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6 Things to Consider Before Getting a Divorce

6 Things to Consider Before Getting a Divorce

Divorces are extremely common throughout the world, and especially in the U.S. Many people have been divorced multiple times and have to deal with the fallout for the rest of their lives. There are also many studies showing that people who get divorced find themselves no happier than they were before getting divorced; so it is important to consider all the options when discussions of a divorce come up. Here are a few things to think about before signing on the dotted line.

1. Emotions

Even the party that wants the divorce usually finds themselves sad and depressed throughout the process. This is true, especially in the immediate aftermath. It’s completely normal and comes with the anxiety of starting over and not knowing what your future holds. There are always some old feelings that still exist, both parties feel it and usually feel regret for whatever rash actions were taken.

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2. Consider your kids

Everyone getting divorced is obviously thinking of their kids in the process. It’s hard to anticipate just how big of an impact a divorce can have on children’s lives. Huffington Post did a great study in 2014 where they talked to kids and let them express what kind of effects divorce was having on them. The study revealed seven surprising effects, listed here. One of the most interesting is that children of divorced parents can struggle more as adults.

3. Anger hurts you

Whatever the reason behind your decision to divorce, there is likely to be some anger. Unfortunately, while you may be justified in being angry towards your ex-spouse, your anger will likely hurt you more than it will hurt them. If you are angry, you will probably think of them a lot more than they think of you, and it may eat you up. They will move on with their life and only have to see you occasionally. It is also known that holding anger is bad for your physical and emotional health.

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Just let go of the anger, forgive, and move on. You will be happier and you will be able to lead a more normal post-divorce life.

4. It’s never too late

Most states let you pull out of a divorce settlement at any time until the judge has officially made a ruling and filed the paperwork. If you are thinking of pulling out, you can read more about how to cancel a divorce here. It is also worth noting that many states don’t require any waiting period between a divorce and another marriage. That means even if the divorce has occurred but you still want to make it work, you can be married again in less than 24 hours. While this isn’t ideal, it is possible. A relationship in which parents continue to change their feelings toward each other is going to be difficult for any children involved.

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5. Never talk bad about your spouse to your kids

Your kids will likely still love both you and your ex. If you find yourself bad-mouthing your spouse to your kids it is probably time to stop. Your kids will struggle with it. They may even turn against you and see you as the reason for the divorce. No matter how much blame there is to go around, let it go, and let your kids figure it out as they grow up. They will appreciate your maturity and willingness to move on no matter how much it hurts to do so.

6. No hurry

Don’t rush into your divorce and don’t try to fast-track your dating life right after the divorce. Divorces are big decisions. Take your time all throughout the process. If you end up seeing your divorce through, take a little time for things to settle. People that are emotionally hurt often don’t make the best decisions. Keep in mind that post-divorce is an extremely important time to make smart decisions, for your kids and yourself.

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Stephanie Caudle

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Last Updated on October 17, 2019

How to Spend More Quality Time with Your Partner

How to Spend More Quality Time with Your Partner

You see your partner every single day. They are the first person you talk to in the morning and the last person you kiss goodnight.

But does seeing each other day in and day out equal a healthy relationship? Not necessarily.

Spending quality time with your partner is the best way to ensure your relationship stays healthy and strong. This means going above and beyond sitting together while you watch Netflix or going out for the occasional dinner. You deserve more from your relationship – and so does your spouse!

What does quality time mean? It means spending time with your spouse without interruption. It’s a chance for you to come together and talk. Communication will build emotional intimacy and trust.

Quality time is also about expressing love in a physical way. Not sex, necessarily (but that’s great, too!) but through hand-holding, cuddling, caressing, and tickling. Studies show that these displays of affection will boost partner satisfaction.[1]

So how do you spend quality time with your partner? Here are 13 relationship tips on making the most out of your time with your partner.

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1. Recognize the Signs

If you want a healthy relationship, you have to learn how to recognize the signs that you need to spend more quality time together.

