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10 Things No One Will Tell You About Starting a Business

10 Things No One Will Tell You About Starting a Business

These days it seems everyone is calling themselves an “entrepreneur.” There’s a lot of talk about leaving your job, following your dreams, making money while you sleep, and living with passion.

Each of those things is fantastic. But, there are a lot of things aspiring-entrepreneurs AREN’T hearing. There are things no one will tell you about starting a business, and I think it’s time somebody tells you.

I didn’t choose entrepreneurship. I didn’t quit a 6-figure job and leave my corner office to do this, and, I didn’t go to business school to learn what to do.

I learned about business on the streets! No, just kidding. I learned about building and managing a business while building and managing a business for Dell. I worked in a cubicle, and when I got fired, I had to learn each of these things the hard way.

Starting a business is an incredible and awesome journey, but there are things no one told me to watch out for. Here are 10 Things No One Will Tell You (Ever) About Starting a Business.

1. You’re good enough to start, but not good enough to win.

You have to be always improving and putting in the work to become better every single day. You shouldn’t wait until you have all of the knowledge before getting started (you always need to be learning), but you’ll need to know more than you know now before you can get where you want to go.

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The skills and talents you have right now will help you get started, but to succeed, you’ll have to get better. You can’t win the championship if you never improve on the skills that got you on the team.

2. You have to make yourself a priority.

If you’re not able to take care of yourself, you won’t be able to take care of anyone else. That includes teaching, coaching, training, instructing, and any other activity that requires leading someone else. If you can’t lead yourself, you won’t be able to lead anyone else.

You will also have to prioritize the tasks and activities that will help you reach your goals. When you start a business, you’re both the employee and the employer. Not only do you have to decide what needs to be done, but you will also have to be the one doing it, and that includes making sure the tasks are complete at the end of the day.

As I wrote about here, no one will tell you to move forward. You must be the one to take your foot off the break and make the decision to stomp on the gas.

3. You have to be your own first customer.

If you don’t use your own products or services, why should anybody else? Plus, by using your own products you can test them, evaluate them, and know exactly how to make them better in version 2.0.

So many “experts” don’t take their own medicine. How many web designers do you know who have crappy websites themselves?

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The best chefs are the ones who taste their food before they send it out to the table to be eaten by somebody else. I’m looking at myself here, but coaches don’t do the same things they’re coaching their clients to do. That needs to change if we’re going to be successful in our businesses; we have to use our products if we want other people to use them as well.

4. You have to be your own biggest fan.

If you’re not willing to root for yourself, why would anyone else? In the beginning, we have to be our own biggest fan. We have to be our own support team. We have to be rooting for ourselves and in our own corner fighting the fight.

Sometimes you might be the only one, but that’s what’s required to get started. I often see entrepreneurs who are afraid to be their own promotional team. They are afraid of being called “arrogant” or, a shameless “self-promoter.” I wrote about that here, but before anybody else can, we have to cheer for ourselves.

5. It will take more work than you realize.

No seriously. Becoming successful (not just in business but at sports, life, love, etc.), is going to take more time, effort, blood, sweat, and tears than you can possibly imagine right now.

If you haven’t yet started, you are in the honeymoon phase of your business building efforts. Your mind may wander to working on the beach, sleeping late, traveling the world, etc., but, in reality, that’s not how it works at all. Long days, long nights, long weeks, long weekends, it all goes into building a dream and a life that you are happy with.

I’m not bragging, but yesterday I worked for 13 hours straight. By the end, I was exhausted, but I loved the entire process. My point is that anything worth doing is going to take a lot of effort, and you must be willing to make the investment not only in yourself but in the success of your business as well.

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6. There will be things that you have to give up if you want to win.

Almost every week I talk to someone who wants to start, build, grow or improve their business, but they aren’t willing to make sacrifices and eliminate things from their schedule. I don’t know what that thing on your calendar might be, but I do know there is something you’ll have to cancel or eliminate if you’re going to be able to spend the necessary time to make your dream and business a reality.

Yes, you can and should plan your downtime, and time to spend with family, friends, kids, etc., but you’re going to have to take a hard look at what can be eliminated so you can focus on the things that you need to accomplish. 

