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Trust Yourself: Love Will Come Back, When You’re Really Ready

Trust Yourself: Love Will Come Back, When You’re Really Ready

Falling out of love is one of the hardest things we as intelligent humans can go through. When we lose the person we thought we would love forever, we have a hard time imagining ourselves ever feeling love again. It’s important to realize that just because we may never regain the feelings we once had, it does not mean we won’t ever regain the ability to love in some capacity or another. While your life may never be the same after falling out of love, that doesn’t mean it will always be worse.

Love will come back when you’re ready to move forward

Perhaps the most difficult thing to do after losing the one you love is to move on with your life. You’ll feel as if the rug has been pulled out from under you, and will have an incredibly tough time getting back on your feet. But sitting around and wasting time wondering “what might have been” won’t get you anywhere. No matter how hard it may be, it’s imperative that you stand up, dust yourself off, and move forward with your life.

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Just because relationships end, it doesn’t mean they were complete failures. There are always lessons to be learned from your past experiences, no matter how traumatic they may have been. In fact, we should squeeze as many lessons as we can out of these traumatic experiences in order to make them useful somehow. If you don’t learn anything from the loss of a past relationship, you’re going to move forward only to make the same mistakes later on in life.

Love will come back when you change your expectations

I’m sure you already know this, but no relationship you have in the future will be exactly like the one you’ve recently come out of. Even if you happen to reconcile with the same person, things will have changed, and the relationship will be different. This is not necessarily a bad thing.

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Think about what you expected from your last relationship, as well as what your partner expected. Perhaps your expectations of each other were largely what led to your break up. Perhaps one of you expected too much, while the other put in too little effort. Maybe you expected things would always work out. Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case.

Again, learn from your past experiences with love. Maybe your former partner didn’t give the love you expected. Maybe the next person you meet will. Maybe you’ll never experience the same feelings you felt in your last relationship. Maybe you will. Just don’t expect it, because you’ll spend all your time comparing possible future relationships to your last one; that’ll only guarantee you never feel love again.

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Love will come back when you regain your passion for life

Being in love is great and all, but it’s only one of the literally millions of experiences you can possibly have in life. If you’ve recently had your heart broken, it can be hard to see everything else laid out in front of you, but believe me: it’s there.

Instead of spending all your time missing the way things used to be, create new memories on your own. Do some of the things you’ve always wanted to do. Travel. Learn to cook a new recipe. Check out a museum. Whatever comes to mind, don’t sit around wishing you could do it with the person you used to love; just do it.

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As I’ve said, you’ll never meet someone exactly like your former love, but that’s okay. It wouldn’t be good if you did. But when you start to regain your passion for other parts of life, you’ll put yourself in a position to meet others who share the same interests. Doing the things you love allows you to meet people who may simply become new friends, but you also might meet someone who completely changes your life.

Love will come back when you don’t need it to survive

I don’t want to say that you get “used to” being in love, because when you’re truly in love you cherish every single moment you spend with your significant other. But when you’ve been with someone for quite some time, it’s easy to forget what life was like before you met them. Reclaiming your identity as an individual might be one of the toughest parts of breaking up with a partner. But it needs to be done if you want to move forward with your life.

Not only should you actively reclaim your passion for life after a breakup, but you should also focus on simply living. A lot of people, after a breakup, look for love from anyone they can find because they are afraid they won’t be able to make it on their own. Don’t do this. Not only is it not fair to the other person, but it’s also not fair to yourself.

Have faith that you can live as an individual. If you have to prove it to yourself in some way, do it. Reclaim yourself as an individual before looking for love again. If you’re going to look for it anywhere, start with yourself.

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Last Updated on May 17, 2019

This Is What Happens When You Move Out Of the Comfort Zone

This Is What Happens When You Move Out Of the Comfort Zone

The pursuit of worthwhile goals is a part of what makes life enjoyable. Being able to set a goal, then see yourself progress towards achieving that goal is an amazing feeling.

But do you know the biggest obstacle for most people trying to achieve their goals, the silent dream killer that stops people before they ever even get started? That obstacle is the comfort zone, and getting stuck there is bound to derail any efforts you make towards achieving the goals you’ve set for yourself.

