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How To Stop Other People Crushing Your Dreams

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How To Stop Other People Crushing Your Dreams

What You Need To Remember When Setting A New Goal

As we embark on a new year, many of us will be devising new goals to chase and dreams to follow. However, staying committed to a new goal can be difficult. One common obstacle is the attitude of family and friends who may raise objections to your plans. These comments can be mean-spirited or well-intended, but either way they can trigger self-doubt and need to be dealt with.

It’s important to remember that the larger your goal, the more likely you are to be on the receiving end of people who doubt your ability to attain it. It’s a good idea to prepare yourself for their reactions.

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Why Do Other People Try To Bring You Down?

You may be thinking that your family and friends will want to support you every step of the way, but unfortunately you may well come up against their objections and even put-downs. They may say that your goals are unattainable, that you lack the relevant skills, or that you are wasting your time.

This behavior can be motivated by a range of underlying desires and insecurities. For example, your sibling’s snide remarks may be triggered by their feelings of jealousy, and your friends’ putdowns might stem from a simple lack of understanding as to what you are trying to achieve. Whether motivated by ignorance or malice, unhelpful comments can set you back if you let them.

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Fortunately, there are practical steps you can take to build your own self-belief and keep on pursuing your goals even if others do not believe in you.

How To Stop Letting Other Peoples’ Attitudes Crush Your Ambitions

1. Ascertain whether any objections are made in the spirit of concern or malice and act accordingly.

If someone repeatedly makes you question yourself and your abilities, take direct action and ask them to stop. Set aside time to have a conversation in which you make it clear that you have taken their comments on board, but do not need to hear them again.

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If their comments are motivated by spite, tell them that you will not be bullied and will even leave the room or hang up the phone if necessary in the future. If it turns out that their remarks are well-intended, thank them for their concern but tell them that their support would be much more helpful.

2. Keep a list handy of all the reasons why you want a particular goal that have nothing to do with winning anyone’s approval.

Write down at least three of your reasons for pursuing a particular goal that have nothing to do with winning attention, awards or social status. This will stop you chasing dreams just to secure the positive affirmation of others and therefore make you less vulnerable to their criticism. If you have the time, keep a regular journal in which you celebrate every small milestone on your path to success. This will help keep you motivated.

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3. Visualise a white light of positivity around you when others start directing pointless, unhelpful criticism in your direction.

If you are forced to listen to someone’s toxic comments, imagine a powerful white light surrounding you like a protective bubble. Imagine their words bouncing off the outside of this bubble and back in their direction. You don’t have to be spiritual or religious to do this exercise – it will help anyone feel more positive and protected against pointless negativity.

4. If you are relying on someone else’s resources or encouragement, make a backup plan in case they pull out or lose faith in you.

Even the most independent among us occasionally rely on others. For example, you may be depending on financial backing or emotional support as you pursue your dream. However, if your backer begins to doubt your abilities, you can rapidly lose faith in yourself.

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It is sensible to always have a backup plan. How could you get the money and psychological support you need if your current sources were to be withdrawn? Write it down and keep it safe. When you have a Plan B, the end of a particular individual’s support does not have to mean the end of your dream.

5. Always Keep Your Focus Where It Belongs

If you have chosen your goal carefully and planned out the required steps you must take, you have nothing to fear from the negative opinions of other people. Focus on you and the end result. If others lift you up then so much the better, but know that you can achieve your goals even if others question your judgement.

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Jay Hill

Jay writes about communication and happiness on Lifehack.

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Last Updated on October 21, 2021

How to Create Your Own Ritual to Conquer Time Wasters and Laziness

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How to Create Your Own Ritual to Conquer Time Wasters and Laziness

Life is wasted in the in-between times. The time between when your alarm first rings and when you finally decide to get out of bed. The time between when you sit at your desk and when productive work begins. The time between making a decision and doing something about it.

Slowly, your day is whittled away from all the unused in-between moments. Eventually, time wasters, laziness, and procrastination get the better of you.

The solution to reclaim these lost middle moments is by creating rituals. Every culture on earth uses rituals to transfer information and encode behaviors that are deemed important. Personal rituals can help you build a better pattern for handling everything from how you wake up to how you work.

