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Signs That You’re Capable Of Feeling Fulfilled On Your Own

Signs That You’re Capable Of Feeling Fulfilled On Your Own

1. Alone time never feels lonely.

When you’re a healthy, self-sufficient person time alone is a pleasure. You aren’t checking your phone every ten minutes to see if anyone texted, Whatsapped, or tagged you in a Facebook post. You relish your alone time because you’ve got plenty of  #%*$ to do, and it’s easier to get it done without any distractions. Or you’re simply happy to be able to have time to take care of yourself and have time for stuff like reading a book, binge watching that show you’ve got six episodes queued up of, or doing your beauty regime.

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2. You can go a day without texting or calling someone (except for work obligations) or updating your statuses online.

O.K so we are all somewhat addicted to our phones these days. It’s where we check work emails and answer calls- not just where we do meaningless stuff like check out FB updates or play games. If you’re someone who doesn’t rely on others to validate your popularity or to keep you entertained, you’ll find it easier to take a device-free day and not freak out about it. (Obviously don’t do it on a workday if you need your phone for work.) Secure, fulfilled people don’t feel the need to get public responses to everything they do, or to chat about nothing. They might do it for fun sometimes, but won’t feel it’s a huge loss if they aren’t online for a few days.

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3. You break up with people when they aren’t right for you. You’re o.k. with being single until someone truly great comes along.

Relationships can be awesome. Having a partner to do everything with and cuddle with on movie night is something most of us would like. Who doesn’ t like to be part of a romance? There’s a difference between being in a rewarding relationship and just killing time with people so you don’t have to be alone. Self-fulfilled people understand this and are happy enough to wait until someone they really like (and who deserves it) comes along. They have friends and also their own company (which they find enjoyable) and that’s enough. If Mr. Right comes along, great! Until then, “la vita e bella”  anyways!

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4. You travel solo or attend social events solo and don’t feel awkward.

Sure when we were kids everyone’s worst nightmare might have been showing up to a dance alone, or being out on the playground with no one to play with. That’s because we were kids! Getting older brings more life experience and more confidence. It also teaches us how to socialize better and to talk to strangers even when we don’t want to. (He hem… been to a networking event, office party, or interview lately?) Some people find showing up to events, or traveling solo a scary thing. Not you! You are a comfortable, poised social curator who’s not afraid to sit alone at a restaurant or café while writing in your journal, taking in the scenery, or walking up and introducing yourself to the group of people milling around near the door of the LinkedIn business mixer you hit up solo after work. If you want to get out there and do things, you do them. Even if you can’t always find someone free to do them with you.

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5. You take care of yourself even when no one is watching.

We all know what we should be doing to take care of ourselves and our health. However, many people don’t practice healthy habits unless someone is watching. Having a partner always around (or a group) watching motivates many people to take better care of themselves. When you don’t need someone else to convince you to be good to yourself, you take care of yourself every day, not just on the days that people see you. You hit the gym or take a run even when you don’t want to because you know if you don’t do it, it’ll keep getting harder. You floss your teeth even when it’s not almost your dental check up date, because you know it’ll keep you from having worse problems in the future.  In short, you value yourself enough to take care of the amazing vessel (your body) you were given.

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Last Updated on December 16, 2018

12 Simple Ways You Can Build A Positive Attitude

12 Simple Ways You Can Build A Positive Attitude

We all look for a better and happier life, but somehow we realize it’s our attitude that makes it hard to lead the life we want. How can we build a positive attitude? Grant Mathews has listed out the things (from the easiest to the hardest) we can do to cultivate this attitude on Quora:

1. Listen to good music.

Music definitely improves your mood, and it’s a really simple thing to do.

2. Don’t watch television passively.

Studies have shown that people who watch TV less are happier, which leads me to my next point…

3. Don’t do anything passively.

Whenever I do something, I like to ask myself if, at the end of the day, I would be content saying that I had spent time doing it. (This is why I block sites I find myself wasting too much time on. I enjoy them, but they’re just not worth it when I could be learning something new, or working on projects I care about.)

Time is incredibly valuable.

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4. Be aware of negativity

A community that considers itself intelligent tends to be negativity because criticizing is seen as a signaling mechanism to indicate that you’re more intelligent than the person you corrected. This was irrationally frustrating for me – it’s one of those things you’ll stay up all night to think about.

5. Make time to be alone.

I initially said “take time just to be alone.” I changed it because if you don’t ensure you can take a break, you’ll surely be interrupted.

Being with other people is something you can do to make you happy, but I don’t include it in this list because nearly everyone finds time to talk with friends. On the other hand, spending time just with yourself is almost considered a taboo.

Take some time to figure out who you are.

6. Exercise.

This is the best way to improve your immediate happiness.

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Exercise probably makes you happy. Try and go on a run. You’ll hate yourself while doing it, but the gratification that you get towards the end vastly outweighs the frustration of the first few attempts. I can’t say enough good things about exercise.

Exercising is also fantastic because it gives you time alone.

7. Have projects.

Having a goal, and moving towards it, is a key to happiness.

You have to realize though that achieving the goal is not necessarily what makes you happy – it’s the process. When I write music, I write it because writing is inherently enjoyable, not because I want to get popular (as if!).

8. Take time to do the things you enjoy.

That’s very general, so let me give you a good example.

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One of the things that has really changed my life was finding small communities centered around activities I enjoy. For instance, I like writing music, so I’m part of a community that meets up to write a song for an hour every week. I love the community. I’ve also written a song every week, 37 weeks in a row, which has gradually moved me towards larger goals and makes me feel very satisfied.

9. Change your definition of happiness.

Another reason I think I’m more happy than other people is because my definition of happiness is a lot more relaxed than most people’s. I don’t seek for some sort of constant euphoria; I don’t think it’s possible to live like that. My happiness is closer to stability.

10. Ignore things that don’t make you happy.

I get varying reactions to this one.

The argument goes “if something is making you unhappy, then you should find out why and improve it, not ignore it.” If you can do that, great. But on the other hand, there’s no reason to mope about a bad score on a test.

There’s another counterargument: perhaps you’re moping because your brain is trying to work out how to improve. In fact, this is the key purpose of depression: Depression’s Upside – NYTimes.com

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I can think of examples that go both ways. I remember, for instance, when I was debating a year or two ago and my partner and I would lose a round, I would mull over what we had done wrong for a long time. In that way, I got immensely better at debate (and public speaking in general – did you know debate has amazing effects on your public speaking ability? But now I really digress).

On the other hand, there’s no way that mulling over how dumb you were for missing that +x term on the left hand side will make you better at math. So stop worrying about it, and go practice math instead.

11. Find a way to measure your progress, and then measure it.

Video games are addictive for a reason: filling up an experience bar and making it to the next level is immensely satisfying. I think that it would be really cool if we could apply this concept to the real world.

I put this near the bottom of the list because, unfortunately, this hasn’t been done too often in the real world – startup idea, anyone? So you would have to do it yourself, which is difficult when you don’t even know how much you’ve progressed.

For a while, I kept a log of the runs I had taken, and my average speed. It was really cool to see my improvement over the weeks. (Also, I was exercising. Combining the two was fantastic for boosting happiness.)

12. Realize that happiness is an evolutionary reward, not an objective truth.

It’s easy to see that this is correct, but this is at the bottom of the list for a reason.

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