Some telltale signs include:

  • You’re always on your phones.
  • You value friendships or hobbies over quality time with your spouse.
  • You aren’t together during important events.
  • You are arguing more often or lack connection.
  • You don’t make plans or date nights.
  • You’re not happy.

If you are experiencing any of these relationship symptoms, know that quality time together can reverse the negative effects of the signs above.

2. Try New Things Together

Have you ever wanted to learn how to play an instrument or speak another language? How about skydive or ballroom dance?

Instead of viewing these as solo hobbies and interests, why not involve your partner?

Trying new activities together builds healthy relationships because it encourages spouses to rely on one another for emotional and physical support.

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Shared hobbies also promote marital friendship, and the Journal of Happiness Studies found that marital satisfaction was twice as high for couples who viewed each other as best friends.[2]

3. Schedule in Tech-Free Time

Your phone is a great way to listen to music, watch videos, and keep up-to-date with friends and family. But is your phone good for your relationship?

Many couples phone snub, or ‘phub’, one another. Studies show that phubbing can lower relationship satisfaction and increase one’s chances of depression.[3]

Reduce those chances by removing distractions when spending quality time together and showing your partner they have your full attention.

4. Hit the Gym as a Couple

One way you can spend more time together as a couple is by becoming workout partners. Studies show that couples are more likely to stay with their exercise routine if they work out together.[4] Couples also work out harder than they would solo. One study found that 95 percent of couples who work out together maintained weight loss compares to the 66 percent of singles who did.[5]

Join a gym, do at-home couples’ workouts, try couples yoga, hit the hiking trails, or get your bikes out. No matter which way you choose to exercise, these healthy activities can promote a healthy relationship.

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5. Cook Meals Together

Pop open a bottle of wine or put some romantic music on while you get busy – in the kitchen, of course!

One of the best relationship tips for spending quality time together when you both have busy schedules is to cook meals together.[6]

Spice things up and try and prepare a four-course meal or a fancy French dish together. Not only is this a fun way to spend your time together, but it also promotes teamwork.

If all goes well, you’ll have a romantic date night meal at home that you prepared with your four hands. And if the food didn’t turn out the way you’d hoped, you are guaranteed to have a laugh and create new memories together.

6. Have a Regular Date Night

Couples experience a greater sense of happiness and less stress when they are spending quality time together.[7] One of the biggest relationship tips for a healthy partnership is to include a date night in your weekly routine.

The National Marriage Project found that having a weekly date night can make your relationship seem more exciting and helps prevent relationship boredom.[8] It also lowers the probability of divorce, improves your sex life, and increases healthy communication.

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Some great ideas for what to do on your date night include:

  • Have a movie marathon – Gather up your favorite flicks and cuddle up on the couch.
  • Play games together – Cards, board games, video games, and other creative outlets are a fun way to spend quality time together.
  • Recreate your first date – Go back to that restaurant and order the same meal you did when you first got together. You can spice up your evening by pretending you’re strangers meeting for the first time and see how sexy the night gets.
  • Plan a weekend getaway – There’s nothing better than traveling with the one you love.
  • Dinner and a movie – A classic!
  • Try a new restaurant – Make it your mission to rate and try all of the Mexican restaurants/Irish pubs/Italian trattorias in your area.
  • Have a long sex session – Intimacy promotes the release of the oxytocin hormone which is responsible for a myriad of great feelings.[9]

Here’re even more date night ideas for your reference: 50 Unique and Really Fun Date Ideas for Couples

Final Thoughts

The benefits of spending quality time together are endless. Here are just some of the ways it can contribute to a healthy relationship:

  • Improves emotional and physical intimacy
  • Lowers divorce rates
  • Improves communication
  • Reduces marital boredom
  • Bonds couples closer
  • Improves friendship
  • Boosts health
  • Reduces stress

These are all excellent reasons to start making date night a regular part of your week.

It’s easy to have a healthy relationship when you set aside dedicated time to share with your spouse. Try new things together, make your spouse your workout buddy, and look for innovative ways to be close and connected.

These relationship tips will bring great benefits to your marriage.

Featured photo credit: Allen Taylor via unsplash.com

Reference

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