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10 Reasons Why Parents Should Treat Their Kids As Adults

10 Reasons Why Parents Should Treat Their Kids As Adults

Three years ago, my eldest daughter attended her friend’s birthday party. I was busy attending to my other children when the mother handed my daughter a piece of cake. I asked my daughter, “Did you say, ‘Thank you’?” My daughter said yes, she had. But the mother interjected with, “Meh, they’re kids. Kids don’t need to have manners.” I was quite taken aback. I’ve never been a supporter of the saying, “kids will be kids.” I have three young children and I believe that children are a lot more capable than we all realize. If we set low expectations for children, we get low results. But when we see them as little people who can be taught how to be kind and considerate, then their future prospects will be so very different.

Here are 10 reasons why parents should sometimes treat their kids as adults.

1. Your kids will have a better understanding of boundaries.

The phrase “kids will be kids” is often used as a justification for misbehavior. For example, a child pushes in front of the line to get to the playground slide and someone comments, “kids will be kids.” As much as young children’s brains are developing, they still have the ability to learn what is appropriate and inappropriate behavior.

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If we, as parents, believe that “John needs to realize that it is not okay to push in front of the line,” then chances are, our child will start to understand this too. It’s about setting boundaries and teaching them etiquette rules that will be useful for the rest of their life.

2. Your kids will better understand responsibility.

Children shouldn’t grow up stress-ridden, but they need to learn the basics of being responsible. For example, as adults, we might have children or pets to look after. We have housework to do. We have food to cook. If we let our children help with some of these activities, they will learn that responsibilities are a part of life. If you encourage your child to make their bed every day, to help wash up after dinner, to feed the pet goldfish, then you are teaching them that success happens when people work together.

3. Your kids might do more than what is expected of them.

For many of us, being told “Oh, you wouldn’t understand” would leave us feeling quite hurt, offended, or angry. For children, their reaction would probably be similar. But If you challenge your children and give them the opportunity to prove themselves, then you’re basically telling them, “I believe in you. I think you’re capable.” If you’re anxious about your child doing the dishes and never ask them to, then you’re depriving yourself and them of the chance to prove that they can. But if you give them that chance, they might even start doing extra housework you never asked them to do.

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4. Your kids will appreciate the value of being kind and considerate.

Teaching your children empathy is one of the most important skills you can pass on. In a world where competition and power can often override caring about others, it is essential to focus our parenting on kindness. Rather than looking at our kids and thinking, “They’re too young to understand how other people feel,” teach them to know how others are feeling. If your young child hears another child crying, make a comment, “Aww, that girl is crying. She must be feeling sad. I hope she is okay.” In addition to this, acknowledge and validate your own child’s feelings.

5. Your kids will find it easier to believe in themselves.

If you, the parent, believe in your child, then chances are they will believe in themselves too. As adults, we know that life is filled with ups and downs. We know that sometimes there are setbacks that leave us struggling to get back up. If you encourage your child and value who they are, they are very likely to feel the same about themselves. They will feel confident about who they are and use that confidence to get them through life.

6. Your kids will become stronger and more resilient.

We parents often depend on what we believe parenting should be. For some, being a parent is simply about protecting their child. For others, it’s about preparing their child for the future. Striking a balance between the two is probably more ideal. Rather than trying to protect your children from all pain and suffering, do your best to help them cope with any future pain and suffering. If they don’t win a prize in pass-the-parcel, don’t be in a hurry to tell the parents to find one for your child. Let them learn how to deal with pain. Let them prove to themselves that they are strong and can cope with disappointment. As an adult, this resilience will help them immensely in all areas of their life.

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7. Your kids will understand that you can’t always get what you want.

If you’re walking through the supermarket with your young child and they’re screaming for a chocolate bar, don’t feel pressured into buying it for them. As difficult as it is to resist the temptation to keep them quiet, you need to believe that your child is capable of calming down without it. Your child will learn to better self-regulate their emotions and start to realize that you can’t always get what you want in life.

8. Your kids will learn how valuable it can be to share experiences with others.

You might see fathers work on their cars with their kids. You might see mothers cooking with their children. You might see either mother or father sharing their hobbies and interests with their young children. Doing “things that adults do” with your child helps them realize that life isn’t about being on your own—it’s about experiencing the journey of life with other people. This is an important lesson to teach your child because surrounding themselves with a supportive network of people will help them get through the challenges of life. They will have people to count on, people they can trust, people who make their lives better.

