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12 Reasons You Shouldn’t Be Too Serious About Love In Your 20s

12 Reasons You Shouldn’t Be Too Serious About Love In Your 20s

Your twenties are meant to be one of the most exciting decades of your life. Above all, it is a time to learn. It is supposed to be an incredible time characterized by self-discovery and experimentation. It is not a time to limit yourself by rushing to serious decisions that could impact the rest of your life. More specifically, it is not a time to focus on love or finding “the one”.

With the case of love, your twenties should be a time to explore both yourself and your preferences in specific types of partners. Ultimately, your twenties are a period of immense trial and error. Your twenties are a key stage that prepare you for your 30’s and 40’s, the time when you are mature enough to truly prosper.

Here are 12 reasons why you shouldn’t be too serious about love in your 20’s:

1. Love requires patience. This comes after your twenties

In your twenties, you have all the time in the world. However, one thing all young adults seem to lack in their twenties is patience. It’s a product of growing up in the Information Age. We don’t want to wait. We want it right now.

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Unfortunately, love doesn’t work this way. It takes time for a relationship to grow and for chemistry to develop. Love is all about mutual growth and chemistry. The only way you can experience this is through patience.

2. Love requires dedication

When you seriously love someone, you need to be all in. This requires responsibility and dedication for both partners. If we’re being honest here, your twenties are a time for you to have fun and explore.

Who wants to cut the fun in their twenties short? Some people do that and often find themselves unhappy and wondering “what if”.

3. Love often finds you

They say that love tends to come from unexpected places. If this is the case, why not just live life to the fullest and worry about love later?

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4. Love materializes when you are ready

We’ve already established that love requires patience and dedication. We’ve also established that these often develop after your twenties. Therefore, it’s safe to say that you are simply not ready for love in your twenties. Be patient it will find you when it finds you.

5. Your twenties are a time to find yourself

Living life to the fullest and learning as much as possible requires an enormous commitment to yourself. Quite frankly, you need to be selfish if you want to find yourself. This is an enormous trade off because selfishness has no place in the dynamic of love. You and your partner must be selfless.

6. Your twenties are a time to explore

How can you know if your partner is what’s best for you if you settled down with them too soon? You can’t. If you choose to take love too seriously and settle down with one partner in your twenties, you are essentially rolling the dice. Maybe your partner is a great match. But maybe not.

Why not spend time exploring and wait so that you can make better long-term decisions on your love life a few years down the road?

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7. Your twenties are a time to go all out and live life to the fullest

Your twenties are a time when your youthful energy and health are at an all time high. This is the time to live it up. Try new things. Be adventurous. Go out and see the world. This is the time to do it. You don’t want to become another one of those stories of someone who wakes up at age 35 and realizes that they settled down too soon.

8. Love requires time

You are supposed to be living your life in your twenties. There simply isn’t time to fully dedicate yourself to someone if you are busy seeing the world and doing the things you want to do. For instance, how can you build a relationship if you want to take time to find yourself and also travel the world? You can’t.

9. Love is serious business

Love is a serious thing. However, your twenties are a time to let loose and have fun. The time to make serious love decisions should be saved for when you are fully matured. For instance, would it be fair to have someone commit to you if you yourself were not all in? No, it would not be fair.

10. You will be “better” later on in life

All of the experiences and self-discovery during your twenties will pay off because they will translate in to a better individual in later decades. You will be more experienced because you will be seasoned by life.

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Ultimately, you will be better and will truly be able to offer something special to that lucky someone.

11. If you take the time to enjoy your twenties, you will be more stable later on in life

Let’s compare two people. Person A lived life to the fullest in their twenties. Eventually, they settled down with someone in their thirties. Person B decided to settle down with someone right away. We can probably assume that Person A is satisfied because they see themselves as having lived a full life and are stable. In contrast, we can probably assume that Person B might have some questions might still have that desire to go out and see the world.

12. Life is not a sprint. It’s a marathon

You should not be in any rush to go through the various stages in life, especially love. You will meet someone when you are ready and this often means when you are at your best and are on your life’s path.

