Advertising
Advertising

When We Were Young, 99% Of Us Made This Relationship Mistake

When We Were Young, 99% Of Us Made This Relationship Mistake

We’ve all been there before, head over heels in love and sure our partner is “the one”. We spend every waking moment together and dream about what the future will bring. We’re sure this is the deepest love we’ve ever felt. And then the day comes when the relationship doesn’t work out. Those breakups can be the most painful and often leave us asking ourselves, “what happened?”

When you’re young, it can be easy to commit the biggest relationship mistake in the dating world: Thinking love is enough to sustain a relationship. Patty Smyth had it right when she sang, “Baby, sometimes love just ain’t enough.” But don’t worry. You’re not alone. Everybody experiences this relationship mistake at one time or another. It’s all part of learning more about ourselves.

Advertising

How to Avoid the Biggest Relationship Mistake

Maybe you’re thinking, how can the biggest relationship mistake be thinking that love is enough? What more could a relationship possibly need? The answer is: plenty. When you rely on love alone to sustain your relationship, it can be easy to forget about some other very important factors. But don’t worry, we’re going to take a look at just what’s missing from these relationships.

Trust

Trust provides the solid base upon which relationships are built. Both partners must be committed to creating trust in order for it to work. It takes time and effort to create a trusting relationship. A relationship has trust when partners: listen to each other, show mutual respect, avoid controlling each other’s actions, and resolve problems in a healthy way. [1]

Advertising

Understanding

Along with trust, having understanding in your relationship is more important than having love. The longer you’re in a relationship, the more your partner (and you!) will develop and change as a person. This means that even your personal needs will change and having understanding for your partner helps you accept those changing needs. [2]

Respect

Part of avoiding the biggest relationship mistake is making sure you have constant respect for your partner. Remembering that both you and your partner’s feelings and values are important is crucial for maintaining respect and a healthy relationship. [3] Showing this respect during inevitable arguments is just as important.

Advertising

Communication

You’ve heard it before, but I’ll say it again: communication is key. Communication is more than just talking, it involves listening, too. It involves knowing that you can express your feelings without criticism, feeling that you are being listened to, and trusting that your needs will be met in the relationship. [4]

Be Able to Spend Time Apart

Wanting to spend all your time with the person you love is perfectly natural. Unfortunately, it’s not exactly the healthiest thing you can do in a relationship. It’s important to remember to be yourself and enjoy spending time with yourself as well. This helps you retain your self-identity. You are not his/her boyfriend/girlfriend – you are you. If you or your partner need to spend time alone or with other friends, it’s important to be supportive of this decision. [5] Being able to spend time apart helps counteract the biggest relationship mistake.

Advertising

Support

What if you decide to give up your office job and pursue painting? Would you want a partner who supports you in that decision? Probably so. Unconditional support lets your partner know they can always rely on you. You can always feel confident that the other person is interested in your hopes and dreams. [6] Support makes you feel safe on an emotional and physical level.

Featured photo credit: SplitShire via pexels.com

Reference

[1] Strategic Psychology: Importance of Trust in a Relationship
[2] Psychology Today: Couples Need This Even More Than Love
[3] Love Is Respect: Healthy Relationships
[4] Maine Coalition to End Domestic Violence: What Is a Healthy Relationship?
[5] Huffington Post: 7 Ingredients of a Healthy Relationship
[6] Huffington Post: 6 Phrases More Important Than, “I Love You”

More by this author

Amber Pariona

EFL Teacher, Lifehack Writer, English/Spanish Translator, MPA

What Makes a Relationship Boring and How to Avoid It How to Know If You’re Really in Love or Not (Yes It Can Be Confusing) Why You and Your Partner Don’t Need to Speak the Same Love Language to Stay Together Why Worrying About Losing a Friend Is Unnecessary No.1 Relationship Killer: Your Good Intention to Advise Your Partner When They’re Upset

Trending in Communication

1 10 Websites To Learn Something New In 30 Minutes A Day 2 7 Most Difficult Languages In The World to Learn For English Speakers 3 6 Ways to Be a Successful Risk Taker and Take More Chances 4 12 Signs You Are A Lifelong Learner 5 40 Ways to Achieve Peace Of Mind and Inner Calm

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on June 19, 2019

6 Ways to Be a Successful Risk Taker and Take More Chances

6 Ways to Be a Successful Risk Taker and Take More Chances

I’ve stood on the edge of my own personal cliffs many times. Each time I jumped, something different happened. There were risks that started off great, but eventually faded. There were risks that left me falling until I hit the ground. There were risks that started slow, but built into massive successes.

Every risk is different, but every risk is the same. You need to have some fundamentals ready before you jump, but not too many.

It wouldn’t be a risk if you knew everything that was about to happen, would it? Here’re 6 ways to be a successful risk taker.

