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Signs That You’re Capable Of Feeling Fulfilled On Your Own

Signs That You’re Capable Of Feeling Fulfilled On Your Own

1. Alone time never feels lonely.

When you’re a healthy, self-sufficient person time alone is a pleasure. You aren’t checking your phone every ten minutes to see if anyone texted, Whatsapped, or tagged you in a Facebook post. You relish your alone time because you’ve got plenty of  #%*$ to do, and it’s easier to get it done without any distractions. Or you’re simply happy to be able to have time to take care of yourself and have time for stuff like reading a book, binge watching that show you’ve got six episodes queued up of, or doing your beauty regime.

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2. You can go a day without texting or calling someone (except for work obligations) or updating your statuses online.

O.K so we are all somewhat addicted to our phones these days. It’s where we check work emails and answer calls- not just where we do meaningless stuff like check out FB updates or play games. If you’re someone who doesn’t rely on others to validate your popularity or to keep you entertained, you’ll find it easier to take a device-free day and not freak out about it. (Obviously don’t do it on a workday if you need your phone for work.) Secure, fulfilled people don’t feel the need to get public responses to everything they do, or to chat about nothing. They might do it for fun sometimes, but won’t feel it’s a huge loss if they aren’t online for a few days.

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3. You break up with people when they aren’t right for you. You’re o.k. with being single until someone truly great comes along.

Relationships can be awesome. Having a partner to do everything with and cuddle with on movie night is something most of us would like. Who doesn’ t like to be part of a romance? There’s a difference between being in a rewarding relationship and just killing time with people so you don’t have to be alone. Self-fulfilled people understand this and are happy enough to wait until someone they really like (and who deserves it) comes along. They have friends and also their own company (which they find enjoyable) and that’s enough. If Mr. Right comes along, great! Until then, “la vita e bella”  anyways!

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4. You travel solo or attend social events solo and don’t feel awkward.

Sure when we were kids everyone’s worst nightmare might have been showing up to a dance alone, or being out on the playground with no one to play with. That’s because we were kids! Getting older brings more life experience and more confidence. It also teaches us how to socialize better and to talk to strangers even when we don’t want to. (He hem… been to a networking event, office party, or interview lately?) Some people find showing up to events, or traveling solo a scary thing. Not you! You are a comfortable, poised social curator who’s not afraid to sit alone at a restaurant or café while writing in your journal, taking in the scenery, or walking up and introducing yourself to the group of people milling around near the door of the LinkedIn business mixer you hit up solo after work. If you want to get out there and do things, you do them. Even if you can’t always find someone free to do them with you.

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5. You take care of yourself even when no one is watching.

We all know what we should be doing to take care of ourselves and our health. However, many people don’t practice healthy habits unless someone is watching. Having a partner always around (or a group) watching motivates many people to take better care of themselves. When you don’t need someone else to convince you to be good to yourself, you take care of yourself every day, not just on the days that people see you. You hit the gym or take a run even when you don’t want to because you know if you don’t do it, it’ll keep getting harder. You floss your teeth even when it’s not almost your dental check up date, because you know it’ll keep you from having worse problems in the future.  In short, you value yourself enough to take care of the amazing vessel (your body) you were given.

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Last Updated on February 21, 2019

The Secret to Effective Conflict Resolution: The IBR Approach

The Secret to Effective Conflict Resolution: The IBR Approach

In business, in social relationships, in family… In whatever context conflict is always inevitable, especially when you are in the leader role. This role equals “make decisions for the best of majority” and the remaining are not amused. Conflicts arise.

Conflicts arise when we want to push for a better quality work but some members want to take a break from work.

Conflicts arise when we as citizens want more recreational facilities but the Government has to balance the needs to maintain tourism growth.

Conflicts are literally everywhere.

Avoiding Conflicts a No-No and Resolving Conflicts a Win-Win

Avoiding conflicts seem to be a viable option for us. The cruel fact is, it isn’t. Conflicts won’t walk away by themselves. They will, instead, escalate and haunt you back even more when we finally realize that’s no way we can let it be.

Moreover, avoiding conflicts will eventually intensify the misunderstanding among the involved parties. And the misunderstanding severely hinders open communication which later on the parties tend to keep things secret. This is obviously detrimental to teamwork.

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Some may view conflicts as the last step before arguments. And they thus leave it aside as if they never happen. This is not true.

Conflicts are the intersect point between different individuals with different opinions. And this does not necessarily lead to argument.

Instead, proper handling of conflicts can actually result in a win-win situation – both parties are pleased and allies are gained. A better understanding between each other and future conflicts are less likely to happen.