Unfortunately, when most people see rituals, they see pointless superstitions. Indeed, many rituals are based on a primitive understanding of the world. But by building personal rituals, you get to encode the behaviors you feel are important and cut out the wasted middle moments.

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Program Your Own Algorithms

Another way of viewing rituals is by seeing them as computer algorithms. An algorithm is a set of instructions that is repeated to get a result.

Some algorithms are highly efficient, sorting or searching millions of pieces of data in a few seconds. Other algorithms are bulky and awkward, taking hours to do the same task.

By forming rituals, you are building algorithms for your behavior. Take the delayed and painful pattern of waking up, debating whether to sleep in for another two minutes, hitting the snooze button, repeat until almost late for work. This could be reprogrammed to get out of bed immediately, without debating your decision.

How to Form a Ritual

I’ve set up personal rituals for myself for handling e-mail, waking up each morning, writing articles, and reading books. Far from making me inflexible, these rituals give me a useful default pattern that works best 99% of the time. Whenever my current ritual won’t work, I’m always free to stop using it.

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Forming a ritual isn’t too difficult, and the same principles for changing habits apply:

  1. Write out your sequence of behavior. I suggest starting with a simple ritual of only 3-4 steps maximum. Wait until you’ve established a ritual before you try to add new steps.
  2. Commit to following your ritual for thirty days. This step will take the idea and condition it into your nervous system as a habit.
  3. Define a clear trigger. When does your ritual start? A ritual to wake up is easy—the sound of your alarm clock will work. As for what triggers you to go to the gym, read a book or answer e-mail—you’ll have to decide.
  4. Tweak the Pattern. Your algorithm probably won’t be perfectly efficient the first time. Making a few tweaks after the first 30-day trial can make your ritual more useful.

Ways to Use a Ritual

Based on the above ideas, here are some ways you could implement your own rituals:

1. Waking Up

Set up a morning ritual for when you wake up and the next few things you do immediately afterward. To combat the grogginess after immediately waking up, my solution is to do a few pushups right after getting out of bed. After that, I sneak in ninety minutes of reading before getting ready for morning classes.

2. Web Usage

How often do you answer e-mail, look at Google Reader, or check Facebook each day? I found by taking all my daily internet needs and compressing them into one, highly-efficient ritual, I was able to cut off 75% of my web time without losing any communication.

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3. Reading

How much time do you get to read books? If your library isn’t as large as you’d like, you might want to consider the rituals you use for reading. Programming a few steps to trigger yourself to read instead of watching television or during a break in your day can chew through dozens of books each year.

4. Friendliness

Rituals can also help with communication. Set up a ritual of starting a conversation when you have opportunities to meet people.

5. Working

One of the hardest barriers when overcoming procrastination is building up a concentrated flow. Building those steps into a ritual can allow you to quickly start working or continue working after an interruption.

6. Going to the gym

If exercising is a struggle, encoding a ritual can remove a lot of the difficulty. Set up a quick ritual for going to exercise right after work or when you wake up.

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7. Exercise

Even within your workouts, you can have rituals. Spacing the time between runs or reps with a certain number of breaths can remove the guesswork. Forming a ritual of doing certain exercises in a particular order can save time.

8. Sleeping

Form a calming ritual in the last 30-60 minutes of your day before you go to bed. This will help slow yourself down and make falling asleep much easier. Especially if you plan to get up full of energy in the morning, it will help if you remove insomnia.

8. Weekly Reviews

The weekly review is a big part of the GTD system. By making a simple ritual checklist for my weekly review, I can get the most out of this exercise in less time. Originally, I did holistic reviews where I wrote my thoughts on the week and progress as a whole. Now, I narrow my focus toward specific plans, ideas, and measurements.

Final Thoughts

We all want to be productive. But time wasters, procrastination, and laziness sometimes get the better of us. If you’re facing such difficulties, don’t be afraid to make use of these rituals to help you conquer them.

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Featured photo credit: RODOLFO BARRETO via unsplash.com

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