Advertising
Advertising

7 Differences Between Being Introverted And Being Rude

7 Differences Between Being Introverted And Being Rude

Characteristically, introverts tend to be quiet, reserved individuals who don’t open up much to many people. Unfortunately, this sometimes earns even the nicest individuals the reputation of being a rude person. Unless you can read the person’s mind, however, you should never accuse someone of being a jerk just because they’re not very talkative. Look deeper at each individual you meet before passing judgment, and realize:

Introverts might be rude unintentionally, but rude people are deliberately mean

Introverts might sometimes act in ways that, to an outsider, might be considered rude. But whatever the case may be, it most certainly wasn’t an attempt by the introverted individual to slight you. Maybe they rejected your invitation to lunch because they needed to get some work done alone at their desk. Maybe they didn’t return your call because they were exhausted after a day full of meetings and networking. In any case, introverts almost certainly will never go out of their way to hurt anyone.
On the other hand, rude people are blatantly rude. If they didn’t want to sit with you at lunch, they’d make it clear to you by intentionally sitting within your peripheral vision, making their presence felt. They’d pick up your call only to tell you they’re busy and will call back later – which, of course, they won’t. As a quick aside: Why are you calling this jerk, anyway?

Introverts are nervous in social situations, while rude people are simply rude

When meeting someone for the first time, you might be quick to warm up to them and have a lot to say in order to best introduce yourself. Unfortunately, introverts don’t exactly thrive on talking about themselves, so they often come off as rude upon first meeting them. But the truth is, introverts just get incredibly nervous meeting new people, and don’t exactly know what to say at all times. Don’t mistake their standoffishness as them thinking they’re too good to engage in conversation with you; it’s most likely the exact opposite.

Advertising

Rude people, however, do think they’re better than most others. You’ll notice them checking their phone or watch while you’re trying to engage them in conversation, or constantly interrupting you to talk about themselves. Again, while you might perceive an introverts actions as rude, a rude person will make it crystal clear how much of a jerk they are.

Introverts don’t want to bother others, while rude people only think of themselves

Like I said before, introverts are socially anxious people who often feel uncomfortable around others. This anxiety often inhibits their ability to reach out to anyone, even their close friends, at certain times. They won’t be the ones to call someone else to make plans, for fear of bothering them. Since they enjoy having time to themselves, they let others have their space, too – sometimes they let them have too much space. But you can be assured that if you haven’t heard from your introverted friend in a while, it’s not because they’re ignoring you; they’re probably just waiting for you to contact them.

But rude people simply don’t care much about other people. They also won’t call their friends to make plans, but that’s because they found something else to do and don’t want to include you. They’ll go weeks without calling or texting someone, only to reach out when they need help moving or they want a ride to the airport. Simply put: rude people are only looking out for themselves, and only thinking about what other people can do for them.

Advertising

Introverts mean well, but rude people are passive-aggressive

I’ve mentioned it before, but introverts are generally nice people who might unintentionally come off as rude at times. But even when they act rude, that doesn’t mean they are rude people. If they’re feeling overwhelmed, they might snap at you (just like anyone else might) if you bother them while they’re trying to concentrate, but they’ll most likely spend the rest of the day upset with themselves for being mean to you. Of course, they also might be too anxious to say anything to you, so their lack of apology can also be misconstrued as rudeness, as well.

Rude people are just plain mean to others, regardless of the situation. But they’ll also go out of their way to figure out different ways to hurt others. Like I said before about the person who will purposely sit alone in the cafe, but close enough to make you know they’re there, rude people spend time planning ways to make others feel uncomfortable. Premeditated, passive-aggressive moves like this are definitely not off-the-cuff mistakes that can be remedied with a simple apology (not that you should ever expect one, anyway).

Introverts keep to themselves when overwhelmed, while rude people lash out at others

Like I just said, introverts get overwhelmed easily, and they almost need to be alone when this happens. They withdraw into themselves, and do their best to lock all others out of their lives until they get back to a healthy baseline. They know when they’re in a bad mood, and will do whatever they can to make sure it doesn’t spread to anyone else.

Advertising

Rude people are often miserable, and we all know that misery loves company. These people will be the ones who intentionally try to bring others down to their level when they’re in a bad mood; they truly can’t stand to see other people happy when they’re in a funk. In a sick way, rude people actually feel better about themselves when they know other people are feeling worse because of them.

Introverts enjoy alone time, while rude people thrive on attention

Introverts are content to be left alone to go about their business at their own pace, without anyone bothering them. They simply don’t seek out social situations. This isn’t to say they don’t enjoy company, but for the most part they could take it or leave it.

Rude people are all about the “Me Show.” They need to be in the spotlight at all times. They love attention, even if it’s negative attention (see the previous point). They’ll do just about anything to get noticed, even if that means hurting other people in the process.

