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11 Traits Resilient People Use To Reach Their Goals

11 Traits Resilient People Use To Reach Their Goals

Being resilient is one of the most important qualities that leads to success. The definition of resilient is being able to become strong, healthy or successful again after something bad has happened.

Resiliency is a mindset and one that you thoughtfully choose each day. It requires that you have great focus, determination and dedication. A great willingness and need to experience joy in your life once again. You know that you will succeed. You believe this with your whole being. There is nothing more important to success in life than being resilient. You understand this with your heart and soul.

1. They will always display mastery over their emotions

Resilient people feel strong emotions just like everyone else, but they will always take a moment or two and take a breath. They make a conscious decision to either allow this emotion to push them forward towards their goals or to allow the emotion to just blow over. This is a decision that they make with great thought and care.

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2. They consistently exhibit behavior that is in sync with what they say

Resilient people will say they are going to do something and they do it, every single time. This is because their word is everything to them. They can always rely upon themselves, they know this and this is why they are resilient.

3. They are always ready for the future

Resilient people are dedicated to developing their skills. They live their lives as though the world is their classroom and it is qualifying them for their next challenge. Because of this, they are always prepared and they can accommodate quickly if needed.

4. They welcome failure and learn from it

Resilient people don’t have a fondness for failure, but they don’t run from it either. Quite the opposite, they understand that failure is there to teach them what works in life and what doesn’t. It is nothing to be feared, but something to welcome with an open mind and a willingness to learn from.

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5. They are pragmatic

Resilient people are realistic. They understand and accept that nothing is guaranteed in life; employment, information, relationships, health and definitely not their future. They have no fantasy of security and will always take action no matter what.

6. They take criticism with a grain of salt

Resilient people listen attentively to criticism, then they decide if it is credible and if it is, they will take the necessary actions.

7. They focus on their process, understanding what their goals are and keeping them in sight

Resilient people are completely focused on their goals, but they stay grounded and in control. They are in the moment and this enables them to adapt and overcome difficulties.

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8. They recognize the value of strong and meaningful relationships

Resilient people know that the support of their family and friends is essential in living a powerful life and in turn, they can always be counted on to support their loved ones.

9. They pat themselves on the back for each triumph they experience

Resilient people value themselves. They are delighted by all their accomplishments, no matter how modest. They celebrate every achievement towards their goals.

10. They know that their reserves are unlimited

Resilient people are always capable of doing what is required, even when they should not be. No matter what, they consistently discover that extra strength within them. It is just who they are.

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11. They know their boundaries

Resilient people understand that there is a separation of who they are at their core and the cause of their momentary misfortune. The stress or trauma that is playing a part in their immediate life, will not overtake their permanent identity. They know that the clouds will eventually lift and the sun will come out.

Featured photo credit: shutterstock_221702965 via media.lifehack.org

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Last Updated on February 21, 2019

The Secret to Effective Conflict Resolution: The IBR Approach

The Secret to Effective Conflict Resolution: The IBR Approach

In business, in social relationships, in family… In whatever context conflict is always inevitable, especially when you are in the leader role. This role equals “make decisions for the best of majority” and the remaining are not amused. Conflicts arise.

Conflicts arise when we want to push for a better quality work but some members want to take a break from work.

Conflicts arise when we as citizens want more recreational facilities but the Government has to balance the needs to maintain tourism growth.

Conflicts are literally everywhere.

Avoiding Conflicts a No-No and Resolving Conflicts a Win-Win

Avoiding conflicts seem to be a viable option for us. The cruel fact is, it isn’t. Conflicts won’t walk away by themselves. They will, instead, escalate and haunt you back even more when we finally realize that’s no way we can let it be.

Moreover, avoiding conflicts will eventually intensify the misunderstanding among the involved parties. And the misunderstanding severely hinders open communication which later on the parties tend to keep things secret. This is obviously detrimental to teamwork.

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Some may view conflicts as the last step before arguments. And they thus leave it aside as if they never happen. This is not true.

Conflicts are the intersect point between different individuals with different opinions. And this does not necessarily lead to argument.

Instead, proper handling of conflicts can actually result in a win-win situation – both parties are pleased and allies are gained. A better understanding between each other and future conflicts are less likely to happen.

