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What Not To Do Anymore In 2017

What Not To Do Anymore In 2017

Ditch These Habits In The New Year

Does your mentality need a makeover for 2017? It’s traditional to start a new exercise or diet plan in January, but have you ever considered trying to overhaul your attitude and general approach to life instead? When it comes to honing in on your priorities, achieving your goals and increasing your overall happiness, there are seven bad habits you simply have to kick before you can start taking giant leaps forward. Don’t expect that such drastic change will be easy, but it will definitely be worth it when you start noticing the difference in all areas of your life.

Stop Caring What Others Think

Do you tend to place far too much importance on what someone else is thinking and how they might be passing judgement on your actions? Stop! When you prioritize the opinion of others over your own, you will end up miserable. Have the confidence to judge for yourself what is the best way forward for you. No-one else can fully appreciate what it’s like to live you life, and their opinions may well be based on faulty assumptions and incorrect information anyway.

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Stop Comparing Yourself With Others

It’s tempting to calibrate your worth and success by looking at what other people have, but this is a waste of time. We are all unique individuals who must follow our own paths, and so to compare ourselves to others is pointless. Moreover, comparisons too often result only in envy, which can poison relationships. Instead, congratulate others on their triumphs and focus on your own personal goals.

Stop Sacrificing Your Happiness For Someone Else

Have you put your dreams on hold to cater for someone else’s desires or lifestyle preferences? For example, perhaps you have moved to a place you dislike in order to support your partner’s career, or maybe you have taken on a less enjoyable job so you can spend more time caring for a demanding relative. Sacrificing your own happiness may feel noble but in the long run it seldom works well. Self-sacrifice leads to bitterness and resentment, whereas self-fulfilment and chasing one’s dreams often results in contentment and fulfilment. Try to strike a compromise between supporting others and leading the kind of life you want.

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Stop Waiting To Get What You Want

We all have a limited amount of time on this planet, and no-one knows when their time will end. With this sobering thought in mind, ask yourself what you have done lately to make progress towards your goals. Others can help you along the way as you pursue a dream, but ultimately the initiative and energy must come from you. Make 2017 the year you stop waiting and start taking actions.

Stop Wasting Time On Meaningless Stuff

Time is the most precious commodity of all. You can always make more friends and earn more money, but time spent is time you will never see again. Stop wasting time on frivolous pursuits and learn how to focus. It’s important to relax once in a while, but if you want to lead your ideal life then you need to clarify your aims and devote the majority of your time to making sure they are realized.

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Stop Focusing On The Negative

Life is a mixture of the good, the bad, the neutral and the ugly. Your experience of life will largely depend upon the perspective you choose to take. If you focus on the negatives in every situation, you are training yourself to view the world through a negative lens. This means that potential opportunities will pass you by, and your belief in the potential of positive change will gradually erode away. Try to find the positive in every situation and life will feel much more bearable. Spending time with other positive people can help you develop this habit.

Stop Being Trapped By Peoples’ Expectations Of You

Our relatives, friends, colleagues and society at large all place huge expectations upon us. We are told that in order to be considered a successful human being we should obtain a “good” degree, secure a high-paying job, find our soulmate in our twenties, get married and raise a happy family. At the same time, we are expected to maintain a large circle of good friends, to always act as good citizens, and to keep our vulnerable side hidden. All these expectations can weigh heavily upon us and increase the risk of depression and other mental health problems. Try to take a more realistic view of life, and separate your desires from those imposed upon you by external forces. Take time to know yourself and shape a life that suits you rather than following the expectations of the crowd.

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Jay Hill

Jay writes about communication and happiness on Lifehack.

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Last Updated on December 9, 2019

5 Warning Signs That You’re a People Pleaser

5 Warning Signs That You’re a People Pleaser

Do any of the followings sound familiar…

You cringe at the thought of saying no. You obsess about what others think of you and whether you’re doing something to make them dislike you. You live your life based on the opinions of others because you are deathly afraid of disappointing them.

If you say yes to all of these, you are likely a chronic people pleaser.

It’s hard not to struggle with people-pleasing at one time or another in our lives. As social beings, it’s in our nature to get along with others; our survival and success depend on it.

However, there is a fine line between healthy social behavior and the experience of emotional depletion caused by chronic people-pleasing. In addition to being emotionally drained, you may find yourself compromising on your principles and values in order to be accepted. As you help others to get what they want, your own health and well-being will suffer.

