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Last Updated on March 24, 2021

5 Reasons You Will Never Be a Fighter

5 Reasons You Will Never Be a Fighter

Everyone fancies themselves as a bit of a fighter. We will stand up for ourselves, defend our values and beliefs, and occasionally even engage in good ol’ fisticuffs if we feel that strongly about a matter. Yes, there’s a small part of us all that believes we’ve got what it takes to face off against one another.

Some even learn a martial art and have a good crack at it. Fight nights for amateur boxing, muay thai, and MMA are frequently held, and it’s never been easier to get matched against a willing opponent.

However, true fighters are cut from a different cloth. Very few people have the heart, determination, and mental toughness it takes to succeed in the ring, and I’m willing to bet that you aren’t one of them. Sorry to burst your bubble, but here are five reasons why competitive fighting will forever remain a pipe dream.

1. You don’t have a strong enough “why.”

We all have a calling in life, and for some, it’s fighting. Natural talent and ability will only get you so far, and to succeed in the fight game, you’re going to need more than just neat skills.

Successful fighters have a deep-rooted “why” they tap into in times of low motivation and hardship—and in the life of a fighter, there are plenty of tough times.

Everyone’s why is different, and it doesn’t matter what it is. The motivation could be money, success, a shot at fame, attracting hot girls, or just going toe-to-toe with another in the ultimate challenge.

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Ask a hundred fighters what their why is, and each one will have a different answer. It really doesn’t matter what the motivation is, as long as it has profound meaning to you and is worthy of your devotion.

2. You are not obsessed with fighting.

Success 101: no matter what you choose to do in life, you need to work hard at it in order to succeed.

The only way you can sustain the tremendous effort it requires to rise to the top in your field, is to be completely obsessed with your thing.

You have to eat, sleep, and breathe, whatever it is you choose to do.

This couldn’t be truer of a fighter.

When fighters wake up in the morning, the first thing they do is put their trainers on and start the morning roadwork session. Rain, hail, or snow, whether they feel like it or not, and regardless of the pain, their body is in.

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When they’re not training, they’re thinking about training, and agonizing over what they can do to become that little bit better than the competition. When they eat, only nutritious foods that fuel intense workouts pass their lips. Fighting and training is on their mind 24/7, and they prioritize it over socializing, leisure time, and even family and friends.

This is the level of commitment it takes.

If you’re not completely obsessed with fighting to the point where you shadowbox on autopilot while you work, eat, and even while you sleep, find a new hobby.

3. You’re only fueled by anger.

Fighters are not angry people. While they compete in an aggressive sport, most live balanced and successful lives outside of the ring. If anger is all you have, then you can kiss your shot of becoming a fighter goodbye. You see, anger is only a temporary motivator, and something will come along and extinguish your hot-headedness. Whether it is the meeting of a soulmate, the birth of a child, or some life-changing epiphany, your hatred and venom will eventually fade.

And as all professional fighters know; it’s better to stay cool, calm and collected in a fight in any case. That way you’re not likely to make mistakes or take unnecessary risks.

4. You don’t have faith in yourself.

While a certain amount of self-belief is required to be successful in all of life’s endeavors, fighting calls for an unshakable belief in yourself. You have to know that you are the one.

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You have to truly believe you are stronger, faster, and technically better than your opponent.

Harbor just the slightest feeling of self-doubt, weakness, or inferiority, and you’ve already assigned yourself to defeat.

Nowhere is this truer than when fighters stare into each others eyes at the beginning of a bout. You can predict the winner in nine out of ten fights, as he’ll be the one that holds eye contact the longest. The fighter that believes without a doubt that they are going to win isn’t scared to look their opponent in the eyes.

5. You can’t handle pain.

Call it stating the bleeding obvious, but fighters endure a lot of pain.

I’m not just talking about the persistent niggles felt during training, but unbearable pain that would bring an ordinary person to their knees. And best of all? As a fighter, you have to feel the pain, and push through it.

No matter where your pain threshold lies, fighting will take you there, and beyond.

