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8 Things All 20-Something Women Need To Own

8 Things All 20-Something Women Need To Own

You’re in your 20s and it’s amazing! You can be trusted to live on your own, you have a driver’s license, a job, a partner (maybe), and you have lots of fun. All these things are great, but you have to start buying real things now—adult stuff. You are over the rockstar bracelets, gothic makeup, and Gilmore Girls (OK, sort of…) and you are ready to start being an adult—a really serious, reliable person who does adult things. The best way to start your transformation is reassessing your shopping habits and the items you own.

After all, what you have defines you and says a lot about who you are and what you want to become in the future.

This transformation won’t turn you into Martha Stewart, but it will give you a new perspective on your own life and will prepare you for the best years of your life. Are you ready? Here are a few of the things that all 20-somethings should consider owning.

1. A versatile wardrobe

Every 20-something needs a versatile wardrobe. This includes pieces which can make a statement at a crazy party and pieces which can scream “professional” from the bottom of their lungs. Comfortable is not out either!

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Every woman needs a dress or an outfit that makes her feel sexy, and there’s nothing hotter and more versatile than an LBD. Invest in a great little black dress which can be worn at multiple events, such as a wedding, a birthday party, and even a funeral.

Next, you should look into getting a pair of nude pumps. They are highly versatile and work great with any color and every style. Moreover, they complement all skin tones!

A leather jacket is another must because deep inside, we all want to look like a hot biker.

When we speak about statement clothing pieces that all 20-somethings need to own, we can’t overlook the blazer. No, it’s not the standard dull, boring black blazer—it’s about a fresh and classy clothing item which is able to complete every plain outfit and turn it into a runway outfit.

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2. A real piece of jewelry

Most jewelry pieces a 20-something owns are made of inexpensive materials, but it’s time to own some real jewelry. You are still too young for carrying the burden of a diamond, but you’re not too young for a gold ring or a jewelry set that has market value. If you are in love with statement pieces, go for the same style; you can even pick a set of statement jewelry made from precious materials, such as gold and semi-precious stones, like turquoise.

The key is to invest in jewelry which won’t rust—not in couple of weeks and not in couple of years!

3. A vibrator

As a 20-something, your sex life is blooming, but you have to experience self-pleasure. When you find a great vibrator your life will change. Drop the misconceptions and the shame and head to your first sex shop, online or offline, and look for a USB-charged, modern vibrator. Keep in mind that someone once said if everyone owned a vibrator, there would be no wars in the world!

4. A very expensive art piece

During your teen years, art was something for adults—pretty much like Cosmopolitan and bills. But when you assault your 20s, you need to start polishing yourself and your taste in art. Spend some time in an art gallery, a museum, or another place where you can see multiple types of art. Then, invest in a piece you really love.

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The alternative is to “adopt” a family art piece. Either way, you need to be really in love with your new acquisition and understand its meaning as well as its value. In other words, if your house is on fire, that art piece will be the first thing you will rush to save. My own art piece is a sewing machine inherited by my mother from her mother, who inherited it from her mother. And my daughter will inherit that sewing machine one day!

5. A medicine drawer

As a child, you rely on your parents to give you medicines when you are sick. As a 20-something you need to have a medicine drawer with the essential remedies for common ailments. In this micro-pharmacy, you should have painkillers, fever remedies, cold remedies, and basic digestive-related ailment remedies. Next time you are down with a cold, you won’t be rushing to your parent’s house or to the pharmacy.

6. A set of expensive sheets

When you are in your 20s, you start working just as hard as you party, so you need to get a good night’s sleep. For this, you need at least one set of expensive, high-quality sheets. Of course, you also need an actual bed, along with a frame and mattress, to put the sheets on. Opt for a king-sized bed, which can look great in both a really small apartment and a normal-sized apartment. Cozy sheets and pillows will make it feel like Heaven!

7. A book you can read over and over again

Reading needs to be one of the constants in your life, and you have to find that book that can keep you tied to it for hours on end, over and over again without ever getting bored. All 20-somethings need to own a book which means a lot for their soul. Head to the library and start reading until you find the one book you can fall in love with forever.

