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10 Things to Expect When You Move in Together

10 Things to Expect When You Move in Together

It’s the end of summer when people all over the country are seeing their leases end and are about to move. Some of those people are couples preparing to move in together. Girding their loins, perhaps. Certainly counting all that extra money they think they’ll have from combining bills.

Let’s pretend that you know what you’re doing. But you don’t, and we should talk a bit about what you should expect.

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    What? You don’t need any advice, you say? You’ve had roommates for years and are a wonderful molten ball of awesomeness magma as a roommate yourself? Oh, and you spend “practically every night together”? Yeah, it’s still different.

    Shut it and listen, kiddo. Pull out your college-ruled paper and #2 pencils, folks, it’s time to get schooled.

    And so now it is time for some sage advice from this generation’s Dear Abby. YOU’RE WELCOME, WORLD.

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    1. It is nothing like having a roommate

    Well, in the sense that you are sharing a room, yes. Otherwise, no. When you move in with your significant other, it’s very very different than when you’re living with a stranger or a good friend.

    Example: Remember how the whole first year of dating, you never farted in front of him? That will change. You know how you always shaved your legs before going out with him and maybe he assumed you were magically clean-shaven all of the time? NOPE. NOT ANYMORE.

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      2. You are gross sometimes (and he’s gross most of the time)

      It’s true. Those Saturdays that you never showered or dressed or left the house, and you were gloriously dirty and all alone and could eat cheese all afternoon while watching Bravo? Or having cereal for dinner out of the same bowl a couple days in a row?He never saw those. And now he will. He will see them because even if you try for the first couple of months to pretend that you’re a hair-brushed, beautiful and clean-shaven person all of the time, it won’t last. For several reasons.

      One, eventually you’re going to realize that you can’t be “on” all the time. You’re not on a date, you’re at home, which is your safe haven, your sanctuary, your relaxed space. At some point, you’ll realize all that extra effort is draining and silly. Yu just want to be your normal self. Two, your dude will have zero problemwith being himself around you. He will burp, and fart and then laugh. He’ll scratch his butt, maybe pick his nose if he thinks you aren’t looking, and he will be his normal gross-boy self. You still love him. Why wouldn’t he love you? And three, he will catch you. He will walk into the room just as you fart and then laugh at you, and suddenly you’ll realize that it’s no big deal.

      3. Your days of truly private space are at an end

      When you live in an apartment with roommates, if you want to be alone, you can just go into your room and shut the door. When you live with your mate, you don’t have “my” space anymore. You have “our” shared space. At first, it feels weird, like a big adjustment. And it is, but you’ll get used to it. You have to talk to your partner.

      If you need some private space, tell them. Not in a mean way, just explain “Hey, I want to go spend some time alone, ok? I’m not mad or anything, I just want to hang out by myself for awhile.” They’ll get it. Maybe they need some alone time, too, and didn’t know how to say it without risking upsetting you. Everyone needs their own space sometimes, it’s no big deal. For me, my “me time” is going to the gym. I get to get out of the house for a bit, and he is perfectly happy to get some alone time, too.

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      4. You don’t have to do everything together

      There might be times, especially at first, when you’re spending every moment at home together, watching movies, taking walks, maybe shopping for furniture or decorating the apartment. But as time goes by and the “OMG we live together!!!” feeling moves more into “Hey, babe, I’m home” feeling, you start to adjust to each other’s schedules and moods. There will be plenty of times that he’ll be on the computer and you’re watching TV, or you are reading a book in the bedroom, and he’s watching a movie. You definitely don’t need to spend every moment engaged in an activity together. And you wouldn’t want to. So, don’t feel bad, when you realize that you don’t WANT to go to Best Buy with him, or he doesn’t feel like going to bed yet, just because you are.

      5. You’re going to argue

      Even if you’ve never really had much of a fight before, you will now. Moving in together is a huge adjustment, and you’re meshing your lives and routines together. It’s inevitable that you’ll argue. Maybe not about what you think, too. Maybe you imagine that you’ll argue about how much you love each other, or wedding details, or about the exact percentage of happiness you have. But you cannot be happy all of the time.

      Most of your arguments will likely be about stupid stuff, like you wanting him to go run errands for the house and he just doesn’t feel like it. Or you guys agreed to do some cleaning, and you just won’t turn off the TV to get started. Or maybe you get frustrated and bored, and you just pick a minor fight. It happens, it’s not that big of a deal and you just need to make sure that you can communicate effectively and explain how you feel, and most importantly, listen to how the other person feels.