7. Your first idea probably won’t be your best idea.

Ideas are a dime a dozen. If you’re planning to start a business, odds are, you think your idea is a pretty good one. I’m not going to tell you it isn’t, in fact, it probably is pretty good. But I will tell you that my first ideas aren’t usually the best ones I have.

Your first idea for a blog post title, for a website design, or for a new product, ya, those usually get replaced by something better. As you get more experience creating and producing, you’ll realize that your ideas will get better as they mature. Be ok with killing your first ideas and allowing yourself to give birth to something even better. Emma @ Lifehack agrees (see #8). 

8. Your product isn’t for everybody, and not everyone is your customer.

In the beginning, I thought everyone would be a good fit for what I had to offer. It wasn’t until I spent the time to determine my ideal client, my “avatar,” that I became comfortable with the idea that I’m not meant to help everyone. “Everyone” is not your target market, but a specific person with a specific problem is.

Instead of trying to convince someone that you’re worth paying attention to, find the people who already know it.

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9. You have to guard your calendar with aggressive intensity.

When you work for someone else, you can float through most days. Let’s be honest, when you’re an employee, you could probably get your work done in about half the time it’s actually taking, right?

No worries, I’m not here to judge. I used to be able to do my job in my sleep. If you’re going to start your own business, you have to take complete ownership over every minute of every day and only allow things on your schedule that will help you achieve your goals. Learn to love the power of “no” and feel good about it.

10. You will have to leave people behind.

You can’t steal second with your foot on first, and sometimes it’s our friends holding down our shoe. Not everyone is meant to take this journey with you, and that’s ok. Your true friends will stick with you, and the rest will fall way. If they don’t, you may have to cut the strings and leave them behind.

Your turn: What have you learned the hard way? What’s a business lesson you’ve learned that you wish someone had told you?

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Ellory Wells

Business Coach, Startup Consultant

10 Things No One Will Tell You About Starting a Business 10 Things No One Will Tell You About Starting a Business

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Last Updated on August 20, 2019

How to Control Your Thoughts and Be the Master of Your Mind

How to Control Your Thoughts and Be the Master of Your Mind

Your mind is the most powerful tool you have for the creation of good in your life, but if not used correctly, can also be the most destructive force in your life.

Your mind, more specifically, your thoughts, affect your perception and therefore, your interpretation of reality. (And here’s Why Your Perception Is Your Reality.)

I have heard that the average person thinks around 70,000 thoughts a day. That’s a lot, especially if they are unproductive, self-abusive and just a general waste of energy.

You can let your thoughts run amok, but why would you? It is your mind, your thoughts; isn’t it time to take your power back? Isn’t it time to take control?

Choose to be the person who is actively, consciously thinking your thoughts. Become the master of your mind.

When you change your thoughts, you will change your feelings as well, and you will also eliminate the triggers that set off those feelings. Both of these outcomes provide you with a greater level of peace in your mind.

I currently have few thoughts that are not of my own choosing or a response from my reprogramming. I am the master of my mind, so now my mind is quite peaceful. Yours can be too!

Who Is Thinking My Thoughts?

Before you can become the master of your mind, you must recognize that you are currently at the mercy of several unwanted “squatters” living in your mind, and they are in charge of your thoughts. If you want to be the boss of them, you must know who they are and what their motivation is, and then you can take charge and evict them.

Here are four of the “squatters” in your head that create the most unhealthy and unproductive thoughts:

1. The Inner Critic

This is your constant abuser who is often a conglomeration of:

  • Other people’s words; many times your parents.
  • Thoughts you have created based on your own or other peoples expectations.
  • Comparing yourself to other people, including those in the media.
  • The things you told yourself as a result of painful experiences such as betrayal and rejection. Your interpretation creates your self-doubt and self-blame, which are most likely undeserved in cases of rejection and betrayal.

The Inner Critic is motivated by pain, low self-esteem, lack of self-acceptance and lack of self-love.

Why else would this person abuse you? And since this person is actually you– why else would you abuse yourself? Why would you let anyone treat you this badly?

2. The Worrier

This person lives in the future; in the world of “what ifs.”

The Worrier is motivated by fear which is often irrational and with no basis for it. Occasionally, this person is motivated by fear that what happened in the past will happen again.

3. The Reactor or Trouble-Maker

This is the one that triggers anger, frustration and pain. These triggers stem from unhealed wounds of the past. Any experience that is even closely related to a past wound will set him off.

