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If You Want To Be Genuinely Happy, Try Losing Things

If You Want To Be Genuinely Happy, Try Losing Things

The idea that possessions make us happy is an illusion. Putting all our happiness into things and even people or past experiences is ultimately allowing us to cultivate a notion that happiness doesn’t come from within — that it’s reliant on outside circumstances and objects.

We put so much emphasis on what our possessions mean to us that we conclude, that having these things in our life must be what’s bringing us happiness. However, what if we just let things go? Whether it’s a person or a possession, letting go can feel painful and we often wonder how can pain possibly bring happiness? Our mind tends to focus on the illogical aspect of this but in essence, letting go of things will lead us to live much more happy and fulfilling lives.

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Let Go of the Idea That Happiness Is Contained In Your Current Possessions

This is a huge misconception. Whether it’s that pair of shoes, the car, the latest smartphone, or the person we’ve been longing after — our mind believes that our lives will get better and we’ll be happier only when these things enter into our lives. And yes, they might make us feel excitement and joy for a short while but our ability to adapt to our environments and what’s in it causes us to get bored easily and move on to the next thing that’ll bring us happiness again.

Even in relationships, we believe a certain person will make us happy but sometimes you find out they just don’t. So it’s important to let go of the idea that happiness can be found by external means. If you let go of this idea you will come to realize that nothing around you contributes to your happiness other than inside yourself.

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Let Go of What You Can’t Control

Trying to control situations around us to make us happy will only end in unhappiness. Sometimes it’s better to just let go of what you can’t control and let it play out the way that it is meant to. Fighting too hard and obsessing over things will only bring frustration — trying to change something that’s fixed will take away your happiness in the long run so it’s important to let it go. Ultimately, you need to go with the flow to reap the benefits of feeling happy.

Happiness can be found in getting what you were resisting. Our mind has a habit of fixating on a particular way we can achieve our happiness and ignores or makes assumptions about other paths and avenues. But it’s these paths that could lead you to where you want to be. By releasing control on things and letting go you can learn how to be happy in a whole different way than you were expecting.

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Let Go of Your Past Possessions

You feel you’re due a sort out but you can’t quite let go of that dress that reminds you of a great holiday you had – despite not having worn it since 2007? Or an old picture that’s collecting dust in the attic because it reminds you of your last house? By holding on to our possessions, we are holding on to the past. While it’s nice to have keepsakes, holding on to too much stuff can stop us from moving forward more than we think. Literally making room in our closets and cupboards, frees up space in our minds too and this can do wonders for our happiness. Yes, it’s hard to throw that item in the bin or hand it over to the charity shop but it’s never as painful as we imagine afterwards.

Let Go of The People Who Don’t Serve Your Present

Sometimes we have people in our lives that dampen our happiness. While it can be difficult to let go of friends and past loves, it is paramount to our own happiness to step aside and let these people go. Holding on to painful memories or constantly exposing our thoughts and minds to potentially toxic people will only hinder our happiness.

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It’s also important to let go of the idea of a person. Past loves and relationships can have a habit of lingering in our minds where we start to forget the reasons why they didn’t work out. Equally, we build up the idea of people we lust after and place them up on that pedestal so we need to let go of this because it’s not really reality. Letting go relieves the pressure we put on ourselves and others that could be getting in the way of us achieving the happiness we deserve.

Pain, More Often Than Not, Leads To Happiness

The whole concept of letting go is painful to us. It must be, otherwise why would it be so hard to do? We are certain that the things and people around us contribute immensely to our happiness when, in fact in a lot of cases, this isn’t true.

Sometimes we need to go through painful processes to reach our happiness — it’s how we evaluate and appreciate what we need to make us happy and frees up necessary space for new and exciting experiences, thoughts, and beliefs to enter and help us understand how to be happy — truly and genuinely happy.

Featured photo credit: OD Pictures via odpictures.hu

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Jenny Marchal

A passionate writer who loves sharing about positive psychology.

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Last Updated on March 30, 2020

What Does Self-Conscious Mean? (And How to Stop Being It)

What Does Self-Conscious Mean? (And How to Stop Being It)

Have you ever walked into a room and felt like your nerves simply couldn’t handle it? Your heart beats fast, you start to sweat, and you feel like all eyes are on you (even if they’re really not). This is just one of the many ways that being self-conscious can rear its ugly head.