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Tip: buy two or three copies so you can give it to your best friends, too.

8. A professional makeup kit and the ability to use it

In your 20s, you can still get away without any makeup at all, but you have to practice how to enhance your natural beauty. Because you are now over the “strange” phase of makeup, you need to have professional products and the ability to use them like a pro! The latter can be achieved by watching online tutorials and experimenting. When it comes to makeup products, focus on investing in the basic items: a red lipstick, a nude/soft pink lipstick or gloss, a transparent gloss, mascara, eyeliner, concealer, and foundation.

Bonus: Something silly

This might be a silly bag or a pair of silly shoes that you only wear at home, or maybe a shirt with a silly message on it. Being in your 20s is fun, and you need to stay connected with your childish side at the end of the day!

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Last Updated on July 3, 2020

How to Control Your Thoughts and Be the Master of Your Mind

How to Control Your Thoughts and Be the Master of Your Mind

Your mind is the most powerful tool you have for the creation of good in your life, but if not used correctly, can also be the most destructive force in your life. To control your thoughts means to influence the way you live your life.

Your mind, more specifically, your thoughts, affects your perception and therefore, your interpretation of reality. (And here’s Why Your Perception Is Your Reality)

I have heard that the average person thinks around 70,000 thoughts a day. That’s a lot, especially if they are unproductive, self-abusive, and just a general waste of energy.

You can let your thoughts run amok, but why would you? It is your mind, your thoughts; isn’t it time to take your power back? Isn’t it time to take control?

Choose to be the person who is actively, consciously thinking your thoughts. Be someone who can control your thoughts—become the master of your mind.

When you change your thoughts, you will change your feelings as well, and you will also eliminate the triggers that set off those feelings. Both of these outcomes provide you with a greater level of peace in your mind.

I currently have a few thoughts that are not of my choosing or a response from my reprogramming. I am the master of my mind, so now my mind is quite peaceful. Yours can be too!

Who Is Thinking My Thoughts?

Before you can become the master of your mind, you must recognize that you are currently at the mercy of several unwanted “squatters” living in your mind, and they are in control of your thoughts.

If you want to be the boss of them, you must know who they are and what their motivation is, and then you can take charge and evict them.

Here are four of the “squatters” in your head that create unhealthy and unproductive thoughts.

1. The Inner Critic

This is your constant abuser who is often a conglomeration of:

  • Other people’s words—many times your parents
  • Thoughts you have created based on your own or other peoples’ expectations
  • Comparing yourself to other people, including those in the media
  • The things you told yourself as a result of painful experiences such as betrayal and rejection. Your interpretation creates your self-doubt and self-blame, which are most likely undeserved in cases of rejection and betrayal.

The Inner Critic is motivated by pain, low self-esteem, lack of self-acceptance, and lack of self-love.

Why else would this person abuse you? And since this person is youwhy else would you abuse yourself? Why would you let anyone treat you this badly?

2. The Worrier

This person lives in the future—in the world of “what ifs.”

The Worrier is motivated by fear, which is often irrational and has no basis. Occasionally, this person is motivated by fear that what happened in the past will happen again.

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3. The Reactor or Troublemaker

This is the one that triggers anger, frustration, and pain. These triggers stem from unhealed wounds of the past. Any experience that is even closely related to a past wound will set him off.

This person can be set off by words or feelings and can even be set off by sounds and smells.

The Reactor has no real motivation and has poor impulse control. He is run by past programming that no longer serves you—if it ever did.

4. The Sleep Depriver

This can be a combination of any number of different squatters including the inner planner, the rehasher, and the ruminator, along with the inner critic and the worrier.

The Sleep Depriver’s motivation can be:

  • As a reaction to silence, which he fights against
  • Taking care of the business you neglected during the day
  • Self-doubt, low self-esteem, insecurity, and generalized anxiety
  • As listed above for the inner critic and worrier

How can you control these squatters?