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This person can be set off by words or feelings, and can even be set off by sounds and smells.

The Reactor has no real motivation and has poor impulse control and is run by past programming that no longer serves you, if it ever did.

4. The Sleep Depriver

This can be a combination of any number of different squatters including the inner planner, the rehasher, and the ruminator, along with the inner critic and the worrier.

The Sleep Depriver’s motivation can be:

  • As a reaction to silence, which he fights against
  • Taking care of the business you neglected during the day
  • Self-doubt, low self-esteem, insecurity and generalized anxiety
  • As listed above for the inner critic and worrier

How can you control these squatters?

How to Master Your Mind

You are the thinker and the observer of your thoughts. You must pay attention to your thoughts so you can identify “who” is running the show; this will determine which technique you will want to use.

Begin each day with the intention of paying attention to your thoughts and catching yourself when you are thinking undesirable thoughts.

There are two ways to control your thoughts:

  • Technique A – Interrupt and replace them
  • Technique B – Eliminate them altogether

This second option is what is known as peace of mind!

The technique of interrupting and replacing is a means of reprogramming your subconscious mind. Eventually, the replacement thoughts will become the “go to” thoughts in the applicable situations.

Use Technique A with the Inner Critic and Worrier; and Technique B with the Reactor and Sleep Depriver.

For the Inner Critic

When you catch yourself thinking something negative about yourself (calling yourself names, disrespecting yourself, or berating yourself), interrupt it.

You can yell (in your mind), “Stop! No!” or, “Enough! I’m in control now.” Then, whatever your negative thought was about yourself, replace it with an opposite or counter thought or an affirmation that begins with “I am.”

For example, if your thought is, “I’m such a loser,” you can replace it with, “I am a Divine Creation of the Universal Spirit. I am a perfect spiritual being learning to master the human experience. I am a being of energy, light, and matter. I am magnificent, brilliant, and beautiful. I love and approve of myself just as I am.”

You can also have a dialogue with yourself with the intention of discrediting the ‘voice’ that created the thought, if you know whose voice it is:

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“Just because so-and-so said I was a loser doesn’t make it true. It was his or her opinion, not a statement of fact. Or maybe they were joking and I took it seriously because I’m insecure.”

If you recognize that you have recurring self-critical thoughts, you can write out or pre-plan your counter thoughts or affirmation so you can be ready. This is the first squatter you should evict, forcefully, if necessary:

  • They rile up the Worrier.
  • The names you call yourself become triggers when called those names by others, so he also maintains the presence of the Reactor.
  • They are often present when you try to fall asleep so he perpetuates the Sleep Depriver.
  • They are a bully and is verbally and emotionally abusive.
  • They are the destroyer of self-esteem. They convince you that you’re not worthy. They’re a liar! In the interest of your self-worth, get them out!

Eliminate your worst critic and you will also diminish the presence of the other three squatters.

Replace them with your new best friends who support, encourage, and enhance your life. This is a presence you want in your mind.

For the Worrier

Prolonged anxiety is mentally, emotionally and physically unhealthy. It can have long-term health implications.

Fear initiates the fight or flight response, creates worry in the mind and creates anxiety in the body.

You should be able to recognize a “worry thought” immediately by how you feel. The physiological signs that the fight or flight response of fear has kicked in are:

  • Increased heart rate, blood pressure, or surge of adrenaline
  • Shallow breathing or breathlessness
  • Muscles tense

Use the above stated method to interrupt any thought of worry and then replace it. But this time you will replace your thoughts of worry with thoughts of gratitude for the outcome you wish for.

If you believe in a higher power, this is the time to engage with it. Here is an example:

Instead of worrying about my loved ones traveling in bad weather, I say the following (I call it a prayer):

“Thank you great spirit for watching over _______. Thank you for watching over his/her car and keeping it safe, road-worthy, and free of maintenance issues without warning. Thank you for surrounding him/her with only safe, conscientious, and alert drivers. And thank you for keeping him/her safe, conscientious, and alert.”

Smile when you think about it or say it aloud, and phrase it in the present tense; both of these will help you feel it and possibly even start to believe it.

If you can visualize what you are praying for, the visualization will enhance the feeling so you will increase the impact in your vibrational field.

Now take a calming breath, slowly in through your nose, and slowly out through the mouth. Take as many as you like!