Advertising

Introverts value others, and rude people do not

Introverts certainly aren’t misanthropic. They do enjoy the company of others; they just might show it differently than their extroverted counterparts. In fact, if an introvert considers you to be a close friend, you should be honored; they often have very high standards for who they let into their circle, and they will be a true blue friend whenever you’re in need.

Rude people only care about themselves. Rude people use up colleagues, peers, friends, and family members, as long as it gets them ahead in life. And when they’re done using others, they spit them out and never make an attempt at repaying what they owe. Of course, while introverts end up surrounded by close friends throughout their lives, rude people ultimately end up completely and utterly alone.

Featured photo credit: rude / Sentimientos fotosensibles via farm4.staticflickr.com

More by this author

12 Signs Of Self-Destructive People 7 Public Speaking Techniques To Help Connect With Your Audience 20 Little Signs You’ve Found The One 8 Signs of a Man Who Will Never Ever Stop Loving You 8 Things To Remember When Dating Someone With A Guarded Heart

Trending in Communication

1 Why an Attitude of Gratitude Is Essential (And How to Develop It) 2 Procrastination Is a Matter of Emotion, Here’s How to Stop It 3 What Does Self-Conscious Mean? (And How to Stop Being It) 4 How to Get Unstuck in Life and Live a More Fulfilling Life 5 What Will Happen When You Surround Yourself With Positive People?

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on March 30, 2020

What Does Self-Conscious Mean? (And How to Stop Being It)

What Does Self-Conscious Mean? (And How to Stop Being It)

Have you ever walked into a room and felt like your nerves simply couldn’t handle it? Your heart beats fast, you start to sweat, and you feel like all eyes are on you (even if they’re really not). This is just one of the many ways that being self-conscious can rear its ugly head.

You may not even realize you’re self-conscious, and you may be wondering, “What does self-conscious mean?” That’s a good place to start.

This article will define self-consciousness, show how practically everyone has faced it at one point or another, and give you tips to avoid it.

What Does Self-Conscious Mean?

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, self-conscious is defined as “conscious of one’s own acts or states as belonging to or originating in oneself.”[1]

Not so bad, right? There’s another definition, though — one that speaks more to what you’re going through: “feeling uncomfortably conscious of oneself as an object of the observation of others.” For those of us who regularly deal with extreme self-consciousness, that second definition sounds about right.

There are many different ways self-consciousness can spring up. You may feel self-conscious around people you know, like your family members or closest friends. You may feel self-conscious at work, even though you spend hours every week around your co-workers. Or you may feel self-conscious when out in public and surrounded by strangers. However, you probably don’t feel self-conscious when you’re home alone.

How to Stop Being Too Self-Conscious

When you’re in the throes of self-consciousness, it’s nearly impossible to remember how to stop feeling that way. That’s why it’s so important to prepare ahead of time, when you’re feeling ready to tackle the problem instead of succumbing to it.

Here are a variety of ways to feel better about yourself and stop thinking about how others see you.

Advertising

1. Ask Yourself, “So What?”

One way to banish negative, self-conscious thoughts is to do just that: banish them.

The next time you walk into a room and feel your face getting red, think to yourself, “So what?” How much does it really matter if people don’t like how you look or act? What’s the worst that could happen?

Most of the time, you’ll find that you don’t have a good answer to this question. Then, you can immediately start assigning such thoughts less importance. With self-awareness, you can acknowledge that your negative thoughts are present and realize that you don’t agree with them.[2] They’re just thoughts, after all.

2. Be Honest

A lie that self-consciousness might tell is that there’s one way to act or feel. Honestly, though, everyone else is just figuring life out as well. There isn’t a preferred way to show up to an event, gathering, or public place. What you can do is be honest with your feelings and thoughts.[3]

If you feel offended by something someone says, you don’t have to smile to be polite or laugh to fit in with the crowd. Instead, you can politely say why you disagree or excuse yourself and find a group of people who you relate to better. If you’re nervous, don’t overcompensate by trying to look relaxed and casual — it’ll be obvious you’re putting on a front. Instead, nothing is more endearing than saying, “I’m a little nervous!” to a room of people who probably feel the exact same way.

On the same note, if you don’t understand why someone wants you to do something, question it. You can do this at work, at home, or even with people you don’t know well. Nobody should force you to do something you don’t want to do.

Also, even if you’re willing to do what’s asked of you, there’s nothing wrong with asking for more clarification. People will realize that you’re not a person to be bossed around.

3. Understand Why You’re Struggling at Work

Being self-conscious at work can get in the way of your daily responsibilities, your relationships with co-workers, and even your career as a whole. If you’re facing some sort of conflict but you’re too nervous to speak up, you may be at the whim of what happens to you instead of taking some control.

Advertising

If you’re usually confident at work, you may be wondering where this new self-consciousness is coming from. It’s possible that you’re dealing with burnout.[4] Common signs are anxiety, fatigue and distraction, all of which can leave you feeling under-confident.