      6. Communication becomes even more important

      Talk about everything. Talk out arguments that same day. Discuss what you’ll have for dinner tomorrow. Ask about each other’s days. Make sure you also talk about the important bigger stuff too, like your future, and kids, and where you’ll spend Thanksgiving and Christmas, thedivision of household labor, how the bills will get paid, whether you want pets, who gets a spare set of keys to your place, and more. Talk about everything, and make sure that you know how to communicate on both the big and small things. The little things will build and fester if you don’t bring them up. You cannot bottle up something that bothers you, that isn’t healthy. And how can your partner know it bothers you and

      Talk about everything, and make sure that you know how to communicate on both the big and small things. The little things will build and fester if you don’t bring them up. You cannot bottle up something that bothers you, that isn’t healthy. And how can your partner know it bothers youand stop doing itif you never say anything?

      7.One or both of you are mad about something

      There will be times one or both of you are mad about something that has nothing to do with your relationship and there is nothing you can do about it.

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      It’s true. Sometimes we get in bad moods without much of a reason why. It might not be fair to take that out on each other, but you’re the only two people around, and it can happen. Sometimes they don’t WANT to be cheered up, they just want to wallow in it. Deal with it. As long as you know that their bad mood isn’t your fault or the result of something that happened between the two of you, move on.

      Go chill somewhere else or leave the house for a while and let them wallow and cool down on their own. We can all use a good wallowing pity-party now and again. Also, try not to ask “Are you SURE you aren’t mad at me?” Just like being told to relax, doesn’t ever relax anyone, asking over and over only makes them annoyed andyes, maybe mad at you.

      8. You’ll have to apologize

      There will be times when you say something stupid, or do something dumb, or jump to an unfortunate assumption, or just happen to say or do something that was misinterpreted or came out wrong. If you’re wrong, apologize.

      Staying mad solves nothing, and you have to work on communicating well. Apologizing and moving on is important. Being stubborn doesn’t solve anything and if you refuse to admit you’re wrong, you will make things worse. Acknowledge your wrongdoing, apologize, and move on.

      9. Make sure you decorate together

      No matter what your partner says, make sure you go togetherto buy any furniture, curtains, bathroom shelves, and wall art. It’s stuff you both have to like, or at least look at, every day. And honestly, I loved when we were decorating our place together.

      Our apartment is homey and warm and welcoming. There is nothing about our place that says “This is a sitting room for seeing only, not to play in.” It is also not a college dorm. It’s actually kind of adult-y and awesome. No posters tacked to the walls, no futons, not even a single corkboard. Our place has comfy furniture with some nice colored accents, lamps and clocks all over the place, a big TV, and pictures of us and our families on the wall, along with some framed prints. It’s a bonding experience to put a home together, and it will make the place truly feel like both of yours.Besides, would you really trust him to go off and buy a couch alone??

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        I am not trying to say that living together is going to suck. It doesn’t, it’s simply different. I’m letting you know that what you think it will be like, from living with your family or random roommates, is kind of wrong.

        Living together is super-mega-flippin’ awesome

        It really is. It takes adjustment, communication, and compromise, and learning to share all of your space, and some occasional “the toilet seat goes DOWN” training, but it’s great. I love coming home to him every day. Someone who, no matter how terrible (or great) a day has been, wants to hear about it, listens, makes sympathetic noises, and gives you a hug. Someone I can ask how their day went, and listen. Those few minutes when I first get home are like our time. No matter who might be over, or what happened that day, we spend a couple of minutes, just the two of us.

        When I’m bored on the weekends, I have someone to annoy. When either of us is in a bad mood, we have someone to talk us off the ledge. There is a constant thread of support, understanding, and love, even when you’re annoying the crap out of each other. There is someone there who cares for you when you’re sick, loves you when you feel ugly, and cuddles you before falling asleep. It’s awesome.

        Oh, yeah.You are going to annoy the crap out of each other. A lot. Usually on purpose, whether it’s from boredom, excitement, or simply because you can. And it’s funny.

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          Featured photo credit: www.brightadvice.co.uk via brightadvice.co.uk

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          Last Updated on June 19, 2019

          6 Ways to Be a Successful Risk Taker and Take More Chances

          6 Ways to Be a Successful Risk Taker and Take More Chances

          I’ve stood on the edge of my own personal cliffs many times. Each time I jumped, something different happened. There were risks that started off great, but eventually faded. There were risks that left me falling until I hit the ground. There were risks that started slow, but built into massive successes.

          Every risk is different, but every risk is the same. You need to have some fundamentals ready before you jump, but not too many.

          It wouldn’t be a risk if you knew everything that was about to happen, would it? Here’re 6 ways to be a successful risk taker.

          1. Understand That Failure Is Going to Happen a Lot

          It’s part of life. Everything we do has failure attached to it. All successful people have stories of massive failure attached to them. Thinking that your risk is going to be pain free and run as smooth as silk is insane.