1. Understand That Failure Is Going to Happen a Lot

It’s part of life. Everything we do has failure attached to it. All successful people have stories of massive failure attached to them. Thinking that your risk is going to be pain free and run as smooth as silk is insane.

Expect some pain and failure. Actually, expect a lot of it. Expect the sleepless nights with crazy thoughts of insecurity that leave you trembling under the covers. It’s going to happen, no matter how positive you are about the risk you are about to take.

When failure hits, the only options are to keep going or quit. If you expect falling into a meadow of flowers and frolicking unicorns, then you’re going to immediately quit once you realize that getting to that meadow requires you to go through a rock filled cave filled with hungry bats.

2. Trust the Muse

Writing a story isn’t a big risk. It’s really just a risk on my time. So when I start writing a story, I’m scared it will be time wasted. Of course, it never really is. Even if the story doesn’t turn out fabulous, I still practiced.

Advertising

When I’ve taken risks in my life, the successful ones always seemed to happen when I followed the muse. Steven Pressfield describes the muse,

“The Muse demands depth. Shallow does not work for her. If we’re seeking her help, we can’t stay in the kiddie end. When we work, we have to go hard and go deep.”

The muse is a goddess who wants our attention and wants us to work on our passion.

If you’re taking a risk in anything, it’s assumed that there is some passion built up behind that risk. That passion, deep inside you, is the muse. Trust it, focus on it, listen to it.

The most successful articles and stories I write are the ones I’ve focused all my attention on. There were no interruptions during their creative development. I didn’t check my phone or go watch my Twitter feed. I was fully engaged in my work.

Trust the muse, focus your attention on your risk, let the ideas and path develop themselves, and leave the distractions at the side of the road.

3. Remember to Be Authentic

Taking a risk and then turning into something you’re not, is only going to lead to disaster. Whether you are risking a new relationship or new opportunity, you must be yourself throughout the entire process.

Advertising

How many times have you acted like you loved something just because the men or woman you just started going out with loved it?

For example, I’m not an office worker. I have an incredibly hard time working in a confined timeline (ie. 9-5). That’s why I write. I can do it whenever the mood strikes, I don’t have somebody breathing down my neck, telling me that I’m five minutes late, or missed a comma somewhere. I don’t have to walk on eggshells wondering if what I’m writing will get me fired or make me lose a promotion. I can just be myself, period.

One girlfriend didn’t understand that. She believed solely in the 9-5 motto, specifically something in human resources because that was a very stable job. I was scared for my future, but I stuck with the relationship because of my own insecurities and acted like I would do it to make her happy.

Here’s a tip: NEVER take away from your happiness to make somebody else satisfied (note I didn’t say happy).

Making somebody else happy will make you happy. Doing something to satisfy somebody is murder on your soul.

4. Don’t Take Any Risks While You’re Not Clearheaded

I’d been considering the risk for a couple weeks. It all sounded good. I was 22 and I could be rich in a couple of years. That’s what they were selling me, anyways.

One night, while at a house party with some friends, I found myself at a computer. A couple of my friends were standing nearby and asked me what I was doing. I told them I was considering starting my own business and it was only going to cost me $1,500.

Advertising

Of course, when a bunch of drunk people are surrounded by more drunk people, things get enthusiastic. It sounded like the best business venture in the world to everybody, including me. So I signed up and gave them my credit card number.

A few painful months and close to $4,000 dollars lost later, I quit the business. I was young and fell into the pyramid scheme trap. It was an expensive drunk decision.

Drinking heavily and making decisions has a proven track record of failure. So when you have something important to decide, don’t let your emotions take over your brain.

5. Fully Understand What You’re Risking

It was the start of my baseball comeback. I got a tryout with a professional scout and killed it. After the tryout, he talked to my girlfriend and myself, making sure we understood I would be gone for up to 6 months at a time. That strain on the relationship could be tough.

We understood. I left to play ball, chose to stay in the city I played in, and a year later we broke up. Not because of baseball, see point 3 above. Taking big risks can have massive impacts on everything in your life from relationships to money. Know what you’re risking before you take the risk.

If you believe the risk will be worth it or you have the support you need from your family, then go ahead and make the leap.

You can get more guidance on how to take calculated risks from this article: How to Take Calculated Risk to Achieve More and Become Successful

Advertising

6. Remember This Is Your One Shot Only

As far as we know officially, this is our one shot at life, so why not take some risks?

The top thing people are saddened by on their deathbeds are these regrets. They wish they did more, asked that girl in the coffee shop out, spoke out when they should have, or did what they were passionate about.

Don’t regret. Learn and experience. Live. Take the risks you believe in. Be yourself and make the world a better place.

Now go ahead, take that risk and be successful at it!

More About Living Your Best Life

Featured photo credit: Unsplash via unsplash.com

Read Next