Replacing fearful thoughts with gratitude will decrease reactionary behavior, taking the steam out of the Reactor.

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For example:

If your child gets lost in the mall, the typical parental reaction that follows the fearful thoughts when finding them is to yell at them.

“I told you never to leave my sight.” This reaction just adds to the child’s fear level from being lost in the first place. Plus, it also teaches them that mom and/or dad will get mad when he or she makes a mistake, which may make them lie to you or not tell you things in the future.

Change those fearful thoughts when they happen:

“Thank You (your choice of Higher Power) for watching over my child and keeping him safe. Thank you for helping me find him soon.”

Then, when you see your child after this thought process, your only reaction will be gratitude, and that seems like a better alternative for all people involved.

For the Trouble-Maker, Reactor or Over-Reactor

Permanently eliminating this squatter will take a bit more attention and reflection after the fact to identify and heal the causes of the triggers; but until then, you can prevent the Reactor from getting out of control by initiating conscious breathing as soon as you recognize his presence.

The Reactor’s thoughts or feelings activate the fight or flight response just like with the Worrier. The physiological signs of his presence will be the same. With a little attention, you should be able to tell the difference between anxiety, anger, frustration, or pain:

  • Increased heart rate and blood pressure; surge of adrenaline
  • Shallow breathing or breathlessness
  • Muscles tension

I’m sure you’ve heard the suggestion to count to ten when you get angry—well, you can make those ten seconds much more productive if you are breathing consciously during that time.

Conscious breathing is as simple as it sounds; just be conscious of your breathing. Pay attention to the air going in and coming out.

Breathe in through your nose:

  • Feel the air entering your nostrils.
  • Feel your lungs filling and expanding.
  • Focus on your belly rising.

Breathe out through your nose:

  • Feel your lungs emptying.
  • Focus on your belly falling.
  • Feel the air exiting your nostrils.

Do this for as long as you like. Leave the situation if you want. This gives the adrenaline time to normalize.

Now you can address the situation with a calmer, more rational perspective and avoid damaging behavior.

One of the troubles this squatter causes is that it adds to the sleep depriver’s issues. By evicting, or at least controlling the Reactor, you will decrease reactionary behavior, which will decrease the need for the rehashing and ruminating that may keep you from falling asleep.

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Master your mind and stop the Reactor from bringing stress to you and your relationships!

For the Sleep Depriver

(They’re made up of the Inner Planner, the Rehasher and the Ruminator, along with the Inner Critic and the Worrier.)

I was plagued with a very common problem: not being able to turn off my mind at bedtime. This inability prevented me from falling asleep and thus, getting a restful and restorative night’s sleep.

Here’s how I mastered my mind and evicted the Sleep Depriver and all his cronies.

  1. I started by focusing on my breathing—paying attention to the rise and fall of my belly—but that didn’t keep the thoughts out for long. (Actually, I now start with checking my at-rest mouth position to keep me from clenching.)
  2. Then I came up with replacement strategy that eliminated uncontrolled thinking—imagining the word in while breathing in and thinking the word out when breathing out. I would (and do) elongate the word to match the length of my breath.

When I catch myself thinking, I shift back to in, out. With this technique, I am still thinking, sort of, but the wheels are no longer spinning out of control. I am in control of my mind and I choose quiet.

From the first time I tried this method I started to yawn after only a few cycles and am usually asleep within ten minutes.

For really difficult nights, I add an increase of attention by holding my eyes in a looking-up position (Closed, of course!). Sometimes I try to look toward my third eye but that really hurts my eyes.

If you have trouble falling asleep because you can’t shut off your mind, I strongly recommend you try this technique. I still use it every night. You can start sleeping better tonight!

You can also use this technique any time you want to:

  • Fall back to sleep if you wake up too soon.
  • Shut down your thinking.
  • Calm your feelings.
  • Simply focus on the present moment. 

The Bottom Line

Your mind is a tool, and like any other tool, it can be used for constructive purposes or for destructive purposes.

You can allow your mind to be occupied by unwanted, undesirable and destructive tenants, or you can choose desirable tenants like peace, gratitude, compassion, love, and joy.

Your mind can become your best friend, your biggest supporter, and someone you can count on to be there and encourage you. The choice is yours!

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Featured photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez via unsplash.com

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