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10 Steps To Overcoming Obsession In A Relationship

10 Steps To Overcoming Obsession In A Relationship

Do you think you are obsessive about your relationship? Some people struggle to tell the difference between a healthy relationship and an obsessive one. Without realizing they obsess over their partner, they find themselves wanting to constantly be with them, always wanting to know where they are, and trying to control their behaviour.

This behaviour is damaging to both partners and it often ruins relationships. If you want to overcome your relationship obsession and find genuine love, follow these 10 steps.

1. Be aware of your obsession

If you are reading this article, there is a good chance that you think you may be obsessive. Admit to yourself that you are becoming obsessive – once you know there is a problem, you can start to fix it.

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2. Realize the difference between genuine love and artificial love

No partner can fix your flaws or remove the challenges from your life; only you can do that. Artificial love is loving the version of someone you have created in your mind. This is rarely rewarding as the person you love doesn’t actually exist. Real love is loving someone for who they truly are – flaws and all.

3. Be aware that obsession can change the way you see things

While you are obsessed with someone, you don’t see them for who they are. This applies to the relationship, too; maybe you think the relationship will last forever, but your partner may not feel the same way. In a healthy relationship, both partners are on the same page emotionally.

4. Look at the relationship from the other person’s perspective

What matters to your partner? They may have priorities and passions in their life that you don’t understand. Realize that your existence alone will not be anyone’s only priority, and to expect that is unrealistic. Instead, learn more about your partner’s passions and try to support them.

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5. Think about the dangers of obsession

Obsession can seem romantic and loving, but be aware of the dangers of obsession. Often people with a relationship obsession struggle to grow as they are too focused on someone else, and they often become unhappy because they are so dependent on someone else. Realize that happiness and independence are interlinked.

6. Try a relaxed approach

Do you think you and your partner are well suited for each other? If so, realize that they are worth the wait. They may not be as emotionally involved as you are right now, but with time the relationship may grow – not everyone falls in love at the same pace.

7. Choose to love yourself

Often people who are obsessive in relationships struggle to love themselves, so they look for someone to love them because this is the only way they feel worthy. Start to love yourself by recognizing your talents and looking after your emotional needs.

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8. Tell the people you love that you are going through emotional changes

It can be very difficult to acknowledge that you have an obsession. You can feel confused and unsure of who you really are, which can make you emotional or slightly clingy. Warn the people in your life that you are going through emotional changes so they can understand your situation and provide you with support.

9. Spend time with your friends and family

Instead of focusing on one person that you love, think about all of the people who love you. Your partner is not everything in your life, and spending time with your friends and family will help you to realize that you have other priorities beside your partner, helping you to regain your independence.

10. Pursue activities that you love

Do you have any passions or hobbies? Try to do something that interests you every day, from reading a chapter in a book to attending a yoga class. This will give you some time every day to enjoy your own wonderful company. Good luck!

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Featured photo credit: Randy Heinitz / Sage Advice via flickr.com

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Amy Johnson

Freelance writer, editor and social media manager.

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Last Updated on November 15, 2018

Success In Reaching Goals Is Determined By Mindset

Success In Reaching Goals Is Determined By Mindset

What do you think it takes to achieve your goals? Hard work? Lots of actions? While these are paramount to becoming successful in reaching our goals, neither of these are possible without a positive mindset.

As humans, we naturally tend to lean towards a negative outlook when it comes to our hopes and dreams. We are prone to believing that we have limitations either from within ourselves or from external forces keeping us from truly getting to where we want to be in life. Our tendency to think that we’ll “believe it when we see it” suggests that our mindsets are focused on our goals not really being attainable until they’ve been achieved. The problem with this is that this common mindset fuels our limiting beliefs and shows a lack of faith in ourselves.

The Success Mindset

Success in achieving our goals comes down to a ‘success mindset’. Successful mindsets are those focused on victory, based on positive mental attitudes, empowering inclinations and good habits. Acquiring a success mindset is the sure-fire way to dramatically increase your chance to achieve your goals.

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The idea that achieving our goals comes down to our habits and actions is actually a typical type of mindset that misses a crucial point; that our mindset is, in fact, the determiner of our energy and what actions we take. A negative mindset will tend to create negative actions and similarly if we have a mindset that will only set into action once we see ‘proof’ that our goals are achievable, then the road will be much longer and arduous. This is why, instead of thinking “I’ll believe it when I see it”, a success mindset will think “I’ll see it when I believe it.”