If you want to achieve those goals, you’ll have to break free from your comfort zone. Let’s take a look at how your life will change once you build up the courage to leave your comfort zone.

What Is the Comfort Zone?

The comfort zone is defined as “a behavioural state within which a person operates in an anxiety-neutral condition, using a limited set of behaviours to deliver a steady level of performance.”

What stands out to me the most about that definition is the last part: “using a limited set of behaviours to deliver a steady level of performance.” How many successful people do you know who deliver a steady level of performance?

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The goal in life is to continually challenge yourself, and continually improve yourself. And in order to do that, you have move out of your comfort zone. But once you do, your life will start to change in ways you could never have imagined. I know because it’s happening right now in my own life.

Here’s what I’ve learned.

1. You will be scared

Leaving your comfort zone isn’t easy. In fact, in can be downright terrifying at times, and that’s okay. It’s perfectly normal to feel a little trepidation when you’re embarking on a journey that forces you to try new things.

So don’t freak out or get overwhelmed when you feel yourself getting a little scared. It’s perfectly normal and all part of the process. What’s important is that you don’t let that fear hold you back. You must continue to take action in the face of fear.

That’s what separates winners from losers.

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2. You will fail

Stepping out of your comfort zone means you’re moving into uncharted territory. You’re trying things that you’ve never tried before, and learning things you’ve never learned before.

That steep learning curve means you’re not going to get everything right the first time, and you will eventually fail when you move out of your comfort zone. But as long as the failures aren’t catastrophic, it can actually be a good thing to fail because …

3. You will learn

Failure is the best teacher. I’ve learned more from each one of my failures than I have from each one of my successes. When you fail small, and fail often, you rapidly increase the rate at which you learn new insights and skills. And that new knowledge, if applied correctly, will eventually lead to your success.

4. You will see yourself in a different way

Once you move out of your comfort zone, you immediately prove to yourself that you’re capable of achieving more than you thought was possible. And that will change the way you see yourself.

Moving forward, you’ll have more confidence in yourself whenever you step out of your comfort zone, and that increased confidence will make it more likely that you continue to step outside your comfort zone. And each time you do, you’ll prove to yourself again and again what you’re really capable of.

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5. Your peers will see you in a different way

Whether we want to admit or not, people judge other people. And right now, people view you in a certain way, and they have a certain idea of what you’re capable of. That’s because they’ve become accustomed to seeing you operate in your comfort zone.

But once you move out of your comfort zone, you’ll prove to other people, as well, that you’re capable of much more than you’ve shown in the past.

The increased confidence other people place in you will bring about more opportunities than ever before.

6. Your comfort zone will expand

The good thing about the comfort zone is that it’s flexible and malleable. With each action you take outside of your comfort zone, it expands. And once you master that new skill or action, it eventually becomes part of your comfort zone.

This is great news for you because it means that you can constantly increase and improve upon the behaviors that you’re comfortable with. And the more tools and skills you have at your disposal, the easier it will be to achieve your goals.

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7. You will increase your concentration and focus

When you’re living inside of your comfort zone, the bulk of your actions are habitual: automatic, subconscious, and requiring limited focus.

But once you move out of your comfort zone, you no longer rely on those habitual responses. You’re forced to concentrate and focus on the new action in a way you never do in your comfort zone.

8. You will develop new skills

Moving out of your comfort zone requires that you develop new skills. One of the many benefits you’ll experience is that you’ll be stepping away from the “limited set of behaviors” and start to develop your ability and expertise in new areas.

Living inside of your comfort zone only requires a limited skill set, and those skills won’t contribute much to your success. Once you can confidently step outside of your comfort zone and learn a new skill, there’s no limit to how much you can achieve.

9. You will achieve more than before

With everything that happens once you move out of your comfort zone, you’re naturally going to achieve more than ever before.

Your increased concentration and focus will help you develop new skills. Those new skills will change the way you see yourself, encouraging you to step even further out of your comfort zone.

Featured photo credit: Josef Grunig via farm3.staticflickr.com

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