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7 Differences Between Being Introverted And Being Rude

7 Differences Between Being Introverted And Being Rude

Characteristically, introverts tend to be quiet, reserved individuals who don’t open up much to many people. Unfortunately, this sometimes earns even the nicest individuals the reputation of being a rude person. Unless you can read the person’s mind, however, you should never accuse someone of being a jerk just because they’re not very talkative. Look deeper at each individual you meet before passing judgment, and realize:

Introverts might be rude unintentionally, but rude people are deliberately mean

Introverts might sometimes act in ways that, to an outsider, might be considered rude. But whatever the case may be, it most certainly wasn’t an attempt by the introverted individual to slight you. Maybe they rejected your invitation to lunch because they needed to get some work done alone at their desk. Maybe they didn’t return your call because they were exhausted after a day full of meetings and networking. In any case, introverts almost certainly will never go out of their way to hurt anyone.
On the other hand, rude people are blatantly rude. If they didn’t want to sit with you at lunch, they’d make it clear to you by intentionally sitting within your peripheral vision, making their presence felt. They’d pick up your call only to tell you they’re busy and will call back later – which, of course, they won’t. As a quick aside: Why are you calling this jerk, anyway?

Introverts are nervous in social situations, while rude people are simply rude

When meeting someone for the first time, you might be quick to warm up to them and have a lot to say in order to best introduce yourself. Unfortunately, introverts don’t exactly thrive on talking about themselves, so they often come off as rude upon first meeting them. But the truth is, introverts just get incredibly nervous meeting new people, and don’t exactly know what to say at all times. Don’t mistake their standoffishness as them thinking they’re too good to engage in conversation with you; it’s most likely the exact opposite.

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Rude people, however, do think they’re better than most others. You’ll notice them checking their phone or watch while you’re trying to engage them in conversation, or constantly interrupting you to talk about themselves. Again, while you might perceive an introverts actions as rude, a rude person will make it crystal clear how much of a jerk they are.

Introverts don’t want to bother others, while rude people only think of themselves

Like I said before, introverts are socially anxious people who often feel uncomfortable around others. This anxiety often inhibits their ability to reach out to anyone, even their close friends, at certain times. They won’t be the ones to call someone else to make plans, for fear of bothering them. Since they enjoy having time to themselves, they let others have their space, too – sometimes they let them have too much space. But you can be assured that if you haven’t heard from your introverted friend in a while, it’s not because they’re ignoring you; they’re probably just waiting for you to contact them.

But rude people simply don’t care much about other people. They also won’t call their friends to make plans, but that’s because they found something else to do and don’t want to include you. They’ll go weeks without calling or texting someone, only to reach out when they need help moving or they want a ride to the airport. Simply put: rude people are only looking out for themselves, and only thinking about what other people can do for them.

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Introverts mean well, but rude people are passive-aggressive

I’ve mentioned it before, but introverts are generally nice people who might unintentionally come off as rude at times. But even when they act rude, that doesn’t mean they are rude people. If they’re feeling overwhelmed, they might snap at you (just like anyone else might) if you bother them while they’re trying to concentrate, but they’ll most likely spend the rest of the day upset with themselves for being mean to you. Of course, they also might be too anxious to say anything to you, so their lack of apology can also be misconstrued as rudeness, as well.

Rude people are just plain mean to others, regardless of the situation. But they’ll also go out of their way to figure out different ways to hurt others. Like I said before about the person who will purposely sit alone in the cafe, but close enough to make you know they’re there, rude people spend time planning ways to make others feel uncomfortable. Premeditated, passive-aggressive moves like this are definitely not off-the-cuff mistakes that can be remedied with a simple apology (not that you should ever expect one, anyway).

Introverts keep to themselves when overwhelmed, while rude people lash out at others

Like I just said, introverts get overwhelmed easily, and they almost need to be alone when this happens. They withdraw into themselves, and do their best to lock all others out of their lives until they get back to a healthy baseline. They know when they’re in a bad mood, and will do whatever they can to make sure it doesn’t spread to anyone else.

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Rude people are often miserable, and we all know that misery loves company. These people will be the ones who intentionally try to bring others down to their level when they’re in a bad mood; they truly can’t stand to see other people happy when they’re in a funk. In a sick way, rude people actually feel better about themselves when they know other people are feeling worse because of them.

Introverts enjoy alone time, while rude people thrive on attention

Introverts are content to be left alone to go about their business at their own pace, without anyone bothering them. They simply don’t seek out social situations. This isn’t to say they don’t enjoy company, but for the most part they could take it or leave it.

Rude people are all about the “Me Show.” They need to be in the spotlight at all times. They love attention, even if it’s negative attention (see the previous point). They’ll do just about anything to get noticed, even if that means hurting other people in the process.

