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12 Things People Who Treat Themselves Like Their Best Friend

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12 Things People Who Treat Themselves Like Their Best Friend

Did you know that people who treat themselves like their best friends live 5x longer than their counterparts?

Now you are probably saying, “But Elliot that is some bull! You are basically saying PWTTLTBF’s live for 100 years while others live for only 20 years!”

Well yeah, I am exaggerating a little bit but PWTTLTBF probably do actually live longer because they are less stressed, happier, more optimistic, and better at the game of life than others.

(If you don’t believe that PWTTLTBF live longer, then check out this article from Harvard School Of Public Health that basically says being happier = live longer)

Now there are actually people who treat themselves like they are worth absolutely nothing. ( I treated myself like my own ULTIMATE Best Friends Forever before).

And then there are PWTTLTBF, who love themselves for who they are and simply love life.

Now I understand why some people would hate themselves because I used to REALLY hate myself. (emphasis on the used to)

One small example of mine is that I used to punch walls until my knuckles literally turned purple (with a hint of blue…I was in pain for months…it really hurt) and I didn’t ask for help from anyone for months because I believed I deserved that.

And I know that it is an abnormal amount of hate, but one lesson you can take from this is that ANYONE CAN CHANGE for better.

Now I’m not trying to be one of those people who always complain about their lives, believing that they are the only group who went through life with so many struggles.

I understand and accept the fact that there will always be someone who struggles about life more than I have. (there are BILLIONS of people on this planet)

But understand that there are benefits to treating yourself like your own best friend. These benefits include increase productivity, become happier, and making better choices in life. (also you will live longer…you want to live longer, don’t you?)

Anyways from my experience of going from literally wanting to kill myself to motivating myself by giving myself a pep talk in the mirror, here are 12 things PWTTLTBF do.

1. We don’t beat ourselves up for making mistakes.

We are HUMAN BEINGS. We are not perfect, and we can never be perfect.

There is no benefit in beating yourself up for making a mistake; in fact, it is toxic.

All you do is make yourself feel bad; and when you feel bad, you are less motivated; and when you are less motivated, you don’t want to do anything.

And when you don’t want to do anything, you become depressed. And when you become depressed, you become even more depressed about the fact that you are depressed.

And when you are too depressed, you think about all the mistakes you made in your life and it’s a NEVER ENDING SPIRAL OF DEPRESSION.

Now you don’t want to be in the never ending spiral of depression, do you?

So you might be asking, “Elliot what can we do to avoid depression?”

First, you have to accept that you will make mistakes in your life and that is a normal occurrence. (Expect mistakes instead of praying for no mistakes…you are a human beings) DON’T MAKE IT A BIG DEAL!

Second, don’t see mistakes as mistakes; see them as feed-backs.

For example: Let’s say a guy named Steve who was trying to talk to a cute girl at a bar; but the moment he speaks, the cute girl’s face cringed at Steve’s horrible breathe.

So, of course, she signaled her friend that she is not having a pleasant time speaking with Steve’s nasty breathe, so in the end the cute girl got away.

Steve can either beat himself up for messing up for hours OR he can save hours of his time and mental health and see that having horrible breathe = girls running away.

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Third, learn from your feedback and come up with a solution.

So in Steve’s case, he can either carry gum or breathe mint or get his mouth checked out by a dentist because his breathe is straight up nasty. (Steve is a fictional character in this case)

Fourth, use your solution and put it into actions and see what the feedback would be.

If the feedback is negative, then repeat the process again and continue (NO MATTER WHAT) until you find a solution that produces positive feedback.

2. We reward ourselves when we did something that deserves a reward.

Have you ever done something that makes you feel accomplished? Like finishing a huge project, getting that raise, or simply getting a lot of things done.

Now, some people don’t even reward themselves and go back to work right after feeling accomplished. They don’t give themselves a break and will break down in the future.

For example, Steve finished a project that takes 20 hours to do. If he finished the project and goes on to the next 20 hour project without a reward, he will feel less motivated and accomplished when he finished compared to the first time.