4. Succeed at Something

When you create success in your life, it’s easier to feel confident[5] and less self-conscious. If you feel self-conscious at work, finish the project that’s been looming over your head. If you feel self-conscious in the gym, complete an advanced workout class.

Exposing yourself to what you’re scared of and then succeeding at it in some way (even just by finishing it) can do wonders for your self-esteem. The more confidence you build, the more likely you are to have more success in the future, which will create a cycle of confidence-building.

5. Treat All of You — Not Just Your Self-Consciousness

Trying to solve your self-consciousness alone may not treat the root of the problem. Instead, take a well-rounded approach to lower your self-consciousness and build confidence in areas where you may struggle.

Even professional counselors are embracing this holistic type of treatment[6] because they feel that the health of the mind and body are inextricably linked. This approach combines physical, spiritual, and psychological components. Common activities and treatments include meditation, yoga, massage, and healthy changes to diet and exercise.

If much of this is new to you, it will pay to give it a try. You never know how it will impact you.

If you’re feeling self-conscious about how your body looks, a massage that makes you feel great could boost your confidence. If you try a new workout, you could have something exciting to talk about the next time you’re in a group setting.

Putting yourself in a new situation and learning that you can get through it with grace can give you the confidence to get through all sorts of events and nerve-wracking moments.

Advertising

6. Make the Changes That Are Within Your Control

Let’s say you walk into a room and you’re self-conscious about how you look. However, you may have put a lot of time and effort into your outfit. Even though it may stand out, this is how you have chosen to express yourself.

You have to work on your internal confidence, not your external appearance. There’s nothing to change other than your outlook.

On the other hand, maybe there’s something that you don’t like about yourself that you can change. For example, maybe you hate how a birthmark on your face looks or have varicose veins that you think are unsightly. If you can do something about these things, do it! There’s nothing wrong with changing your appearance (or skills, education, etc.) if it’s going to make you more confident.

You don’t have to accept your current situation for acceptance’s sake. There’s no award for putting up with something you hate. Confidence is also required to make changes that are scary, even if they’re for the better. Plus, it may be an easier fix than you thought. For example, treating varicose veins doesn’t have to involve surgery — sometimes simple compression stockings will take care of the problem.[7]

7. Realize That Everyone Has Awkward Moments

Everyone has said something awkward to someone else and lived to tell the tale. We’ve all forgotten somebody’s name or said, “You too!” when the concession stand girl says to enjoy our movie. Not only are these things uber-common, but they’re not nearly as embarrassing as you feel they are.

Think about how you react when someone else does something awkward. Do you think, “Wow, that person’s such a loser!” or do you think, “What a relief, I’m not the only one who does that.” Chances are good that’s the same reaction others have to you when you stumble.

Remember, self-consciousness is a state of mind that you have control over. You don’t have to feel this way. Do what you need to in order to build your confidence, put your self-consciousness in perspective, and start exercising your “I feel awesome about myself” muscle. It’ll get easier with time.

When Is Being Self-Conscious a Good Thing?

Self-consciousness can sometimes be a good thing[8], but you have to take the awkwardness and nerves out of it.

Advertising

In this case, “self-aware” is a much better term. Knowing how you come off to people is an excellent trait; you’ll be able to read a room and understand how what you do and say affects others. These are fantastic skills for people work and personal relationships.

Self-awareness helps you dress appropriately for the occasion, tells you that you’re talking too loud or not loud enough, and guides a conversation so you don’t offend or bore anyone.

It’s not about being someone you’re not — that can actually have adverse effects, just like self-consciousness. Instead, it’s about turning up certain aspects of yourself to perform well in the situation.

Final Thoughts

When you’re self-conscious, you’re constantly battling with yourself in an effort to control how other people view you. You try to change yourself to suit what you think other people want to see.

The truth, though, is that you can’t actually control how other people view you — and you may not even be correct about how they view you in the first place.

Being confident doesn’t happen overnight. Instead, it happens in small steps as you slowly build your confidence and say “no” to your self-consciousness. It also requires accepting that you’re going to feel self-conscious sometimes, and that’s okay.

Sometimes worrying that there is a problem can be more stressful than the problem itself. Feeling bad for feeling self-conscious can be more troublesome than simply feeling it and getting on with the day.

Forgive yourself for being human and make the small changes that will lead to better confidence in the future.

More Tips for Improving Your Self-Esteem

Featured photo credit: Cata via unsplash.com

Reference

[1] Merriam-Webster: Self-conscious
[2] Bustle: 7 Tips On How To Stop Feeling Self-Conscious
[3] Marc and Angel: 10 Things to Remember When You Feel Unsure of Yourself
[4] Bostitch: How to Protect Small Businesses From Burnout
[5] Psychology Today: Self-conscious? Get Over It
[6] Wake Forest University: Embracing Holistic Medicine
[7] Center for Vein Restoration: What Causes Venous Ulcers, and How Are They Treated?
[8] Scientific American: The Pros and Cons of Being Self-Aware

Read Next