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6 Things Happy People Never Forget

6 Things Happy People Never Forget

Does it ever seem like other people are happier than you?

You scroll on Facebook and see people having fun on their vacations, spending time with one another, or celebrating their achievements. You, on the other hand, are struggling along, just trying to make it through the day and coming home exhausted.

In an effort to console yourself, you try to rationalize why you’re in this situation and figure it must just be “bad luck”.

I know, because I’ve been there.

Over time, it can be frustrating. You could be sabotaging your own growth without realizing it. But the good news is that, if you pay attention to your thought process, you’ll realize that you can become in control of your situation.

So instead of holding yourself back, focus your energy on living positively. Happiness takes effort and a change in thinking.

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If you want to start being happy, remember to:

1. Focus on improving yourself

Don’t become fixated on other people’s successes. Never mind what that guy has or the accomplishments that girl has achieved. Just focus on your own progress and growth.

It’s easy to become envious of other people when we only see the surface. When you scroll on social media, you’ll notice that people choose to present the happiest parts of their lives, which we compare to both our difficult periods and triumphs. Instead of focusing on other people, work on yourself.

When you focus on yourself, you put in the effort to make progress each day. There’s a sense of fulfillment as you work towards something. When you devote your energy to improving yourself, other people’s achievements and goals become less relevant.

2. Know that self-worth comes from within

People will often disapprove of your choices when you decide to do something that’s unpopular. It’s up to you to decide how much you let other people’s opinions affect you.

You are in charge of how you feel about yourself. Happy people know that there’s always someone who won’t like them for whatever reason. But it doesn’t matter. What matters is this: are you doing what’s best for yourself and other people around you?

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Confidence comes from accepting yourself, regardless of what others think. Confidence comes from doing what you believe in. And if you’re confident, people will see that and have confidence in you too.

For example, when I started my site, I worried that people would criticize me or get angry at what I wrote.

But I still pushed on because I believed I could help people who refuse to stay stagnant and improve their lives. It turns out, readers enjoy what I have to say and often send me kind words of thanks! So regardless of what causes you fight for, there will always be a crowd of people supporting you.

3. Make a conscious decision to be happy

You’re probably thinking, “Choose to be happy? Doesn’t it happy naturally?”

I think happiness is largely a question of mindset. If you believe that you need that “one more thing” and then you’ll finally be happy, guess what? You will never be happy.

Happiness comes from practicing gratefulness. Things don’t always go the way you want them to, but at the same time, things that seem bad initially can end up being a blessing. Take a second and stop to appreciate what you have. There are some good things happening in your life that you might have taken for granted.

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Being happy doesn’t mean staying stagnant. It means recognizing that you’re on a journey, wherever it may lead, and that you should savor the good things (and even the hardships) along the way. Embrace the challenges you might be facing and learn from them.

4. Stop clinging to the past

Everyone has painful or embarrassing moments from the past. If you want to be happy, decide how you want to deal with painful memories.

Do you feel resentful and bitter about things? This could be crippling your ability to move forward. Or instead, do you acknowledge painful events, learn from them and then put them behind you?

Conversely, don’t let the good memories hold you back from progressing in your life. The best is yet to come. Happiness might take a different form or shape, but it’s there if you want it.

Embrace today. Now is the time to decide what you want to do and who you want to spend time with.

5. Surround yourself with people who are positive and supportive.

The people we spend time with influences who we are. Being with people who don’t support you when you try to improve yourself will bring you down if you let them.

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If you notice that the people around you are toxic to your well-being, it’s time to go. It’s easy to remain surrounded by negativity when it feels like there are no other options available.

But there is.

It’s better to be alone than with people who bring you down. Alone doesn’t mean being lonely.

Being on your own is a time for self-reflection, to find ways to improve yourself. And when you approach life positively and make the most of it, there’s a good chance you’ll attract people who feel the same way too.

6. Be truthful.

Sometimes it can be scary to tell the truth. You’re afraid of scaring other people away, or frightening yourself. On the other hand, telling the truth can be liberating.

The good thing about truthfulness is that you don’t have to remember lies, or feel bad about yourself. It means being not stressing yourself out all the time.

Most of all, stay honest to yourself. You are free to make your own choices, to live according to your own mantra, and to fight for what you believe in.

If you find yourself coasting by in life, you might also want to figure out whether you’re truly happy or just complacent with your situation.

More by this author

Melissa Chu

Founder of JumpstartYourDreamLife.com

6 Things Happy People Never Forget 5 Things You Need to Stop Doing If You Want To Be More Productive This Is How I Stop Procrastination. 7 Simple Tools to Make Your Blog Posts Even Better

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Last Updated on July 10, 2020

How to Take Control of Your Life with Better Boundaries

How to Take Control of Your Life with Better Boundaries

We all have them—those hurtful, frustrating, offensive, manipulative people in our lives. No matter how hard we try to surround ourselves with positive and kind people, there will always be those who will disrespect, insult, berate, and misuse you if we allow them to.