The IBR Approach to Resolve Conflicts

Here, we introduce to you an effective approach to resolve conflicts – the Interest-Based Relational (IBR) approach. The IBR approach was developed by Roger Fisher and William Ury in their 1981 book Getting to Yes. It stresses the importance of the separation between people and their emotions from the problem. Another focus of the approach is to build mutual understanding and respect as they strengthen bonds among parties and can ultimately help resolve conflicts in a harmonious way. The approach suggests a 6-step procedure for conflict resolution:

Step 1: Prioritize Good Relationships

How? Before addressing the problem or even starting the discussion, make it clear the conflict can result in a mutual trouble and through subsequent respectful negotiation the conflict can be resolved peacefully. And that brings the best outcome to the whole team by working together.

Why? It is easy to overlook own cause of the conflict and point the finger to the members with different opinions. With such a mindset, it is likely to blame rather than to listen to the others and fail to acknowledge the problem completely. Such a discussion manner will undermine the good relationships among the members and aggravate the problem.

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Example: Before discussion, stress that the problem is never one’s complete fault. Everyone is responsible for it. Then, it is important to point out our own involvement in the problem and state clearly we are here to listen to everyone’s opinions rather than accusing others.

Step 2: People Are NOT the Cause of Problem

How? State clearly the problem is never one-sided. Collaborative effort is needed. More importantly, note the problem should not be taken personally. We are not making accusations on persons but addressing the problem itself.

Why? Once things taken personally, everything will go out of control. People will become irrational and neglect others’ opinions. We are then unable to address the problem properly because we cannot grasp a fuller and clearer picture of the problem due to presumption.

Example: In spite of the confronting opinions, we have to emphasize that the problem is not a result of the persons but probably the different perspectives to view it. So, if we try to look at the problem from the other’s perspective, we may understand why there are varied opinions.

Step 3: Listen From ALL Stances

How? Do NOT blame others. It is of utmost importance. Ask for everyone’s opinions. It is important to let everyone feel that they contribute to the discussion. Tell them their involvement is essential to solve the problem and their effort is very much appreciated.

Why? None wants to be ignored. If one feels neglected, it is very likely for he/she to be aggressive. It is definitely not what we hope to see in a discussion. Acknowledging and being acknowledged are equally important. So, make sure everyone has equal opportunity to express their views. Also, realizing their opinions are not neglected, they will be more receptive to other opinions.

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Example: A little trick can played here: Invite others to talk first. It is an easy way to let others feel involved and ,more importantly, know their voices are heard. Also, we can show that we are actively listening to them by giving direct eye-contact and nodding. One important to note is that never interrupt anyone. Always let them finish first beforeanother one begins.

Step 4: Listen Comes First, Talk Follows

How? Ensure everyone has listened to one another points of view. It can be done by taking turn to speak and leaving the discussion part at last. State once again the problem is nothing personal and no accusation should be made.

Why? By turn-taking, everyone can finish talking and voices of all sides can be heard indiscriminantly. This can promote willingness to listen to opposing opinions.

Example: We can prepare pieces of paper with different numbers written on them. Then, ask different members to pick one and talk according to the sequence of the number. After everyone’s finished, advise everyone to use “I” more than “You” in the discussion period to avoid others thinking that it is an accusation.

Step 5: Understand the Facts, Then Address the Problem

How? List out ALL the facts first. Ask everyone to tell what they know about the problems.

Why? Sometimes your facts are unknown to the others while they may know something we don’t. Missing out on these facts could possibly lead to inaccurate capture of the problem. Also, different known facts can lead to different perception of the matter. It also helps everyone better understand the problem and can eventually help reach a solution.

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Example: While everyone is expressing their own views, ask them to write down everything they know that is true to the problem. As soon as everyone has finished, all facts can be noted and everyone’s understanding of the problem is raised.

Step 6: Solve the Problem Together

How? Knowing what everyone’s thinking, it is now time to resolve the conflict. Up to this point, everyone should have understood the problem better. So, it is everyone’s time to suggest some solutions. It is important not to have one giving all the solutions.

Why? Having everyone suggesting their solutions is important as they will not feel excluded and their opinions are considered. Besides, it may also generate more solutions that can better resolve the conflicts. Everyone will more likely be satisfied with the result.

Example: After discussion, ask all members to suggest any possible solutions and stress that all solutions are welcomed. State clearly that we are looking for the best outcomes for everyone’s sake rather than battling to win over one another. Then, evaluate all the solutions and pick the one that is in favor of everyone.

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