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You Can Understand Yourself From These 8 Kinds Of Relationships

You Can Understand Yourself From These 8 Kinds Of Relationships

Life is confusing and messy and sometimes you just feel lost in all the mess and confusion. When this happens, it’s hard to remember who you are,how you got where you are now, what you want and what to do next. Examining the eight kinds of relationships discussed in this article can give you a great place to start in finding yourself again so that you know who you are,what you want and where you want your life to go.

Your relationship with yourself

Man Using Perspective To Stand On Top Of Beer Can

    How are you doing your relationship with yourself? You teach people how to treat you by the way you treat yourself. It is important that you get into a great relationship with yourself so that you know who you are and what you stand for. When you have a good relationship with yourself you know your strengths and also your weaknesses. You know your likes, your dislikes, your hobbies, interests and passions and create time for them. You embrace who you are fully and learn how to love yourself unconditionally so that you give yourself permission to be you and do what is right for you. Because after all is said and done, no one will love you and value you more than you value yourself.

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    Your relationship with your family

    Grandmaother And Childs Hands About To Touch

      When my son was born, I was scared that I would have to transition into motherhood alone with little or no support. But my family turned out to be my biggest support system. My sister flew across the world to spend two weeks with me and the newborn baby. My mother and the rest of my family all showed their love and support by calling and checking in on me constantly because they could not be there to physically take care of me. I was surrounded by so much love which reminded me that I was special, loved and that I mattered. Sometimes when you’re feeling lost, all you need is to surround  yourself with family and people who love you for who you are so that you are reminded of your value and worth in this world.

      Your relationship with money

      We all have a unique relationship with money. You may ignore it, abuse it, deny that your relationship exists but you are still involved. Your involvement in your relationship with money occurs with every decision you make that money plays a role. You are either in control of your money or your money controls you. Examining your relationship with money can give you and others insight into who you are because how you handle your money is a clear reflection of who you are. Because you can’t have everything you want all at once, you have to pick and choose what you spend your money on and you will always pick what you feel is important and valuable to you. Looking at how you spend and handle money can tell you who you are and what is really important to you.

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      Your relationship with the past

      There are many ways our past determines our present and it is easy to fall in the trap of living in the past. Spending time thinking about the past and wishing things would have been different or better does no one any good. The past is gone and done with. You can’t change it. Continuing to have a relationship with what is already done prevents you from moving forward and enjoying the present. Looking at your past experiences and learning from them without judgement and shame can help you understand who you are and why you do things the way you do them.

      Your romantic relationships

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        Romantically, we tend to attract people who share similar values and interests. By looking at your past and present romantic relationships, you can gain some knowledge about who you are by looking at the type of partner and romantic interests you attract.

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        Your relationship with your friends

        Show me who your friends are and I will tell you who you are. Like attracts like and your friends are a great indication of the type of person you are.

        Your relationship with the present

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          You are who you are now, not who you were five years ago or who you wish you could be. Being able to enjoy what is happening in your life in the presents makes your life more enjoyable and meaningful. That tells you and other people the kind of person you are,one who is living life to the fullest.

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          Your relationship with the future

          You may not like your past or present situation but you have the opportunity to change what your future looks like. How do you want the future to be? Who do you want to be? Knowing what you want your life to look like in the future allows you to start preparing yourself and working towards becoming the person you want to be. Having a relationship with the future does not mean obsessing and stressing about what you want to happen, but being a co-creator in how your future turns out.

          Featured photo credit: Ed Gregory via stokpic.com

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          You Can Understand Yourself From These 8 Kinds Of Relationships

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          Last Updated on February 21, 2019

          The Secret to Effective Conflict Resolution: The IBR Approach

          The Secret to Effective Conflict Resolution: The IBR Approach

          In business, in social relationships, in family… In whatever context conflict is always inevitable, especially when you are in the leader role. This role equals “make decisions for the best of majority” and the remaining are not amused. Conflicts arise.

          Conflicts arise when we want to push for a better quality work but some members want to take a break from work.

          Conflicts arise when we as citizens want more recreational facilities but the Government has to balance the needs to maintain tourism growth.

          Conflicts are literally everywhere.

          Avoiding Conflicts a No-No and Resolving Conflicts a Win-Win

          Avoiding conflicts seem to be a viable option for us. The cruel fact is, it isn’t. Conflicts won’t walk away by themselves. They will, instead, escalate and haunt you back even more when we finally realize that’s no way we can let it be.

          Moreover, avoiding conflicts will eventually intensify the misunderstanding among the involved parties. And the misunderstanding severely hinders open communication which later on the parties tend to keep things secret. This is obviously detrimental to teamwork.

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          Some may view conflicts as the last step before arguments. And they thus leave it aside as if they never happen. This is not true.