When we do something that makes us feel accomplished, we have to encourage ourselves to continue doing those things that makes us feel accomplished.

We are not robots that can work 24/7, we are human beings and we need to give ourselves incentives.

So when you are about to tackle a big project or get a lot of things done, plan a reward of something that you REALLY want. Not some pieces of candy like some people suggest as a reward. REALLY treat yourself.

Note: Reward yourself based on the difficulty of the task. For example, a 10 hour project would get a different reward than a 2 hour project.

3. We value our time like it is diamond.

I believe that my time is extremely valuable because you can never get back the time you wasted.

People who hate themselves don’t care about their time because they don’t care about themselves.

They just want time to go by because they hate their lives and they don’t want to live in it a second longer. So they waste their time by escaping the reality instead of improving their own self-worth so they can actually live a life they love.

But PWTTLTBF value their time because they love life and want to spend every minute enjoying life and doing things they love.

We don’t bother with things that makes us utterly miserable and we always try to find an alternative way to do things if the current way makes us miserable.

So what you can do now is understand that if you love life, you value your time because you want to spend every minute enjoying life and doing the things you love.

Cause nothing else matters besides if you were happy with the choices you made in your life. So try to make the right choices and if you make a mistake just remember the process I told you about in #1.

4. We take care of our health.

I understand people who don’t care about their health because food taste so good. It’s hard to control yourself in these days when there are so many fattening and unhealthy foods around.

It’s even cheaper to become unhealthy too!

But you need to understand that your health is extremely important because this is your body. And last time I checked, we only have one body, so we need to take care of it.

And I’m talking about staying healthy not six-pack abs healthy. You don’t need six-pack abs to be healthy (but it doesn’t hurt to try).

Mainly, watch your diet and skip the potato chips and find healthy options instead. (seriously stay away from junk food, they are mostly filled with artificial preservatives with a bunch of chemicals).

Also get a minimum of 6 hours of sleep and maximum of 8 hours of sleep. Oversleeping is unhealthy too because you will have even LESS energy, motivation and time to get things done. (Check out this article about the negative side effects of oversleeping from WebMD.com)

Lastly, have a scheduled exercise routine that you enjoy doing. My example is that I like martial arts, so I bought a punching bag and I go nuts for around 20 – 30 minutes a day. All you need to do is get your heart rate pumping.

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But if you want to lose weight as a serious goal, you should really consider weight lifting in your exercise routine. But there are literally TONS of information on weight loss on the internet.

So use the trusty old google to find ways to lose weight (By the way don’t trust “magic” pills).

5. We are not lonely when alone.

Some people can’t stand being alone because they don’t like themselves that much. They want someone to make them forget that they are lonely.

However PWTTLTBF don’t feel lonely when they are alone because they always find things to make themselves feel good. Whether it’s cracking jokes, remembering funny things in the past, singing, or whatever thing they enjoy doing alone.

What you can do to help is not focus on the fact that you are alone. The more you focus on the fact that you are alone, the more lonely you will become.

Instead, focus on something that is worth your time. (remember your time is like diamond.)

If you need to exercise GO WORK OUT. If you need to get some reading done START READING. If you want to relax START RELAXING. (meditation is great)

Start focusing on things you can do or should do when you are alone and start getting things done you champ.

6. We are constantly improving our self-value.

Now by improving our self-value, I mean we constantly get better and better in all areas of our lives. If something needs to be improved, we simply improve.

PWTTLTBF want the best for themselves in life and everything. We don’t give ourselves excuses for things we need to improve upon.

For example: When I changed from hating myself to loving myself, I realized that I need to improve my social skills. In the past I would give myself excuses why I can’t improve myself; saying things like I have ADHD, I’m dumb, and I’m too shy.

But the moment I started to love myself, I began to want the best for myself. I want to have things that I would not be able to get. So I have to improve my self-value, my self-worth.

So I stopped with excuses and said, “Screw it, why not?”

So first stop with the excuses. You shouldn’t even care about why you can’t do something because someone else probably did the thing you want to do with MUCH harder and harsher conditions.

