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The ONE Thing Women REALLY Want

The ONE Thing Women REALLY Want

What do women want?

This is question men have been asking themselves for centuries and they still haven’t found the answer. In fact these days it seems men and women have become more separated than ever. Misunderstandings, media reports and television series are making it difficult for men to know how they should behave and if they are doing things right.

Women, on the other hand, now have been given unreasonably high expectations and often find themselves disappointed when they aren’t met. This causes hurt all around, while things could be so easy. When I asked my friends what they looked for in men and what they did not want the answers were simple.

Want: Respectful behaviour, sense of humour.

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Don’t want: Shallowness, sexism.

And one, very, very important thing. Really, if you just remember the following rule, everything else will fall into place by itself. The way to a woman’s heart is not just seeing her, but hearing her.

Talking is key!

Yes, sex is great but what about companionship, friendship, talking? For a relationship to last beyond lust you don’t just need love, but also the will to find common ground beyond the attraction. Taking an interest, giving a little compliment. The feeling of being important to someone who respects and values you often counts more than any gift could ever do. Spend a few nights in talking to each other or watching tv together, really get to know the person you want to be with.

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1. Make her feel wanted.

Nothing says “I care” more than a gesture that shows how much you love her. Something that shows you’d do anything for her now and forever. Not a possessive macho “now you’re mine” thing, but a romantic gallant seductive move. What the gesture should be is up to the woman in question and you’d have to find that out yourself. Yes, you really have to do topic one first.

2. Don’t make assumptions.

Just because you’re dating a woman doesn’t mean you can just assume certain things. You can’t just buy a handbag or a pink vase. Every person has like and dislikes. Maybe she preferred a DVD of her favourite show, tickets to the theatre or even a subscription to Netflix. Know what she wants and your gifts will be treasured – and you’ll be too.

3. Give time.

The best gift is time. If you are in a very busy job relationship time is often the first thing that becomes affected. This causes lots of problems and often leads to the partner feeling abandoned. For some reason these issues always fester and ends in divorce or a break up.

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Don’t let your relationship die like that.If you feel that you seeing your boss more than you see your wife, take an evening of to have dinner with her and ask her if you’re away too much. If she says “yes”, explain what you are doing and why you have to see less of her for the time being. Then set aside two moments during the day where you could possible call or Skype for a catch up.

Setting aside two moments is key: Two chances for you two to speak, for if something comes up first time round. You can also sent each other flirty texts every once in a while to keep things interesting.

4. Honesty.

If you are feeling down, depressed, ill or generally unhappy, if something bad happened tell her. Hiding problems only brings trouble. If there is something on your mind, bring it up at the earliest moment. Don’t wait for the “right” moment, don’t think things will go away by itself. A partnership is about give and take, caring and sharing. She would like to help you, but she can’t when she is unaware that you are hurting.

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Does this approach work? Oh yes, it does. Here is what one of my friends has to say about the open and attentive man she met:

“I fell in love with my husband’s loving, sensitive nature but also the fact we have a very similar sense of humour. We’re both massive geeks so I can feel completely at ease with him in all aspects of my life. Perfecto!”

Isn’t that what we all want?

More by this author

Dannii Cohen

PsyD in Psychology, professional counsellor, life coach and self-help expert

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Last Updated on September 17, 2018

How to Stop Multitasking and Become Way More Productive

How to Stop Multitasking and Become Way More Productive

Today we are expected to work in highly disruptive environments. We sit down at our desks, turn on our computer and immediately we are hit with hundreds of emails all vying for our attention.

Our phones are beeping and pinging with new alerts to messages, likes and comments and our colleagues are complaining about the latest company initiative is designed to get us to do more work and spend less time at home.

All these distractions result in us multitasking where our attention is switching between one crisis and the next.

Multitasking is a problem. But how to stop multitasking?

How bad really is multitasking?

It dilutes your focus and attention so even the easiest of tasks become much harder and take longer to complete.

Studies have shown that while you think you are multitasking, you are in fact task switching, which means your attention is switching between two or more pieces of work and that depletes the energy resources you have to do your work.

This is why, even though you may have done little to no physical activity, you arrive home at the end of the day feeling exhausted and not in the mood to do anything.

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We know it is not a good way to get quality work done, but the demands for out attention persist and rather than reduce, are likely to increase as the years go by.

So what to do about it?

Ways to stop multitasking and increase productivity

Now, forget about how to multitask!

Here are a few strategies on how to stop multitasking so you can get better quality and more work done in the time you have each working day:

1. Get enough rest

When you are tired, your brain has less strength to resist even the tiniest attention seeker. This is why when you find your mind wandering, it is a sign your brain is tired and time to take a break.

This does not just mean taking breaks throughout the day, it also means making sure you get enough sleep every day.

When you are well rested and take short regular breaks throughout the day your brain is fully refuelled and ready to focus in on the work that is important.

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2. Plan your day

When you don’t have a plan for the day, the day will create a plan for you. When you allow outside influences to take control of your day, it is very hard not to be dragged off in all directions.

When you have a plan for the day, when you arrive at work your brain knows exactly what it is you want to accomplish and will subconsciously have prepared itself for a sustained period of focused work.

Your resistance to distractions and other work will be high and you will focus much better on the work that needs doing.

3. Remove everything from your desk and screen except for the work you are doing

I learned this one a long time ago. In my previous work, I worked in a law office and I had case files to deal with. If I had more than one case file on my desk at any one time, I would find my eyes wandering over the other case files on my desk when I had something difficult to do.

I was looking for something easier. This meant often I was working on three or four cases at one time and that always led to mistakes and slower completion.

Now when I am working on something, I am in full-screen mode where all I can see is the work I am working on right now.

4. When at your desk, do work

We are creatures of habit. If we do our online shopping and news reading at our desks as well as our work, we will always have the temptation to be doing stuff that we should not be doing at that moment.

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Do your online shopping from another place—your home or from your phone when you are having a break—and only do your work when at your desk. This conditions your brain to focus in on your work and not other distractions.

5. Learn to say no

Whenever you hear the phrase “learn to say no,” it does not mean going about being rude to everyone. What it does mean is delay saying yes.

Most problems occur when we say “yes” immediately. We then have to spend an inordinate amount of energy thinking of ways to get ourselves out of the commitment we made.

By saying “let me think about it” or “can I let you know later” gives you time to evaluate the offer and allows you to get back to what you were doing quicker.

6. Turn off notifications on your computer

For most of us, we still use computers to do our work. When you have email alert pop-ups and other notifications turned on, they will distract you no matter how strong you feel.

Turn them off and schedule email reviewing for times between doing your focused work. Doing this will give you a lot of time back because you will be able to remain focused on the work in front of you.

7. Find a quiet place to do your most important work

Most workplaces have meeting rooms that are vacant. If you do have important work to get done, ask if you can use one of those rooms and do your work there.

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You can close the door, put on your headphones and just focus on what is important. This is a great way to remove all the other, non-important, tasks demanding your attention and just focus on one piece of work.

The bottom line

Focusing on one piece of work at a time can be hard but the benefits to the amount of work you get done are worth it. You will make fewer mistakes, you will get more done and will feel a lot less tired at the end of the day.

Make a list of the four or five things you want to get done the next day before you finish your work for the day and when you start the day, begin at the top of the list with the first item.

Don’t start anything else until you have finished the first one and then move on to the second one. This one trick will help you to become way more productive.

Featured photo credit: Unsplash via unsplash.com

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