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There will be times when all you want to do is go down on one knee and cry out that you’ve had enough. But you can’t. Fighters don’t quit. Ever. They fight till death—or at least until the bell of the last round dings.

Answer this question truthfully, as in it, lies your mental fortitude for becoming a fighter: would you continue to fight despite being exhausted, wounded, and with no chance of winning?

Still not put off?

Some people will read this and think “so what? Big deal.” Nothing you’ve said has fazed me, and I’m still going to take on any man that dares to lay down the gauntlet.

To the battle-hardened few that compete, whether as a hobby or professionally, I salute you. Fighting is the ultimate form of competition, and only a small percentage of people have what it takes to succeed in this arena.

If you believe this is you, my parting advice is this: if you dream of becoming a fighter, ensure your reasons for doing so are worth dedicating your life to.

Featured photo credit: Winner Looser via pexels.com

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Jane Hurst

Writer, editor

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Published on May 4, 2021

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

They say we are the average of the five persons we spend the most time with. For a minute, consider the people around you. Are they truly who your “tribe” should be or who you aspire to become in the future? Are they really genuine people who want to see you succeed? Or are they fake people who don’t really want to see you happy?

In this article, I’ll review why it is important to surround yourself with genuine individuals—the ones who care, bring something to our table, and first and foremost, who leave all fakeness behind.

How to Spot Fake People?

When you’ve been working in the helping professions for a while, spotting fake people gets a bit easier. There are some very clear signs that the person you are looking at is hiding something, acting somehow, or simply wanting to get somewhere. Most often, there is a secondary gain—perhaps attention, sympathy, or even a promotion.

Whatever it is, you’re better off working their true agenda and staying the hell away. Here are some things you should look out for to help spot fake people.

1. Full of Themselves

Fake people like to show off. They love looking at themselves in the mirror. They collect photos and videos of every single achievement they had and every part of their body and claim to be the “best at what they do.”

Most of these people are actually not that good in real life. But they act like they are and ensure that they appear better than the next person. The issue for you is that you may find yourself always feeling “beneath” them and irritated at their constant need to be in the spotlight.

2. Murky in Expressing Their Emotions

Have you ever tried having a deep and meaningful conversation with a fake person? It’s almost impossible. It’s because they have limited emotional intelligence and don’t know how they truly feel deep down—and partly because they don’t want to have their true emotions exposed, no matter how normal these might be.

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It’s much harder to say “I’m the best at what I do” while simultaneously sharing “average” emotions with “equal” people.

3. Zero Self-Reflection

To grow, we must accept feedback from others. We must be open to our strengths and to our weaknesses. We must accept that we all come in different shapes and can always improve.

Self-reflection requires us to think, forgive, admit fault, and learn from our mistakes. But to do that, we have to be able to adopt a level of genuineness and depth that fake people don’t routinely have. A fake person generally never apologizes, but when they do, it is often followed with a “but” in the next breath.

4. Unrealistic Perceptions

Fake people most often have an unrealistic perception of the world—things that they want to portray to others (pseudo achievements, materialistic gains, or a made-up sense of happiness) or simply how they genuinely regard life outside themselves.

A lot of fake people hide pain, shame, and other underlying reasons in their behavior. This could explain why they can’t be authentic and/or have difficulties seeing their environment for the way it objectively is (both good and bad).

5. Love Attention

As I mentioned earlier, the biggest sign that something isn’t quite right with someone’s behavior can be established by how much they love attention. Are you being interrupted every time you speak by someone who wants to make sure that the spotlight gets reverted back to them? Is the focus always on them, no matter the topic? If yes, you’re probably dealing with a fake person.

6. People Pleaser

Appreciation feels nice but having everyone like you is even better. While it is completely unrealistic for most people to please everyone all the time, fake people seem to always say yes in pursuit of constant approval.

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Now, this is a problem for two reasons. Firstly, these people are simply saying yes to things for their own satisfaction. Secondly, they often end up changing their minds or retracting their offer for one reason or another (“I would have loved to, but my grandmother suddenly fell ill.”), leaving you in the lurch for the 100th time this year.

