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How To Expose Cheaters by Recovering Deleted Text Messages

How To Expose Cheaters by Recovering Deleted Text Messages

Most relationships don’t last. It’s sad, yes – but true nonetheless; with roughly 85% of all relationships coming to an end. With over a third of relationships starting online, it’s becoming easier than ever to find a replacement beau.

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    To make matters worse, roughly 20% of people in relationships have admitted to cheating on their significant other; most of the time with someone from work.

    Even with all of the advances in technology and ways to communicate with others, it seems that the dating world is more difficult and strenuous than ever before. Which brings us to the topic of this article: how to leverage technology to catch cheating red handed.

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    Before we get into how to find your smoking gun – first a bit of background. My curiosity on this topic was piqued by a recent conversation with a friend over drinks. She explained to me the peace of mind she’s gained after using a simple desktop app to recover text messages her (now) ex had deleted off his phone.

    She was able to end her relationship on her own terms, and prevent the typical heartbreak and damage to her emotional well being that tends to come from being in a cheating relationship.

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      To clarify my friend is not technically savvy. She doesn’t work for a cybersecurity firm and is perhaps the furthest thing from a hacker. She has never needed to be tech savvy, as she is a therapist, so she was always more concerned with building and fostering personal connections with people.

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      So to hear her tell her story about her past relationship was revealing to me about how dedicated you must be to yourself in order to claim the happiness you deserve from a dysfunctional relationship. I asked her some questions on her relationship to see what helped her get through it.

      Were you in a happy relationship before?

      Like most stories about cheating, she was going through some difficult times, as her ex was working and going to school at night – so he was seemingly never around. This made it pretty normal for them to go several days in a row without really spending much time together. It was far from a perfect relationship, but they liked spending time with each other and hence tried to make it work.

      What made you suspect cheating?

      Most of the time, I think people have a gut feeling they’re being cheated on.

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        It might be the time you spend apart – making you feel emotionally distant, or sometimes the signs are more evident.

        To me, most people get surprised by a cheater because they don’t want to believe it. But apparently, after a few months she had her suspicions… and decided to do whatever she could to find out.

        How did you find out and how did you react?

        She did a bit of searching, and found a service that let her recover deleted text messages, and while she knew this was an invasion of privacy, she felt the need to take back her confidence. She was trapped in a daily state of paranoia and anxiety, and if anyone has ever been in that situation, they know that you start doubting everything about your life. So, she decided that either way, she would let him know what she did and deal with the repercussions. However, she needed to reclaim her relationship with herself.

        Reclaiming her relationship with herself?

        She was miserable from day to day, wondering why her boyfriend was gone, where he was, who he was with, why he didn’t want to spend time with her. The questions kept racing through her head, so her own personal relationships and her self-esteem were at an all time low.

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        While finding out he was cheating was tough to handle, it also allowed her the opportunity to completely accept the situation, make up her mind about what she wanted, and move on. They didn’t have an explosive argument either, they just talked and she let him know that if he wasn’t happy with her, then they should go their separate ways. He did hurt her, but she made the decision to take care of herself and improve who she was.

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          Anything you would do differently looking back on it?

          She simply stated that she would have committed more energy to herself as opposed to a broken relationship. You need to invest in a relationship, but how can you expect to be in a healthy relationship when you are not in a good place mentally and emotionally.

          Featured photo credit: Broadly by Vice via broadly.vice.com

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          Last Updated on September 18, 2020

          13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

          13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

          For the original article by Celestine: 13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

          “We all have problems. The way we solve them is what makes us different.” ~Unknown

          “It’s not stress that kills us, it is our reaction to it.” – Hans Selye

          Have you ever experienced moments when things just don’t go your way? For example, losing your keys, accidentally spilling your drink, waking up late, missing your buses/trains, forgetting to bring your things, and so on?

          You’re not alone. All of us, myself included, experience times when things don’t go as we expect.

          Here is my guide on how to deal with daily setbacks.

          1. Take a step back and evaluate

          When something bad happens, take a step back and evaluate the situation. Some questions to ask yourself:

          1. What is the problem?
          2. Are you the only person facing this problem in the world today?
          3. How does this problem look like at an individual level? A national level? On a global scale?
          4. What’s the worst possible thing that can happen to you as a result of this?
          5. How is it going to impact your life in the next 1 year? 5 years? 10 years?

          Doing this exercise is not to undermine the problem or disclaiming responsibility, but to consider different perspectives, so you can adopt the best approach for it. Most problems we encounter daily may seem like huge issues when they crop up, but most, if not all, don’t have much impact in our life beyond that day.

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          2. Vent if you have to, but don’t linger on the problem

          If you feel very frustrated and need to let off some steam, go ahead and do that. Talk to a friend, complain, crib about it, or scream at the top of your lungs if it makes you happy.

          At the same time, don’t get caught up with venting. While venting may temporarily relieve yourself, it’s not going to solve the problem ultimately. You don’t want to be an energy vampire.

          Vent if there’s a need to, but do it for 15 to 20 minutes. Then move on.

          3. Realize there are others out there facing this too

          Even though the situation may be frustrating, you’re not alone. Remember there are almost 7 billion people in the world today, and chances are that other people have faced the same thing before too. Knowing it’s not just you helps you to get out of a self-victimizing mindset.

