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The ONE Thing Women REALLY Want

The ONE Thing Women REALLY Want

What do women want?

This is question men have been asking themselves for centuries and they still haven’t found the answer. In fact these days it seems men and women have become more separated than ever. Misunderstandings, media reports and television series are making it difficult for men to know how they should behave and if they are doing things right.

Women, on the other hand, now have been given unreasonably high expectations and often find themselves disappointed when they aren’t met. This causes hurt all around, while things could be so easy. When I asked my friends what they looked for in men and what they did not want the answers were simple.

Want: Respectful behaviour, sense of humour.

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Don’t want: Shallowness, sexism.

And one, very, very important thing. Really, if you just remember the following rule, everything else will fall into place by itself. The way to a woman’s heart is not just seeing her, but hearing her.

Talking is key!

Yes, sex is great but what about companionship, friendship, talking? For a relationship to last beyond lust you don’t just need love, but also the will to find common ground beyond the attraction. Taking an interest, giving a little compliment. The feeling of being important to someone who respects and values you often counts more than any gift could ever do. Spend a few nights in talking to each other or watching tv together, really get to know the person you want to be with.

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1. Make her feel wanted.

Nothing says “I care” more than a gesture that shows how much you love her. Something that shows you’d do anything for her now and forever. Not a possessive macho “now you’re mine” thing, but a romantic gallant seductive move. What the gesture should be is up to the woman in question and you’d have to find that out yourself. Yes, you really have to do topic one first.

2. Don’t make assumptions.

Just because you’re dating a woman doesn’t mean you can just assume certain things. You can’t just buy a handbag or a pink vase. Every person has like and dislikes. Maybe she preferred a DVD of her favourite show, tickets to the theatre or even a subscription to Netflix. Know what she wants and your gifts will be treasured – and you’ll be too.

3. Give time.

The best gift is time. If you are in a very busy job relationship time is often the first thing that becomes affected. This causes lots of problems and often leads to the partner feeling abandoned. For some reason these issues always fester and ends in divorce or a break up.

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Don’t let your relationship die like that.If you feel that you seeing your boss more than you see your wife, take an evening of to have dinner with her and ask her if you’re away too much. If she says “yes”, explain what you are doing and why you have to see less of her for the time being. Then set aside two moments during the day where you could possible call or Skype for a catch up.

Setting aside two moments is key: Two chances for you two to speak, for if something comes up first time round. You can also sent each other flirty texts every once in a while to keep things interesting.

4. Honesty.

If you are feeling down, depressed, ill or generally unhappy, if something bad happened tell her. Hiding problems only brings trouble. If there is something on your mind, bring it up at the earliest moment. Don’t wait for the “right” moment, don’t think things will go away by itself. A partnership is about give and take, caring and sharing. She would like to help you, but she can’t when she is unaware that you are hurting.

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Does this approach work? Oh yes, it does. Here is what one of my friends has to say about the open and attentive man she met:

“I fell in love with my husband’s loving, sensitive nature but also the fact we have a very similar sense of humour. We’re both massive geeks so I can feel completely at ease with him in all aspects of my life. Perfecto!”

Isn’t that what we all want?

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Dannii Cohen

PsyD in Psychology, professional counsellor, life coach and self-help expert

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Last Updated on September 11, 2019

Why To-Do Lists Don’t Work (And How to Change That)

Why To-Do Lists Don’t Work (And How to Change That)

How often do you feel overwhelmed and disorganized in life, whether at work or home? We all seem to struggle with time management in some area of our life; one of the most common phrases besides “I love you” is “I don’t have time”. Everyone suggests working from a to-do list to start getting your life more organized, but why do these lists also have a negative connotation to them?

Let’s say you have a strong desire to turn this situation around with all your good intentions—you may then take out a piece of paper and pen to start tackling this intangible mess with a to-do list. What usually happens, is that you either get so overwhelmed seeing everything on your list, which leaves you feeling worse than you did before, or you make the list but are completely stuck on how to execute it effectively.

To-do lists can work for you, but if you are not using them effectively, they can actually leave you feeling more disillusioned and stressed than you did before. Think of a filing system: the concept is good, but if you merely file papers away with no structure or system, the filing system will have an adverse effect. It’s the same with to-do lists—you can put one together, but if you don’t do it right, it is a fruitless exercise.

Why Some People Find That General To-Do Lists Don’t Work?

Most people find that general to-do lists don’t work because:

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  • They get so overwhelmed just by looking at all the things they need to do.
  • They don’t know how to prioritize the items on list.
  • They feel that they are continuously adding to their list but not reducing it.
  • There’s a sense of confusion seeing home tasks mixed with work tasks.

Benefits of Using a To-Do List

However, there are many advantages working from a to-do list:

  • You have clarity on what you need to get done.
  • You will feel less stressed because all your ‘to do’s are on paper and out of your mind.
  • It helps you to prioritize your actions.
  • You don’t overlook so many tasks and forget anything.
  • You feel more organized.
  • It helps you with planning.

4 Golden Rules to Make a To-Do List Work

Here are my golden rules for making a “to-do” list work:

1. Categorize

Studies have shown that your brain gets overwhelmed when it sees a list of 7 or 8 options; it wants to shut down.[1] For this reason, you need to work from different lists. Separate them into different categories and don’t have more than 7 or 8 tasks on each one.

It might work well for you to have a “project” list, a “follow-up” list, and a “don’t forget” list; you will know what will work best for you, as these titles will be different for everybody.

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2. Add Estimations

You don’t merely need to know what has to be done, but how long it will take as well in order to plan effectively.

Imagine on your list you have one task that will take 30 minutes, another that could take 1 hour, and another that could take 4 hours. You need to know the moment you look at the task, otherwise you undermine your planning, so add an extra column to your list and include your estimation of how long you think the task will take, and be realistic!

Tip: If you find it a challenge to estimate accurately, then start by building this skill on a daily basis. Estimate how long it will take to get ready, cook dinner, go for a walk, etc., and then compare this to the actual time it took you. You will start to get more accurate in your estimations.

3. Prioritize

To effectively select what you should work on, you need to take into consideration: priority, sequence and estimated time. Add another column to your list for priority. Divide your tasks into four categories:

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  • Important and urgent
  • Not urgent but important
  • Not important but urgent
  • Not important or urgent

You want to work on tasks that are urgent and important of course, but also, select some tasks that are important and not urgent. Why? Because these tasks are normally related to long-term goals, and when you only work on tasks that are urgent and important, you’ll feel like your day is spent putting out fires. You’ll end up neglecting other important areas which most often end up having negative consequences.

Most of your time should be spent on the first two categories.

4.  Review

To make this list work effectively for you, it needs to become a daily tool that you use to manage your time and you review it regularly. There is no point in only having the list to record everything that you need to do, but you don’t utilize it as part of your bigger time management plan.

For example: At the end of every week, review the list and use it to plan the week ahead. Select what you want to work on taking into consideration priority, time and sequence and then schedule these items into your calendar. Golden rule in planning: don’t schedule more than 75% of your time.

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Bottom Line

So grab a pen and paper and give yourself the gift of a calm and clear mind by unloading everything in there and onto a list as now, you have all the tools you need for it to work. Knowledge is useless unless it is applied—how badly do you want more time?

To your success!

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Featured photo credit: Emma Matthews via unsplash.com

Reference

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