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Introverts value others, and rude people do not

Introverts certainly aren’t misanthropic. They do enjoy the company of others; they just might show it differently than their extroverted counterparts. In fact, if an introvert considers you to be a close friend, you should be honored; they often have very high standards for who they let into their circle, and they will be a true blue friend whenever you’re in need.

Rude people only care about themselves. Rude people use up colleagues, peers, friends, and family members, as long as it gets them ahead in life. And when they’re done using others, they spit them out and never make an attempt at repaying what they owe. Of course, while introverts end up surrounded by close friends throughout their lives, rude people ultimately end up completely and utterly alone.

Featured photo credit: rude / Sentimientos fotosensibles via farm4.staticflickr.com

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Matt Duczeminski

A passionate writer who shares lifestlye tips on Lifehack

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Published on September 23, 2020

6 Effective Negotiation Skills to Master

6 Effective Negotiation Skills to Master

I don’t know about you, but many times when I hear the word negotiate I think of lawyers working out a business deal or having to do battle with a car salesman to try to get a lower price. Since I am in recruiting, the term “negotiation” comes up when someone is attempting to get a higher compensation package.

If we think about it, we tend to negotiate almost every day in a wide variety of things we do. Getting a handle on the important negotiation skills can be incredibly beneficial in many parts of our lives. Let’s take a look at 6 effective negotiation skills to master.

What is Negotiation?

First, let’s take a look at what negotiation is. Put simply, negotiation is a method by which people settle their differences. It is a process in which compromise or agreement can be reached without argument or dispute.

Anytime two people or sides disagree on something, they are almost always looking for the best possible outcome for their side. This could be from an individual’s perspective or someone representing an organization.

In reality, it’s rare that one side gets everything they want and the other side gets nothing that they are seeking. Seeking to reach a common ground of sorts where both sides feel like they are getting most of what they want is the key to being successful and maintaining the relationship.

Places We Negotiate

I’ve mentioned that we negotiate in just about all phases of our life. For those of you who are shaking your head no, I invite you to think about the following:

1. Work/Business

This one is the most obvious and it’s what naturally comes to mind when we think of the word “negotiate”.

When you first started at your current job, you might have asked for a higher salary. It could be that you delivered a huge new client to your company and used this as leverage in your most recent evaluation for more compensation. If you work with vendors (and just about every company does), maybe you worked them to a lower price or better contract terms.

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In recruiting, I negotiate with candidates and hiring managers all the time to land the best talent I can find. It’s very common to accept additional work with the (sometimes spoken, sometimes unspoken) agreement that it will benefit your career in the future.

Recently, I took over a project that was my boss was working on so that I would be able to attend a conference later in the year. And so it goes, we do this all day long at work.

2. Personal

I don’t know about you, but I negotiate with my spouse all the time. I’ll cook dinner with the understanding that she does the dishes. Who wants to mow the lawn and who wants to vacuum and dust the house?

I think we should save 10% for retirement, but she thinks 5% is plenty. Therefore, we save 8%. And don’t even get me started with my kids. My older daughter can borrow my car as soon as she finishes her chores. My younger daughter can go hang out with her friends when her homework is done.

Then, there are all those interactions in our personal lives outside our homes. The carpenter wants to charge me $12,000 to build a new deck. I think $10,000 is plenty so we agree on $11,000. I ask my neighbor if I can borrow his snowblower in the winter if I invite him over the next time I grill steak. And so on.

3. Ourselves

You didn’t expect this one, did you? We negotiate with ourselves all day long.

I’ll make sure I don’t skip my workout tomorrow since I’m going to have that extra piece of pizza. My spouse has been quiet the last few days, is it worth me asking her about, or should I leave it alone? I think the car place charged me for some repairs that weren’t needed, should I say something or just let it go? I know my friend has been having some personal challenges, should I check in with him? We’ve been friends for a long time, I’m sure he’d come to me if he needed help. I’ve got the #4 pick in this year’s Fantasy Football draft, should I choose a running back or a wide receiver?

Think about that non-stop voice inside your head. It always seems to be chattering away about something and many times, it’s us negotiating with ourselves. I’ll finish up that report that the boss needs before I turn on the football game.

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Why Negotiation Skills Are So Important

Put simply, negotiation skills are important because we all interact with other people, and not only other people but other organizations and groups of people as well.

We all rarely want the same thing or outcome. Most of the time a vendor is looking at getting you to pay a higher price for something than you want to spend. Therefore, it’s important to negotiate to some middle ground that works well for both sides.

