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7 Brutal Truths About Being A 30-Something Mom

7 Brutal Truths About Being A 30-Something Mom

Being a mom in your 30s isn’t easy. Parenting may be one of the most common life experiences, but that doesn’t mean it’s straightforward. This is particularly true for moms in their 30s and 40s. At this age, you face a set of particular challenges when parenting your children.

1. Your energy is dwindling but the demands are increasing.

During your teens and twenties, you may have been able to hold down a full-time job whilst partying at weekends and staying up late on weeknights. Now, in your thirties, you can no longer dance all night and would probably rather spend the evening relaxing after a long day at work. Unfortunately, when you have a child, you don’t get a break. This means that just when your natural energy levels are starting to drop, you have more demands than ever in the form of a baby.

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2. The expectations are immense.

As an established adult, people expect you to not only perform well in your job and keep a relationship together but also to master the art of parenting with ease. You may be struggling to maintain your position on the career ladder whilst keeping your partner happy and getting up in the night to tend to your baby, only to have other people imply that this state of affairs is entirely natural and normal. Rest assured that you are not the only one suffering under the weight of great expectations.

3. Your parents still interfere.

Although you have been an adult for years, your parents may still offer their unsolicited input at every opportunity when it comes to childrearing. From what to feed your child to how they should be dressed in the winter, your parents may tell you that they know best because they’ve been there and seen it all when it comes to bringing up babies. Even though their advice may be well-intentioned, it can still be highly irritating to feel undermined at every step. Try not to lose confidence in your parenting abilities.

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4. You are expected to be independent, even though you may need help.

Now that you are in your thirties, you are an independent adult who is perfectly capable of sorting out your own life. However, this doesn’t mean that you couldn’t use a little bit of help from time to time. People often forget that being a parent is an extremely tough job. When you are juggling multiple responsibilities alongside bringing up a baby (jobs, pets, community service, etc.), you may long for the day someone asks whether or not you are really managing.

5. Your kids grow up faster than you imagined!

You may have chosen to delay parenthood until your thirties, imagining that it would give you a chance to settle down in your career or buy the best home possible. It can be quite shocking the first time you realize how fast time flies when you are raising your kids. Life seems to happen at lightning speed. Children grow at such a rapid rate that they can leave you feeling disoriented! For example, it is surprising just how often you have to buy yet more new clothes as they outgrow that outfit you only bought a few weeks ago.

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6. You struggle to balance time with your kids and time with your parents.

As you enter your thirties, your parents will probably be entering their senior years. You become conscious of the fact that they are getting older, and you may begin to wonder how you will manage without them. These feelings are most likely to surface for the first time when one of your parents has an accident or health scare. You may vow to spend more time with them, but also struggle to balance this with the time you spend with your own children.

7. You are not alone.

If you recognize yourself in the list above, know that you are not alone. Many 30-something moms feel the same way. If you have any friends in the same position, consider talking to them about your problems. They will probably be able to sympathize and lend support. Alternatively, contact your local community center and find out whether there are any parenting support groups you could join.

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More by this author

Jay Hill

Jay writes about communication and happiness on Lifehack.

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Last Updated on January 21, 2020

The Best Way to Create a Vision for the Life You Want

The Best Way to Create a Vision for the Life You Want

Creating a vision for your life might seem like a frivolous, fantastical waste of time, but it’s not: creating a compelling vision of the life you want is actually one of the most effective strategies for achieving the life of your dreams. Perhaps the best way to look at the concept of a life vision is as a compass to help guide you to take the best actions and make the right choices that help propel you toward your best life.

your vision of where or who you want to be is the greatest asset you have

    Why You Need a Vision

    Experts and life success stories support the idea that with a vision in mind, you are more likely to succeed far beyond what you could otherwise achieve without a clear vision. Think of crafting your life vision as mapping a path to your personal and professional dreams. Life satisfaction and personal happiness are within reach. The harsh reality is that if you don’t develop your own vision, you’ll allow other people and circumstances to direct the course of your life.

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    How to Create Your Life Vision

    Don’t expect a clear and well-defined vision overnight—envisioning your life and determining the course you will follow requires time, and reflection. You need to cultivate vision and perspective, and you also need to apply logic and planning for the practical application of your vision. Your best vision blossoms from your dreams, hopes, and aspirations. It will resonate with your values and ideals, and will generate energy and enthusiasm to help strengthen your commitment to explore the possibilities of your life.

