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What to Do When It’s Time to Ask for a Divorce

What to Do When It’s Time to Ask for a Divorce

The end of a marriage can be a difficult time. It’s not an easy decision and, for most people, is the last choice after trying to save the relationship after a long period of time.

But when divorce is the only option you got, you will want to make your separation as easy and friendly as possible. Emotions are very sensible, and you’ve been through very difficult times, but with some help, you and your partner can get through this process as easy as it can get. So here are some tips to make it easier for you when you approach your spouse:

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1. Do it at the right time and place.

Be sure you choose the appropriate moment, you don’t want to approach your spouse or wife when he/she is having a bad time because that would only put them very angry. Instead, choose a moment where you can speak calmly, in a quiet place where there’s only the two of you. You will need privacy to talk about this important decision. So just pick a moment where both of you are feeling rested. Usually, a Saturday morning can be a really good moment to talk about this.

2. Use kind dialogue.

Don’t get upset, be very gentle. Maybe what you are going to say is not the nicest thing, but you can say it in a careful and prudent way. Be comprehensive about your partner’s reaction. He or she may get angry at first, but it’s up to you to keep the talk going smoothly. Don’t show frustration or anger, try calming your partner down, and your words will make the difference.

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3. Tell your spouse that you’ll deal with this together.

You two have been through a lot together, and just because your relationship as a couple has come to an end, that doesn’t mean you will be enemies. So try to end this episode as well as can be; you can even end like two good friends. Get some professional help if you need to, and cope with this situation in a positive way.

4. Look for online resources.

Nowadays, there are many online sites that can help you through the process of divorce. Yes; people do it online. Usually, it’s a service that isn’t very expensive and can help you file your divorce in an easy and fast way. Just look for online divorce options on the web that offer it. That way, you save a lot of time and money. Lawyers may charge you a lot more money, and may add more stress on top of the grief you may be feeling.

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5. Think of your children.

If there are kids in between, talk about them too. What will be the best option for them? Do not get into a competition and treat your children like they were trophies. Maybe you can even ask for their opinion, and always make sure they see both of their parents, and never take them away as a type of revenge towards your ex-partner. This can be very difficult for a kid, so try to make it easier for them.

You just need to keep focused and remember that your happiness, success, and wellness are first. It might be one of the hardest decisions in life to let go, but we need to fight for it. You are first, and only then can you help others. It is true that you never know how strong you are. You may have to pretend to be until you start believing it. Do not feel alone; find support with your closest ones (family, friends), legally or even online.

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 “Divorce isn’t a tragedy. A tragedy is staying in an unhappy marriage.”

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Erick Clifford

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Last Updated on January 3, 2020

The 10 Essential Habits of Positive People

The 10 Essential Habits of Positive People

Are you waiting for life events to turn out the way you want so that you can feel more positive about your life? Do you find yourself having pre-conditions to your sense of well-being, thinking that certain things must happen for you to be happier? Do you think there is no way that your life stresses can make you anything other than “stressed out” and that other people just don’t understand?  If your answer is “yes” to any of these questions, you might find yourself lingering in the land of negativity for too long!

The following are some tips to keep positive no matter what comes your way. This post will help you stop looking for what psychologists call “positivity” in all the wrong places!  Here are the ten essential habits of positive people.

1. Positive people don’t confuse quitting with letting go.

Instead of hanging on to ideas, beliefs, and even people that are no longer healthy for them, they trust their judgement to let go of negative forces in their lives.  Especially in terms of relationships, they subscribe to The Relationship Prayer which goes:

 I will grant myself the ability to trust the healthy people in my life … 

To set limits with, or let go of, the negative ones … 

And to have the wisdom to know the DIFFERENCE!

 2.  Positive people don’t just have a good day – they make a good day.

Waiting, hoping and wishing seldom have a place in the vocabulary of positive individuals. Rather, they use strong words that are pro-active and not reactive. Passivity leads to a lack of involvement, while positive people get very involved in constructing their lives. They work to make changes to feel better in tough times rather than wish their feelings away.

3. For the positive person, the past stays in the past.

Good and bad memories alike stay where they belong – in the past where they happened. They don’t spend much time pining for the good ol’ days because they are too busy making new memories now. The negative pulls from the past are used not for self-flagellation or unproductive regret, but rather productive regret where they use lessons learned as stepping stones towards a better future.

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4. Show me a positive person and I can show you a grateful person.

The most positive people are the most grateful people.  They do not focus on the potholes of their lives.  They focus on the pot of gold that awaits them every day, with new smells, sights, feelings and experiences.  They see life as a treasure chest full of wonder.

5. Rather than being stuck in their limitations, positive people are energized by their possibilities.

Optimistic people focus on what they can do, not what they can’t do.  They are not fooled to think that there is a perfect solution to every problem, and are confident that there are many solutions and possibilities.  They are not afraid to attempt new solutions to old problems, rather than spin their wheels expecting things to be different this time.  They refuse to be like Charlie Brown expecting that this time Lucy will not pull the football from him!

6. Positive people do not let their fears interfere with their lives!

Positive people have observed that those who are defined and pulled back by their fears never really truly live a full life. While proceeding with appropriate caution, they do not let fear keep them from trying new things. They realize that even failures are necessary steps for a successful life. They have confidence that they can get back up when they are knocked down by life events or their own mistakes, due to a strong belief in their personal resilience.

7. Positive people smile a lot!

When you feel positive on the inside it is like you are smiling from within, and these smiles are contagious. Furthermore, the more others are with positive people, the more they tend to smile too! They see the lightness in life, and have a sense of humor even when it is about themselves. Positive people have a high degree of self-respect, but refuse to take themselves too seriously!

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8. People who are positive are great communicators.

They realize that assertive, confident communication is the only way to connect with others in everyday life.  They avoid judgmental, angry interchanges, and do not let someone else’s blow up give them a reason to react in kind. Rather, they express themselves with tact and finesse.  They also refuse to be non-assertive and let people push them around. They refuse to own problems that belong to someone else.

9. Positive people realize that if you live long enough, there are times for great pain and sadness.

One of the most common misperceptions about positive people is that to be positive, you must always be happy. This can not be further from the truth. Anyone who has any depth at all is certainly not happy all the time.  Being sad, angry, disappointed are all essential emotions in life. How else would you ever develop empathy for others if you lived a life of denial and shallow emotions? Positive people do not run from the gamut of emotions, and accept that part of the healing process is to allow themselves to experience all types of feelings, not only the happy ones. A positive person always holds the hope that there is light at the end of the darkness.  

10. Positive person are empowered people – they refuse to blame others and are not victims in life.

Positive people seek the help and support of others who are supportive and safe.They limit interactions with those who are toxic in any manner, even if it comes to legal action and physical estrangement such as in the case of abuse. They have identified their own basic human rights, and they respect themselves too much to play the part of a victim. There is no place for holding grudges with a positive mindset. Forgiveness helps positive people become better, not bitter.

How about you?  How many habits of positive people do you personally find in yourself?  If you lack even a few of these 10 essential habits, you might find that the expected treasure at the end of the rainbow was not all that it was cracked up to be. How could it — if you keep on bringing a negative attitude around?

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I wish you well in keeping positive, because as we all know, there is certainly nothing positive about being negative!

Featured photo credit: Janaína Castelo Branco via flickr.com

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