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What to Do When It’s Time to Ask for a Divorce

What to Do When It’s Time to Ask for a Divorce

The end of a marriage can be a difficult time. It’s not an easy decision and, for most people, is the last choice after trying to save the relationship after a long period of time.

But when divorce is the only option you got, you will want to make your separation as easy and friendly as possible. Emotions are very sensible, and you’ve been through very difficult times, but with some help, you and your partner can get through this process as easy as it can get. So here are some tips to make it easier for you when you approach your spouse:

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1. Do it at the right time and place.

Be sure you choose the appropriate moment, you don’t want to approach your spouse or wife when he/she is having a bad time because that would only put them very angry. Instead, choose a moment where you can speak calmly, in a quiet place where there’s only the two of you. You will need privacy to talk about this important decision. So just pick a moment where both of you are feeling rested. Usually, a Saturday morning can be a really good moment to talk about this.

2. Use kind dialogue.

Don’t get upset, be very gentle. Maybe what you are going to say is not the nicest thing, but you can say it in a careful and prudent way. Be comprehensive about your partner’s reaction. He or she may get angry at first, but it’s up to you to keep the talk going smoothly. Don’t show frustration or anger, try calming your partner down, and your words will make the difference.

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3. Tell your spouse that you’ll deal with this together.

You two have been through a lot together, and just because your relationship as a couple has come to an end, that doesn’t mean you will be enemies. So try to end this episode as well as can be; you can even end like two good friends. Get some professional help if you need to, and cope with this situation in a positive way.

4. Look for online resources.

Nowadays, there are many online sites that can help you through the process of divorce. Yes; people do it online. Usually, it’s a service that isn’t very expensive and can help you file your divorce in an easy and fast way. Just look for online divorce options on the web that offer it. That way, you save a lot of time and money. Lawyers may charge you a lot more money, and may add more stress on top of the grief you may be feeling.

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5. Think of your children.

If there are kids in between, talk about them too. What will be the best option for them? Do not get into a competition and treat your children like they were trophies. Maybe you can even ask for their opinion, and always make sure they see both of their parents, and never take them away as a type of revenge towards your ex-partner. This can be very difficult for a kid, so try to make it easier for them.

You just need to keep focused and remember that your happiness, success, and wellness are first. It might be one of the hardest decisions in life to let go, but we need to fight for it. You are first, and only then can you help others. It is true that you never know how strong you are. You may have to pretend to be until you start believing it. Do not feel alone; find support with your closest ones (family, friends), legally or even online.

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 “Divorce isn’t a tragedy. A tragedy is staying in an unhappy marriage.”

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Erick Clifford

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Last Updated on March 13, 2019

How to Get out of a Rut: 12 Useful Ways to Get Unstuck

How to Get out of a Rut: 12 Useful Ways to Get Unstuck

Have you gotten into a rut before? Or are you in a rut right now?

You know you’re in a rut when you run out of ideas and inspiration. I personally see a rut as a productivity vacuum. It might very well be a reason why you aren’t getting results. Even as you spend more time on your work, you can’t seem to get anything constructive done. While I’m normally productive, I get into occasional ruts (especially when I’ve been working back-to-back without rest). During those times, I can spend an entire day in front of the computer and get nothing done. It can be quite frustrating.

Over time, I have tried and found several methods that are helpful to pull me out of a rut. If you experience ruts too, whether as a working professional, a writer, a blogger, a student or other work, you will find these useful. Here are 12 of my personal tips to get out of ruts:

1. Work on the small tasks.

When you are in a rut, tackle it by starting small. Clear away your smaller tasks which have been piling up. Reply to your emails, organize your documents, declutter your work space, and reply to private messages.

Whenever I finish doing that, I generate a positive momentum which I bring forward to my work.

2. Take a break from your work desk.

Get yourself away from your desk and go take a walk. Go to the washroom, walk around the office, go out and get a snack.

Your mind is too bogged down and needs some airing. Sometimes I get new ideas right after I walk away from my computer.

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3. Upgrade yourself

Take the down time to upgrade yourself. Go to a seminar. Read up on new materials (#7). Pick up a new language. Or any of the 42 ways here to improve yourself.

The modern computer uses different typefaces because Steve Jobs dropped in on a calligraphy class back in college. How’s that for inspiration?

4. Talk to a friend.

Talk to someone and get your mind off work for a while.

Talk about anything, from casual chatting to a deep conversation about something you really care about. You will be surprised at how the short encounter can be rejuvenating in its own way.

5. Forget about trying to be perfect.

If you are in a rut, the last thing you want to do is step on your own toes with perfectionist tendencies.

Just start small. Do what you can, at your own pace. Let yourself make mistakes.

Soon, a little trickle of inspiration will come. And then it’ll build up with more trickles. Before you know it, you have a whole stream of ideas.

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6. Paint a vision to work towards.

If you are continuously getting in a rut with your work, maybe there’s no vision inspiring you to move forward.

Think about why you are doing this, and what you are doing it for. What is the end vision in mind?

Make it as vivid as possible. Make sure it’s a vision that inspires you and use that to trigger you to action.

7. Read a book (or blog).

The things we read are like food to our brain. If you are out of ideas, it’s time to feed your brain with great materials.

Here’s a list of 40 books you can start off with. Stock your browser with only the feeds of high quality blogs, such as Lifehack.org, DumbLittleMan, Seth Godin’s Blog, Tim Ferris’ Blog, Zen Habits or The Personal Excellence Blog.

Check out the best selling books; those are generally packed with great wisdom.

8. Have a quick nap.

If you are at home, take a quick nap for about 20-30 minutes. This clears up your mind and gives you a quick boost. Nothing quite like starting off on a fresh start after catching up on sleep.

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9. Remember why you are doing this.

Sometimes we lose sight of why we do what we do, and after a while we become jaded. A quick refresher on why you even started on this project will help.

What were you thinking when you thought of doing this? Retrace your thoughts back to that moment. Recall why you are doing this. Then reconnect with your muse.

10. Find some competition.

Nothing quite like healthy competition to spur us forward. If you are out of ideas, then check up on what people are doing in your space.

Colleagues at work, competitors in the industry, competitors’ products and websites, networking conventions.. you get the drill.

11. Go exercise.

Since you are not making headway at work, might as well spend the time shaping yourself up.

Sometimes we work so much that we neglect our health and fitness. Go jog, swim, cycle, whichever exercise you prefer.

As you improve your physical health, your mental health will improve, too. The different facets of ourselves are all interlinked.

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Here’re 15 Tips to Restart the Exercise Habit (and How to Keep It).

12. Take a good break.

Ruts are usually signs that you have been working too long and too hard. It’s time to get a break.

Beyond the quick tips above, arrange for a 1-day or 2-days of break from your work. Don’t check your (work) emails or do anything work-related. Relax and do your favorite activities. You will return to your work recharged and ready to start.

Contrary to popular belief, the world will not end from taking a break from your work. In fact, you will be much more ready to make an impact after proper rest. My best ideas and inspiration always hit me whenever I’m away from my work.

Take a look at this to learn the importance of rest: The Importance of Scheduling Downtime

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Featured photo credit: Joshua Earle via unsplash.com

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