The IBR Approach to Resolve Conflicts

Here, we introduce to you an effective approach to resolve conflicts – the Interest-Based Relational (IBR) approach. The IBR approach was developed by Roger Fisher and William Ury in their 1981 book Getting to Yes. It stresses the importance of the separation between people and their emotions from the problem. Another focus of the approach is to build mutual understanding and respect as they strengthen bonds among parties and can ultimately help resolve conflicts in a harmonious way. The approach suggests a 6-step procedure for conflict resolution:

Step 1: Prioritize Good Relationships

How? Before addressing the problem or even starting the discussion, make it clear the conflict can result in a mutual trouble and through subsequent respectful negotiation the conflict can be resolved peacefully. And that brings the best outcome to the whole team by working together.

Why? It is easy to overlook own cause of the conflict and point the finger to the members with different opinions. With such a mindset, it is likely to blame rather than to listen to the others and fail to acknowledge the problem completely. Such a discussion manner will undermine the good relationships among the members and aggravate the problem.

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Example: Before discussion, stress that the problem is never one’s complete fault. Everyone is responsible for it. Then, it is important to point out our own involvement in the problem and state clearly we are here to listen to everyone’s opinions rather than accusing others.

Step 2: People Are NOT the Cause of Problem

How? State clearly the problem is never one-sided. Collaborative effort is needed. More importantly, note the problem should not be taken personally. We are not making accusations on persons but addressing the problem itself.

Why? Once things taken personally, everything will go out of control. People will become irrational and neglect others’ opinions. We are then unable to address the problem properly because we cannot grasp a fuller and clearer picture of the problem due to presumption.

Example: In spite of the confronting opinions, we have to emphasize that the problem is not a result of the persons but probably the different perspectives to view it. So, if we try to look at the problem from the other’s perspective, we may understand why there are varied opinions.

Step 3: Listen From ALL Stances

How? Do NOT blame others. It is of utmost importance. Ask for everyone’s opinions. It is important to let everyone feel that they contribute to the discussion. Tell them their involvement is essential to solve the problem and their effort is very much appreciated.

Why? None wants to be ignored. If one feels neglected, it is very likely for he/she to be aggressive. It is definitely not what we hope to see in a discussion. Acknowledging and being acknowledged are equally important. So, make sure everyone has equal opportunity to express their views. Also, realizing their opinions are not neglected, they will be more receptive to other opinions.

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Example: A little trick can played here: Invite others to talk first. It is an easy way to let others feel involved and ,more importantly, know their voices are heard. Also, we can show that we are actively listening to them by giving direct eye-contact and nodding. One important to note is that never interrupt anyone. Always let them finish first beforeanother one begins.

Step 4: Listen Comes First, Talk Follows

How? Ensure everyone has listened to one another points of view. It can be done by taking turn to speak and leaving the discussion part at last. State once again the problem is nothing personal and no accusation should be made.

Why? By turn-taking, everyone can finish talking and voices of all sides can be heard indiscriminantly. This can promote willingness to listen to opposing opinions.

Example: We can prepare pieces of paper with different numbers written on them. Then, ask different members to pick one and talk according to the sequence of the number. After everyone’s finished, advise everyone to use “I” more than “You” in the discussion period to avoid others thinking that it is an accusation.

Step 5: Understand the Facts, Then Address the Problem

How? List out ALL the facts first. Ask everyone to tell what they know about the problems.

Why? Sometimes your facts are unknown to the others while they may know something we don’t. Missing out on these facts could possibly lead to inaccurate capture of the problem. Also, different known facts can lead to different perception of the matter. It also helps everyone better understand the problem and can eventually help reach a solution.

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Example: While everyone is expressing their own views, ask them to write down everything they know that is true to the problem. As soon as everyone has finished, all facts can be noted and everyone’s understanding of the problem is raised.

Step 6: Solve the Problem Together

How? Knowing what everyone’s thinking, it is now time to resolve the conflict. Up to this point, everyone should have understood the problem better. So, it is everyone’s time to suggest some solutions. It is important not to have one giving all the solutions.

Why? Having everyone suggesting their solutions is important as they will not feel excluded and their opinions are considered. Besides, it may also generate more solutions that can better resolve the conflicts. Everyone will more likely be satisfied with the result.

Example: After discussion, ask all members to suggest any possible solutions and stress that all solutions are welcomed. State clearly that we are looking for the best outcomes for everyone’s sake rather than battling to win over one another. Then, evaluate all the solutions and pick the one that is in favor of everyone.

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