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Unrealistic Expectations For Relationships People Often Have

Unrealistic Expectations For Relationships People Often Have

We all wish to have a relationship that is tailored on our liking. We all know people who spent their life seeking that perfect someone who can meet their expectations in their relationship. We picked up many unrealistic expectations from romantic movies and TV shows, where they convince us that those are what we deserve in a relationship. Truth is, no relationship is perfect. We can, however, make our relationship more fulfilling and exciting. A good relationship requires effort, hard work and dedication from both partners. Unrealistic expectation for relationships, often causes unpleasantness, arguments and chaos in a relationship. Here are 8 unrealistic relationship expectation you should avoid, if you want to live happily with your partner:

1. They will never notice anyone else

Just because they are in a relationship with you, doesn’t mean that they will not look at other people. We are only human, and we will be noticing other people along the way. That doesn’t mean that your partner is being unfaithful to you. It just simply means that they enjoy looking at different people too. Getting upset over this is only going to affect your relationship with them, since this show that you don’t trust them enough and that you don’t have faith in them. Remember that you can’t make someone stay if they intend to leave, but you can definitely do your part to be the best partner for them. Instead of getting upset over it, you can learn to appreciate looking at what they are noticing, and acknowledge the beauty of the other person too.

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2. They will always be romantic

While romance feels lovely and wonderful, understand that your partners have other obligations in life too. They have so many things to handle and take care of, apart from making you happy. Unless you aim to date a person who are not genuine, there are limits to what a person can do to constantly please you. Expecting your partner to be romantic all the time is going to wear them off eventually, as they will get tired of always having to do certain things in order to make you happy. There are many gestures besides the typical roses and candlelight dinners that can be far more meaningful, such as when they did your dishes, cook you a meal, wash your car and so on. Learning to appreciate these little gestures will help you see the true beauty of your relationship and help you appreciate having them in your life.

3. They will always support everything you do

We all have different values that we hold on to in our lives. There will be times when your partner does not support your actions and decisions. You might get upset over it, but this will happen in every relationship. If you expect them to support your actions, even if what you do are against their values, you will only push them away, because they will slowly feel like they will always have to go against their own values when they are with you. Let’s say if you don’t like spicy food. Imagine if your partner, insist that you eat the spicy food, claiming that you will definitely like it, even though you dislike it with all your heart. How will you feel? We are all entitled to our actions and decisions, as long as they don’t affect others. Understand that expecting them to support everything you do is not only unfair to them, but also unhealthy for your relationship.

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4. They will always say the right thing

Remember a scene in one of the romantic movie you’ve watched, where one of the characters said the wrong thing? Well, even in movies we can find flaws in communications. So let’s face it. You can’t always expect to hear your partner say the right thing. They are human with flesh and blood. They will make mistakes. If you expect them to always say the right thing, they will feel as if they are your personal entertainer. They will get tired of having to entertain you and worry about upsetting you when they did not say the right thing. This is not healthy in a relationship. It is absolutely forgivable if they didn’t always say the right thing to you. We ourselves say the wrong thing at times too. As long as the thing they say was not intentionally meant to hurt you, try to accept that we all make mistakes and sometimes say the wrong thing.

5. There will never be an argument or disagreement

Your differences are what tie you with your partner in the first place. No two people are exactly alike. Therefor, there will be disagreement and argument due to different perspectives or point of view. The only relationship that has no argument or disagreement, is one where both partners don’t matter to the other. Expecting your partner to never argue or disagree with you, is almost like wanting them to be a slave who obeys to everything you say or do. Does that sound like a decent relationship to you? Argument or disagreement does not break the relationship, in fact, it would strengthen the relationship if you embrace the differences, because it helps you and your partner understand each other more. The more you understand each other, the stronger your relationship will get.