You may not even realize you’re self-conscious, and you may be wondering, “What does self-conscious mean?” That’s a good place to start.

This article will define self-consciousness, show how practically everyone has faced it at one point or another, and give you tips to avoid it.

What Does Self-Conscious Mean?

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, self-conscious is defined as “conscious of one’s own acts or states as belonging to or originating in oneself.”[1]

Not so bad, right? There’s another definition, though — one that speaks more to what you’re going through: “feeling uncomfortably conscious of oneself as an object of the observation of others.” For those of us who regularly deal with extreme self-consciousness, that second definition sounds about right.

There are many different ways self-consciousness can spring up. You may feel self-conscious around people you know, like your family members or closest friends. You may feel self-conscious at work, even though you spend hours every week around your co-workers. Or you may feel self-conscious when out in public and surrounded by strangers. However, you probably don’t feel self-conscious when you’re home alone.

How to Stop Being Too Self-Conscious

When you’re in the throes of self-consciousness, it’s nearly impossible to remember how to stop feeling that way. That’s why it’s so important to prepare ahead of time, when you’re feeling ready to tackle the problem instead of succumbing to it.

Here are a variety of ways to feel better about yourself and stop thinking about how others see you.

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1. Ask Yourself, “So What?”

One way to banish negative, self-conscious thoughts is to do just that: banish them.

The next time you walk into a room and feel your face getting red, think to yourself, “So what?” How much does it really matter if people don’t like how you look or act? What’s the worst that could happen?

Most of the time, you’ll find that you don’t have a good answer to this question. Then, you can immediately start assigning such thoughts less importance. With self-awareness, you can acknowledge that your negative thoughts are present and realize that you don’t agree with them.[2] They’re just thoughts, after all.

2. Be Honest

A lie that self-consciousness might tell is that there’s one way to act or feel. Honestly, though, everyone else is just figuring life out as well. There isn’t a preferred way to show up to an event, gathering, or public place. What you can do is be honest with your feelings and thoughts.[3]

If you feel offended by something someone says, you don’t have to smile to be polite or laugh to fit in with the crowd. Instead, you can politely say why you disagree or excuse yourself and find a group of people who you relate to better. If you’re nervous, don’t overcompensate by trying to look relaxed and casual — it’ll be obvious you’re putting on a front. Instead, nothing is more endearing than saying, “I’m a little nervous!” to a room of people who probably feel the exact same way.

On the same note, if you don’t understand why someone wants you to do something, question it. You can do this at work, at home, or even with people you don’t know well. Nobody should force you to do something you don’t want to do.

Also, even if you’re willing to do what’s asked of you, there’s nothing wrong with asking for more clarification. People will realize that you’re not a person to be bossed around.

3. Understand Why You’re Struggling at Work

Being self-conscious at work can get in the way of your daily responsibilities, your relationships with co-workers, and even your career as a whole. If you’re facing some sort of conflict but you’re too nervous to speak up, you may be at the whim of what happens to you instead of taking some control.

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If you’re usually confident at work, you may be wondering where this new self-consciousness is coming from. It’s possible that you’re dealing with burnout.[4] Common signs are anxiety, fatigue and distraction, all of which can leave you feeling under-confident.

4. Succeed at Something

When you create success in your life, it’s easier to feel confident[5] and less self-conscious. If you feel self-conscious at work, finish the project that’s been looming over your head. If you feel self-conscious in the gym, complete an advanced workout class.

Exposing yourself to what you’re scared of and then succeeding at it in some way (even just by finishing it) can do wonders for your self-esteem. The more confidence you build, the more likely you are to have more success in the future, which will create a cycle of confidence-building.

5. Treat All of You — Not Just Your Self-Consciousness

Trying to solve your self-consciousness alone may not treat the root of the problem. Instead, take a well-rounded approach to lower your self-consciousness and build confidence in areas where you may struggle.

Even professional counselors are embracing this holistic type of treatment[6] because they feel that the health of the mind and body are inextricably linked. This approach combines physical, spiritual, and psychological components. Common activities and treatments include meditation, yoga, massage, and healthy changes to diet and exercise.

