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When We Were Young, 99% Of Us Made This Relationship Mistake

When We Were Young, 99% Of Us Made This Relationship Mistake

We’ve all been there before, head over heels in love and sure our partner is “the one”. We spend every waking moment together and dream about what the future will bring. We’re sure this is the deepest love we’ve ever felt. And then the day comes when the relationship doesn’t work out. Those breakups can be the most painful and often leave us asking ourselves, “what happened?”

When you’re young, it can be easy to commit the biggest relationship mistake in the dating world: Thinking love is enough to sustain a relationship. Patty Smyth had it right when she sang, “Baby, sometimes love just ain’t enough.” But don’t worry. You’re not alone. Everybody experiences this relationship mistake at one time or another. It’s all part of learning more about ourselves.

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How to Avoid the Biggest Relationship Mistake

Maybe you’re thinking, how can the biggest relationship mistake be thinking that love is enough? What more could a relationship possibly need? The answer is: plenty. When you rely on love alone to sustain your relationship, it can be easy to forget about some other very important factors. But don’t worry, we’re going to take a look at just what’s missing from these relationships.

Trust

Trust provides the solid base upon which relationships are built. Both partners must be committed to creating trust in order for it to work. It takes time and effort to create a trusting relationship. A relationship has trust when partners: listen to each other, show mutual respect, avoid controlling each other’s actions, and resolve problems in a healthy way. [1]

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Understanding

Along with trust, having understanding in your relationship is more important than having love. The longer you’re in a relationship, the more your partner (and you!) will develop and change as a person. This means that even your personal needs will change and having understanding for your partner helps you accept those changing needs. [2]

Respect

Part of avoiding the biggest relationship mistake is making sure you have constant respect for your partner. Remembering that both you and your partner’s feelings and values are important is crucial for maintaining respect and a healthy relationship. [3] Showing this respect during inevitable arguments is just as important.

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Communication

You’ve heard it before, but I’ll say it again: communication is key. Communication is more than just talking, it involves listening, too. It involves knowing that you can express your feelings without criticism, feeling that you are being listened to, and trusting that your needs will be met in the relationship. [4]

Be Able to Spend Time Apart

Wanting to spend all your time with the person you love is perfectly natural. Unfortunately, it’s not exactly the healthiest thing you can do in a relationship. It’s important to remember to be yourself and enjoy spending time with yourself as well. This helps you retain your self-identity. You are not his/her boyfriend/girlfriend – you are you. If you or your partner need to spend time alone or with other friends, it’s important to be supportive of this decision. [5] Being able to spend time apart helps counteract the biggest relationship mistake.

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Support

What if you decide to give up your office job and pursue painting? Would you want a partner who supports you in that decision? Probably so. Unconditional support lets your partner know they can always rely on you. You can always feel confident that the other person is interested in your hopes and dreams. [6] Support makes you feel safe on an emotional and physical level.

Featured photo credit: SplitShire via pexels.com

Reference

[1] Strategic Psychology: Importance of Trust in a Relationship
[2] Psychology Today: Couples Need This Even More Than Love
[3] Love Is Respect: Healthy Relationships
[4] Maine Coalition to End Domestic Violence: What Is a Healthy Relationship?
[5] Huffington Post: 7 Ingredients of a Healthy Relationship
[6] Huffington Post: 6 Phrases More Important Than, “I Love You”

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Amber Pariona

EFL Teacher, Lifehack Writer, English/Spanish Translator, MPA

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Last Updated on October 17, 2019

How to Spend More Quality Time with Your Partner

How to Spend More Quality Time with Your Partner

You see your partner every single day. They are the first person you talk to in the morning and the last person you kiss goodnight.

But does seeing each other day in and day out equal a healthy relationship? Not necessarily.

Spending quality time with your partner is the best way to ensure your relationship stays healthy and strong. This means going above and beyond sitting together while you watch Netflix or going out for the occasional dinner. You deserve more from your relationship – and so does your spouse!

What does quality time mean? It means spending time with your spouse without interruption. It’s a chance for you to come together and talk. Communication will build emotional intimacy and trust.

Quality time is also about expressing love in a physical way. Not sex, necessarily (but that’s great, too!) but through hand-holding, cuddling, caressing, and tickling. Studies show that these displays of affection will boost partner satisfaction.[1]

So how do you spend quality time with your partner? Here are 13 relationship tips on making the most out of your time with your partner.