    What Do You Want?

    The question sounds deceptively simple, but it’s often the most difficult to answer. Allowing yourself to explore your deepest desires can be very frightening. You may also not think you have the time to consider something as fanciful as what you want out of life, but it’s important to remind yourself that a life of fulfillment does not usually happen by chance, but by design.

    It’s helpful to ask some thought-provoking questions to help you discover the possibilities of what you want out of life. Consider every aspect of your life, personal and professional, tangible and intangible. Contemplate all the important areas, family and friends, career and success, health and quality of life, spiritual connection and personal growth, and don’t forget about fun and enjoyment.

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    Some tips to guide you:

    • Remember to ask why you want certain things
    • Think about what you want, not on what you don’t want.
    • Give yourself permission to dream.
    • Be creative. Consider ideas that you never thought possible.
    • Focus on your wishes, not what others expect of you.

    Some questions to start your exploration:

    • What really matters to you in life? Not what should matter, what does matter.
    • What would you like to have more of in your life?
    • Set aside money for a moment; what do you want in your career?
    • What are your secret passions and dreams?
    • What would bring more joy and happiness into your life?
    • What do you want your relationships to be like?
    • What qualities would you like to develop?
    • What are your values? What issues do you care about?
    • What are your talents? What’s special about you?
    • What would you most like to accomplish?
    • What would legacy would you like to leave behind?

    It may be helpful to write your thoughts down in a journal or creative vision board if you’re the creative type. Add your own questions, and ask others what they want out of life. Relax and make this exercise fun. You may want to set your answers aside for a while and come back to them later to see if any have changed or if you have anything to add.

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    What Would Your Best Life Look Like?

    Describe your ideal life in detail. Allow yourself to dream and imagine, and create a vivid picture. If you can’t visualize a picture, focus on how your best life would feel. If you find it difficult to envision your life 20 or 30 years from now, start with five years—even a few years into the future will give you a place to start. What you see may surprise you. Set aside preconceived notions. This is your chance to dream and fantasize.

    A few prompts to get you started:

    • What will you have accomplished already?
    • How will you feel about yourself?
    • What kind of people are in your life? How do you feel about them?
    • What does your ideal day look like?
    • Where are you? Where do you live? Think specifics, what city, state, or country, type of community, house or an apartment, style and atmosphere.
    • What would you be doing?
    • Are you with another person, a group of people, or are you by yourself?
    • How are you dressed?
    • What’s your state of mind? Happy or sad? Contented or frustrated?
    • What does your physical body look like? How do you feel about that?
    • Does your best life make you smile and make your heart sing? If it doesn’t, dig deeper, dream bigger.

    It’s important to focus on the result, or at least a way-point in your life. Don’t think about the process for getting there yet—that’s the next stepGive yourself permission to revisit this vision every day, even if only for a few minutes. Keep your vision alive and in the front of your mind.

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    Plan Backwards

    It may sound counter-intuitive to plan backwards rather than forwards, but when you’re planning your life from the end result, it’s often more useful to consider the last step and work your way back to the first. This is actually a valuable and practical strategy for making your vision a reality.

    • What’s the last thing that would’ve had to happen to achieve your best life?
    • What’s the most important choice you would’ve had to make?
    • What would you have needed to learn along the way?
    • What important actions would you have had to take?
    • What beliefs would you have needed to change?
    • What habits or behaviors would you have had to cultivate?
    • What type of support would you have had to enlist?
    • How long will it have taken you to realize your best life?
    • What steps or milestones would you have needed to reach along the way?

    Now it’s time to think about your first step, and the next step after that. Ponder the gap between where you are now and where you want to be in the future. It may seem impossible, but it’s quite achievable if you take it step-by-step.

    It’s important to revisit this vision from time to time. Don’t be surprised if your answers to the questions, your technicolor vision, and the resulting plans change. That can actually be a very good thing; as you change in unforeseeable ways, the best life you envision will change as well. For now, it’s important to use the process, create your vision, and take the first step towards making that vision a reality.

    Featured photo credit: Matt Noble via unsplash.com

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