          4. Process your thoughts/emotions

          Process your thoughts/emotions with any of the four methods:

          1. Journal. Write your unhappiness in a private diary or in your blog. It doesn’t have to be formal at all – it can be a brain dump on rough paper or new word document. Delete after you are done.
          2. Audio taping. Record yourself as you talk out what’s on your mind. Tools include tape recorder, your PC (Audacity is a freeware for recording/editing audio) and your mobile (most mobiles today have audio recording functions). You can even use your voice mail for this. Just talking helps you to gain awareness of your emotions. After recording, play back and listen to what you said. You might find it quite revealing.
          3. Meditation. At its simplest form, meditation is just sitting/lying still and observing your reality as it is – including your thoughts and emotions. Some think that it involves some complex mambo-jumbo, but it doesn’t.
          4. Talking to someone. Talking about it with someone helps you work through the issue. It also gets you an alternate viewpoint and consider it from a different angle.

          5. Acknowledge your thoughts

          Don’t resist your thoughts, but acknowledge them. This includes both positive and negative thoughts.

          By acknowledging, I mean recognizing these thoughts exist. So if say, you have a thought that says, “Wow, I’m so stupid!”, acknowledge that. If you have a thought that says, “I can’t believe this is happening to me again”, acknowledge that as well.

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          Know that acknowledging the thoughts doesn’t mean you agree with them. It’s simply recognizing the existence of said thoughts so that you can stop resisting yourself and focus on the situation on hand.

          6. Give yourself a break

          If you’re very stressed out by the situation, and the problem is not time sensitive, then give yourself a break. Take a walk, listen to some music, watch a movie, or get some sleep. When you’re done, you should feel a lot more revitalized to deal with the situation.

          7. Uncover what you’re really upset about

          A lot of times, the anger we feel isn’t about the world. You may start off feeling angry at someone or something, but at the depth of it, it’s anger toward yourself.

          Uncover the root of your anger. I have written a five part anger management series on how to permanently overcome anger.

          After that, ask yourself: How can you improve the situation? Go to Step #9, where you define your actionable steps. Our anger comes from not having control on the situation. Sitting there and feeling infuriated is not going to change the situation. The more action we take, the more we will regain control over the situation, the better we will feel.

          8. See this as an obstacle to be overcome

          As Helen Keller once said,

          “Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experiences of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved.”

          Whatever you’re facing right now, see it as an obstacle to be overcome. In every worthy endeavor, there’ll always be countless obstacles that emerge along the way. These obstacles are what separate the people who make it, and those who don’t. If you’re able to push through and overcome them, you’ll emerge a stronger person than before. It’ll be harder for anything to get you down in the future.

          9. Analyze the situation – Focus on actionable steps

          In every setback, there are going to be things that can’t be reversed since they have already occurred. You want to focus on things that can still be changed (salvageable) vs. things that have already happened and can’t be changed. The only time the situation changes is when you take steps to improve it. Rather than cry over spilt milk, work through your situation:

          1. What’s the situation?
          2. What’s stressing you about this situation?
          3. What are the next steps that’ll help you resolve them?
          4. Take action on your next steps!

          After you have identified your next steps, act on them. The key here is to focus on the actionable steps, not the inactionable steps. It’s about regaining control over the situation through direct action.

          10. Identify how it occurred (so it won’t occur again next time)

          A lot of times we react to our problems. The problem occurs, and we try to make the best out of what has happened within the context. While developing a healthy coping mechanism is important (which is what the other helping points are on), it’s also equally important, if not more, to understand how the problem arose. This way, you can work on preventing it from taking place next time, vs. dealing reactively with it.

          Most of us probably think the problem is outside of our control, but reality is most of the times it’s fully preventable. It’s just a matter of how much responsibility you take over the problem.

          For example, for someone who can’t get a cab for work in the morning, he/she may see the problem as a lack of cabs in the country, or bad luck. However, if you trace to the root of the problem, it’s probably more to do with (a) Having unrealistic expectations of the length of time to get a cab. He/she should budget more time for waiting for a cab next time. (b) Oversleeping, because he/she was too tired from working late the previous day. He/she should allocate enough time for rest next time. He/she should also pick up better time management skills, so as to finish work in lesser time.

          11. Realize the situation can be a lot worse

          No matter how bad the situation is, it can always be much worse. A plus point vs. negative point analysis will help you realize that.

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          12. Do your best, but don’t kill yourself over it

          No matter how bad your situation may seem, do your best, but don’t kill yourself over it. Life is too beautiful to worry so much over daily issues. Take a step back (#1), give yourself a break if you need to (#6), and do what you can within your means (#9). Everything else will unfold accordingly. Worrying too much about the outcome isn’t going to change things or make your life any better.

          13. Pick out the learning points from the encounter

          There’s something to learn from every encounter. What have you learned from this situation? What lessons have you taken away?

          After you identify your learning points, think about how you’re going to apply them moving forward. With this, you’ve clearly gained something from this encounter. You’ve walked away a stronger, wiser, better person, with more life lessons to draw from in the future.

          Get the manifesto version of this article: [Manifesto] What To Do When Things Don’t Go Your Way

          Featured photo credit: Alice Donovan Rouse via unsplash.com

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