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5 Ways to Get Over the Lost Love Fast and Become Mentally Strong Again

5 Ways to Get Over the Lost Love Fast and Become Mentally Strong Again

There is no doubt that a romantic break-up is tough even if you haven’t been involved for that long. Breaking up might be the best thing overall if things are not working out but at the end of the day, if you are the one who has been left and your feelings are still in limbo. It hurts.

How to get over the lost love fast and avoid wasting time on unnecessary pain?

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1. Recovery doesn’t have to take a long time

Some people think that it takes a long time to get over a lost love but although the process is going to be different and more timely depending on the extent of your feelings, it is more about  how you handle this period of ‘singledom’ that will determine how quickly you bounce back from the break-up.

Apart from an intense feeling of loss, you are likely to be feeling angry and rejected and it is how you channel this anger that will be instrumental in recovering. When a relationship is over, quite often you don’t get a chance to express how you really feel because sometimes the break-up happens in a burst of anger during a row or sometimes, more callously, by text or email. In the initial stages, this sudden grief and loss are suppressed as are the feelings of anger.

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2. Grieve intensively but shortly

By your not having the opportunity to fight back and say what you think about your former partner, the emotions can simply well up and choke you from the inside out. You have no opportunity to rid yourself of this inner angst. Unfortunately, your instinct might let you wallow in this grief and this torrent of stored emotion by listing to the soppiest, saddest music possible which instead of allowing you to free your pent-up emotions, simply enables you to feel the rush of emotion, pain and loss over and over again. Don’t do it. Don’t let emotions drain you.

3. Acknowledge the break-up

Of course, it’s good to acknowledge that you hurt emotionally. You are heart broken and you have full rights to feel bad. Hiding from your emotions is not good. In fact, it’s damaging. You might even curl up on your bed and relive those last moments, wondering how you could have done things differently. Or visualise you back together once more as a couple, when he has come to his senses and realised that he cannot live without you.

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Visualising this backwards step can heighten your emotions even further, stopping you from moving on from the pain. It can prevent the natural healing process if you start trying to call him, to find him, and worst case scenario stalk him.

If you feel tempted to do any of these, stop right there! You will not be doing yourself any favours. You will only increase your feelings of sadness and actually suppress your anger further within yourself. Plus, in years to come, you will find yourself horribly embarrassed by your actions.

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4. Choose activities which empower you

You probably feel very helpless, like he has all of the control and you are left feeling wishy washy and just overcome with emotion. When you feel helpless, this hinders your fight back to normal emotions and so you need to stop waiting and hoping for him to call you. Whilst you know it will take you a while to forget him, you can determine to do just that or at the very least, that you are going to get on with your life. If you want to listen to music, choose carefully. Don’t listen to those songs that make you feel completely sad; instead choose those that empower you.

If you feel the need to tell him what you feel. Then write him a letter and very clearly bullet point how his actions have made you feel. You don’t need to send it, just get out every emotion that you can onto paper and then burn the letter, visualising your anger dissipating and the sensation of relief as the words burn.

It’s never easy getting over a broken heart and sometimes you will not get the answers that you really want to have, but there is nothing that you can do about that. Keep a firm grip on your pride and just remember that if he doesn’t value you, then there will be someone out there who does.

5. Start going out

I know that in your mind no other person can replace your previous partner, but try to give it a try. Trying new hobbies, such as drawing class, a new sport, martial arts or whatever interests you. Getting involved into new activities can work wonders to clean up your mind. Why not to go even further and chat with new people on online dating apps? After all, nothing works better to relieve the pain of the lost love than the new love!

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Last Updated on September 16, 2019

How to Stop Procrastinating: 11 Practical Ways for Procrastinators

How to Stop Procrastinating: 11 Practical Ways for Procrastinators

You have a deadline looming. However, instead of doing your work, you are fiddling with miscellaneous things like checking email, social media, watching videos, surfing blogs and forums. You know you should be working, but you just don’t feel like doing anything.

We are all familiar with the procrastination phenomenon. When we procrastinate, we squander away our free time and put off important tasks we should be doing them till it’s too late. And when it is indeed too late, we panic and wish we got started earlier.

The chronic procrastinators I know have spent years of their life looped in this cycle. Delaying, putting off things, slacking, hiding from work, facing work only when it’s unavoidable, then repeating this loop all over again. It’s a bad habit that eats us away and prevents us from achieving greater results in life.

Don’t let procrastination take over your life. Here, I will share my personal steps on how to stop procrastinating. These 11 steps will definitely apply to you too:

1. Break Your Work into Little Steps

Part of the reason why we procrastinate is because subconsciously, we find the work too overwhelming for us. Break it down into little parts, then focus on one part at the time. If you still procrastinate on the task after breaking it down, then break it down even further. Soon, your task will be so simple that you will be thinking “gee, this is so simple that I might as well just do it now!”.

For example, I’m currently writing a new book (on How to achieve anything in life). Book writing at its full scale is an enormous project and can be overwhelming. However, when I break it down into phases such as –

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  • (1) Research
  • (2) Deciding the topic
  • (3) Creating the outline
  • (4) Drafting the content
  • (5) Writing Chapters #1 to #10,
  • (6) Revision
  • (7) etc.

