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Unrealistic Expectations For Relationships People Often Have

Unrealistic Expectations For Relationships People Often Have

We all wish to have a relationship that is tailored on our liking. We all know people who spent their life seeking that perfect someone who can meet their expectations in their relationship. We picked up many unrealistic expectations from romantic movies and TV shows, where they convince us that those are what we deserve in a relationship. Truth is, no relationship is perfect. We can, however, make our relationship more fulfilling and exciting. A good relationship requires effort, hard work and dedication from both partners. Unrealistic expectation for relationships, often causes unpleasantness, arguments and chaos in a relationship. Here are 8 unrealistic relationship expectation you should avoid, if you want to live happily with your partner:

1. They will never notice anyone else

Just because they are in a relationship with you, doesn’t mean that they will not look at other people. We are only human, and we will be noticing other people along the way. That doesn’t mean that your partner is being unfaithful to you. It just simply means that they enjoy looking at different people too. Getting upset over this is only going to affect your relationship with them, since this show that you don’t trust them enough and that you don’t have faith in them. Remember that you can’t make someone stay if they intend to leave, but you can definitely do your part to be the best partner for them. Instead of getting upset over it, you can learn to appreciate looking at what they are noticing, and acknowledge the beauty of the other person too.

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2. They will always be romantic

While romance feels lovely and wonderful, understand that your partners have other obligations in life too. They have so many things to handle and take care of, apart from making you happy. Unless you aim to date a person who are not genuine, there are limits to what a person can do to constantly please you. Expecting your partner to be romantic all the time is going to wear them off eventually, as they will get tired of always having to do certain things in order to make you happy. There are many gestures besides the typical roses and candlelight dinners that can be far more meaningful, such as when they did your dishes, cook you a meal, wash your car and so on. Learning to appreciate these little gestures will help you see the true beauty of your relationship and help you appreciate having them in your life.

3. They will always support everything you do

We all have different values that we hold on to in our lives. There will be times when your partner does not support your actions and decisions. You might get upset over it, but this will happen in every relationship. If you expect them to support your actions, even if what you do are against their values, you will only push them away, because they will slowly feel like they will always have to go against their own values when they are with you. Let’s say if you don’t like spicy food. Imagine if your partner, insist that you eat the spicy food, claiming that you will definitely like it, even though you dislike it with all your heart. How will you feel? We are all entitled to our actions and decisions, as long as they don’t affect others. Understand that expecting them to support everything you do is not only unfair to them, but also unhealthy for your relationship.

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4. They will always say the right thing

Remember a scene in one of the romantic movie you’ve watched, where one of the characters said the wrong thing? Well, even in movies we can find flaws in communications. So let’s face it. You can’t always expect to hear your partner say the right thing. They are human with flesh and blood. They will make mistakes. If you expect them to always say the right thing, they will feel as if they are your personal entertainer. They will get tired of having to entertain you and worry about upsetting you when they did not say the right thing. This is not healthy in a relationship. It is absolutely forgivable if they didn’t always say the right thing to you. We ourselves say the wrong thing at times too. As long as the thing they say was not intentionally meant to hurt you, try to accept that we all make mistakes and sometimes say the wrong thing.

5. There will never be an argument or disagreement

Your differences are what tie you with your partner in the first place. No two people are exactly alike. Therefor, there will be disagreement and argument due to different perspectives or point of view. The only relationship that has no argument or disagreement, is one where both partners don’t matter to the other. Expecting your partner to never argue or disagree with you, is almost like wanting them to be a slave who obeys to everything you say or do. Does that sound like a decent relationship to you? Argument or disagreement does not break the relationship, in fact, it would strengthen the relationship if you embrace the differences, because it helps you and your partner understand each other more. The more you understand each other, the stronger your relationship will get.

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6. Everything will always go smoothly

There will be times when there are challenges, where you would have to stand hand in hand with your partner to walk through the hard time together. Some of the challenges will not be easy, but if you are willing to work on them together, you will have so many wonderful memories you can create together with your partner. It is not only unrealistic to expect things to always go smoothly, but is also one of the remedy to break your relationship, because you will not be prepared and willing to walk in the storm with your partner. This will create resentment on both sides in the relationship since you will not be prepared to walk the hard path with them, and they will not get any effort from you when challenges occur. Know that no relationship is easy. Every relationship requires a lot of work, and can sometimes make you feel miserable. These challenges will not happen all the time, but it will happen at some point, and it’s best if you acknowledge this fact than to expect everything to always be easy.

7. Everyone in your life will adore them

It is absolutely normal for the people around you to not adore your partner as much as you wish they would. Unless everyone you know dislike your partner, it shouldn’t bother you so much if some of the people you know does not adore your partner. After all, you are the one who is going to be spending most your times with your partner. Everyone has their free will to like or dislike someone, so to expect everyone you know to adore who you love is just not possible. We all have different opinion on how a person should be. That’s why we don’t always have the same reaction towards the same person. Expecting everyone in your life to adore them will give your partner an unspoken pressure to act a certain way, in order to be liked, to make you happy. That is definitely not a good way to develop a good relationship. Be ready to accept the others’ preferences, while work on enhancing some of your partner’s good qualities for them to do better in the society.

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8. They will always understand your feelings

While it’s important to understand each other, it’s just not possible for your partner to always understand your feelings. To expect them to always know what you are thinking, is unrealistic and often ended up in unhappiness. It’s very important to express yourself clearly, and let your partner know how you feel about something, if it’s important to you. Understand that your partner is not the same person as you, and they will not always automatically understand how you feel without you telling them. The key to a happy, healthy relationship is to have a good communication. Learn to be open and say what you mean. Expecting your partner to read your mind all the time will cause unnecessary misunderstanding and confusion. You will avoid so many misunderstanding and get to learn so much more about each other if you learn to communicate openly.

