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3 Game-Changing Life Tweaks That Really Work

3 Game-Changing Life Tweaks That Really Work

Everyone wants to improve their life in one way or another, whether it’s to be smarter, more successful, or just change their situations for the better. Three life hacks the Quora writers used themselves have made all the difference in their lives. From changing how they view their weekend, to an easy smartphone hack, to an entire life overhaul, these tried and true tweaks will inspire you.

1. Stop treating weekends like mini vacations.

Quora writer, Todd Busen set out on a mission[1] to wake up for work on time. He found that sleeping in on the weekends disrupted his sleep schedule on his work days. So, he decided to treat the weekends like his work days and wake up at the same hour every day of the week. His experiment proved a success. He has not viewed weekends the same way since then.

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According to Busen, the weekends should be treated like every other day of the week, and instead of losing those precious moments, you should use that time productively to grow, move forward, and better your life.

When facing your next weekend:

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  • Try getting up the same time you do during the week.
  • Use those extra hours of free time to read or workout.
  • Instead of watching a movie, watch a documentary.
  • Exchange watching YouTube videos of cats for YouTube videos that will help your business grow or teach you a new skill.
  • If a whole weekend seems like a daunting overhaul, use baby steps to make your tweaks.

2. Move where to charge the phone.

Smartphones are usually the first thing a lot of people grab in the morning and Quora writer Matt Sandrini recognized his own electronic addiction and knew he had to conquer it.[2] Matt wanted to read more, write more, and get more sleep, but the siren call of his smartphone was too tempting. He decided his best course of action was to move the distraction and began by moving his phone charger away from his bed. This small tweak appealed to his lack of willpower. Before, it took willpower to put his phone down, and now it took willpower to get up to get to his phone.

Matt now reads more than ever, writes more, and even gets more sleep. He recommends placing the phone as far away as possible, even in another room.

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How can you charge your phone in another room if it’s your alarm clock?

  • Choose a louder alarm tone on your phone, one that you can hear further away.
  • Consider getting a regular alarm clock.
  • Set an alarm on your watch.

3. Quit all things that don’t create value.

What would happen if you changed the way you viewed your entire life? Perhaps the biggest game-changing tweak comes from Quora writer Josh Fechter, who learned his lesson the hard way.[3]

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Broke and living in his dad’s apartment as he struggled to get his writing career off of the ground, Josh turned to reading self-help books for inspiration. From the books, he learned “success and happiness parallel how much value people create for others.” Josh knew he had to focus on his writing to be a success, but in order to do that, he would have cut meaningless distractions from his life.

Josh took the plunge and decided to let go of all things that didn’t create value in his life. He stopped watching TV and Netflix. He ceased reading his Facebook feed. He no longer paid attention to politics, and even stopped going out to eat. If it didn’t add value to his life, he didn’t do it. He focused only on what would be beneficial, or bring meaning to his life and work. With the distractions gone, he was able to concentrate on his writing, and his career began to take off. Three years later, Josh is head of growth for a $50 million-dollar venture capital company.

So, how do you determine what has no value?

  • Face each life situation with a question before proceeding: will doing this enrich me, my business, or my life?
  • If the answer is no, make the decision to not do it and fill that void of time with something that will be beneficial to your personal growth, your health, and your business.
  • If the answer is yes, go ahead, armed with the knowledge that you are enhancing your life.

Move your phone, rethink the way you live your weekend, or trim the useless distractions from your life. Three proven tweaks that can make a difference. Try one out or use them all, or choose the best bits of each. It’s your life, make it a good one.

Reference

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Sally White

writer, artist & blogger

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Published on April 7, 2021

6 Signs Of A Controlling Person To Be Aware Of

6 Signs Of A Controlling Person To Be Aware Of

Some of the most manipulative people are so good at what they do that their words and actions can convince you into thinking they truly care about what’s best for you when in reality, it’s quite the opposite. The most common signs of a controlling person are rarely obvious to outside observers. And for someone enmeshed in a controlling relationship or friendship, it can be incredibly challenging to stay away from this toxic person, even if you’re aware of their emotionally abusive tendencies.

While it’s ultimately up to you to decide whether to preserve or leave a lopsided, unfulfilling relationship, it’s nevertheless critical to understand the following six signs of controlling people so you can better advocate for yourself and mitigate the influence of their manipulative tendencies in your own life.

1. They Push Their Own Personal Agenda

Do you know someone who always tries to micromanage the words, behaviors, and attitudes of people around them? Does this person act like they have the right to know anything they want about you, including your location, what you’re doing in a given moment, who you’re talking to online, or any other private information about you? And when planning events and special occasions, does this person dominate conversations, steer plans in their own preferred directions, disparage others’ suggestions, and refuse to collaborate with anyone who might disagree with them?

If you answered “yes” to some of the above questions, then those are clear signs of a controlling person whom you absolutely need to be cautious around. Controlling people are reluctant to even consider alternative ideas, let alone enthusiastically work with people who have differing views. They prefer to be the captain of every ship—regardless of how much or how little an issue personally impacts them—and they have an arsenal of manipulative tactics to deploy if someone stands in the way of them achieving their own personal agendas.

In long-term relationships with controlling people, you may feel constantly pressured to meet their demands, follow their schedule, and focus on whatever they feel is most important. It’s not an exaggeration to say that these people act like the universe revolves around them, which can be exhausting to deal with for their family members, friends, and colleagues.

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2. They Make Everything Transactional

Controlling people aren’t always self-centered, but they’re not too empathetic either. Empathy for them tends to appear in the form of strategic concessions they use as a means to get what they want. They typically view interpersonal relationships as transactional opportunities to extract more value from people surrounding them, which can have a draining effect on those they interact with.