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1. Recognize the Signs

If you want a healthy relationship, you have to learn how to recognize the signs that you need to spend more quality time together.

Some telltale signs include:

  • You’re always on your phones.
  • You value friendships or hobbies over quality time with your spouse.
  • You aren’t together during important events.
  • You are arguing more often or lack connection.
  • You don’t make plans or date nights.
  • You’re not happy.

If you are experiencing any of these relationship symptoms, know that quality time together can reverse the negative effects of the signs above.

2. Try New Things Together

Have you ever wanted to learn how to play an instrument or speak another language? How about skydive or ballroom dance?

Instead of viewing these as solo hobbies and interests, why not involve your partner?

Trying new activities together builds healthy relationships because it encourages spouses to rely on one another for emotional and physical support.

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Shared hobbies also promote marital friendship, and the Journal of Happiness Studies found that marital satisfaction was twice as high for couples who viewed each other as best friends.[2]

3. Schedule in Tech-Free Time

Your phone is a great way to listen to music, watch videos, and keep up-to-date with friends and family. But is your phone good for your relationship?

Many couples phone snub, or ‘phub’, one another. Studies show that phubbing can lower relationship satisfaction and increase one’s chances of depression.[3]

Reduce those chances by removing distractions when spending quality time together and showing your partner they have your full attention.

4. Hit the Gym as a Couple

One way you can spend more time together as a couple is by becoming workout partners. Studies show that couples are more likely to stay with their exercise routine if they work out together.[4] Couples also work out harder than they would solo. One study found that 95 percent of couples who work out together maintained weight loss compares to the 66 percent of singles who did.[5]

Join a gym, do at-home couples’ workouts, try couples yoga, hit the hiking trails, or get your bikes out. No matter which way you choose to exercise, these healthy activities can promote a healthy relationship.

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5. Cook Meals Together

Pop open a bottle of wine or put some romantic music on while you get busy – in the kitchen, of course!

One of the best relationship tips for spending quality time together when you both have busy schedules is to cook meals together.[6]

Spice things up and try and prepare a four-course meal or a fancy French dish together. Not only is this a fun way to spend your time together, but it also promotes teamwork.

If all goes well, you’ll have a romantic date night meal at home that you prepared with your four hands. And if the food didn’t turn out the way you’d hoped, you are guaranteed to have a laugh and create new memories together.

6. Have a Regular Date Night

Couples experience a greater sense of happiness and less stress when they are spending quality time together.[7] One of the biggest relationship tips for a healthy partnership is to include a date night in your weekly routine.

The National Marriage Project found that having a weekly date night can make your relationship seem more exciting and helps prevent relationship boredom.[8] It also lowers the probability of divorce, improves your sex life, and increases healthy communication.

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Some great ideas for what to do on your date night include:

  • Have a movie marathon – Gather up your favorite flicks and cuddle up on the couch.
  • Play games together – Cards, board games, video games, and other creative outlets are a fun way to spend quality time together.
  • Recreate your first date – Go back to that restaurant and order the same meal you did when you first got together. You can spice up your evening by pretending you’re strangers meeting for the first time and see how sexy the night gets.
  • Plan a weekend getaway – There’s nothing better than traveling with the one you love.
  • Dinner and a movie – A classic!
  • Try a new restaurant – Make it your mission to rate and try all of the Mexican restaurants/Irish pubs/Italian trattorias in your area.
  • Have a long sex session – Intimacy promotes the release of the oxytocin hormone which is responsible for a myriad of great feelings.[9]

Here’re even more date night ideas for your reference: 50 Unique and Really Fun Date Ideas for Couples

Final Thoughts

The benefits of spending quality time together are endless. Here are just some of the ways it can contribute to a healthy relationship:

  • Improves emotional and physical intimacy
  • Lowers divorce rates
  • Improves communication
  • Reduces marital boredom
  • Bonds couples closer
  • Improves friendship
  • Boosts health
  • Reduces stress

These are all excellent reasons to start making date night a regular part of your week.

It’s easy to have a healthy relationship when you set aside dedicated time to share with your spouse. Try new things together, make your spouse your workout buddy, and look for innovative ways to be close and connected.

These relationship tips will bring great benefits to your marriage.

Featured photo credit: Allen Taylor via unsplash.com

Reference

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