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6. Everything will always go smoothly

There will be times when there are challenges, where you would have to stand hand in hand with your partner to walk through the hard time together. Some of the challenges will not be easy, but if you are willing to work on them together, you will have so many wonderful memories you can create together with your partner. It is not only unrealistic to expect things to always go smoothly, but is also one of the remedy to break your relationship, because you will not be prepared and willing to walk in the storm with your partner. This will create resentment on both sides in the relationship since you will not be prepared to walk the hard path with them, and they will not get any effort from you when challenges occur. Know that no relationship is easy. Every relationship requires a lot of work, and can sometimes make you feel miserable. These challenges will not happen all the time, but it will happen at some point, and it’s best if you acknowledge this fact than to expect everything to always be easy.

7. Everyone in your life will adore them

It is absolutely normal for the people around you to not adore your partner as much as you wish they would. Unless everyone you know dislike your partner, it shouldn’t bother you so much if some of the people you know does not adore your partner. After all, you are the one who is going to be spending most your times with your partner. Everyone has their free will to like or dislike someone, so to expect everyone you know to adore who you love is just not possible. We all have different opinion on how a person should be. That’s why we don’t always have the same reaction towards the same person. Expecting everyone in your life to adore them will give your partner an unspoken pressure to act a certain way, in order to be liked, to make you happy. That is definitely not a good way to develop a good relationship. Be ready to accept the others’ preferences, while work on enhancing some of your partner’s good qualities for them to do better in the society.

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8. They will always understand your feelings

While it’s important to understand each other, it’s just not possible for your partner to always understand your feelings. To expect them to always know what you are thinking, is unrealistic and often ended up in unhappiness. It’s very important to express yourself clearly, and let your partner know how you feel about something, if it’s important to you. Understand that your partner is not the same person as you, and they will not always automatically understand how you feel without you telling them. The key to a happy, healthy relationship is to have a good communication. Learn to be open and say what you mean. Expecting your partner to read your mind all the time will cause unnecessary misunderstanding and confusion. You will avoid so many misunderstanding and get to learn so much more about each other if you learn to communicate openly.

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Crystie Lim

Life Coach

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Last Updated on May 22, 2020

What Makes a Good Leader: 9 Critical Leadership Qualities

What Makes a Good Leader: 9 Critical Leadership Qualities

The word “leader” makes you think of people in charge, high-ranking people: your boss, politicians, presidents, CEOs…

But leadership really isn’t about a particular position or a person’s seniority. Just because someone has worked for many years doesn’t mean s/he has gained the qualities and skills to lead a team.

Getting promoted to a managerial position doesn’t automatically turn you into a leader either. CEOs and other high-ranking officials don’t always have great leadership skills.

So what makes a good leader? What are the characteristics of a leader?

Good leadership is about acquiring and honing specific skills. Leadership skills enable you to be a role model for a team in any environment. With great leadership qualities, successful leaders come in all shapes and sizes: in the home, at school, or in the workplace.

The following are some of the many characteristics great leaders exhibit.

1. A Positive Attitude

Great leaders know that they won’t have a happy and motivated team unless they themselves exhibit a positive attitude. This can be done by remaining positive when things go wrong and by creating a relaxed and happy atmosphere in the workplace.

Even some simple things like providing snacks or organizing a team Happy Hour can make a world of difference. An added perk is that team members are likely to work harder and do overtime when needed if they’re happy and appreciated.

Even in the worst situations, such as experiencing low team morale or team members having made a big mistake at work, a great leader stays positive and figures out ways to keep the team motivated to solve the problems.

Walt Disney had his share of hardships and challenges, and like any great leader, he managed to stay positive and find new opportunities. In 1928, Disney found that his film producer, Charles Mintz, wanted to reduce his payments for the Oswald series. Mintz threatened to cut ties entirely if Disney didn’t accept his terms, and Disney chose to part ways. But in leaving Oswald, Disney decided to create something new: the iconic Mickey Mouse[1].

The key is to break down huge challenges into smaller ones and find ways to tackle them one by one.

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Think about the lessons you can learn from the mistake and jot them down because sometimes you win, and sometimes you learn.

