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Do People Who Have More Relationship Experience Have Happier Marriage?

Do People Who Have More Relationship Experience Have Happier Marriage?

While many may believe that a past with many different partners increases the chance of happiness due to an acknowledgement of problem areas, it actually makes enjoying the marriage all the more difficult due to constant comparisons, fear of rejection, and being unable to ever fully commit to the person you’ve said vows to. According to studies, people who have more relationship experience in life are less likely to have a happy marriage.

“Couples who invite a lot of family and friends to their nuptials tend to have happier marriages than those who don’t,” said a study from the University of Virginia. Here, they tracked 1,000 Americans between the ages of 18 and 34 who were not married at the time, and followed them for five years. By noting those got married, they found a range of results.

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Here are the findings from two studies that discuss the phenomena:

More Sexual Partners Means More Negativity

study from the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia titled Before ‘I Do’: What Do Premarital Experiences Have to Do with Marital Quality Among Today’s Young Adults highlights how premarital experiences can affect your happiness in marriage. One finding was that those who have had more sexual partners are likely to have more negativity in their relationship; are they fixated on a casual or recreational state of mind?

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That Rebellious Attitude

This Fox News report followed this message, stating that more previous partners equal a higher chance of divorce. Much of the discussion circled around attitude, with the experienced section of society quicker to end things and move on to seek greener pastures rather than sorting out issues. There is also the point of family; having regular sexual partners or an increased number of relationships lessens the need to link with your significant other’s family as they aren’t viewed as a necessary part of the bond. And we all know this is wrong.

Constant Fear of Life Repeating Itself

Comparing a husband to past boyfriends (or a wife to past girlfriends) means there will be triggers. If there is a similar conversation that led to an earlier break-up, misery begins. Ignorance is bliss, and if you don’t have that prior negative relationship to dwell on, there is less chance of directly thinking of negativity. Everyone fights, especially married couples. Not every relationship will end.

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‘You’re Just Like Him!’

An argument containing these words hurts both parties. It makes the person with less experience think about you with another partner, and it makes you think back to when someone did some significant inner damage that hasn’t repaired. Arguments in marriage are where the differing experience levels clash, and having more knowledge in battle doesn’t always result in victory.

Coping Mechanisms, The Chameleon of The Marriage

While it can be viewed as a generalization, a person that has had many sexual partners often attaches less meaning to the act and can use it as a coping mechanism. This invokes cheating, and even though marriage is meant to cancel the opportunities with others, a tough period can call upon old habits. They die hard, so the saying goes. The husband/wife with less experience wouldn’t be able to slip into that persona in the same way, hence ending the marriage and any happiness.

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Never Discovering That Level of Adult Responsibility

High levels of past relationships can equate to selfishness. Selfishness waves goodbye to responsibility. In a marriage, this can range from chores, to pets, to finances, to children. Many people will grow out of this phase and enter marriage with the mindset of becoming a fully fledged adult, but see coping mechanisms for that great old saying. The study from Virginia stated:

“Couples who “slide” rather than “decide” their way through life-changing transitions like having sex, living together and becoming pregnant are less likely to report high-quality marriages.”

And Finally…the old slip of the tongue

A person in a marriage will unfortunately blurt out details of past flames, whether they mean to or not. Memories are the mementos we carry around in our head, be they of good or bad times. The more experience, the more memories. It can be hard to completely trust others, or yourself, again.

So while there is often a claim that you can’t beat experience, in a marriage, there are few worse things than a head full of the past. Each to their own, but studies show that people who have more relationship experience generally have less happiness once the wedding bells clear.

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Last Updated on August 15, 2018

When You Start to Enjoy Being Single, These 12 Things Will Happen

When You Start to Enjoy Being Single, These 12 Things Will Happen

Being single can make you weary, especially if you didn't initiate a breakup, it could be easy to get carried away with reminiscing and what-if scenarios. Staying caught up in the past is toxic to your growth, however, and interferes with your ability to move forward. Single life can be self-actualizing and enjoyable, but you need to embrace it first. No matter where you are on your journey in coming to terms with being single, the following 12 fantastic things will happen when you accept it.

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1. You will be more focused.

    Once you start to treasure your new-found freedom, you will realize that taking time for yourself will show you what is most important in your life. Enjoying your single time will make what you want clearer and reveal which areas of your life you should build upon. Additionally, studies show that experiencing something alone results in our brain forming a more clear and longer lasting memory.

    2. You will be more active.

      Studies show that unmarried people are also more fit than their hitched counterparts. Let yourself welcome being single, and use this time to your benefit. You'll be more confident and in control when you do meet someone special.

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      3. You will be more likely to have high goals.

        Being single means you can't settle. In case someone who captures your heart comes along, you need to be at the top of your game. By embracing your time being single, you will be more able to pursue your goals and work towards a more complete, fulfilling future.

        4. You will be more creative.

          Spending time alone is also linked to an increase in creative thinking. Spending more time alone will force you to be a deeper thinker, and could lead you to solutions and projects you wouldn't have thought of otherwise.

          5. Your schedule will be your own.

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            Once you get past feeling lonely and realize how wonderful being single is, you will become aware of one of the best perks – your schedule is now completely your own. No longer do you need to have nights out approved, nor will long days at work get interrupted. Relax into loving your single life because nothing is quite as liberating as deciding every moment of your weekly schedule.

            6. You will likely save money.

              Dating is a great way to wave goodbye to all your hard earned cash. When you're with someone, there's nothing more important than impressing them, including your income. However, when the relationship fizzles, you realize how this tactic doesn't pay off. Not only are we more prone to spending when dating, married couples are more likely to have credit card debt than unmarried singles. So don't get depressed when you're eating cheap meals alone – it's really a form of investing in your future!

              7. You won't need to compromise on entertainment.

                Particularly if your significant other tends to have different tastes than you, being single can be a blessing. As soon as you can appreciate being single, you will realize how freeing it is to always watch exactly what you want. There is no longer any need to skimp on your favorite movies, plays, or TV shows that others don't appreciate.

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                8. You will have more time for your family.

                  Another thing you will realize once you learn to relish being single is you now have much more time for family. Especially when it comes to older relatives, time spent with them truly is precious. Make the most of your single time by reconnecting with family members in your life you may have been neglecting.

                  9. You have more time for your friends.

                    Once you start basking in your single glory, you will also find that you have more time for your friends. Not only will increased free time let you reconnect with friends you may have neglected while being half of a couple, studies also show that married people have much weaker social lives than those who are unmarried.

                    10. You will find new haunts in your city.

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                      Once you start to enjoy your single life again you will also find that you have plenty of time to rediscover your city. Where relationships see us fall into the same habit of favorite spots to drink, eat, or dance, when you're on your own you will naturally start to explore fresh venues again.

                      11. You'll find more interests.

                        Similarly, enjoying your time being single will give you more time to consider new hobbies and interests. Instead of repeating the same go-to dates, you can now freely explore activities that really make you passionate.

                        12. You will be more aware of what you want.

                          Ultimately, taking time to ourselves is an important ingredient in discovering what type of person is our ideal match, or what career we can happily commit to. By delighting in your uninhibited life, you are more able to experiment and thereby find out what works for you and what doesn't. Don't look at being single as a drawback, since learning more about yourself and finding out what makes you tick are crucial in forming balanced, healthy relationships in the future.

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