My wife and I disagree on how much to save for retirement. If we weren’t married it wouldn’t be an issue. We’d each contribute how much we wanted to on our retirement funds. We choose to be married, so we have to come to some agreement that we both feel comfortable with. We have to compromise. Therefore, we have to negotiate.

If we each lived on a planet by ourselves, we would be free to do just about anything we wanted to. We wouldn’t have to compromise with anyone because we wouldn’t interact with anyone. We would make every choice unilaterally the way we wanted to.

As we all know, this isn’t how things are. We are constantly interacting with other people and organizations, each one with their own agenda’s, viewpoints, and opinions. Therefore, we have to be able to work together.

6 Negotiation Skills to Master

Having strong negotiation skills helps us create win-win situations with others, allowing us to get most of what we want in conjunction with others around us.

Now, let’s look at 6 effective negotiation skills to master.

1. Preparation

Preparation is a key place to start with when getting ready to negotiate. Being prepared means having a clear vision of what you want and how you’d go about achieving it. It means knowing what the end goal looks like and also what you are willing to give to get it.

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It also means knowing who you are negotiating with and what areas they might be willing to compromise on. You should also know what your “bottom line” is. By “bottom line” I mean what is the most you are willing to give up to get what you want.

For instance, several years ago, I decided it was time to get a newer car. I say newer because I wanted a “new to me” car, not a brand new car. I did my research and figured out what type of car I wanted. I decided on what must-have items on the car I wanted, the highest amount of miles that would already be on it, the colors I was willing to get it in, and the highest amount of money I was willing to pay.

After visiting numerous car dealerships I was able to negotiate buying a car. I knew what I was willing to give up (amount of money) and what I was willing to accept, things like the color, amount of miles, etc. I came prepared. This is critical.

2. Clear Communication

The next key skill you need to be an effective negotiator is clear communication. You have to be able to clearly articulate what you want to the other party. This means both clear verbal and written communication.

If you can’t clearly tell the other person what you want, how do you expect to get it? Have you ever worked through something with a vendor or someone else only to learn of a surprise right at the end that wasn’t talked about before? This is not what you would call clear communication. It’s essential to be able to share a coherent and logical vision with the person you are working with.

3. Active Listening

Let’s do a quick review of active listening. This is when you are completely focused on the speaker, understand their message, comprehend the information, and respond appropriately. This is a necessary ingredient to be able to negotiate successfully. You must be able to fully focus on the other person’s wants to completely understand them.

If you aren’t giving them your full attention, you may miss some major points or details. This leads to frustration down the road on both sides. Ensure you are employing your active listening skills when in arbitration mode.

4. Teamwork and Collaboration

To be able to get to a place of common ground and a win-win scenario, you have to have a sense of teamwork and collaboration.

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If you are only thinking about yourself and what you want without giving much care to what the other person is wanting, you are bound to wind up without a solution. The other person may get frustrated and give up if they see you are unwilling to meet them halfway or care little for what they want.

When you collaborate, you are working together to help each other get what is most important to you. The other upside to negotiating with a sense of teamwork and collaboration is that it helps create a sense of trust, which, in turn, helps provide positive energy for working to a successful conclusion.

5. Problem Solving

Problem-solving is another key negotiation skill. When you are working with the other person to get the deal done many times you’ll face new challenges along the way.

Maybe you want a new vendor to provide training on the software they are selling you but they say it’s going to cost an additional $20,000 to provide this service. If you don’t have the additional $20,000 in the budget to spend on the software but you feel the training is critical, how are you going to solve that problem?

From what I’ve seen, most vendors aren’t willing to provide additional services without getting paid for them. This is where problem-solving skills will help continue the discussions. You might suggest to the vendor that your company will also be looking to replace their financial software next year, and you’d be happy to ensure they get one of the first seats at the table when the time comes if they could perhaps lower the pricing on their training.

There’s a solution to most challenges, but it takes problem-solving skills to work through them effectively.

6. Decision-Making Ability

Finally, having strong decision-making ability will help you seal the deal when you get to a place where everyone feels like they are getting what works for them. Each step of the way you can cross off the list when you get what you are looking for and decide to move onto the next item. Then, once you have all of your must-have boxes checked and the other side feels good about things, it’s time to shake hands and sign on the dotted line. Powerful decision-making ability will help you get to the finish line together.

Conclusion

There you have it, 6 effective negotiation skills to master to lead a more fulfilling life. Once we realize that we negotiate in one form or another almost every day in every phase of our lives, we realize how critical a skill it is.

Possessing strong negotiation skills will help you in nearly every one of your relationships at both the workplace and in your personal life. If you feel your arbitration tools could use some sharpening, try some of the 6 effective negotiation skills to master that we’ve talked about.

More Tips to Improve Your Negotiation Skills

Featured photo credit: Windows via unsplash.com

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