9. Your kids will really feel that they matter.

When we sometimes look at our kids as adults, they are more likely to feel that they are just like everyone else. Their age doesn’t mean that they don’t matter. Their thoughts and opinions are not any less important or valid. Let your child voice their thoughts on controversial topics. Let them express the individual that they are without censoring them completely. By seeing your child for who they are, rather than what you want them to be, you’re reminding them that they matter.

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10. Your kids will grow up believing they really can make a difference.

Most parents want to raise children who grow up being happy and successful. They don’t want much for them, aside from knowing that they are living a life that makes them happy and that they are utilizing their talents. When your kids tell you what they want to be when they grow up, don’t dismiss them. Don’t laugh. Encourage them and their dreams—even if those dreams are likely to change many times in a year. When you treat your children like adults, their thirst for knowledge increases. They might just understand and believe you when you say that they really can make a difference. That they are not just one person in this world. They are actually one person who has the potential to change the world.

Featured photo credit: Grand Velas Riviera Maya via flickr.com

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Last Updated on August 22, 2019

14 Helpful Tips for Single Parents: How to Stay Sane While Doing it All

14 Helpful Tips for Single Parents: How to Stay Sane While Doing it All

According to the U.S. Census Bureau, over 27% of children under the age of 18 are living with a single parent.[1] That’s over 1/4th of the U.S. population.There is a common misconception that children who grow up in single parent homes are not as successful as children living in two-parent homes.

One crucial detail that was often left out of studies when comparing single and two-parent homes was the stability of the household. There is a correlation between family structure and family stability, but this study shows that children who grow up in stable single-parent homes do as well as those in married households in terms of academic abilities and behavior.

But providing stability is easier said than done. With only one adult to act as a parent, some tasks are inherently more challenging. However, there are a few helpful things you can do to make the parenting journey a little easier for yourself and stay sane while doing it.

1. Don’t Neglect Self-Care

Before anything else can be done, you must be caring for your own needs adequately. Only when you are feeling well-rested and healthy can you be at your best for your children.

Many parents tend to put their kids’ needs first and their owns last, but that will result in a never-ending cycle of exhaustion and feelings of inadequacy. Make time to eat regularly and healthfully, get plenty of rest, and squeeze in exercise whenever you can. Even a short walk around the neighborhood will help your body get much-needed movement and fresh air.

Your children depend on you, and it’s up to you to make sure that you are well-equipped and ready to take on that responsibility.

2. Join Forces with Other Single Parents

At times, it may seem like you’re the only person who knows what it’s like to be a single parent. However, the statistics say that there are many others who know exactly what you’re going through.

Find single parents locally, through your kid’s school, extracurricular activities, or even an app. There are also numerous online communities that can offer support and advice, through Facebook or sites like Single Mom Nation.

Although single moms make up the majority of single parents, there are more than 2.6 million single dads in the U.S. A great way to connect is through Meetup. Other single parents will more than happy to arrange babysitting swaps, playdates, and carpools.

Join forces in order to form mutually beneficial relationships.

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3. Build a Community

In addition to finding support with other single parents, also build a community comprised of families of all different types. Rather than focus solely on the single parent aspect of your identity, look for parents and kids who share other things in common.

Join a playgroup, get plugged in at a church, or get to know the parents of the kids involved in the same extracurricular activities. Having a community of a variety of people and families will bring diversity and excitement into your and your kids’ lives.

4. Accept Help

Don’t try to be a superhero and do it all yourself. There are probably people in your life who care about you and your kids and want to help you. Let them know what types of things would be most appreciated, whether it’s bringing meals once a week, helping with rides to school, or giving you time to yourself.

There is no shame in asking for help and accepting assistance from loved ones. You will not be perceived as weak or incompetent. You are being a good parent by being resourceful and allowing others to give you a much-needed break.

5. Get Creative with Childcare

Raising a child on a single income is a challenge, with the high cost of daycares, nannies, and other conventional childcare services. More affordable options are possible if you go a less traditional route.

If you have space and live in a college town, offer a college student housing in exchange for regular childcare. Or swap kids with other single parents so that your kids have friends to play with while the parents get time to themselves.

When I was younger, my parents had a group of five family friends, and all of the children would rotate to a different house each day of the week, during the summer months. The kids would have a great time playing with each other, and the parents’ job becomes a lot easier. That’s what you would call a win-win situation.

6. Plan Ahead for Emergencies

As a single parent, a backup plan or two is a must in emergency situations. Make a list of people you know you can call in a moment’s notice. There will be times in which you need help, and it’s important to know ahead of time who you can rely on.

