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The ONE Thing Women REALLY Want

The ONE Thing Women REALLY Want

What do women want?

This is question men have been asking themselves for centuries and they still haven’t found the answer. In fact these days it seems men and women have become more separated than ever. Misunderstandings, media reports and television series are making it difficult for men to know how they should behave and if they are doing things right.

Women, on the other hand, now have been given unreasonably high expectations and often find themselves disappointed when they aren’t met. This causes hurt all around, while things could be so easy. When I asked my friends what they looked for in men and what they did not want the answers were simple.

Want: Respectful behaviour, sense of humour.

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Don’t want: Shallowness, sexism.

And one, very, very important thing. Really, if you just remember the following rule, everything else will fall into place by itself. The way to a woman’s heart is not just seeing her, but hearing her.

Talking is key!

Yes, sex is great but what about companionship, friendship, talking? For a relationship to last beyond lust you don’t just need love, but also the will to find common ground beyond the attraction. Taking an interest, giving a little compliment. The feeling of being important to someone who respects and values you often counts more than any gift could ever do. Spend a few nights in talking to each other or watching tv together, really get to know the person you want to be with.

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1. Make her feel wanted.

Nothing says “I care” more than a gesture that shows how much you love her. Something that shows you’d do anything for her now and forever. Not a possessive macho “now you’re mine” thing, but a romantic gallant seductive move. What the gesture should be is up to the woman in question and you’d have to find that out yourself. Yes, you really have to do topic one first.

2. Don’t make assumptions.

Just because you’re dating a woman doesn’t mean you can just assume certain things. You can’t just buy a handbag or a pink vase. Every person has like and dislikes. Maybe she preferred a DVD of her favourite show, tickets to the theatre or even a subscription to Netflix. Know what she wants and your gifts will be treasured – and you’ll be too.

3. Give time.

The best gift is time. If you are in a very busy job relationship time is often the first thing that becomes affected. This causes lots of problems and often leads to the partner feeling abandoned. For some reason these issues always fester and ends in divorce or a break up.

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Don’t let your relationship die like that.If you feel that you seeing your boss more than you see your wife, take an evening of to have dinner with her and ask her if you’re away too much. If she says “yes”, explain what you are doing and why you have to see less of her for the time being. Then set aside two moments during the day where you could possible call or Skype for a catch up.

Setting aside two moments is key: Two chances for you two to speak, for if something comes up first time round. You can also sent each other flirty texts every once in a while to keep things interesting.

4. Honesty.

If you are feeling down, depressed, ill or generally unhappy, if something bad happened tell her. Hiding problems only brings trouble. If there is something on your mind, bring it up at the earliest moment. Don’t wait for the “right” moment, don’t think things will go away by itself. A partnership is about give and take, caring and sharing. She would like to help you, but she can’t when she is unaware that you are hurting.

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Does this approach work? Oh yes, it does. Here is what one of my friends has to say about the open and attentive man she met:

“I fell in love with my husband’s loving, sensitive nature but also the fact we have a very similar sense of humour. We’re both massive geeks so I can feel completely at ease with him in all aspects of my life. Perfecto!”

Isn’t that what we all want?

More by this author

Dannii Cohen

PsyD in Psychology, professional counsellor, life coach and self-help expert

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Last Updated on March 23, 2021

Manage Your Energy so You Can Manage Your Time

Manage Your Energy so You Can Manage Your Time

One of the greatest ironies of this age is that while various gadgets like smartphones and netbooks allow you to multitask, it seems that you never manage to get things done. You are caught in the busyness trap. There’s just too much work to do in one day that sometimes you end up exhausted with half-finished tasks.

The problem lies in how to keep our energy level high to ensure that you finish at least one of your most important tasks for the day. There’s just not enough hours in a day and it’s not possible to be productive the whole time.

You need more than time management. You need energy management

1. Dispel the idea that you need to be a “morning person” to be productive

How many times have you heard (or read) this advice – wake up early so that you can do all the tasks at hand. There’s nothing wrong with that advice. It’s actually reeks of good common sense – start early, finish early. The thing is that technique alone won’t work with everyone. Especially not with people who are not morning larks.

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I should know because I was once deluded with the idea that I will be more productive if I get out of bed by 6 a.m. Like most of you Lifehackers, I’m always on the lookout for productivity hacks because I have a lot of things in my plate. I’m working full time as an editor for a news agency, while at the same time tending to my side business as a content marketing strategist. I’m also a travel blogger and oh yeah, I forgot, I also have a life.

I read a lot of productivity books and blogs looking for ways to make the most of my 24 hours. Most stories on productivity stress waking up early. So I did – and I was a major failure in that department – both in waking up early and finishing early.

2. Determine your “peak hours”

Energy management begins with looking for your most productive hours in a day. Getting attuned to your body clock won’t happen instantly but there’s a way around it.

Monitor your working habits for one week and list down the time when you managed to do the most work. Take note also of what you feel during those hours – do you feel energized or lethargic? Monitor this and you will find a pattern later on.

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My experiment with being a morning lark proved that ignoring my body clock and just doing it by disciplining myself to wake up before 8 a.m. will push me to be more productive. I thought that by writing blog posts and other reports in the morning that I would be finished by noon and use my lunch break for a quick gym session. That never happened. I was sleepy, distracted and couldn’t write jack before 10 a.m.

In fact that was one experiment that I shouldn’t have tried because I should know better. After all, I’ve been writing for a living for the last 15 years, and I have observed time and again that I write more –and better – in the afternoon and in evenings after supper. I’m a night owl. I might as well, accept it and work around it.

Just recently, I was so fired up by a certain idea that – even if I’m back home tired from work – I took out my netbook, wrote and published a 600-word blog post by 11 p.m. This is a bit extreme and one of my rare outbursts of energy, but it works for me.

3. Block those high-energy hours

Once you have a sense of that high-energy time, you can then mold your schedule so that your other less important tasks will be scheduled either before or after this designated productive time.

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Block them out in your calendar and use the high-energy hours for your high priority tasks – especially those that require more of your mental energy and focus. You also need to use these hours to any task that will bring you closer to you life’s goal.

If you are a morning person, you might want to schedule most business meetings before lunch time as it’s important to keep your mind sharp and focused. But nothing is set in stone. Sometimes you have to sacrifice those productive hours to attend to other personal stuff – like if you or your family members are sick or if you have to attend your son’s graduation.

That said, just remember to keep those productive times on your calendar. You may allow for some exemptions but stick to that schedule as much as possible.

There’s no right or wrong way of using this energy management technique because everything depends on your own personal circumstances. What you need to remember is that you have to accept what works for you – and not what other productivity gurus say you should do.

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Understanding your own body clock is the key to time management. Without it, you end up exhausted chasing a never-ending cycle of tasks and frustrations.

Featured photo credit: Collin Hardy via unsplash.com

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