Also excuses already implied that you will fail. And when you believe that you will fail at something, you won’t give it your full effort.

If you KNEW that you were going to completely fail in a competition, would you give it your full effort?

Well no, no one would because normally it is just a waste of energy and time.

Once you get rid of excuses or any reasons why you can’t do something, you have to figure out HOW to do it. (the internet is very use in finding out HOW to do things)

Then you need to figure out WHAT you need.

That is all you need to do to figure out how to do anything.

After you found out all the information, then TAKE ACTION. You could gather all the knowledge in the world, but if you don’t use it, that knowledge is useless.

7. We don’t take life too seriously.

It’s not that we don’t care, its that we don’t care TOO much. But essentially we do care.

But you don’t see us doing flips over little problems and issues. We don’t freak out and we keep our cool because we understand that life shouldn’t be taken too seriously.

But that does not mean we don’t ever take things seriously. We take things seriously when it is appropriate.

For example, if a friend’s family member passes away, we aren’t like, “That isn’t THAT a big of a deal, get over it man and don’t take it so seriously.”

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But you might be asking, “why should I not take life too seriously. What does it do for me?” If you are a really serious type of person, understand the more serious you are, the more stressful you will become.

If you were serious 24/7, it would be tiring, stressful, and overwhelming.

Think about it. If you were serious like you are defusing a bomb with only 30 seconds left ALL the time, you would be stressed, tired, and overwhelmed.

So go meditate and relax and give yourself a break for God’s sake.

8. We surround ourselves with people who brings positive emotions.

Ever hung out with someone who is constantly depressed or how their day is horrible?

It sucks. Period. They just use you to make them feel better and cheer them up (I know…I used to do it too).

Remember, we cherish our time like it is diamond, and we don’t have time to waste on people who wants approval or validation.

They just suck the energy and time out of you and make your day worse.

Now I’m not saying be a mean person and drop people once they become depressed.

I mean if your friend is going through a tough time, you shouldn’t be like, “Well Elliot told me I should drop you because you are killing my mood. So good luck dealing with your dog’s death.”

But a majority of the time, we surround ourselves with people who brings good emotions and have high self-value. (meaning we can learn a thing or two from the people around us…remember we are constantly learning)

9. We are self-motivated.

When things get tough, hard, or brutal we find ways to motivate ourselves because we understand that to get the things you want in life, you have to make the hard choices sometimes.

We want the best for us because we love ourselves. You would want the best for the people you love in your life. You wouldn’t want your loved ones to fail and suffer because you want them to feel good and all that good stuff.

So why wouldn’t you want the best for yourself? It’s the same as wanting the best for your loved ones.

So then you might be asking how do I motivate myself to do anything?

Well first you have to reconnect with the compelling reasons WHY you are doing whatever you are doing.

For example: If you want to lose weight, you have to reconnect with why you started. Maybe you want to get in shape to keep up with your kids never-ending energy or simply want to look real nice when you look in the mirror.

Then you have to re-amp yourself by doing something physical while smiling. You can run for 2 – 4 blocks, running as fast as you can while smiling. (Do anything physical to shock you out of your old negative emotions.)

And then reconnect one more time with your compelling reasons and then come up with small steps to get your bigger goal.

(You can also think about what you will lose if you stop taking action towards your goal.)

Then put your complete focus on the smaller steps one at a time.

And all of a sudden you are motivated to take action towards your goal. Great ain’t it?

10. We live in the moment but occasionally dream about our future.

We live in the present because now is the time to make changes and do something amazing. We don’t think about the past because what is in the past, stays in the past.

Unless they are lessons or great memories to cheer us up, we don’t dwell on the past. Whatever horrible thing you done in the past, has to stay in the past.

Just accept that you USED to do those horrible things but you won’t do them again because that is not who you are in the present.

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If you live in the past and let it control your life, your future will fade away because you will only live in your past. You will let your past dictate your future and what you deserve.

Remember you CAN change no matter what you did in the past. The first step is to accept that you used to do those horrible things, then the second step is to actually WANT and NEED the change. Third step is to commit to your change and basically swear on your life you will continue with the positive change.