For example, one sign of a controlling person may be their insistence on “keeping score.” This can involve doing nice things for you with the ulterior motive of demanding something from you at a later date in exchange for what you thought was just an act of kindness or a friendly support.

Perhaps they shower you in praise (also known as “love-bombing”) or gifts then blow up at you if you don’t intuitively know they’re expecting something back from you. None of us are mind-readers, but controlling people behave as though everyone else should think and act like they want others to and those who fall out of line are punished for failing to meet their impossible expectations.

A controlling person may also threaten to withhold support if you don’t adhere to their demands, but they do so in such subtle ways that the guilt they impose blinds you from the unreasonable nature of their behaviors.

Some statements to be wary of include:

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  • “I did ___________ for you. What do you mean you can’t do ___________ for me?”
  • “Remember how I helped you with ___________? That took a lot of time and energy from me, but I guess you didn’t appreciate my help.”
  • “I always give you ___________. Don’t you care about my needs too?”
  • “You’re so selfish!” or “You don’t care about me at all!” (gaslighting if you respond with hesitation or politely decline their request for help for perfectly valid reasons, such as not having enough time or resources to assist them)

3. They Criticize Everything

One of the most common telltale signs of a controlling person is their capacity to criticize anything and everything, even small things that seemingly don’t matter. As with many toxic traits in relationships, these problems typically start out so small that you may not even notice. At first, you may even agree with their criticism or at least be able to understand their perspective when they bring up an issue.

However, the criticism tends to get more intense, more constant, and more perplexing for people who maintain relationships with controlling people. You’ll likely notice how they rarely seem to criticize something they do. It’s almost always other-oriented and these types of people are so manipulative that any rationale they offer can seem plausibly legitimate.

Some warning signs of a controlling person who’s overly critical to the point of abusiveness include:

  • Criticizing things about you that you have little to no control over (e.g., appearance, disability, family)
  • Criticizing your personal choices and interests, such as educational pursuits, career, clothing, favorite music, time spent on your hobbies, etc.
  • Punishing you for expressing vulnerability by invalidating thoughts and feelings you share with them
  • Attacking you whenever you express an opinion counter to theirs

4. They Balk When Someone Criticizes Them

We all know the adage, “what goes around, comes around.” But this statement doesn’t apply as much to toxic, controlling people. They’d much prefer to dish out criticism without ever having to take it in return.

For instance, if your friend constantly talks about your appearance with little regard for your emotions but flips out if you make just a single comment about their appearance, there’s a possibility that they could have some hidden controlling tendencies left unchecked. Remember, these people aren’t just controlling in their behaviors towards others. They’re also actively trying to stay in complete control over every aspect of their lives, which includes how others view them.

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This seemingly insatiable desire for control can prompt them to lash out against even the smallest bits of criticism, leaving people around them too weary or scared to speak up again in the future. While it’s possible they may suffer from something called rejection sensitivity dysphoria, this does not excuse them from the consequences of their words and actions. They should seek professional help to better manage their reactions to criticism.

5. They Socially Isolate You

Not all controlling people do this, but for manipulative narcissists, socially isolating victims is a go-to strategy for maintaining control because it’s effective at preventing people from truly understanding how toxic their partner, family member, or friend is treating them. Think of it this way—if you don’t talk to many other people in your life, there’s less of a risk that you’ll damage their reputation by revealing their abusive tendencies.

Socially isolating others also gives the person more control over you and your life as it becomes more difficult to break away from them if you don’t have other healthier channels of communication and interpersonal support to turn to.

This process doesn’t happen overnight, nor is it something you can readily recognize as abusive. At first, it may seem reasonable, such as asking you to stop engaging so often with family members with whom both of you disagree on major social or political issues. As the social isolation progresses, they may suggest cutting people out of your life—especially if they don’t like that person, regardless of how you personally feel—or even conjure up high-stakes problems like “it’s me or them” under the guise of saving you from people in your life whom they don’t like for whatever reason.

In a controlling person’s life narrative, they’re always the protagonist who’s incapable of any wrongdoing. The blame is always redirected at someone else, whether that’s you or other people in your life. The more they isolate you from other supportive people in your life, the more susceptible you’ll be to falsely believing that they’re right and you “don’t need” your other friends and family when you have someone as perfect as this person.

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6. They’re Emotionally Abusive

It’s hard enough to be in control of your own emotions but when someone else is constantly belittling you and your interests or leveraging guilt and shame to manipulate you into saying or doing what they want, this can make it even more challenging to stay in control of your own life and emotional well-being.

Emotional abuse is another sign of a controlling person that is often overlooked in relationships. After all, human personalities vary widely in terms of passivity, and it’s not uncommon for one person in a relationship to be significantly more passive than the other. This becomes an issue when the controlling partner or friend exudes signs of emotional abuse, which can start subtly and become much more pronounced over time.

Concerning signs of emotionally abusive language or behavior to watch out for include:

  • Dismissing your needs and/or belittling your interests in counterproductive ways
  • Privately or publicly shaming or humiliating you
  • Making you feel as though you can never live up to their expectations or do anything right (according to their own vague, subjective standards)
  • Gaslighting you into thinking they said or did something that never actually happened (making you question your own reality)

Final Thoughts

It’s sometimes hard to see the negative things about someone with whom we have a relationship. We may sometimes unconsciously overlook the signs of a controlling person, especially if that person is someone we have known for a long time or are close to us. However, cutting them off your life is the best thing you can do for yourself. Just watch out for these six signs of a controlling person and take immediate action when you spot them.

More Tips on How To Deal With a Controlling Person

Featured photo credit: Külli Kittus via unsplash.com

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