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Unrealistic Expectations For Relationships People Often Have

Unrealistic Expectations For Relationships People Often Have

We all wish to have a relationship that is tailored on our liking. We all know people who spent their life seeking that perfect someone who can meet their expectations in their relationship. We picked up many unrealistic expectations from romantic movies and TV shows, where they convince us that those are what we deserve in a relationship. Truth is, no relationship is perfect. We can, however, make our relationship more fulfilling and exciting. A good relationship requires effort, hard work and dedication from both partners. Unrealistic expectation for relationships, often causes unpleasantness, arguments and chaos in a relationship. Here are 8 unrealistic relationship expectation you should avoid, if you want to live happily with your partner:

1. They will never notice anyone else

Just because they are in a relationship with you, doesn’t mean that they will not look at other people. We are only human, and we will be noticing other people along the way. That doesn’t mean that your partner is being unfaithful to you. It just simply means that they enjoy looking at different people too. Getting upset over this is only going to affect your relationship with them, since this show that you don’t trust them enough and that you don’t have faith in them. Remember that you can’t make someone stay if they intend to leave, but you can definitely do your part to be the best partner for them. Instead of getting upset over it, you can learn to appreciate looking at what they are noticing, and acknowledge the beauty of the other person too.

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2. They will always be romantic

While romance feels lovely and wonderful, understand that your partners have other obligations in life too. They have so many things to handle and take care of, apart from making you happy. Unless you aim to date a person who are not genuine, there are limits to what a person can do to constantly please you. Expecting your partner to be romantic all the time is going to wear them off eventually, as they will get tired of always having to do certain things in order to make you happy. There are many gestures besides the typical roses and candlelight dinners that can be far more meaningful, such as when they did your dishes, cook you a meal, wash your car and so on. Learning to appreciate these little gestures will help you see the true beauty of your relationship and help you appreciate having them in your life.

3. They will always support everything you do

We all have different values that we hold on to in our lives. There will be times when your partner does not support your actions and decisions. You might get upset over it, but this will happen in every relationship. If you expect them to support your actions, even if what you do are against their values, you will only push them away, because they will slowly feel like they will always have to go against their own values when they are with you. Let’s say if you don’t like spicy food. Imagine if your partner, insist that you eat the spicy food, claiming that you will definitely like it, even though you dislike it with all your heart. How will you feel? We are all entitled to our actions and decisions, as long as they don’t affect others. Understand that expecting them to support everything you do is not only unfair to them, but also unhealthy for your relationship.

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4. They will always say the right thing

Remember a scene in one of the romantic movie you’ve watched, where one of the characters said the wrong thing? Well, even in movies we can find flaws in communications. So let’s face it. You can’t always expect to hear your partner say the right thing. They are human with flesh and blood. They will make mistakes. If you expect them to always say the right thing, they will feel as if they are your personal entertainer. They will get tired of having to entertain you and worry about upsetting you when they did not say the right thing. This is not healthy in a relationship. It is absolutely forgivable if they didn’t always say the right thing to you. We ourselves say the wrong thing at times too. As long as the thing they say was not intentionally meant to hurt you, try to accept that we all make mistakes and sometimes say the wrong thing.

5. There will never be an argument or disagreement

Your differences are what tie you with your partner in the first place. No two people are exactly alike. Therefor, there will be disagreement and argument due to different perspectives or point of view. The only relationship that has no argument or disagreement, is one where both partners don’t matter to the other. Expecting your partner to never argue or disagree with you, is almost like wanting them to be a slave who obeys to everything you say or do. Does that sound like a decent relationship to you? Argument or disagreement does not break the relationship, in fact, it would strengthen the relationship if you embrace the differences, because it helps you and your partner understand each other more. The more you understand each other, the stronger your relationship will get.

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6. Everything will always go smoothly

There will be times when there are challenges, where you would have to stand hand in hand with your partner to walk through the hard time together. Some of the challenges will not be easy, but if you are willing to work on them together, you will have so many wonderful memories you can create together with your partner. It is not only unrealistic to expect things to always go smoothly, but is also one of the remedy to break your relationship, because you will not be prepared and willing to walk in the storm with your partner. This will create resentment on both sides in the relationship since you will not be prepared to walk the hard path with them, and they will not get any effort from you when challenges occur. Know that no relationship is easy. Every relationship requires a lot of work, and can sometimes make you feel miserable. These challenges will not happen all the time, but it will happen at some point, and it’s best if you acknowledge this fact than to expect everything to always be easy.

7. Everyone in your life will adore them

It is absolutely normal for the people around you to not adore your partner as much as you wish they would. Unless everyone you know dislike your partner, it shouldn’t bother you so much if some of the people you know does not adore your partner. After all, you are the one who is going to be spending most your times with your partner. Everyone has their free will to like or dislike someone, so to expect everyone you know to adore who you love is just not possible. We all have different opinion on how a person should be. That’s why we don’t always have the same reaction towards the same person. Expecting everyone in your life to adore them will give your partner an unspoken pressure to act a certain way, in order to be liked, to make you happy. That is definitely not a good way to develop a good relationship. Be ready to accept the others’ preferences, while work on enhancing some of your partner’s good qualities for them to do better in the society.