How to Master Your Mind

You are the thinker and the observer of your thoughts. You can control your thoughts, but you must pay attention to them so you can identify “who” is running the show—this will determine which technique you will want to use.

Begin each day with the intention of paying attention to your thoughts and catching yourself when you are thinking undesirable thoughts.

There are two ways to control your thoughts:

  • Technique A – Interrupt and replace them
  • Technique B – Eliminate them altogether

This second option is what is known as peace of mind.

The technique of interrupting and replacing is a means of reprogramming your subconscious mind. Eventually, the replacement thoughts will become the “go-to” thoughts in applicable situations.

Use Technique A with the Inner Critic and Worrier and Technique B with the Reactor and Sleep Depriver.

1. For the Inner Critic

When you catch yourself thinking something negative about yourself (calling yourself names, disrespecting yourself, or berating yourself), interrupt it.

You can yell (in your mind), “Stop! No!” or, “Enough! I’m in control now.” Then, whatever your negative thought was about yourself, replace it with an opposite or counter thought or an affirmation that begins with “I am.”

For example, if your thought is, “I’m such a loser,” you can replace it with, “I am a Divine Creation of the Universal Spirit. I am a perfect spiritual being learning to master the human experience. I am a being of energy, light, and matter. I am magnificent, brilliant, and beautiful. I love and approve of myself just as I am.”

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You can also have a dialogue with yourself to discredit the ‘voice’ that created the thought—if you know whose voice it is:

“Just because so-and-so said I was a loser doesn’t make it true. It was his or her opinion, not a statement of fact. Or maybe they were joking and I took it seriously because I’m insecure.”

If you recognize that you have recurring self-critical thoughts, you can write out or pre-plan your counter thoughts or affirmation so you can be ready.

This is the first squatter you should evict, forcefully, if necessary:

  • They rile up the Worrier.
  • The names you call yourself become triggers when called those names by others, so he also maintains the presence of the Reactor.
  • They are often present when you try to fall asleep so he perpetuates the Sleep Depriver.
  • They are a bully and is verbally and emotionally abusive.
  • They are the destroyer of self-esteem. They convince you that you’re not worthy. They’re a liar! In the interest of your self-worth, get them out!

Eliminate your worst critic and you will also diminish the presence of the other three squatters.

Replace them with your new best friends who support, encourage, and enhance your life. This is a presence you want in your mind.

2. For the Worrier

Prolonged anxiety is mentally, emotionally, and physically unhealthy. It can have long-term health implications.

Fear initiates the fight or flight response, creates worry in the mind, and creates anxiety in the body. This may make it more difficult for you to control your thoughts effectively.

You should be able to recognize a “worry thought” immediately by how you feel. The physiological signs that the fight or flight response of fear has kicked in are:

  • Increased heart rate, blood pressure, or surge of adrenaline
  • Shallow breathing or breathlessness
  • Muscles tense

Use the above-stated method to interrupt any thought of worry and then replace it. But this time, you will replace your thoughts of worry with thoughts of gratitude for the outcome you wish for.

If you believe in a higher power, this is the time to engage with it. Here is an example:

Instead of worrying about my loved ones traveling in bad weather, I say the following (I call it a prayer):

“Thank you great spirit for watching over _______. Thank you for watching over his/her car and keeping it safe, road-worthy, and free of maintenance issues without warning. Thank you for surrounding him/her with only safe, conscientious, and alert drivers. And thank you for keeping him/her safe, conscientious, and alert.”

Smile when you think about it or say it aloud, and phrase it in the present tense. Both of these will help you feel it and possibly even start to believe it.

If you can visualize what you are praying for, the visualization will enhance the feeling so you will increase the impact in your vibrational field.

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Now, take a calming breath, slowly in through your nose, and slowly out through the mouth. Take as many as you like! Do it until you feel that you’re close to being in control of your thoughts.

Replacing fearful thoughts with gratitude will decrease reactionary behavior, taking the steam out of the Reactor.

For example: If your child gets lost in the mall, the typical parental reaction that follows the fearful thoughts when finding them is to yell at them.

