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How To Forget Bad Childhood Memories And Reclaim Your Life

How To Forget Bad Childhood Memories And Reclaim Your Life

Many of us have suffered from certain childhood incidents that are haunting us, even today. Traumas come in various shapes and forms. They can be physical and psychological abuses, bullies back in school days, unhealthy family affairs, and parental divorce. These traumas have geared up the negativity in us and implicitly affected our life, lifestyle, relationships. But this is not the end of our lives. We must not let our past rule over our present as well as our future. The best way to overcome our traumas, and to get on with life is to leave all the bad childhood memories behind and start afresh. You are thinking it is easier said than done, right? Well, this article will help you (I sincerely hope it will help you) to deal with how to forget bad childhood memories and to lead a normal life.

Impacts brought by bad memories

There are many memories that cannot be shared with anyone, not even with the closest and the dearest ones. These memories are so etched into your heart that it is impossible not to think about them all the time. Some of the memories have left you feel insecure about yourself, lack of self confidence, make you distrust people easily, some may even confuse you about you and your surrounding. These are the impacts that you can not deal with and for these you need help. You have to start to believe in yourself, gain confidence, and try to remember that there are many out there who you can trust and their influence can make you be yourself again.

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Zeigarnik effect on us

Bluma Zeigarnik, a Lithuanian-born psychologist, first came up with ‘open loops’ and ‘unfinished business’ in 1927, explaining how these two terms can help us to learn from the ‘unfinished business’ or ‘open loops’. For example, you have an uncle who used to molest you when you were young. You never talked about it, not even to your parents. You wake up every morning and think about how you could have stopped your uncle, or how you could have exposed him. This is your ‘unfinished business’. There is an ‘open loop’ for you to come back to that point, and if you have time, and if he is alive, you still have the opportunity to unmask him.

We are wired in such a manner that we hardly forget our bad childhood memories. Mulling over the past can affect your mental stability, and your physical health, leaving you distraught at all times.

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How to forget bad childhood memories?

Let’s start with talking. It is always effective if you get to share your bad experiences with someone, or a group of people. It is not necessary for this “someone” to be your best friend or your sibling. You can seek professional help. A psychiatrist, or a counsellor can guide you to an enlightened path. Or, find out if there are any groups that involve individuals talking about their personal traumas. You will know you are not alone in this world, and there are many cases as worse as yours.

Try to approach life in a positive manner. Your childhood is your past. The people and the events concerned are no longer in existence. Even if they are, you are no longer a dependent individual. You are free. You have a life and you are leading your life. You are in a relationship. Contemplating on your bad memories can affect your partner and your children. Build a better and a secured future for your children.

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Talking about security, if you feel threatened by your own security, again, talk it out loud. Not everyone is the same. Being reserved or skeptical about things or people will not help you overcome your memories. I know it is extremely hard to throw away what has been bothering you, but kindly don’t allow them to shape your life. After all the things you were through, at this point in life, you deserve happiness.

Depression, anxiety, anger are all parts of growing up. You grow up every day, no matter what your age is. And each day, we encounter new experiences, some good and some bad. We make mistakes and we learn from them. We brush them aside and we move forward. How to forget bad childhood memories? Let those unacceptable recollections be the force to drive you towards your happiness, towards your success.

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Featured photo credit: Pezibear via pixabay.com

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The Gentle Art of Saying No

The Gentle Art of Saying No

No!

It’s a simple fact that you can never be productive if you take on too many commitments — you simply spread yourself too thin and will not be able to get anything done, at least not well or on time.

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But requests for your time are coming in all the time — through phone, email, IM or in person. To stay productive, and minimize stress, you have to learn the Gentle Art of Saying No — an art that many people have problems with.

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What’s so hard about saying no? Well, to start with, it can hurt, anger or disappoint the person you’re saying “no” to, and that’s not usually a fun task. Second, if you hope to work with that person in the future, you’ll want to continue to have a good relationship with that person, and saying “no” in the wrong way can jeopardize that.

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But it doesn’t have to be difficult or hard on your relationship. Here are the Top 10 tips for learning the Gentle Art of Saying No:

  1. Value your time. Know your commitments, and how valuable your precious time is. Then, when someone asks you to dedicate some of your time to a new commitment, you’ll know that you simply cannot do it. And tell them that: “I just can’t right now … my plate is overloaded as it is.”
  2. Know your priorities. Even if you do have some extra time (which for many of us is rare), is this new commitment really the way you want to spend that time? For myself, I know that more commitments means less time with my wife and kids, who are more important to me than anything.
  3. Practice saying no. Practice makes perfect. Saying “no” as often as you can is a great way to get better at it and more comfortable with saying the word. And sometimes, repeating the word is the only way to get a message through to extremely persistent people. When they keep insisting, just keep saying no. Eventually, they’ll get the message.
  4. Don’t apologize. A common way to start out is “I’m sorry but …” as people think that it sounds more polite. While politeness is important, apologizing just makes it sound weaker. You need to be firm, and unapologetic about guarding your time.
  5. Stop being nice. Again, it’s important to be polite, but being nice by saying yes all the time only hurts you. When you make it easy for people to grab your time (or money), they will continue to do it. But if you erect a wall, they will look for easier targets. Show them that your time is well guarded by being firm and turning down as many requests (that are not on your top priority list) as possible.
  6. Say no to your boss. Sometimes we feel that we have to say yes to our boss — they’re our boss, right? And if we say “no” then we look like we can’t handle the work — at least, that’s the common reasoning. But in fact, it’s the opposite — explain to your boss that by taking on too many commitments, you are weakening your productivity and jeopardizing your existing commitments. If your boss insists that you take on the project, go over your project or task list and ask him/her to re-prioritize, explaining that there’s only so much you can take on at one time.
  7. Pre-empting. It’s often much easier to pre-empt requests than to say “no” to them after the request has been made. If you know that requests are likely to be made, perhaps in a meeting, just say to everyone as soon as you come into the meeting, “Look guys, just to let you know, my week is booked full with some urgent projects and I won’t be able to take on any new requests.”
  8. Get back to you. Instead of providing an answer then and there, it’s often better to tell the person you’ll give their request some thought and get back to them. This will allow you to give it some consideration, and check your commitments and priorities. Then, if you can’t take on the request, simply tell them: “After giving this some thought, and checking my commitments, I won’t be able to accommodate the request at this time.” At least you gave it some consideration.
  9. Maybe later. If this is an option that you’d like to keep open, instead of just shutting the door on the person, it’s often better to just say, “This sounds like an interesting opportunity, but I just don’t have the time at the moment. Perhaps you could check back with me in [give a time frame].” Next time, when they check back with you, you might have some free time on your hands.
  10. It’s not you, it’s me. This classic dating rejection can work in other situations. Don’t be insincere about it, though. Often the person or project is a good one, but it’s just not right for you, at least not at this time. Simply say so — you can compliment the idea, the project, the person, the organization … but say that it’s not the right fit, or it’s not what you’re looking for at this time. Only say this if it’s true — people can sense insincerity.

Featured photo credit: Pexels via pexels.com

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