2. Confidence

All great leaders have to exhibit an air of confidence if they’re going to succeed. Please don’t confuse this with self-satisfaction and arrogance. You want people to look up to you for inspiration, not so they can punch you in the face.

Confidence is important because people will be looking to you on how to behave, particularly if things aren’t going 100% right. If you remain calm and poised, team members are far more likely to as well. As a result, morale and productivity will remain high, and the problem will be solved more quickly.

If you panic and give up, they will know immediately and things will simply go downhill from there.

Elon Musk is a great example of a leader with confidence. He truly believes that Tesla will be successful, which he has shown many times through his actions. He converted 532,000 stock options at $6.63 each, their value on Dec. 4, 2009, before Tesla went public. It was a hefty bargain considering Tesla’s stock price stood at around $195 per share at that time. He doesn’t apologize for his beliefs and has drawn fire from just about everyone for his political actions.

You can’t instantly become a very confident person, but all the small things you do every day will gradually make you more confident:

  • List 5 things you like about yourself every day (something different every day), and you’ll appreciate yourself more.
  • Work on your strengths and do your best to enhance them.

3. A Sense of Humor

It’s imperative for any kind of leader to have a sense of humor, particularly when things go wrong. And they will.

Your team members are going to be looking to you for how to react in a seemingly dire situation. It would probably be best if you weren’t stringing up a noose for yourself in the corner. You need to be able to laugh things off because if staff morale goes down, so will productivity.

Establish this environment prior to any kind of meltdown by encouraging humor and personal discussions in the workplace.

As a president, Barack Obama exuded confidence and calm during stressful situations. But he was also known for his “dad jokes,”[2] his genuinely funny speeches at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner, and appearing on Zack Galifianakis’s Between Two Ferns.[3] Obama’s sense of humor made him grounded, realistic, and honest, which no doubt helped during some tense moments in the White House!

Learn to laugh at yourself. Confident people laugh about their own silly mistakes, and when you do this, others will also trust you more because you’re willing to share your experiences.

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Be observant and learn from the jokes others make. You can also get a lot of inspiration from the internet.

4. Ability to Embrace Failure

No matter how hard you try to avoid it, failures will happen; that’s okay. You just need to know how to deal with them.

Great leaders take them in strides. They remain calm and logically think through the situation and utilize their resources. What they don’t do is fall apart and reveal to their team how worried they are, which leads to negative morale, fear, and binge-drinking under desks.

Great leaders do, in fact, lead, even when they’re faced with setbacks.

Henry Ford experienced a major setback after designing and improving the Ford Quadricycle. He founded the Detroit Automobile Company in 1899, but the resulting cars they produced did not live up to his standards and were too expensive. The company dissolved in 1901. Ford took this in stride and formed the Henry Ford Company. The sales were slow and the company had financial problems; it wasn’t until 1903 that the Ford Motor Company was successful and put the Ford on the map.

Get to the root cause of any problem so you can prevent it from happening again and learn from the mistake.

By asking “why” 5 times (or more) on why something happened, you can find out the key factor that caused the problem and can find the best solution to tackle the problem.

You’ll also learn how to prevent this from happening again in the future after finding out a problem’s root cause.

5. Careful Listening and Feedback

This is far more complex than it actually sounds. Good communication skills are essential for a great leader. You may very well understand the cave of crazy that is your brain, but that doesn’t mean that you can adequately take the ideas out of it and explain them to someone else.

The best leaders need to be able to communicate clearly with the people around them. They also need to be able to interpret other people properly and not take what they say personally.

The Dalai Lama, as a symbol of the unification of the state of Tibet, represents and practices Buddhist values. The Dalai Lama’s leadership is benevolent and aims toward truth and understanding, alongside the other Buddhist precepts. This is a great example for all leaders: if you want to give good directions to others, you have to get feedback from others to understand the situation properly.

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Encourage communication between team members and establish an open door policy.

Practice not interrupting team members when they’re talking. Instead, summarize what they say and ask for feedback after you have talked about your ideas.