As a recovering people pleaser myself, I’ve observed these five common signs of chronic people-pleasing and some ways to overcome it:

1. You’re Incapable of Saying No

Do you find it painfully hard to turn down the requests of family, friends, and even acquaintances or strangers? You really want to say no, but instead, you say yes to their various demands.

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Before you know it, you’ve become the go-to person when something needs to get done. From the small to the large, you take on every task. You may even be considered a hero to some.

On the inside, you’re suffering. You genuinely want to help others, but you also know that you are depleting your own resources with every “yes.” You may fear that you’ll lose your friendships and good reputation by saying no. After all, last thing you want to be called is selfish.

Solution

First, realize that your capacity to care for others and your capacity to care for yourself are not mutually exclusive. In fact, the two are intimately related.

Second, understand that you are not responsible for the happiness of those around you. They are. Let these two realities give you permission to say no. Start practicing with small requests. Refuse kindly, and without apology.

2. You Avoid Making Decisions or Sharing Your Opinions

Do you have a hard time voicing your opinions and feelings in a group setting or with close friends? Do you constantly allow others to make decisions for you?

You understand a deep truth about decisions and opinions: they divide. However, it’s not in your nature to cause division by speaking up, so you remain silent to avoid conflict.

Over time, this behavior is deadly, because as you defer to the opinions and decisions of others, you are silencing your own voice. This will rob the world of your unique perspectives and gifts.

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Solution

Remember that you can disagree without being disagreeable. People can have divergent opinions and still treat each other with respect and kindness. So give voice to your thoughts, concerns, and needs.

By speaking up, you may rock the boat. You may even be outvoted. But if you treat others with respect, they will respect you even when they disagree with your opinions and choices.

3. You’re Crushed When You Discover Someone Doesn’t like You

This is a hard one. It seems reasonable to assume that if you go out of your way to please everyone, then everyone will like you. But it’s not true.

Some people will dislike you simply because of who you are or for reasons outside of your control. You understand this intellectually, but you cannot stop trying to win the few holdouts.

Solution

Closely examine your desire to be liked by everyone. Did this originate in your childhood, as you tried to win the affections of family members or friends at school? Use tools such as reflection, meditation, and counseling to help you let go of past negative experiences.

As social beings, we need to be loved and accepted – but not by everyone. Decide whose love and affection is worth the effort and whose is not.

4. You’re Resentful of Others but Are Not Sure Why

This often happens when we suppress our feelings and needs over the long term.

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Do you feel unexplained anger toward your close friends, spouse, or boss? The anger is your subconscious telling you that you have been neglecting yourself while helping others advance their goals. Think of this resentment as the “check engine” light turning on in your car. Don’t ignore it.

Solution

Face the truth of what is going on in your life. If you’re feeling overextended or taken advantage of, acknowledge these feelings. Avoid second-guessing yourself. Find time for self care, and make this a priority.

5. You’re Unaware of How Far You’re Willing to Go – Until You’re in over Your Head

This is a sure sign that you lack proper boundaries. You avoid setting limits because you believe this runs counter to having a generous spirit. But this simply allows people greater latitude to intrude into your life. The requests may become more and more unreasonable and you may not realize it until someone has crossed the line.

If you’ve taken on too much, you may experience passive aggressive behavior, crying for no apparent reason, anxiety, or depression.

Solution

Be willing to admit that your time and energy are limited, not because you’re selfish, but because it’s the truth.

Boundaries are simply a recognition of that truth. Do not be afraid to set your boundaries and enforce them. It will take a while for you and others to get used to it, but you’ll experience an increased sense of well-being, and people will learn to accept your limits.

Learn to set boundaries for good: How to Take Control of Your Life with Better Boundaries

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Final Thoughts

You can be generous without allowing yourself to be used. You can be kind without being a pushover. You can be well-liked without having to sell your soul.

Don’t allow your fears and insecurities to turn you into a chronic people-pleaser. Instead, make time to please one of the most important people in your life: you.

Why? Because when you care for yourself, you can care for others out of the abundance of your own well-being. You will do this not because you are afraid of losing their affection, but simply because you want to. You will experience true freedom.

So decide today to give yourself the same love and attention you give to others. This is one decision you won’t regret.

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Featured photo credit: Brooke Cagle via unsplash.com

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