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11 Moving Tips For Couples Wanting To Start Life Together

11 Moving Tips For Couples Wanting To Start Life Together

Are you considering moving with your significant other?

Moving in with your partner is a big decision that should be planned and considered with great thought. Being in a relationship can change a lot of things in your life. You’ll have to make decisions not just for yourself, but also for the sake of your partner.

Soon you’ll realize that it’s not all cuddles and kisses. There will come times when you have to argue about bills, dirty dishes, laundry, or who has to take Fifi out for a walk. Moving signals your both ready to take your relationship further. It means that you’re ready to see the not so attractive things about your partner.

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Are you ready for that? Before you utter that confident YES, here are 11 moving tips you both should read.

1. Plan Together

Cohabiting with your loved one puts a lot of things in to a new perspective. This is why your opinion and his is important when it comes to planning your move. You’ll both be responsible for each other soon; planning ahead will assure you’re both ready for this big change.

2. Pick the Ideal Place

Will It be your place, his, or are you both planning to start fresh?  This is one of the hardest decisions couples have to face when it comes to moving. For things to work out, you should both agree with the new place. If not, one of you should be willing to compromise for the sake of the other.  You also have to consider a lot of factors like work, studies and convenience. There are also many variables that might affect your decision when you’re considering where to live. (Ex. lifestyle, culture and preferences)

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3. Visit the Place Prior Moving

Don’t let looks deceive you. Whether you plan on renting or buying a place, be sure to inspect it first prior moving. See the place with your own eyes so you get a feel of the place, who knows you may see hidden damages that are not present in the pictures. Furthermore, visiting prior the move will let you contemplate better which stuff may fit or not in your apartment.

4. Decide Things You Want For Your New Home

Make an inventory of both your apartments so you can address duplicates, items you lack and items you may want to sell, donate or keep. Items that have memories and value in them should also be packed safely.  Listing your stuff will avoid overcrowding, and making poor decisions when it comes to your valuables.

5. Talk about the Chores

You both probably have expectations when it comes to the chores at home. Most couples can get into heated arguments over these issues, and it’s best to lay down the rules so that fights never happen. Since both of you share space, it’s important to share responsibilities. Talk about how you’d like to divide the chores. Who will cook, who will wash the dishes, who will do the laundry?  On the same note, you should also understand that sometimes your partner or you might not be able to do his job so you have to compromise.

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6. Talk about the Expenses

Money may not buy happiness but it certainly will be part of your life. The truth is you cannot feed each other with love alone. Who gets to pay the rent, the water, the electric bill?  Expenses should be discussed prior moving. Sometimes expenses will cost more than you think, and you both have to be prepared for it.

If you’re both working then you can split expenses so that each one has responsibilities.  But be careful, A 50/50 split can be quite complicated, especially if you both have varying incomes. A fair share might not sound well for someone who makes less money in the relationship. You can opt to have a shared bank account, or pay in ratio according to both salaries. However, if one has to be the breadwinner then the other should take the responsibilities around the house (like cleaning and cooking).

7. Build your own Individual Spaces

Even when you’re in a relationship, sometimes you may need your own individual space. You need to have your own space where you can practice being yourself, to do your hobbies, or just to be with your own thoughts. It can be as simple as your own desk, your own painting corner, where his stuff doesn’t mix with yours.

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8. Find Opportunities to Save

Moving is an expensive ordeal. It requires not just your time, energy but also money! Save by only bringing things you will be using in your apartment.  Most movers will add fees for additional cargo weights. So make sure that you are weeding out stuffs that you don’t need in your apartment.

9. Organize Packaging

Packing stuff can be quite stressful. You don’t want to regret decisions you’ll make by leaving out some stuff you actually need. For efficient and more organized packaging, label boxes on top and either side. This will make unpacking fast and more systemized. Box items that should be placed in the same room. Use the right boxes, for heavy items like books, use small boxes. For light items like linens and pillows, it’s preferable to use bigger boxes.

10. Save Time and Effort by Hiring Movers

Moving can be difficult without help. However, you can save time and energy by hiring professional moving services to do this task for you. There are a lot of licensed moving services that can do the moving job more efficiently. You can be rest assured that your valuables will be handled safely on the day of your move.

11. Resolve Conflicts Immediately

Don’t make quarrels last for long. Resolve conflicts immediately and be more willing to compromise for one another. Stop yourselves the moment you know you’re heading into the blame game. Problems are solved better when they are addressed in a calm manner; shouting to each other’s faces doesn’t solve anything. You’ll both start a new chapter in your life, and moving together is a big step. Even if you’re married or not, you two both share great love that makes you want to stay together under one roof. Goodluck!

Featured photo credit: hands-love-couple by Takemeomeo via pixabay.com

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Armela Escalona

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Last Updated on July 10, 2020

How to Take Control of Your Life with Better Boundaries

How to Take Control of Your Life with Better Boundaries

We all have them—those hurtful, frustrating, offensive, manipulative people in our lives. No matter how hard we try to surround ourselves with positive and kind people, there will always be those who will disrespect, insult, berate, and misuse you if we allow them to.