Featured photo credit: Rose/podmorelarry via flickr.com

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Last Updated on January 16, 2020

12 Simple Ways to Boost Your Confidence Right Now

12 Simple Ways to Boost Your Confidence Right Now

The way you feel about yourself greatly influences how you live and interact with others. If you are confident about yourself, you tend to see yourself positively and actually enjoy spending time with and around people. You don’t feel self-conscious or awkward around others, and that allows you to live your fullest and happiest life.

However, if you’re drowning in a sea of self-doubt, hesitancy and shyness, you often withdraw and isolate yourself from others and avoid interacting and connecting with people. That anxiety you feel in the pit of your stomach when you are around people is holding you back greatly and it is not good for your emotional health and overall well-being. You need to do something about it if you are low in self-confidence or have friends or family members who are not confident.

“Confidence isn’t walking into a room thinking you’re better than everyone, it’s walking in not having to compare yourself to anyone” – Anonymous

Here are simple, practical tips to boost your confidence right now and make you feel and act your best.

1. Stop labeling yourself as awkward, timid or shy.

When you label yourself as awkward, timid or shy, you sub-consciously tell your mind to act accordingly and psychologically feel inclined to live up to those expectations. Instead of labeling and entertaining negative self-talk, visualize and affirm yourself as confident and strong. Close your eyes for a minute and visualize yourself in different situation as you would like to be.

Be your own cheerleader. Experts believe that positive affirmation and good mental practices like picturing yourself winning or achieving a goal can lead to greater feelings of self-assurance and prepare your brain for success.[1] As the saying goes, “seeing is believing.” Picture yourself as confident and soon enough you will begin to manifest behavior that gives evidence to this new ‘fact.’

2. Recognize that the world is not focused on you (unless, of course, you are Kanye West).

That means you don’t have to be excessively sensitive about who you are or what you are doing (or not doing). You are not on the center stage; there is no need for preoccupation with self and perfectionism. As rap music star Rocko sings, “You just do you and I will do me, aight?”

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Forget about trying to please everyone or being perfect. Trying to be perfect and being a people-pleaser puts too much pressure on you and creates unnecessary anxiety. Besides, people are too preoccupied with their own issues to pay much attention to your every move unless, of course, you are a mega famous, super celebrity like Beyonce or Kanye West.

3. Focus on other people as opposed to yourself.

If you are low on confidence, self-conscious, nervous and shy in social situations, focus your attention on other people and what they are saying or doing instead of focusing on your own awkwardness.

For example, think about what it is that is interesting about the person who’s the centre of the party or the guy or girl you are talking with. Prompt them to talk more about themselves and be genuinely curious and interested in what they say. You will instantly come across as confident and warmhearted.

People generally want to talk about themselves, be heard and understood. They will love it when you’re eager and willing to listen to them and really hear what they have to say.

This habit of focusing more on what you love in others as opposed to what you dislike in yourself will not only help you become more assertive and comfortable in virtually all social situations, but also instantly make you feel great about yourself.

4. Know (and accept) yourself for who you are.

Chinese military general, strategist and philosopher Sun Tzu, author of the internationally acclaimed book The Art of War, said, “Know yourself and you will win all battles.” Even in the battle with lack of confidence, you will need to know yourself to win.

Knowing yourself starts with understanding that people are not all the same, neither are all social situation suitable for everyone. You might not be confident in large gatherings, but you could be bold and confident in one-on-one and small group interactions. We all have our own unique gifts and unique ways of expressing ourselves. Embrace yours!

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Introverts, for example, have a quiet confidence that is, unfortunately, often confused for shyness. They are naturally low key and prefer to spend time alone. However, this natural disposition affords them certain unique gifts, such as an ability to listen better than most people and notice things that others don’t.

Your uniqueness is where your strength and advantage lies. You won’t be comfortable and confident in all situations all the time. Albert Einstein said,

“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”

5. Crack a smile.

If there is one sure way to instantly boost your confidence, it’s cracking a smile. Christine Clapp, a public speaking expert at The George Washington University, says that flashing those pretty, pearly white teeth will immediately make you appear both confident and composed. But, the effect of smiling is not just external. Studies show that smiling can also help nix feelings of stress and pave the way for a happier and more relaxed you.[2]

Not a bad return for something seemingly so trite, wouldn’t you agree?