Look into whether or not your area offers emergency babysitting services or a drop-in daycare. Knowing who will be able to care for your child in the event of an emergency can relieve one potential source of anxiety in stressful situations.

7. Create a Routine

Routines are crucial for young children because knowing what to expect gives them a semblance of control. This is even more important when in a single parent home.

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If the child travels between homes or has multiple caretakers, life can seem extremely chaotic and unpredictable. Establish a routine and schedule for your child as much as possible. This can include bedtime, before/after school, chores, meal times, and even a weekend routine.

Having a routine does not mean things cannot change. It is merely a default schedule to fall back on when no additional events or activities are going on. When your children know what to expect, they will be less resistant because they know what to expect, and days will run much more smoothly.

8. Be Consistent with Rules and Discipline

If your child has multiple caretakers, such as another parent, grandparent, or babysitter, communicate clearly on how discipline will be handled. Talk to your ex, if you are sharing custody, as well as any other caretakers about the rules and the agreed-upon approach to discipline.

When a child realizes that certain rules can be bent with certain people, he/she will use it to their advantage, causing additional issues with limits, behavior, and discipline down the road.

This article may help you to discipline your child better:

How to Discipline a Child (The Complete Guide for Different Ages)

9. Stay Positive

Everyone has heard the saying, “Mind over matter.” But there really is so much power behind your mentality. It can change your perspective and make a difficult situation so much better.

Your kids will be able to detect even the smallest shift in your attitude. When the responsibilities of motherhood are overwhelming, stay focused on the positive things in your life, such as your friends and family. This will produce a much more stable home environment.

Maintain your sense of humor and don’t be afraid to be silly. Look towards the future and the great things that are still to come for you and your family. Rediscover and redefine your family values.

10. Move Past the Guilt

In a single parent home, it is impossible to act as both parents, regardless of how hard you try. Let go of the things that you cannot do as a single parent, and instead, think of the great things you ARE able to provide for your children.

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Leave behind the notion that life would be easier or better with two parents. This is simply not true. There is a multitude of pros and cons to all family dynamics, and the one you are providing for your kids now is the one that they need.

Don’t get bogged down by guilt or regret. Take control of your life and be the best parent you can by being present and engaged with them on a daily basis.

11. Answer Questions Honestly

Your kids may have questions about why their home situation is different from many of their friends. When asked, don’t sugarcoat the situation or give them an answer that is not accurate.

Depending on their age, take this opportunity to explain the truth of what happened and how the current circumstances came about. Not all families have two parents, whether that is due to divorce, death, or whatever else life brings.

Don’t give more detail than necessary or talk badly about the other parent. But strive to be truthful and honest. Your children will benefit more from your candor than a made-up story.

12. Treat Kids Like Kids

In the absence of a partner, it can be tempting to rely on your children for comfort, companionship, or sympathy. But your kids are not equipped to play this role for you.

There are many details within an adult relationship that children are not able to understand or process, and it will only cause confusion and resentment.

Do not take out your anger on your kids. Separate your emotional needs from your role as a mother. If you find yourself depending on your kids too much, look for adult friends or family members that you can talk to about your issues.

13. Find Role Models

Find positive role models of the opposite sex for your child. It’s crucial that your child does not form negative associations with an entire gender of people.

Find close friends or family members that would be willing to spend one-on-one time with your kids. Encourage them to form meaningful relationships with people that you trust and that they can look up to.

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Role models can make a huge difference in the path that a child decides to take, so be intentional about the ones that you put in your kids’ lives.

14. Be Affectionate and Give Praise

Your children need your affection and praise on a daily basis. Engage with your kids as often as possible by playing with them, going on outings, and encouraging open dialogue.

Affirm them in the things that they are doing well, no matter how small. Praise their efforts, rather than their achievements. This will inspire them to continue to put forth hard work and not give up when success is not achieved.

Rather than spending money on gifts, spend time and effort in making lasting memories.

Final Thoughts

Being a single parent is a challenging responsibility to take on. Without the help of a partner to fall back on, single parents have a lot more to take on.

However, studies show that growing up in a single parent home does not have a negative effect on achievement in school. As long as the family is a stable and safe environment, kids are able to excel and do well in life.

Use these tips in order to be a reliable and capable parent for your kids, while maintaining your own well-being and sanity.

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Featured photo credit: Eye for Ebony via unsplash.com

Reference

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