          Conflicts are the intersect point between different individuals with different opinions. And this does not necessarily lead to argument.

          Instead, proper handling of conflicts can actually result in a win-win situation – both parties are pleased and allies are gained. A better understanding between each other and future conflicts are less likely to happen.

          The IBR Approach to Resolve Conflicts

          Here, we introduce to you an effective approach to resolve conflicts – the Interest-Based Relational (IBR) approach. The IBR approach was developed by Roger Fisher and William Ury in their 1981 book Getting to Yes. It stresses the importance of the separation between people and their emotions from the problem. Another focus of the approach is to build mutual understanding and respect as they strengthen bonds among parties and can ultimately help resolve conflicts in a harmonious way. The approach suggests a 6-step procedure for conflict resolution:

          Step 1: Prioritize Good Relationships

          How? Before addressing the problem or even starting the discussion, make it clear the conflict can result in a mutual trouble and through subsequent respectful negotiation the conflict can be resolved peacefully. And that brings the best outcome to the whole team by working together.

          Why? It is easy to overlook own cause of the conflict and point the finger to the members with different opinions. With such a mindset, it is likely to blame rather than to listen to the others and fail to acknowledge the problem completely. Such a discussion manner will undermine the good relationships among the members and aggravate the problem.

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          Example: Before discussion, stress that the problem is never one’s complete fault. Everyone is responsible for it. Then, it is important to point out our own involvement in the problem and state clearly we are here to listen to everyone’s opinions rather than accusing others.

          Step 2: People Are NOT the Cause of Problem

          How? State clearly the problem is never one-sided. Collaborative effort is needed. More importantly, note the problem should not be taken personally. We are not making accusations on persons but addressing the problem itself.

          Why? Once things taken personally, everything will go out of control. People will become irrational and neglect others’ opinions. We are then unable to address the problem properly because we cannot grasp a fuller and clearer picture of the problem due to presumption.

          Example: In spite of the confronting opinions, we have to emphasize that the problem is not a result of the persons but probably the different perspectives to view it. So, if we try to look at the problem from the other’s perspective, we may understand why there are varied opinions.

          Step 3: Listen From ALL Stances

          How? Do NOT blame others. It is of utmost importance. Ask for everyone’s opinions. It is important to let everyone feel that they contribute to the discussion. Tell them their involvement is essential to solve the problem and their effort is very much appreciated.

          Why? None wants to be ignored. If one feels neglected, it is very likely for he/she to be aggressive. It is definitely not what we hope to see in a discussion. Acknowledging and being acknowledged are equally important. So, make sure everyone has equal opportunity to express their views. Also, realizing their opinions are not neglected, they will be more receptive to other opinions.

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          Example: A little trick can played here: Invite others to talk first. It is an easy way to let others feel involved and ,more importantly, know their voices are heard. Also, we can show that we are actively listening to them by giving direct eye-contact and nodding. One important to note is that never interrupt anyone. Always let them finish first beforeanother one begins.

          Step 4: Listen Comes First, Talk Follows

          How? Ensure everyone has listened to one another points of view. It can be done by taking turn to speak and leaving the discussion part at last. State once again the problem is nothing personal and no accusation should be made.

          Why? By turn-taking, everyone can finish talking and voices of all sides can be heard indiscriminantly. This can promote willingness to listen to opposing opinions.

          Example: We can prepare pieces of paper with different numbers written on them. Then, ask different members to pick one and talk according to the sequence of the number. After everyone’s finished, advise everyone to use “I” more than “You” in the discussion period to avoid others thinking that it is an accusation.

          Step 5: Understand the Facts, Then Address the Problem

          How? List out ALL the facts first. Ask everyone to tell what they know about the problems.

          Why? Sometimes your facts are unknown to the others while they may know something we don’t. Missing out on these facts could possibly lead to inaccurate capture of the problem. Also, different known facts can lead to different perception of the matter. It also helps everyone better understand the problem and can eventually help reach a solution.

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          Example: While everyone is expressing their own views, ask them to write down everything they know that is true to the problem. As soon as everyone has finished, all facts can be noted and everyone’s understanding of the problem is raised.

          Step 6: Solve the Problem Together

          How? Knowing what everyone’s thinking, it is now time to resolve the conflict. Up to this point, everyone should have understood the problem better. So, it is everyone’s time to suggest some solutions. It is important not to have one giving all the solutions.

          Why? Having everyone suggesting their solutions is important as they will not feel excluded and their opinions are considered. Besides, it may also generate more solutions that can better resolve the conflicts. Everyone will more likely be satisfied with the result.

          Example: After discussion, ask all members to suggest any possible solutions and stress that all solutions are welcomed. State clearly that we are looking for the best outcomes for everyone’s sake rather than battling to win over one another. Then, evaluate all the solutions and pick the one that is in favor of everyone.

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