Advertising
Advertising

7 Common Acts People Don’t Know Are Turning Kids Into Brats

7 Common Acts People Don’t Know Are Turning Kids Into Brats

What a better place to catch kids misbehaving than on an airplane that is waiting to take off. Here you’ll see a variety of kids showing different kinds of behaviors as a reaction to the small and tight space, fear of flying, strangers around them, and the unfamiliarity of the environment.

You’ll also see different parents doing their best to handle these situations. Sometimes appropriately, but sometimes just enabling the child to misbehave, which makes the viewers cringe. Many of us are guilty of contributing to these kinds of child misbehaviors. Here are some acts that we as adults tend to do, that make kids behave like brats:

1. Trying To Make Them Happy All The Time

Life is not a fairy tale. In reality, it is tough. What a better way to prepare kids for it than by letting them experience life as it is. Sure, we want them to have a fairy tale birthday, or give them candies every time they lose a game with their playmate, but this will make them feel that that there is no room for anything, but the good ones. And then, when they experience anything but happiness, they will act out.

Advertising

So just let them experience the ups and downs of their daily activities and interactions with others. From this, they will learn that feelings can get hurt, or that healing comes after getting their knee wounded from running and falling. These things will strengthen their character, which will definitely be of good use when they become adults.

2. Tolerating When Complaining About Authority

It’s understandable. You are a parent, an aunt, a grandma, or someone that has authority over a child. But when the child comes to you complaining about their teacher or another authority, if you immediately assume the role of a protector in shining armor before taking a few minutes to be objective and hear the whole story, then the kid will think that it is ok to question another authority.

Before talking to the teacher or the individual involved, have your kid explain first how he or she feels and what had happened. And then based on it, be objective and do your guardian responsibilities. This lets the child see that authorities are to be taken seriously and are to be respected.

Advertising

3. Showing Bad Temper When Dealing With Tantrums

A kid’s bad temper while getting reprimanded is bad enough, and if you double it with your bad temper, then that’s asking for mayhem. Also, you are just reinforcing bad behavior. Remember to be calm when reprimanding kids, and explain why they are getting reprimanded and what your expectations are.

If you don’t, they will keep acting out for the pleasure of watching you scramble and get upset. And they would love to see you in that same situation over and over again, as if it was an accomplishment.

4. Rewarding Everything

Kids can get used to routines. They may get up in the morning, eat breakfast, play with their lego and watch TV. If they refuse to eat breakfast and you give them a reward before or after they eat, they might not eat another meal again without that reward. If they don’t get that reward, they will act out.

Advertising

So make sure that when you give a reward, you explain that you are only doing it this time, and that you expect them to do the same task again the next time without the reward.

5. Offering Too Much Help

Offering too much help may breed lazy kids that might turn them into adults that lack motivation for success. We can’t always turn the TV on for them, or put toothpaste on their toothbrush, because if you are not around to do that anymore, then they will act out.

In real life, there will be situations where there can be no one else to depend on, but themselves. The earlier that we teach our kids that they are able to get up and fill that glass with water to quench their own thirst, the better because this translates into the real world they will face in their future.

Advertising

6. Letting Them Win All The Time

We can’t be around our kids all the time. If we always make it a point that they take the winning spot every time they are around us, they would think that the world is built like this. But it is not. When they get to the outside world and be with their playmates and experience losing, they will act out because they are not used to it.

In real life, there will be best and second best, and being second best is not necessarily a bad thing. We should teach our kids that defeat breeds resilience and hard work.

7. Having Them Avoiding Conflicts and Confrontations

Shielding kids from conflicts and confrontations can turn into a bad thing, if done too much. If we provide guidance, but ultimately let them deal with their own small conflicts and confrontations, then they become more self-aware and aware of other’s feelings. They will learn to share, play fairly and treat another human that is their equal with care and compassion. This helps them have a smoother relationship with their playmates, and ultimately with their peers as adults.

Kids can be tough and a lot of work to deal with, but we can make it easier. By being mindful of the simple acts that we show them, we can prevent future misbehaviors so they turn out to be good kids, and hopefully become adults that are ready for the real world.

More by this author

Sarah Bonander

Writer, Human Resources Professional

17 Comics About Periods That Only Women Would Understand A Mindset That All Likeable People Share Still Focusing On To-Do Lists? Steve Jobs Focused On A Stop-Doing List To Persuade People, The Key Is To Make Them Feel Good 3 Tricks To Become Much More Productive And Motivated

Trending in Parenting

1 How to Support a Working Mother as a Working Father 2 14 Helpful Tips for Single Parents: How to Stay Sane While Doing it All 3 Signs of Postnatal Depression And What to Do When It Strikes 4 How to Homeschool in the 21st Century (For All Types of Parents & Kids) 5 The Leading Causes of Prenatal Depression and How to Manage it Best

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Published on January 30, 2019

How to Support a Working Mother as a Working Father

How to Support a Working Mother as a Working Father

In roughly 60 percent of two-parent households with children under the age of 18, both parents work full time. But who takes time off work when the kids are sick in your house? And if you are a manager, how do you react when a man says he needs time to take his baby to the pediatrician?