Suddenly it seems very manageable. What I do then is to focus on the immediate phase and get it done to my best ability, without thinking about the other phases. When it’s done, I move on to the next.

2. Change Your Environment

Different environments have different impact on our productivity. Look at your work desk and your room. Do they make you want to work or do they make you want to snuggle and sleep? If it’s the latter, you should look into changing your workspace.

One thing to note is that an environment that makes us feel inspired before may lose its effect after a period of time. If that’s the case, then it’s time to change things around. Refer to Steps #2 and #3 of 13 Strategies To Jumpstart Your Productivity, which talks about revamping your environment and workspace.

3. Create a Detailed Timeline with Specific Deadlines

Having just 1 deadline for your work is like an invitation to procrastinate. That’s because we get the impression that we have time and keep pushing everything back, until it’s too late.

Break down your project (see tip #1), then create an overall timeline with specific deadlines for each small task. This way, you know you have to finish each task by a certain date. Your timelines must be robust, too – i.e. if you don’t finish this by today, it’s going to jeopardize everything else you have planned after that. This way it creates the urgency to act.

My goals are broken down into monthly, weekly, right down to the daily task lists, and the list is a call to action that I must accomplish this by the specified date, else my goals will be put off.

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Here’re more tips on setting deadlines: 22 Tips for Effective Deadlines

4. Eliminate Your Procrastination Pit-Stops

If you are procrastinating a little too much, maybe that’s because you make it easy to procrastinate.

Identify your browser bookmarks that take up a lot of your time and shift them into a separate folder that is less accessible. Disable the automatic notification option in your email client. Get rid of the distractions around you.

I know some people will out of the way and delete or deactivate their facebook accounts. I think it’s a little drastic and extreme as addressing procrastination is more about being conscious of our actions than counteracting via self-binding methods, but if you feel that’s what’s needed, go for it.

5. Hang out with People Who Inspire You to Take Action

I’m pretty sure if you spend just 10 minutes talking to Steve Jobs or Bill Gates, you’ll be more inspired to act than if you spent the 10 minutes doing nothing. The people we are with influence our behaviors. Of course spending time with Steve Jobs or Bill Gates every day is probably not a feasible method, but the principle applies — The Hidden Power of Every Single Person Around You

Identify the people, friends or colleagues who trigger you – most likely the go-getters and hard workers – and hang out with them more often. Soon you will inculcate their drive and spirit too.

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As a personal development blogger, I “hang out” with inspiring personal development experts by reading their blogs and corresponding with them regularly via email and social media. It’s communication via new media and it works all the same.

6. Get a Buddy

Having a companion makes the whole process much more fun. Ideally, your buddy should be someone who has his/her own set of goals. Both of you will hold each other accountable to your goals and plans. While it’s not necessary for both of you to have the same goals, it’ll be even better if that’s the case, so you can learn from each other.

I have a good friend whom I talk to regularly, and we always ask each other about our goals and progress in achieving those goals. Needless to say, it spurs us to keep taking action.

7. Tell Others About Your Goals

This serves the same function as #6, on a larger scale. Tell all your friends, colleagues, acquaintances and family about your projects. Now whenever you see them, they are bound to ask you about your status on those projects.

For example, sometimes I announce my projects on The Personal Excellence Blog, Twitter and Facebook, and my readers will ask me about them on an ongoing basis. It’s a great way to keep myself accountable to my plans.

8. Seek out Someone Who Has Already Achieved the Outcome

What is it you want to accomplish here, and who are the people who have accomplished this already? Go seek them out and connect with them. Seeing living proof that your goals are very well achievable if you take action is one of the best triggers for action.

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9. Re-Clarify Your Goals

If you have been procrastinating for an extended period of time, it might reflect a misalignment between what you want and what you are currently doing. Often times, we outgrow our goals as we discover more about ourselves, but we don’t change our goals to reflect that.

Get away from your work (a short vacation will be good, else just a weekend break or staycation will do too) and take some time to regroup yourself. What exactly do you want to achieve? What should you do to get there? What are the steps to take? Does your current work align with that? If not, what can you do about it?

10. Stop Over-Complicating Things

Are you waiting for a perfect time to do this? That maybe now is not the best time because of X, Y, Z reasons? Ditch that thought because there’s never a perfect time. If you keep waiting for one, you are never going to accomplish anything.

Perfectionism is one of the biggest reasons for procrastination. Read more about why perfectionist tendencies can be a bane than a boon: Why Being A Perfectionist May Not Be So Perfect.

11. Get a Grip and Just Do It

At the end, it boils down to taking action. You can do all the strategizing, planning and hypothesizing, but if you don’t take action, nothing’s going to happen. Occasionally, I get readers and clients who keep complaining about their situations but they still refuse to take action at the end of the day.

Reality check:

I have never heard anyone procrastinate their way to success before and I doubt it’s going to change in the near future.  Whatever it is you are procrastinating on, if you want to get it done, you need to get a grip on yourself and do it.

More About Procrastination

Featured photo credit: Malvestida Magazine via unsplash.com

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