when we want to push for a better quality work but some members want to take a break from work.

Conflicts arise when we as citizens want more recreational facilities but the Government has to balance the needs to maintain tourism growth.

Conflicts are literally everywhere.

Avoiding Conflicts a No-No and Resolving Conflicts a Win-Win

Avoiding conflicts seem to be a viable option for us. The cruel fact is, it isn’t. Conflicts won’t walk away by themselves. They will, instead, escalate and haunt you back even more when we finally realize that’s no way we can let it be.

Moreover, avoiding conflicts will eventually intensify the misunderstanding among the involved parties. And the misunderstanding severely hinders open communication which later on the parties tend to keep things secret. This is obviously detrimental to teamwork.

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Some may view conflicts as the last step before arguments. And they thus leave it aside as if they never happen. This is not true.

Conflicts are the intersect point between different individuals with different opinions. And this does not necessarily lead to argument.

Instead, proper handling of conflicts can actually result in a win-win situation – both parties are pleased and allies are gained. A better understanding between each other and future conflicts are less likely to happen.

The IBR Approach to Resolve Conflicts

Here, we introduce to you an effective approach to resolve conflicts – the Interest-Based Relational (IBR) approach. The IBR approach was developed by Roger Fisher and William Ury in their 1981 book Getting to Yes. It stresses the importance of the separation between people and their emotions from the problem. Another focus of the approach is to build mutual understanding and respect as they strengthen bonds among parties and can ultimately help resolve conflicts in a harmonious way. The approach suggests a 6-step procedure for conflict resolution:

Step 1: Prioritize Good Relationships

How? Before addressing the problem or even starting the discussion, make it clear the conflict can result in a mutual trouble and through subsequent respectful negotiation the conflict can be resolved peacefully. And that brings the best outcome to the whole team by working together.

Why? It is easy to overlook own cause of the conflict and point the finger to the members with different opinions. With such a mindset, it is likely to blame rather than to listen to the others and fail to acknowledge the problem completely. Such a discussion manner will undermine the good relationships among the members and aggravate the problem.

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Example: Before discussion, stress that the problem is never one’s complete fault. Everyone is responsible for it. Then, it is important to point out our own involvement in the problem and state clearly we are here to listen to everyone’s opinions rather than accusing others.

Step 2: People Are NOT the Cause of Problem

How? State clearly the problem is never one-sided. Collaborative effort is needed. More importantly, note the problem should not be taken personally. We are not making accusations on persons but addressing the problem itself.

Why? Once things taken personally, everything will go out of control. People will become irrational and neglect others’ opinions. We are then unable to address the problem properly because we cannot grasp a fuller and clearer picture of the problem due to presumption.

Example: In spite of the confronting opinions, we have to emphasize that the problem is not a result of the persons but probably the different perspectives to view it. So, if we try to look at the problem from the other’s perspective, we may understand why there are varied opinions.

Step 3: Listen From ALL Stances

How? Do NOT blame others. It is of utmost importance. Ask for everyone’s opinions. It is important to let everyone feel that they contribute to the discussion. Tell them their involvement is essential to solve the problem and their effort is very much appreciated.

Why? None wants to be ignored. If one feels neglected, it is very likely for he/she to be aggressive. It is definitely not what we hope to see in a discussion. Acknowledging and being acknowledged are equally important. So, make sure everyone has equal opportunity to express their views. Also, realizing their opinions are not neglected, they will be more receptive to other opinions.

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Example: A little trick can played here: Invite others to talk first. It is an easy way to let others feel involved and ,more importantly, know their voices are heard. Also, we can show that we are actively listening to them by giving direct eye-contact and nodding. One important to note is that never interrupt anyone. Always let them finish first beforeanother one begins.

Step 4: Listen Comes First, Talk Follows

How? Ensure everyone has listened to one another points of view. It can be done by taking turn to speak and leaving the discussion part at last. State once again the problem is nothing personal and no accusation should be made.

Why? By turn-taking, everyone can finish talking and voices of all sides can be heard indiscriminantly. This can promote willingness to listen to opposing opinions.

Example: We can prepare pieces of paper with different numbers written on them. Then, ask different members to pick one and talk according to the sequence of the number. After everyone’s finished, advise everyone to use “I” more than “You” in the discussion period to avoid others thinking that it is an accusation.

Step 5: Understand the Facts, Then Address the Problem

How? List out ALL the facts first. Ask everyone to tell what they know about the problems.

Why? Sometimes your facts are unknown to the others while they may know something we don’t. Missing out on these facts could possibly lead to inaccurate capture of the problem. Also, different known facts can lead to different perception of the matter. It also helps everyone better understand the problem and can eventually help reach a solution.

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Example: While everyone is expressing their own views, ask them to write down everything they know that is true to the problem. As soon as everyone has finished, all facts can be noted and everyone’s understanding of the problem is raised.

Step 6: Solve the Problem Together

How? Knowing what everyone’s thinking, it is now time to resolve the conflict. Up to this point, everyone should have understood the problem better. So, it is everyone’s time to suggest some solutions. It is important not to have one giving all the solutions.

Why? Having everyone suggesting their solutions is important as they will not feel excluded and their opinions are considered. Besides, it may also generate more solutions that can better resolve the conflicts. Everyone will more likely be satisfied with the result.

Example: After discussion, ask all members to suggest any possible solutions and stress that all solutions are welcomed. State clearly that we are looking for the best outcomes for everyone’s sake rather than battling to win over one another. Then, evaluate all the solutions and pick the one that is in favor of everyone.

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