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Want to Lift Yourself Up? Instant Mood Boosters

Want to Lift Yourself Up? Instant Mood Boosters

What if I told you that you could instantly change your life and the lives of those around you by simply paying attention to the universe and embracing opportunities to spread good energy? Don’t believe me? I challenge you to give it a try!

Acts of kindness and spreading good energy will absolutely bring you immense joy and happiness and will lift your spirits and change your mood instantly. An act of kindness given freely with absolutely no expectation for anything in return can truly change another person’s day as well as your own. Here are 10 simple ways that you can spread good energy and lift your mood instantly. In helping someone, you will experience mood boosters for yourself.

1. Pay attention

The universe is constantly presenting us with opportunities to be kind. Are you paying attention to these mood boosters? From assisting someone with carrying groceries, to standing back and opening doors, to allowing someone to go before you in a queue, there are events occurring around you and in front of you that will offer you the opportunity to lift yourself up as well as someone else. In today’s busy world, practicing courtesy has gone by the wayside. Start paying attention to who is around you. Expand your energy out and shower kindness to the people you encounter over the course of your day. A single act of kindness sends out a blast of positive energy that spreads further than you could ever imagine.

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2. Pay it forward

Practice random acts of kindness as often as you can.

For example –
Pay for a stranger’s coffee if you have spare change.
Cook a meal for someone who is struggling and needs a hand.
Send someone a beautiful hand written letter – YES handwritten! The art of hand writing a beautiful letter has been replaced with emailing and texting so take the time to create a personal letter to let someone know how important they are to you.
Wash someone’s car.
Clean someone’s house.
Tidy up someone’s garden.
Buy someone flowers.

I could keep going with this list as there are just so many ways to pay it forward. Giving your time, your energy or a small gift can lift someone’s spirits and warm someone’s heart as well as your own.

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3. Be compassionate

Practice compassion with everyone. When someone is struggling, if you really listen to them and offer words of support and encouragement, you will naturally shine light in what is often a dark place. Having a positive, compassionate, and forgiving outlook will recharge your soul and provide you with mood boosters.

4. Reconnect

Take the time to really connect with your community. When you step outside and start engaging with the people around you, sharing their stories and embracing what they are contributing to the world, you will create all sorts of positive emotions. Take the time as well to reconnect with old friends who you have lost touch with and make sure you check up on people who may be experiencing hard times. I can assure you, the energy exchanged between you and someone else when you reconnect is powerful.

5. Volunteer

Volunteering is an investment into your community as well as the people who live in it. Investing pretty much always offers a return right? So imagine the return you will get when you volunteer your time and energy and focus on having a positive impact on someone else’s life instead of your own.

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6. Listen

Make someone else feel valued by listening. When you next meet with someone, turn off your mobile phone and put it away. Give them your undivided attention. Be mindful, present, and engaged and really take in the whole conversation without the distractions.

7. Create your own movement

Inspire people around you to follow your lead. Maybe there is an opportunity for you to create a community event or activity that could change lives for the better. Recruit like-minded people and find a way to share some positive action in your community. Nothing is more uplifting than throwing yourself into a project that is based on giving from the heart.

8. Give genuine compliments and smile

Take the time to give a genuine compliment to someone in your circle. Expressing a real, heartfelt compliment to someone connects and creates a bond of pure uplifting energy between you and the recipient. And while you are at it, smile more. Smiling instantly changes your mood. It is like flicking the on switch to feeling happy. Smiling has all sorts of positive effects on your body and when you smile at another person, that feel good energy is nothing short of contagious.

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9. Shine your light

Spread good energy and don’t be afraid to really be yourself. Have you ever met someone who “lights up a room”? They energize everyone around them with their positive attitude. You can choose to uplift and inspire people and in return you will be rewarded with even more positive energy and fuel for your soul.  Remember, you do not need anyone’s approval to be yourself. Now more than ever we need more unique, authentic, people willing to shine their light on the world.

10. Repeat the above list daily

Keep your eyes and your heart open and embrace the opportunity to uplift someone else.