Now not everyone has done something horrible, but it can be something negative. So if you want to change something negative about you, you can do it too! (we all have a negative trait, we are not perfect)

And sometimes we dream about our future because we all have a future goal in our lives. But if your future goal doesn’t excite you at all, then you need to change your future goals into something that excite you. (Only YOU can find out what you want, NO ONE else can)

But if you have a future goal that excites you, then imagine yourself already having those things. You will feel excited about your future and your life. (meaning you will be happier)

11. We break the rules…when necessary.

Sometimes rules need to be broken to get the things you want in your life. Remember there are ALWAYS exceptions in life. There is never only one way to do something.

There are exceptions even in the law of science. One example is mercury. Metals is defined as a solid BUT mercury is still considered a metal even though it is a liquid.

Even in religion there has to be exceptions. One of the ten commandments is do not kill, yet soldiers kill to protect their country. Remember there are exceptions to ANYTHING in life.

But there is no one way to know exactly when to break the rules, and there is always a risk when you break a rule. You have to evaluate if the reward is greater than the risk and if it goes with your moral ethics.

For example there are unwritten rules in society that people normally follow. One of those rules is to keep to yourself when meeting with someone of “higher status” (celebrities, CEO’s, interviewer, or your boss – basically people who have power over you)

Normally you can’t act like the best friend with a “higher status” person. People normally keep to themselves to not offend them and make a fool out of themselves.

But think about it. If everyone was acting reserved around you, wouldn’t it be refreshing to see a person speak out his mind without any reservation? (well not racism or anything obviously stupid – it has to be something intelligent that showcases something positive about you)

But sometimes that backfires depending on the personality and beliefs of the “higher status” person. If the “higher status” person is arrogant, ignorant, selfish, and a jerk in general, it’s better to act reserved to avoid contact because you don’t want to be associated with a jerk. (But if it’s your boss then find another job secretly, your time is too precious to deal with an arrogant and ignorant boss)

Remember there are lot of things to take into consideration when making a choice. You have to try to gather as much information as you can before you make a choice, and make a choice once you gathered enough information. (Don’t procrastinate making a choice by saying you need more information…just gather the information you NEED and then make a choice)

12. We unconditionally love ourselves

Living through life hating yourself completely sucks. It’s like having a permanent roommate that you hate everything about.

It depends on you, whether you hate or love yourself. The choice is yours to make. No one can make you hate yourself or love yourself.

What I do is to give myself pep talk every so often while looking in the mirror. (lock the door…)

But first you have to stop with the negative self-talk (it’s when you seriously talk bad about yourself, it becomes more serious than just a joke)

Then start with positive self-talk and continue with it for the rest of your life because negative self-talk is toxic to your mental health.

It’s like choosing between an amazing massage and an extremely painful torture…which would you pick?

Then start doing things that prove that you love yourself…like those I mentioned above.

Now go out there and start loving yourself and your life!

Featured photo credit: Young woman portrait via flickr.com

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Last Updated on July 20, 2021

How to Overcome the Fear of Public Speaking (A Step-by-Step Guide)

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How to Overcome the Fear of Public Speaking (A Step-by-Step Guide)

You’re standing behind the curtain, just about to make your way on stage to face the many faces half-shrouded in darkness in front of you. As you move towards the spotlight, your body starts to feel heavier with each step. A familiar thump echoes throughout your body – your heartbeat has gone off the charts.

Don’t worry, you’re not the only one with glossophobia(also known as speech anxiety or the fear of speaking to large crowds). Sometimes, the anxiety happens long before you even stand on stage.

Your body’s defence mechanism responds by causing a part of your brain to release adrenaline into your blood – the same chemical that gets released as if you were being chased by a lion.

Here’s a step-by-step guide to help you overcome your fear of public speaking:

1. Prepare yourself mentally and physically

According to experts, we’re built to display anxiety and to recognize it in others. If your body and mind are anxious, your audience will notice. Hence, it’s important to prepare yourself before the big show so that you arrive on stage confident, collected and ready.