7. Sarcasm and Cynicism

Behind the chronic pasted smile, fake people are well known for brewing resentment, jealousy, or anger. This is because, behind the postcard life, they are often unhappy. Sarcasm and cynicism are well known to act as a defense mechanism, sometimes even a diversion—anything so they can remain feeling on top of the world, whether it is through boosting themselves or bringing people down.

8. Crappy friend

Fake people are bad friends. They don’t listen to you, your feelings, and whatever news you might have to share. In fact, you might find yourself migrating away from them when you have exciting or bad news to share, knowing that it will always end up one way—their way. In addition, you might find that they’re not available when you truly need them or worse, cancel plans at the last minute.

It’s not unusual to hear that a fake person talks constantly behind people’s backs. Let’s be honest, if they do it to others, they’re doing it to you too. If your “friend” makes you feel bad constantly, trust me, they’re not achieving their purpose, and they’re simply not a good person to have around.

The sooner you learn to spot these fake people, the sooner you can meet meaningful individuals again.

How to Cope With Fake People Moving Forward?

It is important to remind yourself that you deserve more than what you’re getting. You are worthy, valuable, precious, and just as important as the next person.

There are many ways to manage fake people. Here are some tips on how to deal with them.

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1. Boundaries

Keep your boundaries very clear. As explained in the book Unlock Your Resilience, boundaries are what keep you sane when the world tries to suffocate you. When fake people become emotional vampires, make sure to keep your distances, limit contact, and simply replace them with more valuable interactions.

2. Don’t Take Their Behavior Personally

Sadly, they most likely have behaved this way before they knew you and will continue much longer after you have moved on. It isn’t about you. It is about their inner need to meet a void that you are not responsible for. And in all honesty, unless you are a trained professional, you are unlikely to improve it anyway.

3. Be Upfront and Honest About How You Feel

If your “friend” has been hurtful or engaged in behaviors you struggle with, let them know—nicely, firmly, however you want, but let them know that they are affecting you. If it works, great. If it doesn’t, you’ll feel better and when you’re ready to move on, you’ll know you tried to reach out. Your conscience is clear.

4. Ask for Advice

If you’re unsure about what you’re seeing or feeling, ask for advice. Perhaps a relative, a good friend, or a colleague might have some input as to whether you are overreacting or seeing some genuine concerns.

Now, don’t confuse asking for advice with gossiping behind the fake person’s back because, in the end, you don’t want to stoop down to their level. However, a little reminder as to how to stay on your own wellness track can never hurt.

5. Dig Deeper

Now, this one, I offer with caution. If you are emotionally strong, up to it, guaranteed you won’t get sucked into it, and have the skills to manage, perhaps you could dig into the reasons a fake person is acting the way they do.

Have they suffered recent trauma? Have they been rejected all their lives? Is their self-esteem so low that they must resort to making themselves feel good in any way they can? Sometimes, having an understanding of a person’s behavior can help in processing it.

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6. Practice Self-Care!

Clearly, putting some distance between the fake person and yourself is probably the way to go. However, sometimes, it takes time to get there. In the meantime, make sure to practice self-care, be gentle with yourself, and compensate with lots of positives!

Self-care can be as simple as taking a hot shower after talking to them or declining an invitation when you’re not feeling up to the challenge.

Spotting fake people isn’t too hard. They generally glow with wanna-be vibes. However, most often, there are reasons as to why they are like this. Calling their behavior might be the first step. Providing them with support might be the second. But if these don’t work, it’s time to stay away and surround yourself with the positivity that you deserve.

Final Thoughts

Remember that life is a rollercoaster. It has good moments, tough moments, and moments you wouldn’t change for the world. So, look around and make sure that you take the time to choose the right people to share it all with.

We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with, so take a good look around and choose wisely!

More Tips on Dealing With Fake People

Featured photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez via unsplash.com

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