If much of this is new to you, it will pay to give it a try. You never know how it will impact you.

If you’re feeling self-conscious about how your body looks, a massage that makes you feel great could boost your confidence. If you try a new workout, you could have something exciting to talk about the next time you’re in a group setting.

Putting yourself in a new situation and learning that you can get through it with grace can give you the confidence to get through all sorts of events and nerve-wracking moments.

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6. Make the Changes That Are Within Your Control

Let’s say you walk into a room and you’re self-conscious about how you look. However, you may have put a lot of time and effort into your outfit. Even though it may stand out, this is how you have chosen to express yourself.

You have to work on your internal confidence, not your external appearance. There’s nothing to change other than your outlook.

On the other hand, maybe there’s something that you don’t like about yourself that you can change. For example, maybe you hate how a birthmark on your face looks or have varicose veins that you think are unsightly. If you can do something about these things, do it! There’s nothing wrong with changing your appearance (or skills, education, etc.) if it’s going to make you more confident.

You don’t have to accept your current situation for acceptance’s sake. There’s no award for putting up with something you hate. Confidence is also required to make changes that are scary, even if they’re for the better. Plus, it may be an easier fix than you thought. For example, treating varicose veins doesn’t have to involve surgery — sometimes simple compression stockings will take care of the problem.[7]

7. Realize That Everyone Has Awkward Moments

Everyone has said something awkward to someone else and lived to tell the tale. We’ve all forgotten somebody’s name or said, “You too!” when the concession stand girl says to enjoy our movie. Not only are these things uber-common, but they’re not nearly as embarrassing as you feel they are.

Think about how you react when someone else does something awkward. Do you think, “Wow, that person’s such a loser!” or do you think, “What a relief, I’m not the only one who does that.” Chances are good that’s the same reaction others have to you when you stumble.

Remember, self-consciousness is a state of mind that you have control over. You don’t have to feel this way. Do what you need to in order to build your confidence, put your self-consciousness in perspective, and start exercising your “I feel awesome about myself” muscle. It’ll get easier with time.

When Is Being Self-Conscious a Good Thing?

Self-consciousness can sometimes be a good thing[8], but you have to take the awkwardness and nerves out of it.

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In this case, “self-aware” is a much better term. Knowing how you come off to people is an excellent trait; you’ll be able to read a room and understand how what you do and say affects others. These are fantastic skills for people work and personal relationships.

Self-awareness helps you dress appropriately for the occasion, tells you that you’re talking too loud or not loud enough, and guides a conversation so you don’t offend or bore anyone.

It’s not about being someone you’re not — that can actually have adverse effects, just like self-consciousness. Instead, it’s about turning up certain aspects of yourself to perform well in the situation.

Final Thoughts

When you’re self-conscious, you’re constantly battling with yourself in an effort to control how other people view you. You try to change yourself to suit what you think other people want to see.

The truth, though, is that you can’t actually control how other people view you — and you may not even be correct about how they view you in the first place.

Being confident doesn’t happen overnight. Instead, it happens in small steps as you slowly build your confidence and say “no” to your self-consciousness. It also requires accepting that you’re going to feel self-conscious sometimes, and that’s okay.

Sometimes worrying that there is a problem can be more stressful than the problem itself. Feeling bad for feeling self-conscious can be more troublesome than simply feeling it and getting on with the day.

Forgive yourself for being human and make the small changes that will lead to better confidence in the future.

More Tips for Improving Your Self-Esteem

Featured photo credit: Cata via unsplash.com

Reference

[1] Merriam-Webster: Self-conscious
[2] Bustle: 7 Tips On How To Stop Feeling Self-Conscious
[3] Marc and Angel: 10 Things to Remember When You Feel Unsure of Yourself
[4] Bostitch: How to Protect Small Businesses From Burnout
[5] Psychology Today: Self-conscious? Get Over It
[6] Wake Forest University: Embracing Holistic Medicine
[7] Center for Vein Restoration: What Causes Venous Ulcers, and How Are They Treated?
[8] Scientific American: The Pros and Cons of Being Self-Aware

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