“Your outside world is a reflection of your inside world. What goes on in the inside, shows on the outside.” – Bob Proctor

Exercising lightly before a presentation helps get your blood circulating and sends oxygen to the brain. Mental exercises, on the other hand, can help calm the mind and nerves. Here are some useful ways to calm your racing heart when you start to feel the butterflies in your stomach:

Warming up

If you’re nervous, chances are your body will feel the same way. Your body gets tense, your muscles feel tight or you’re breaking in cold sweat. The audience will notice you are nervous.

If you observe that this is exactly what is happening to you minutes before a speech, do a couple of stretches to loosen and relax your body. It’s better to warm up before every speech as it helps to increase the functional potential of the body as a whole. Not only that, it increases muscle efficiency, improves reaction time and your movements.

Here are some exercises to loosen up your body before show time:

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  1. Neck and shoulder rolls – This helps relieve upper body muscle tension and pressure as the rolls focus on rotating the head and shoulders, loosening the muscle. Stress and anxiety can make us rigid within this area which can make you feel agitated, especially when standing.
  2. Arm stretches – We often use this part of our muscles during a speech or presentation through our hand gestures and movements. Stretching these muscles can reduce arm fatigue, loosen you up and improve your body language range.
  3. Waist twists – Place your hands on your hips and rotate your waist in a circular motion. This exercise focuses on loosening the abdominal and lower back regions which is essential as it can cause discomfort and pain, further amplifying any anxieties you may experience.

Stay hydrated

Ever felt parched seconds before speaking? And then coming up on stage sounding raspy and scratchy in front of the audience? This happens because the adrenaline from stage fright causes your mouth to feel dried out.

To prevent all that, it’s essential we stay adequately hydrated before a speech. A sip of water will do the trick. However, do drink in moderation so that you won’t need to go to the bathroom constantly.

Try to avoid sugary beverages and caffeine, since it’s a diuretic – meaning you’ll feel thirstier. It will also amplify your anxiety which prevents you from speaking smoothly.

Meditate

Meditation is well-known as a powerful tool to calm the mind. ABC’s Dan Harris, co-anchor of Nightline and Good Morning America weekend and author of the book titled10% Happier , recommends that meditation can help individuals to feel significantly calmer, faster.

Meditation is like a workout for your mind. It gives you the strength and focus to filter out the negativity and distractions with words of encouragement, confidence and strength.

Mindfulness meditation, in particular, is a popular method to calm yourself before going up on the big stage. The practice involves sitting comfortably, focusing on your breathing and then bringing your mind’s attention to the present without drifting into concerns about the past or future – which likely includes floundering on stage.

Here’s a nice example of guided meditation before public speaking:

2. Focus on your goal

One thing people with a fear of public speaking have in common is focusing too much on themselves and the possibility of failure.

Do I look funny? What if I can’t remember what to say? Do I look stupid? Will people listen to me? Does anyone care about what I’m talking about?’

Instead of thinking this way, shift your attention to your one true purpose – contributing something of value to your audience.

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Decide on the progress you’d like your audience to make after your presentation. Notice their movements and expressions to adapt your speech to ensure that they are having a good time to leave the room as better people.

If your own focus isn’t beneficial and what it should be when you’re speaking, then shift it to what does. This is also key to establishing trust during your presentation as the audience can clearly see that you have their interests at heart.[1]

3. Convert negativity to positivity

There are two sides constantly battling inside of us – one is filled with strength and courage while the other is doubt and insecurities. Which one will you feed?

‘What if I mess up this speech? What if I’m not funny enough? What if I forget what to say?’

It’s no wonder why many of us are uncomfortable giving a presentation. All we do is bring ourselves down before we got a chance to prove ourselves. This is also known as a self-fulfilling prophecy – a belief that comes true because we are acting as if it already is. If you think you’re incompetent, then it will eventually become true.

Motivational coaches tout that positive mantras and affirmations tend to boost your confidents for the moments that matter most. Say to yourself: “I’ll ace this speech and I can do it!”