          Expect some pain and failure. Actually, expect a lot of it. Expect the sleepless nights with crazy thoughts of insecurity that leave you trembling under the covers. It’s going to happen, no matter how positive you are about the risk you are about to take.

          When failure hits, the only options are to keep going or quit. If you expect falling into a meadow of flowers and frolicking unicorns, then you’re going to immediately quit once you realize that getting to that meadow requires you to go through a rock filled cave filled with hungry bats.

          2. Trust the Muse

          Writing a story isn’t a big risk. It’s really just a risk on my time. So when I start writing a story, I’m scared it will be time wasted. Of course, it never really is. Even if the story doesn’t turn out fabulous, I still practiced.

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          When I’ve taken risks in my life, the successful ones always seemed to happen when I followed the muse. Steven Pressfield describes the muse,

          “The Muse demands depth. Shallow does not work for her. If we’re seeking her help, we can’t stay in the kiddie end. When we work, we have to go hard and go deep.”

          The muse is a goddess who wants our attention and wants us to work on our passion.

          If you’re taking a risk in anything, it’s assumed that there is some passion built up behind that risk. That passion, deep inside you, is the muse. Trust it, focus on it, listen to it.

          The most successful articles and stories I write are the ones I’ve focused all my attention on. There were no interruptions during their creative development. I didn’t check my phone or go watch my Twitter feed. I was fully engaged in my work.

          Trust the muse, focus your attention on your risk, let the ideas and path develop themselves, and leave the distractions at the side of the road.

          3. Remember to Be Authentic

          Taking a risk and then turning into something you’re not, is only going to lead to disaster. Whether you are risking a new relationship or new opportunity, you must be yourself throughout the entire process.

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          How many times have you acted like you loved something just because the men or woman you just started going out with loved it?

          For example, I’m not an office worker. I have an incredibly hard time working in a confined timeline (ie. 9-5). That’s why I write. I can do it whenever the mood strikes, I don’t have somebody breathing down my neck, telling me that I’m five minutes late, or missed a comma somewhere. I don’t have to walk on eggshells wondering if what I’m writing will get me fired or make me lose a promotion. I can just be myself, period.

          One girlfriend didn’t understand that. She believed solely in the 9-5 motto, specifically something in human resources because that was a very stable job. I was scared for my future, but I stuck with the relationship because of my own insecurities and acted like I would do it to make her happy.

          Here’s a tip: NEVER take away from your happiness to make somebody else satisfied (note I didn’t say happy).

          Making somebody else happy will make you happy. Doing something to satisfy somebody is murder on your soul.

          4. Don’t Take Any Risks While You’re Not Clearheaded

          I’d been considering the risk for a couple weeks. It all sounded good. I was 22 and I could be rich in a couple of years. That’s what they were selling me, anyways.

          One night, while at a house party with some friends, I found myself at a computer. A couple of my friends were standing nearby and asked me what I was doing. I told them I was considering starting my own business and it was only going to cost me $1,500.

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          Of course, when a bunch of drunk people are surrounded by more drunk people, things get enthusiastic. It sounded like the best business venture in the world to everybody, including me. So I signed up and gave them my credit card number.

          A few painful months and close to $4,000 dollars lost later, I quit the business. I was young and fell into the pyramid scheme trap. It was an expensive drunk decision.

          Drinking heavily and making decisions has a proven track record of failure. So when you have something important to decide, don’t let your emotions take over your brain.

          5. Fully Understand What You’re Risking

          It was the start of my baseball comeback. I got a tryout with a professional scout and killed it. After the tryout, he talked to my girlfriend and myself, making sure we understood I would be gone for up to 6 months at a time. That strain on the relationship could be tough.

          We understood. I left to play ball, chose to stay in the city I played in, and a year later we broke up. Not because of baseball, see point 3 above. Taking big risks can have massive impacts on everything in your life from relationships to money. Know what you’re risking before you take the risk.

          If you believe the risk will be worth it or you have the support you need from your family, then go ahead and make the leap.

          You can get more guidance on how to take calculated risks from this article: How to Take Calculated Risk to Achieve More and Become Successful

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          6. Remember This Is Your One Shot Only

          As far as we know officially, this is our one shot at life, so why not take some risks?

          The top thing people are saddened by on their deathbeds are these regrets. They wish they did more, asked that girl in the coffee shop out, spoke out when they should have, or did what they were passionate about.

          Don’t regret. Learn and experience. Live. Take the risks you believe in. Be yourself and make the world a better place.

          Now go ahead, take that risk and be successful at it!

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          Featured photo credit: Unsplash via unsplash.com

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