“I told you never to leave my sight.” This reaction just adds to the child’s fear level from being lost in the first place.

Plus, it also teaches them that mom and/or dad will get mad when he or she makes a mistake, which may make them lie to you or not tell you things in the future.

Change those fearful thoughts when they happen:

“Thank You (your choice of Higher Power) for watching over my child and keeping him safe. Thank you for helping me find him soon.”

Then, when you see your child after this thought process, your only reaction will be gratitude, and that seems like a better alternative for all people involved.

3. For the Troublemaker, Reactor or Over-Reactor

Permanently eliminating this squatter will take a bit more attention and reflection after the fact to identify and heal the causes of the triggers. But until then, you can prevent the Reactor from getting out of control by initiating conscious breathing as soon as you recognize his presence.

The Reactor’s thoughts or feelings activate the fight or flight response just like with the Worrier. The physiological signs of his presence will be the same. With a little attention, you should be able to tell the difference between anxiety, anger, frustration, or pain.

I’m sure you’ve heard the suggestion to count to ten when you get angry—well, you can make those ten seconds much more productive if you are breathing consciously during that time.

Conscious breathing is as simple as it sounds—just be conscious of your breathing. Pay attention to the air going in and coming out.

Breathe in through your nose:

  • Feel the air entering your nostrils.
  • Feel your lungs filling and expanding.
  • Focus on your belly rising.

Breathe out through your nose:

  • Feel your lungs emptying.
  • Focus on your belly falling.
  • Feel the air exiting your nostrils.

Do this for as long as you like. Leave the situation if you want. This gives the adrenaline time to normalize. Now, you can address the situation with a calmer, more rational perspective and avoid damaging behavior, and you’ll be more in control of your thoughts.

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One of the troubles this squatter causes is that it adds to the sleep depriver’s issues. By evicting or at least controlling the Reactor, you will decrease reactionary behavior, which will decrease the need for the rehashing and ruminating that may keep you from falling asleep.

Master your mind and stop the Reactor from bringing stress to you and your relationships!

4. For the Sleep Depriver

(They’re made up of the Inner Planner, the Rehasher, and the Ruminator, along with the Inner Critic and the Worrier.)

I was plagued with a very common problem: not being able to turn off my mind at bedtime. This inability prevented me from falling asleep and thus, getting a restful and restorative night’s sleep.

Here’s how I mastered my mind and evicted the Sleep Depriver and all his cronies.

  1. I started by focusing on my breathing—paying attention to the rise and fall of my belly—but that didn’t keep the thoughts out for long. (Actually, I now start with checking my at-rest mouth position to keep me from clenching.)
  2. Then I came up with a replacement strategy that eliminated uncontrolled thinking—imagining the word in while breathing in and thinking the word out when breathing out. I would (and do) elongate the word to match the length of my breath.

When I catch myself thinking, I shift back to in, out. With this technique, I am still thinking, sort of, but the wheels are no longer spinning out of control. I am in control of my mind and thoughts, and I choose quiet.

From the first time I tried this method, I started to yawn after only a few cycles and am usually asleep within ten minutes.

For really difficult nights, I add an increase of attention by holding my eyes in a looking-up position (closed, of course). Sometimes I try to look toward my third eye but that really hurts my eyes.

If you have trouble falling asleep because you can’t shut off your mind, I strongly recommend you try this technique. I still use it every night. You can start sleeping better tonight!

You can also use this technique any time you want to:

  • Fall back to sleep if you wake up too soon
  • Shut down your thinking
  • Calm your feelings
  • Simply focus on the present moment

The Bottom Line

Your mind is a tool, and like any other tool, it can be used for constructive purposes or destructive purposes.

You can allow your mind to be occupied by unwanted, undesirable, and destructive tenants, or you can choose desirable tenants like peace, gratitude, compassion, love, and joy.

Your mind can become your best friend, your biggest supporter, and someone you can count on to be there and encourage you. You can be in control of your thoughts. The choice is yours!

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Featured photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez via unsplash.com

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