We may, for a variety of reasons, not be able to avoid them, but we can determine how we interact with them and how we allow them to interact with us.

So, how to take control of your life and stop being pushed around?

Learning to set clear firm boundaries with the people in our lives at work and in our personal lives is the best way to protect ourselves from the negative effects of this kind of behavior.

What Boundaries Are (And What They’re Not)

Boundaries are limits

—they are not threats or ultimatums. Boundaries inform or teach. They are not a form of punishment.

Boundaries are firm lines—determined by you—which cannot be crossed by those around you. They are guidelines for how you will allow others to treat you and what kind of behaviors you will expect.

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Healthy personal boundaries help protect you from physical or emotional pain. You may also need to set firm boundaries at work to ensure you and your time are not disrespected. Don’t allow others to take advantage of your kindness and generosity.

Clear boundaries communicate to others that you demand respect and consideration—that you are willing to stand up for yourself and that you will not be a doormat for anyone. They are a “no trespassing” sign that makes it very clear when a line has been crossed and that there will be consequences for doing so.

Boundaries are not set with the intention of changing other people. They may change how people interact with you, but they are more about enforcing your needs than attempting to change the general behavior and attitude of others.

How to Establish Boundaries and Take Control of Your Life

Here are some ways that you can establish boundaries and take control of your life.

1. Self-Awareness Comes First

Before you can establish boundaries with others, you first need to understand what your needs are.

You are entitled to respect. You have the right to protect yourself from inappropriate or offensive behavior. Setting boundaries is a way of honoring your needs.

To set appropriate boundaries, you need to be clear about what healthy behaviors look like—what healthy relationships look like.

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You first have to become more aware of your feelings and honest with yourself about your expectations and what you feel is appropriate behavior:

  • Where do you need to establish better boundaries?
  • When do you feel disrespected?
  • When do you feel violated, frustrated, or angered by the behavior of others?
  • In what situations do you feel you are being mistreated or taken advantage of?
  • When do you want to be alone?
  • How much space do you need?

You need to honor your own needs and boundaries before you can expect others to honor them. This allows you to take control of your life.

2. Clear Communication Is Essential

Inform others clearly and directly what your expectations are. It is essential to have clear communication if you want others to respect your boundaries. Explain in an honest and respectful tone what you find offensive or unacceptable.

Many people simply aren’t aware that they are behaving inappropriately. They may never have been taught proper manners or consideration for others.

3. Be Specific but Don’t Blame

Taking a blaming or punishing attitude automatically puts people on the defensive. People will not listen when they feel attacked. It’s part of human nature.

That said, you do not need to overexplain or defend yourself. Boundaries are not open to compromise.

Sample language:

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  • “You may not…yell or raise your voice to me…”
  • “I need…to be treated with respect…”
  • “It’s not okay when…you take things from my desk without asking…”
  • “I won’t…do your work…cover for you anymore…”
  • “It’s not acceptable when…you ridicule or insult me…”
  • “I am uncomfortable when…you use offensive language”
  • “I will no longer be able to…lend you money…”

Being able to communicate these without sounding accusatory is essential if you want others to respect your boundaries so you can take control of your life.

4. Consequences Are Often Necessary

Determine what the appropriate consequences will be when boundaries are crossed. If it’s appropriate, be clear about those consequences upfront when communicating those boundaries to others.

Follow through. People won’t respect your boundaries if you don’t enforce them.

Standing our ground and forcing consequences doesn’t come easily to us. We want to be nice. We want people to like us, but we shouldn’t have to trade our self-respect to gain friends or to achieve success.

We may be tempted to let minor disrespect slide to avoid conflict, but as the familiar saying goes, “if you give people an inch, they’ll take a mile.”

It’s much easier to address offensive or inappropriate behavior now than to wait until that behavior has gotten completely out of hand.

It’s also important to remember that positive reinforcement is even more powerful than negative consequences. When people do alter the way they treat you, acknowledge it. Let people know that you notice and appreciate their efforts.

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Final Thoughts

Respect is always a valid reason for setting a boundary. Don’t defend yourself or your needs. Boundaries are often necessary to protect your time, your space, and your feelings. And these are essential if you want to take control of your life.

Start with the easiest boundaries first. Setting boundaries is a skill that needs to be practiced. Enlist support from others if necessary. Inform people immediately when they have crossed the line.

Don’t wait. Communicate politely and directly. Be clear about the consequences and follow them through.

The better you become at setting your own boundaries, the better you become at recognizing and respecting the boundaries of others.

Remember that establishing boundaries is your right. You are entitled to respect. You can’t control how other people behave, but you do have control over the way you allow people to treat you.

Learning to set boundaries is not always easy, but with time, it will become more comfortable. You may eventually find that boundaries become automatic and you no longer need to consciously set them.

They will simply become a natural extension of your self-respect.

Featured photo credit: Thomas Kelley via unsplash.com

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