Take advantage of your adrenaline rush to encourage positive outcome rather than thinking of the negative ‘what ifs’.

Here’s a video of Psychologist Kelly McGonigal who encourages her audience to turn stress into something positive as well as provide methods on how to cope with it:

4. Understand your content

Knowing your content at your fingertips helps reduce your anxiety because there is one less thing to worry about. One way to get there is to practice numerous times before your actual speech.

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However, memorizing your script word-for-word is not encouraged. You can end up freezing should you forget something. You’ll also risk sounding unnatural and less approachable.

“No amount of reading or memorizing will make you successful in life. It is the understanding and the application of wise thought that counts.” – Bob Proctor

Many people unconsciously make the mistake of reading from their slides or memorizing their script word-for-word without understanding their content – a definite way to stress themselves out.

Understanding your speech flow and content makes it easier for you to convert ideas and concepts into your own words which you can then clearly explain to others in a conversational manner. Designing your slides to include text prompts is also an easy hack to ensure you get to quickly recall your flow when your mind goes blank.[2]

One way to understand is to memorize the over-arching concepts or ideas in your pitch. It helps you speak more naturally and let your personality shine through. It’s almost like taking your audience on a journey with a few key milestones.

5. Practice makes perfect

Like most people, many of us are not naturally attuned to public speaking. Rarely do individuals walk up to a large audience and present flawlessly without any research and preparation.

In fact, some of the top presenters make it look easy during showtime because they have spent countless hours behind-the-scenes in deep practice. Even great speakers like the late John F. Kennedy would spend months preparing his speech beforehand.

Public speaking, like any other skill, requires practice – whether it be practicing your speech countless of times in front of a mirror or making notes. As the saying goes, practice makes perfect!

6. Be authentic

There’s nothing wrong with feeling stressed before going up to speak in front of an audience.

Many people fear public speaking because they fear others will judge them for showing their true, vulnerable self. However, vulnerability can sometimes help you come across as more authentic and relatable as a speaker.

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Drop the pretence of trying to act or speak like someone else and you’ll find that it’s worth the risk. You become more genuine, flexible and spontaneous, which makes it easier to handle unpredictable situations – whether it’s getting tough questions from the crowd or experiencing an unexpected technical difficulty.

To find out your authentic style of speaking is easy. Just pick a topic or issue you are passionate about and discuss this like you normally would with a close family or friend. It is like having a conversation with someone in a personal one-to-one setting. A great way to do this on stage is to select a random audience member(with a hopefully calming face) and speak to a single person at a time during your speech. You’ll find that it’s easier trying to connect to one person at a time than a whole room.

With that said, being comfortable enough to be yourself in front of others may take a little time and some experience, depending how comfortable you are with being yourself in front of others. But once you embrace it, stage fright will not be as intimidating as you initially thought.

Presenters like Barack Obama are a prime example of a genuine and passionate speaker:

7. Post speech evaluation

Last but not the least, if you’ve done public speaking and have been scarred from a bad experience, try seeing it as a lesson learned to improve yourself as a speaker.

Don’t beat yourself up after a presentation

We are the hardest on ourselves and it’s good to be. But when you finish delivering your speech or presentation, give yourself some recognition and a pat on the back.

You managed to finish whatever you had to do and did not give up. You did not let your fears and insecurities get to you. Take a little more pride in your work and believe in yourself.

Improve your next speech

As mentioned before, practice does make perfect. If you want to improve your public speaking skills, try asking someone to film you during a speech or presentation. Afterwards, watch and observe what you can do to improve yourself next time.

Here are some questions you can ask yourself after every speech:

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  • How did I do?
  • Are there any areas for improvement?
  • Did I sound or look stressed?
  • Did I stumble on my words? Why?
  • Was I saying “um” too often?
  • How was the flow of the speech?

Write everything you observed down and keep practicing and improving. In time, you’ll be able to better manage your fears of public speaking and appear more confident when it counts.

If you want even more tips about public speaking or delivering a great presentation, check out these articles too:

Reference

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