6. Break a sweat—with exercise.

Working out is another great way to make yourself feel amazing and confident. Science has shown that exercising increases your endorphins, helps reduce stress, tones your muscles and makes you feel happy and confident.[3]

And hey, all you have to do is take a walk a few times a week and you’ll see the benefits. What seems to matter—as far as your confidence goes—is whether you break a sweat, not how strenuous your session is, which is pretty cool. Start working out now.

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7. Groom yourself.

This might seem mundane, but it’s amazing how much of a difference a shower and shave can have on your confidence and self-image. And when you spritz on a scent, the boost on confidence and self-esteem is incredible. As it turns out, your favorite fragrance does more than make you smell oh-so-nice.

A study found that a fragrance can inspire confidence in men. Interestingly, the study also found that the more a man likes the fragrance, the more confident he might feel. Another study found that 90% of women feel more confident while wearing a scent than those who go fragrance-free.

8. Dress nicely.

Another one that might seem trite, but it works. If you dress nicely, you’ll instantly feel good about yourself and give your confidence a real boost. That is largely because you’ll feel attractive, presentable and sometimes even successful in nice clothes.

While dressing nicely means something different for everyone, it does not necessarily mean wearing $500 designer outfits. It means wearing clothes that are clean, that you are comfortable in and that are nice-looking and presentable, including casual clothes.

9. Do activities you enjoy.

Whether it is reading a book, playing a musical instrument, riding your bicycle or going fishing, do what you really enjoy and what makes you truly happy often. It will boost your self-esteem, soothe your ego and allow you to identify with your gifts and talents. That will in turn bolster your self-belief and grow your confidence exponentially.

You might not become popular for doing what you love, but you might not even want to be popular at all. Being popular doesn’t make you happy; doing what you love does.

10. Prepare for the possibility of rejection / setback.

Late World No. 1 professional tennis player Arthur Ashe said, “One important key to success is self-confidence. A key to self-confidence is preparation.” You need to prepare for the possibility of rejection and setback.

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Why?

Everybody suffers rejection and setback at one point or another. You are not exempted. The question on your mind, therefore, should not be if you will be rejected, but how you will handle rejection when it comes.

Prepare yourself adequately in every situation to minimize the risk and effect of rejection and so that your confidence is not broken. For example, learn public speaking and rehearse what you are going to say beforehand if you have landed a public speaking engagement. That way, you are sure of yourself and confident you have what it takes to hack it. If you are rejected, don’t take it personally.

Rejection and setbacks happen to the best of us. Take it as a learning experience. Learn from your mistakes and move on.

11. Face uncomfortable situations square in the face.

Don’t run away from uncomfortable situations. Running away from people or situations because you feel scared, shy or timid only confirms and reinforces your shyness. Instead, face the situation that makes you uneasy square in the face. For example, go ahead and talk to that person you are afraid to approach, or go straight to the front of your yoga class! What’s the worst that can happen?

Prepare and be ready for any eventuality. The more you face your fears, the more you realize you are stronger than you thought and the more confident you get. This simple, yet admittedly courageous, act makes you unstoppable. You get comfortable being uncomfortable and begin to feel like you can take on the world. And that is the hallmark of someone destined for great things.

12. Sit up straight and walk tall—you are awesome!

Yes, sit up straight and believe you are awesome. Don’t slump in your chair or slouch your shoulders. Experts say the right stance can not only keep your self-esteem and mood lifted, but also lead to more confidence in your own thoughts.[4]

The way to sit is to open up your chest and keep your head level so that you look and feel poised and assured. And when you get up, stand tall and walk like you’re on a mission. People who sit up straight and walk tall are more attractive and instantly feel more confident. Try it now: you’ll feel fierce and confident just by sitting up straight and walking tall.

Featured photo credit: Freshh Connection via unsplash.com

Reference

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