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Crystie Lim

Life Coach

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Last Updated on September 12, 2019

12 Things You Should Remember When Feeling Lost in Life

12 Things You Should Remember When Feeling Lost in Life

Even the most charismatic people you know, whether in person or celebrities of some sort, experience days where they feel lost in life and isolated from everyone else.

While it’s good to know we aren’t alone in this feeling, the question still remains:

What should we do when we feel lost and lonely?

Here are 12 things to remember:

1. Recognize That It’s Okay!

The truth is, there are times you need to be alone. If you’ve always been accustomed to being in contact with people, this may prove difficult.

However, learning how to be alone and comfortable in your own skin will give you confidence and a sense of self reliance.

We cheat ourselves out of the opportunity to become self reliant when we look for constant companionship.

Learn how to embrace your me time: What Your Fear of Being Alone Is Really About and How to Get over It

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2. Use Your Lost and Loneliness as a Self-Directing Guide

You’ve most likely heard the expression: “You have to know where you’ve been to know where you’re going.”

Loneliness also serves as a life signal to indicate you’re in search of something. It’s when we’re in the midst of solitude that answers come from true soul searching.

Remember, there is more to life than what you’re feeling.

3. Realize Loneliness Helps You Face the Truth

Being in the constant company of others, although comforting sometimes, can often serve as a distraction when we need to face the reality of a situation.

Solitude cuts straight to the chase and forces you to deal with the problem at hand. See it as a blessing that can serve as a catalyst to set things right!

4. Be Aware That You Have More Control Than You Think

Typically, when we see ourselves as being lost or lonely, it gives us an excuse to view everything we come in contact with in a negative light. It lends itself to putting ourselves in the victim mode, when the truth of the matter is that you choose your attitude in every situation.

No one can force a feeling upon you! It is YOU who has the ultimate say as to how you choose to react.

5. Embrace the Freedom That the Feeling of Being Alone Can Offer

Instead of wallowing in self pity, which many are prone to do because of loneliness, try looking at your circumstance as a new-found freedom.

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Most people are in constant need of approval of their viewpoints. Try enjoying the fact that  you don’t need everyone you care about to support your decisions.

6. Acknowledge the Person You Are Now

Perhaps you feel a sense of loneliness and confusion because your life circumstances have taken you away from the persona that others know to be you.

Perhaps the new you differs radically from the old. Realize that life is about change and how we react to that change. It’s okay that you’re not who you used to be.

Take a look at this article and learn to accept your imperfect self: Accept Yourself (Flaws and All): 7 Benefits of Being Vulnerable

7. Keep Striving to Do Your Best

Often those who are feeling isolated and unto themselves will develop a defeatist attitude. They’ll do substandard work because their self esteem is low and they don’t care.

Never let this feeling take away your sense of worth! Do your best always and when you come through this dark time, others will admire how you stayed determined in spite of the obstacles you had to overcome.

And to live your best life, you must do this ONE thing: step out of your comfort zone.

8. Don’t Forget That Time Is Precious

When we’re lost in a sea of loneliness and depression, it’s all too easy to reflect on regrets of past life events. This does nothing but feed negativity and perpetuate the situation.

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Instead of falling prey to this common pitfall, put one foot in front of the other and acknowledge every positive step you take. By doing this, you can celebrate the struggles you overcome at the end of the day.

9. Remember, Things Happen for a Reason

Every circumstance we encounter in our life is designed to teach us and that lesson is in turn passed on to others.

Sometimes we’re fortunate enough to figure out the lesson to be learned, while other times, we simply need to have faith that if the lesson wasn’t meant directly for us to learn from, how we handled it was observed by someone who needed to learn.

Your solitude and feeling of lost, in this instance, although painful possibly, may be teaching someone else.

10. Journal During This Time

Record your thoughts when you’re at the height of loneliness and feeling lost. You’ll be amazed when you reflect back at how you viewed things at the time and how far you’ve come later.

This time (if recorded) can give you a keen insight into who you are and what makes you feel the way you feel.

11. Remember You Aren’t the First to Feel This Way

It’s quite common to feel as if we’re alone and no one else has ever felt this way before. We think this because at the time of our distress, we’re silently observing others around us who are seemingly fine in every way.

The truth is, we can’t possibly know the struggles of those around us unless they elect to share them. We ALL have known this pain!

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Try confiding in someone you trust and ask them how they deal with these feelings when they experienced it. You may be surprised at what you learn.

12. Ask for Help If the Problem Persists

The feeling of being lost and lonely is common to everyone, but typically it will last for a relatively short period of time.

Most people will confess to, at one time or another, being in a “funk.” But if the problem persists longer than you feel it should, don’t ignore it.

When your ability to reason and consider things rationally becomes impaired, do not poo poo the problem away and think it isn’t worthy of attention. Seek medical help.

Afraid to ask for help? Here’s how to change your outlook to aim high!

Final Thoughts

Loneliness and a sense of feeling lost can in many ways be extremely painful and difficult to deal with at best. However, these feelings can also serve as a catalyst for change in our lives if we acknowledge them and act.

Above anything, cherish your mental well being and don’t underestimate its worth. Seek professional guidance if you’re unable to distinguish between a sense of freedom for yourself and a sense of despair.

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Featured photo credit: Andrew Neel via unsplash.com

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