We may, for a variety of reasons, not be able to avoid them, but we can determine how we interact with them and how we allow them to interact with us.

So, how to take control of your life and stop being pushed around?

Learning to set clear firm boundaries with the people in our lives at work and in our personal lives is the best way to protect ourselves from the negative effects of this kind of behavior.

What Boundaries Are (And What They’re Not)

Boundaries are limits

—they are not threats or ultimatums. Boundaries inform or teach. They are not a form of punishment.

Boundaries are firm lines—determined by you—which cannot be crossed by those around you. They are guidelines for how you will allow others to treat you and what kind of behaviors you will expect.

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Healthy personal boundaries help protect you from physical or emotional pain. You may also need to set firm boundaries at work to ensure you and your time are not disrespected. Don’t allow others to take advantage of your kindness and generosity.

Clear boundaries communicate to others that you demand respect and consideration—that you are willing to stand up for yourself and that you will not be a doormat for anyone. They are a “no trespassing” sign that makes it very clear when a line has been crossed and that there will be consequences for doing so.

Boundaries are not set with the intention of changing other people. They may change how people interact with you, but they are more about enforcing your needs than attempting to change the general behavior and attitude of others.

How to Establish Boundaries and Take Control of Your Life

Here are some ways that you can establish boundaries and take control of your life.

1. Self-Awareness Comes First

Before you can establish boundaries with others, you first need to understand what your needs are.

You are entitled to respect. You have the right to protect yourself from inappropriate or offensive behavior. Setting boundaries is a way of honoring your needs.

To set appropriate boundaries, you need to be clear about what healthy behaviors look like—what healthy relationships look like.

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You first have to become more aware of your feelings and honest with yourself about your expectations and what you feel is appropriate behavior:

  • Where do you need to establish better boundaries?
  • When do you feel disrespected?
  • When do you feel violated, frustrated, or angered by the behavior of others?
  • In what situations do you feel you are being mistreated or taken advantage of?
  • When do you want to be alone?
  • How much space do you need?

You need to honor your own needs and boundaries before you can expect others to honor them. This allows you to take control of your life.

2. Clear Communication Is Essential

Inform others clearly and directly what your expectations are. It is essential to have clear communication if you want others to respect your boundaries. Explain in an honest and respectful tone what you find offensive or unacceptable.

Many people simply aren’t aware that they are behaving inappropriately. They may never have been taught proper manners or consideration for others.

3. Be Specific but Don’t Blame

Taking a blaming or punishing attitude automatically puts people on the defensive. People will not listen when they feel attacked. It’s part of human nature.

That said, you do not need to overexplain or defend yourself. Boundaries are not open to compromise.

Sample language:

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  • “You may not…yell or raise your voice to me…”
  • “I need…to be treated with respect…”
  • “It’s not okay when…you take things from my desk without asking…”
  • “I won’t…do your work…cover for you anymore…”
  • “It’s not acceptable when…you ridicule or insult me…”
  • “I am uncomfortable when…you use offensive language”
  • “I will no longer be able to…lend you money…”

Being able to communicate these without sounding accusatory is essential if you want others to respect your boundaries so you can take control of your life.

4. Consequences Are Often Necessary

Determine what the appropriate consequences will be when boundaries are crossed. If it’s appropriate, be clear about those consequences upfront when communicating those boundaries to others.

Follow through. People won’t respect your boundaries if you don’t enforce them.

Standing our ground and forcing consequences doesn’t come easily to us. We want to be nice. We want people to like us, but we shouldn’t have to trade our self-respect to gain friends or to achieve success.

We may be tempted to let minor disrespect slide to avoid conflict, but as the familiar saying goes, “if you give people an inch, they’ll take a mile.”

It’s much easier to address offensive or inappropriate behavior now than to wait until that behavior has gotten completely out of hand.

It’s also important to remember that positive reinforcement is even more powerful than negative consequences. When people do alter the way they treat you, acknowledge it. Let people know that you notice and appreciate their efforts.

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Final Thoughts

Respect is always a valid reason for setting a boundary. Don’t defend yourself or your needs. Boundaries are often necessary to protect your time, your space, and your feelings. And these are essential if you want to take control of your life.

Start with the easiest boundaries first. Setting boundaries is a skill that needs to be practiced. Enlist support from others if necessary. Inform people immediately when they have crossed the line.

Don’t wait. Communicate politely and directly. Be clear about the consequences and follow them through.

The better you become at setting your own boundaries, the better you become at recognizing and respecting the boundaries of others.

Remember that establishing boundaries is your right. You are entitled to respect. You can’t control how other people behave, but you do have control over the way you allow people to treat you.

Learning to set boundaries is not always easy, but with time, it will become more comfortable. You may eventually find that boundaries become automatic and you no longer need to consciously set them.

They will simply become a natural extension of your self-respect.

Featured photo credit: Thomas Kelley via unsplash.com

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