The sad truth is, the default in many companies and families is to value the man’s work over the woman’s—even when there is no significant difference in their professional obligations or compensation. This translates into stereotypes in the workplace that women are the primary caregivers, which can negatively impact women’s success on the job and their upward mobility.

According to a Pew Research Center analysis of long-term time-use data (1965–2011), fathers in dual-income couples devote significantly less time than mothers do to child care.[1] Dads are doing more than twice as much housework as they used to (from an average of about four hours per week to about 10 hours), but there is still a significant imbalance.

This is not just an issue between spouses; it’s a workplace culture issue. In many offices, it is still taboo for dads to openly express that they have family obligations that need their attention. In contrast, the assumption that moms will be on the front lines of any family crisis is one that runs deep.

Consider an example from my company. A few years back, one of our team members joined us for an off-site meeting soon after returning from maternity leave. Not even two hours into her trip, her husband called to say that the baby had been crying nonstop. While there was little our colleague could practically do to help with the situation, this call was clearly unsettling, and the result was that her attention was divided for the rest of an important business dinner.

This was her first night away since the baby’s birth, and I know that her spouse had already been on several business trips before this event. Yet, I doubt she called him during his conferences to ask child-care questions. Like so many moms everywhere, she was expected to figure things out on her own.

Advertising

The numbers show that this story is far from the exception. In another Pew survey, 47 percent of dual-income parents agreed that the moms take on more of the work when a child gets sick.[2] In addition, 39 percent of working mothers said they had taken a significant amount of time off from work to care for their child compared to just 24 percent of working fathers. Mothers are also more likely than fathers (27 percent to 10 percent) to say they had quit their job at some point for family reasons.

Before any amazing stay-at-home-dads post an angry rebuttal comment, I want to be very clear that I am not judging how families choose to divide and conquer their personal and professional responsibilities; that’s 100 percent their prerogative. Rather, I am taking aim at the culture of inequity that persists even when spouses have similar or identical professional responsibilities. This is an important issue for all of us because we are leaving untapped business and human potential on the table.

What’s more, I think my fellow men can do a lot about this. For those out there who still privately think that being a good dad just means helping out mom, it’s time to man up. Stop expecting working partners—who have similar professional responsibilities—to bear the majority of the child-care responsibilities as well.

Consider these ways to support your working spouse:

1. Have higher expectations for yourself as a father; you are a parent, not a babysitter.

Know who your pediatrician is and how to reach him or her. Have a back-up plan for transportation and emergency coverage.

Don’t simply expect your partner to manage all these invisible tasks on her own. Parenting takes effort and preparation for the unexpected.

Advertising

As in other areas of life, the way to build confidence is to learn by doing. Moms aren’t born knowing how to do this stuff any more than dads are.

2. Treat your partner the way you’d want to be treated.

I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve heard a man on a business trip say to his wife on a call something to the effect of, “I am in the middle of a meeting. What do you want me to do about it?”

However, when the tables are turned, men often make that same call at the first sign of trouble.

Distractions like this make it difficult to focus and engage with work, which perpetuates the stereotype that working moms aren’t sufficiently committed.

When you’re in charge of the kids, do what she would do: Figure it out.

3. When you need to take care of your kids, don’t make an excuse that revolves around your partner’s availability.

This implies that the children are her first priority and your second.

Advertising

I admit I have been guilty in the past of telling clients, “I have the kids today because my wife had something she could not move.” What I should have said was, “I’m taking care of my kids today.”

Why is it so hard for men to admit they have personal responsibilities? Remember that you are setting an example for your sons and daughters, and do the right thing.

4. As a manager, be supportive of both your male and female colleagues when unexpected situations arise at home.

No one likes or wants disruptions, but life happens, and everyone will face a day when the troubling phone call comes from his sitter, her school nurse, or even elderly parents.

Accommodating personal needs is not a sign of weakness as a leader. Employees will be more likely to do great work if they know that you care about their personal obligations and family—and show them that you care about your own.

5. Don’t keep score or track time.

At home, it’s juvenile to get into debates about who last changed a diaper or did the dishes; everyone needs to contribute, but the big picture is what matters. Is everyone healthy and getting enough sleep? Are you enjoying each other’s company?

In business, too, avoid the trap of punching a clock. The focus should be on outcomes and performance rather than effort and inputs. That’s the way to maintain momentum toward overall goals.

Advertising

The Bottom Line

To be clear, I recognize that a great many working dads are doing a terrific job both on the home front and in their professional lives. My concern is that these standouts often aren’t visible to their colleagues; they intentionally or inadvertently let their work as parents fly under the radar. Dads need to be open and honest about family responsibilities to change perceptions in the workplace.

The question “How do you balance it all?” should not be something that’s just asked of women. Frankly, no one can answer that question. Juggling a career and parental responsibilities is tough. At times, really tough.

But it’s something that more parents should be doing together, as a team. This can be a real bonus for the couple relationship as well, because nothing gets in the way of good partnership faster than feelings of inequity.

On the plus side, I can tell you that parenting skills really do get better with practice—and that’s great for people of both sexes. I think our cultural expectations that women are the “nurturers” and men are the “providers” needs to evolve. Expanding these definitions will open the doors to richer contributions from everyone, because women can and should be both—and so should men.

Featured photo credit: NeONBRAND via unsplash.com

Reference

Read Next