6. Knowing How and When to Delegate

No matter how much you might want to, you can’t actually do everything yourself. Even if you could, in a team environment that would be a terrible idea anyway.

Good leaders recognize that delegation does more than simply alleviate their own stress levels (although that’s obviously a nice perk). Delegating to others shows that you have confidence in their abilities, which subsequently results in higher morale in the workplace, as well as loyalty from your staff. They want to feel appreciated and trusted.

Although Steve Jobs was known for focusing in on the smallest of details, he knew how to delegate. By finding, cultivating, and trusting capable team members, Jobs was able to make Apple run smoothly, even when he had to be absent for extended periods of time.

To know when and how to delegate work to team members, you have to be very familiar with each of them:

  • List out all of their strengths, weaknesses, and personalities.
  • Talk with your team members more to know about their passion and interests.

Take a look at this guide and learn more about delegation: How to Delegate Work Effectively (The Definitive Guide for Leaders)

7. Growth Mindset

Any good leader knows how important it is to develop the skills of those around them. The best can recognize those skills early on. Not only will development make work easier as they improve and grow, it will also foster morale. In addition, they may develop some skills that you don’t possess that will be beneficial to the workplace.

Great leaders share their knowledge with the team and give them the opportunity to achieve. This is how leaders gain their respect and loyalty.

Pope Francis has been unusually popular with many Catholics and many non-Catholics. His position isn’t totally traditional, which is part of his appeal, but he also has admirable leadership skills. Pope Francis’s TED talk[4] drew attention because he encouraged leaders to be humble and to demonstrate solidarity with others. This inclusive, kind, and respectful style of leadership is incredibly important for any situation.

It’s important to spend time talking with other team members individually to understand them.

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Find out team members’ current challenges and try to give feedback and encouragement so they will grow and do better.

8. Responsibility

Great leaders know that when it comes to their company, work place or whatever situation they’re in, they need to take personal responsibility for failure. How can they expect employees to hold themselves accountable if they themselves don’t?

The best leaders don’t make excuses; they take the blame and then work out how to fix the problem as soon as possible. This proves that they’re trustworthy and possess integrity.

Howard Gillman is the chancellor of UC Irvine. You might have heard of how the university rescinded a bunch of acceptances, and then changed its mind[5], This past spring, an unusually high number of accepted students decided to matriculate; the school initially responded by rescinding offers over things like missed deadlines. But the college realized this was a mistake and reversed its decision. Gillman and the university accepted responsibility and decided to move past their earlier bad decision.

Always ask yourself what you can do better or what you should change. Take responsibility and think about what you can do better to prevent this from happening next time.

9. A Desire to Learn

It’s safe to say that all great leaders will have to enter unchartered waters at some point during their career. Because of this, they have to be able to trust their intuition and draw on past experiences to guide them.

Great leaders know that there’s always something to learn from everything they have experienced before. They are able to connect the present challenges with the lessons learned in the past to make decisions and take actions promptly.

You can either recall what you’ve learned from your memories or search your notes (ideally, a software that you can access anywhere with things well-organized).

Warren Buffett, one of the richest people in the world, has mostly made the right calls. But in dealing with huge amounts of money, Buffett has also made several multi-million (and sometimes multi-billion) dollar mistakes. He has stated that buying the company Berkshire Hathaway was his biggest mistake[6]. From that poor choice, he realized that it was unwise to pursue “improvements” and “expansions” in the existing textile industry. Despite mistakes like this, Buffett has invested wisely, and it shows.

To effectively learn from the past, write down lessons you’ve learned from any mistakes you’ve made. Have all the lessons well organized, and when similar things happen again in future, take these lessons as references.

The Bottom Line

Leadership traits are learnable. If you practice consistently, you can be a great leader, too.

Make small changes to your habits when you work with your team, wherever that may be. Most of us aren’t presidents or CEOs, but we all work with other people, and our actions always impact others. This gives every person the chance to develop leadership skills and to stand out from the crowd.

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Featured photo credit: Markus Spiske via unsplash.com

Reference

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