We can all make a difference and share more joy and more positive energy with the world. For every act of kindness you do, you give out an abundance of warm, uplifting energy to the universe. There is no act too small or too big. Even the simplest of gestures can affect many lives for the better. The healing powers of kindness are plentiful and I implore you to open up your heart and give generously to be kind and courteous. It will lift your spirits, change your life, and the lives of so many around you.

Featured photo credit: Ed Gregory via stokpic.com

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Jo Ettles

Jo Ettles is a published self help author, international writer, speaker and extremely gifted intuitive life coach.

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Published on April 7, 2021

6 Signs Of A Controlling Person To Be Aware Of

6 Signs Of A Controlling Person To Be Aware Of

Some of the most manipulative people are so good at what they do that their words and actions can convince you into thinking they truly care about what’s best for you when in reality, it’s quite the opposite. The most common signs of a controlling person are rarely obvious to outside observers. And for someone enmeshed in a controlling relationship or friendship, it can be incredibly challenging to stay away from this toxic person, even if you’re aware of their emotionally abusive tendencies.

While it’s ultimately up to you to decide whether to preserve or leave a lopsided, unfulfilling relationship, it’s nevertheless critical to understand the following six signs of controlling people so you can better advocate for yourself and mitigate the influence of their manipulative tendencies in your own life.

1. They Push Their Own Personal Agenda

Do you know someone who always tries to micromanage the words, behaviors, and attitudes of people around them? Does this person act like they have the right to know anything they want about you, including your location, what you’re doing in a given moment, who you’re talking to online, or any other private information about you? And when planning events and special occasions, does this person dominate conversations, steer plans in their own preferred directions, disparage others’ suggestions, and refuse to collaborate with anyone who might disagree with them?

If you answered “yes” to some of the above questions, then those are clear signs of a controlling person whom you absolutely need to be cautious around. Controlling people are reluctant to even consider alternative ideas, let alone enthusiastically work with people who have differing views. They prefer to be the captain of every ship—regardless of how much or how little an issue personally impacts them—and they have an arsenal of manipulative tactics to deploy if someone stands in the way of them achieving their own personal agendas.

In long-term relationships with controlling people, you may feel constantly pressured to meet their demands, follow their schedule, and focus on whatever they feel is most important. It’s not an exaggeration to say that these people act like the universe revolves around them, which can be exhausting to deal with for their family members, friends, and colleagues.

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2. They Make Everything Transactional

Controlling people aren’t always self-centered, but they’re not too empathetic either. Empathy for them tends to appear in the form of strategic concessions they use as a means to get what they want. They typically view interpersonal relationships as transactional opportunities to extract more value from people surrounding them, which can have a draining effect on those they interact with.

For example, one sign of a controlling person may be their insistence on “keeping score.” This can involve doing nice things for you with the ulterior motive of demanding something from you at a later date in exchange for what you thought was just an act of kindness or a friendly support.

Perhaps they shower you in praise (also known as “love-bombing”) or gifts then blow up at you if you don’t intuitively know they’re expecting something back from you. None of us are mind-readers, but controlling people behave as though everyone else should think and act like they want others to and those who fall out of line are punished for failing to meet their impossible expectations.

A controlling person may also threaten to withhold support if you don’t adhere to their demands, but they do so in such subtle ways that the guilt they impose blinds you from the unreasonable nature of their behaviors.

Some statements to be wary of include:

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  • “I did ___________ for you. What do you mean you can’t do ___________ for me?”
  • “Remember how I helped you with ___________? That took a lot of time and energy from me, but I guess you didn’t appreciate my help.”
  • “I always give you ___________. Don’t you care about my needs too?”
  • “You’re so selfish!” or “You don’t care about me at all!” (gaslighting if you respond with hesitation or politely decline their request for help for perfectly valid reasons, such as not having enough time or resources to assist them)

3. They Criticize Everything

One of the most common telltale signs of a controlling person is their capacity to criticize anything and everything, even small things that seemingly don’t matter. As with many toxic traits in relationships, these problems typically start out so small that you may not even notice. At first, you may even agree with their criticism or at least be able to understand their perspective when they bring up an issue.