The Placebo Effect and What It Shows Us About The Power of Mindset

The placebo effect is a perfect example of how mindset really can be powerful. In scientific trials, a group of participants were told they received medication that will heal an ailment but were actually given a sugar pill that does nothing (the placebo). Yet after the trial the participants believed it’s had a positive effect – sometimes even cured their ailment even though nothing has changed. This is the power of mindset.

How do we apply this to our goals? Well, when we set goals and dreams how often do we really believe they’ll come to fruition? Have absolute faith that they can be achieved? Have a complete unwavering expectation? Most of us don’t because we hold on to negative mindsets and limiting beliefs about ourselves that stop us from fully believing we are capable or that it’s at all possible. We tend to listen to the opinions of others despite them misaligning with our own or bow to societal pressures that make us believe we should think and act a certain way. There are many reasons why we possess these types of mindsets but a success mindset can be achieved.

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How To Create a Success Mindset

People with success mindsets have a particular way of perceiving things. They have positive outlooks and are able to put faith fully in their ability to succeed. With that in mind, here are a few ways that can turn a negative mindset into a successful one.

1. A Success Mindset Comes From a Growth Mindset

How does a mindset even manifest itself? It comes from the way you talk to yourself in the privacy of your own head. Realising this will go a long way towards noticing how you speak to yourself and others around you. If it’s mainly negative language you use when you talk about your goals and aspirations then this is an example of a fixed mindset.

A negative mindset brings with it a huge number of limiting beliefs. It creates a fixed mindset – one that can’t see beyond it’s own limitations. A growth mindset sees these limitations and looks beyond them – it finds ways to overcome obstacles and believes that this will result in success. When you think of your goal, a fixed mindset may think “what if I fail?” A growth mindset would look at the same goal and think “failures happen but that doesn’t mean I won’t be successful.”

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There’s a lot of power in changing your perspective.

2. Look For The Successes

It’s really important to get your mind focused on positive aspects of your goal. Finding inspiration through others can be really uplifting and keep you on track with developing your success mindset; reinforcing your belief that your dreams can be achieved. Find people that you can talk with about how they achieved their goals and seek out and surround yourself with positive people. This is crucial if you’re learning to develop a positive mindset.

3. Eliminate Negativity

You can come up against a lot of negativity sometimes either through other people or within yourself. Understanding that other people’s negative opinions are created through their own fears and limiting beliefs will go a long way in sustaining your success mindset. But for a lot of us, negative chatter can come from within and these usually manifest as negative words such as can’t, won’t, shouldn’t. Sometimes, when we think of how we’re going to achieve our goals, statements in our minds come out as negative absolutes: ‘It never works out for me’ or ‘I always fail.’

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When you notice these coming up you need to turn them around with ‘It always works out for me!’ and ‘I never fail!’ The trick is to believe it no matter what’s happened in the past. Remember that every new day is a clean slate and for you to adjust your mindset.

4. Create a Vision

Envisioning your end goal and seeing it in your mind is an important trait of a success mindset. Allowing ourselves to imagine our success creates a powerful excitement that shouldn’t be underestimated. When our brain becomes excited at the thought of achieving our goals, we become more committed, work harder towards achieving it and more likely to do whatever it takes to make it happen.

If this involves creating a vision board that you can look at to remind yourself every day then go for it. Small techniques like this go a long way in sustaining your success mindset and shouldn’t be dismissed.

An Inspirational Story…

For centuries experts said that running a mile in under 4 minutes was humanly impossible. On the 6th May 1954, Rodger Bannister did just that. As part of his training, Bannister relentlessly visualised the achievement, believing he could accomplish what everyone said wasn’t possible…and he did it.

What’s more amazing is that, as soon as Bannister achieved the 4-minute mile, more and more people also achieved it. How was this possible after so many years of no one achieving it? Because in people’s minds it was suddenly possible – once people knew that it was achievable it created a mindset of success and now, after over fifty years since Bannister did the ‘impossible’, his record has been lowered by 17 seconds – the power of the success mindset!

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