However, the criticism tends to get more intense, more constant, and more perplexing for people who maintain relationships with controlling people. You’ll likely notice how they rarely seem to criticize something they do. It’s almost always other-oriented and these types of people are so manipulative that any rationale they offer can seem plausibly legitimate.

Some warning signs of a controlling person who’s overly critical to the point of abusiveness include:

  • Criticizing things about you that you have little to no control over (e.g., appearance, disability, family)
  • Criticizing your personal choices and interests, such as educational pursuits, career, clothing, favorite music, time spent on your hobbies, etc.
  • Punishing you for expressing vulnerability by invalidating thoughts and feelings you share with them
  • Attacking you whenever you express an opinion counter to theirs

4. They Balk When Someone Criticizes Them

We all know the adage, “what goes around, comes around.” But this statement doesn’t apply as much to toxic, controlling people. They’d much prefer to dish out criticism without ever having to take it in return.

For instance, if your friend constantly talks about your appearance with little regard for your emotions but flips out if you make just a single comment about their appearance, there’s a possibility that they could have some hidden controlling tendencies left unchecked. Remember, these people aren’t just controlling in their behaviors towards others. They’re also actively trying to stay in complete control over every aspect of their lives, which includes how others view them.

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This seemingly insatiable desire for control can prompt them to lash out against even the smallest bits of criticism, leaving people around them too weary or scared to speak up again in the future. While it’s possible they may suffer from something called rejection sensitivity dysphoria, this does not excuse them from the consequences of their words and actions. They should seek professional help to better manage their reactions to criticism.

5. They Socially Isolate You

Not all controlling people do this, but for manipulative narcissists, socially isolating victims is a go-to strategy for maintaining control because it’s effective at preventing people from truly understanding how toxic their partner, family member, or friend is treating them. Think of it this way—if you don’t talk to many other people in your life, there’s less of a risk that you’ll damage their reputation by revealing their abusive tendencies.

Socially isolating others also gives the person more control over you and your life as it becomes more difficult to break away from them if you don’t have other healthier channels of communication and interpersonal support to turn to.

This process doesn’t happen overnight, nor is it something you can readily recognize as abusive. At first, it may seem reasonable, such as asking you to stop engaging so often with family members with whom both of you disagree on major social or political issues. As the social isolation progresses, they may suggest cutting people out of your life—especially if they don’t like that person, regardless of how you personally feel—or even conjure up high-stakes problems like “it’s me or them” under the guise of saving you from people in your life whom they don’t like for whatever reason.

In a controlling person’s life narrative, they’re always the protagonist who’s incapable of any wrongdoing. The blame is always redirected at someone else, whether that’s you or other people in your life. The more they isolate you from other supportive people in your life, the more susceptible you’ll be to falsely believing that they’re right and you “don’t need” your other friends and family when you have someone as perfect as this person.

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6. They’re Emotionally Abusive

It’s hard enough to be in control of your own emotions but when someone else is constantly belittling you and your interests or leveraging guilt and shame to manipulate you into saying or doing what they want, this can make it even more challenging to stay in control of your own life and emotional well-being.

Emotional abuse is another sign of a controlling person that is often overlooked in relationships. After all, human personalities vary widely in terms of passivity, and it’s not uncommon for one person in a relationship to be significantly more passive than the other. This becomes an issue when the controlling partner or friend exudes signs of emotional abuse, which can start subtly and become much more pronounced over time.

Concerning signs of emotionally abusive language or behavior to watch out for include:

  • Dismissing your needs and/or belittling your interests in counterproductive ways
  • Privately or publicly shaming or humiliating you
  • Making you feel as though you can never live up to their expectations or do anything right (according to their own vague, subjective standards)
  • Gaslighting you into thinking they said or did something that never actually happened (making you question your own reality)

Final Thoughts

It’s sometimes hard to see the negative things about someone with whom we have a relationship. We may sometimes unconsciously overlook the signs of a controlling person, especially if that person is someone we have known for a long time or are close to us. However, cutting them off your life is the best thing you can do for yourself. Just watch out for these six signs of a controlling person and take immediate action when you spot them.

More Tips on How To Deal With a Controlling Person

Featured photo credit: Külli Kittus via unsplash.com

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