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8. They will always understand your feelings

While it’s important to understand each other, it’s just not possible for your partner to always understand your feelings. To expect them to always know what you are thinking, is unrealistic and often ended up in unhappiness. It’s very important to express yourself clearly, and let your partner know how you feel about something, if it’s important to you. Understand that your partner is not the same person as you, and they will not always automatically understand how you feel without you telling them. The key to a happy, healthy relationship is to have a good communication. Learn to be open and say what you mean. Expecting your partner to read your mind all the time will cause unnecessary misunderstanding and confusion. You will avoid so many misunderstanding and get to learn so much more about each other if you learn to communicate openly.

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Crystie Lim

Life Coach

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Last Updated on May 21, 2019

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

For all our social media bravado, we live in a society where communication is seen less as an art, and more as a perfunctory exercise. We spend so much time with people, yet we struggle with how to meaningfully communicate.

If you believe you have mastered effective communication, scan the list below and see whether you can see yourself in any of the examples:

Example 1

You are uncomfortable with a person’s actions or comments, and rather than telling the individual immediately, you sidestep the issue and attempt to move on as though the offending behavior or comment never happened.

You move on with the relationship and develop a pattern of not addressing challenging situations. Before long, the person with whom you are in relationship will say or do something that pushes you over the top and predictably, you explode or withdraw completely from the relationship.

In this example, hard-to-speak truths become never- expressed truths that turn into resentment and anger.

Example 2

You communicate from the head and without emotion. While what you communicate makes perfect sense to you, it comes across as cold because it lacks emotion.

People do not understand what motivates you to say what you say, and without sharing your feelings and emotions, others experience you as rude, cold or aggressive.

You will know this is a problem if people shy away from you, ignore your contributions in meetings or tell you your words hurt. You can also know you struggle in this area if you find yourself constantly apologizing for things you have said.

Example 3

You have an issue with one person, but you communicate your problem to an entirely different person.

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The person in whom you confide lacks the authority to resolve the matter troubling you, and while you have vented and expressed frustration, the underlying challenge is unresolved.

Example 4

You grew up in a family with destructive communication habits and those habits play out in your current relationships.

Because you have never stopped to ask why you communicate the way you do and whether your communication style still works, you may lack understanding of how your words impact others and how to implement positive change.

If you find yourself in any of the situations described above, this article is for you.

Communication can build or decimate worlds and it is important we get it right. Regardless of your professional aspirations or personal goals, you can improve your communication skills if you:

  • Understand your own communication style
  • Tailor your style depending on the needs of the audience
  • Communicate with precision and care
  • Be mindful of your delivery, timing and messenger

1. Understand Your Communication Style

To communicate effectively, you must understand the communication legacy passed down from our parents, grandparents or caregivers. Each of us grew up with spoken and unspoken rules about communication.

In some families, direct communication is practiced and honored. In other families, family members are encouraged to shy away from difficult conversations. Some families appreciate open and frank dialogue and others do not. Other families practice silence about substantive matters, that is, they seldom or rarely broach difficult conversations at all.

Before you can appreciate the nuance required in communication, it helps to know the familial patterns you grew up with.

2. Learn Others Communication Styles

Communicating effectively requires you to take a step back, assess the intended recipient of your communication and think through how the individual prefers to be communicated with. Once you know this, you can tailor your message in a way that increases the likelihood of being heard. This also prevents you from assuming the way you communicate with one group is appropriate or right for all groups or people.

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If you are unsure how to determine the styles of the groups or persons with whom you are interacting, you can always ask them:

“How do you prefer to receive information?”

This approach requires listening, both to what the individuals say as well as what is unspoken. Virgin Group CEO Richard Branson noted that the best communicators are also great listeners.

To communicate effectively from relationship to relationship and situation to situation, you must understand the communication needs of others.

3. Exercise Precision and Care

A recent engagement underscored for me the importance of exercising care when communicating.

On a recent trip to Ohio, I decided to meet up with an old friend to go for a walk. As we strolled through the soccer park, my friend gently announced that he had something to talk about, he was upset with me. His introduction to the problem allowed me to mentally shift gears and prepare for the conversation.

Shortly after introducing the shift in conversation, my friend asked me why I didn’t invite him to the launch party for my business. He lives in Ohio and I live in the D.C. area.

I explained that the event snuck up on me, and I only started planning the invite list three weeks before the event. Due to the last-minute nature of the gathering, I opted to invite people in the DMV area versus my friends from outside the area – I didn’t want to be disrespectful by asking them to travel on such short notice.

I also noted that I didn’t want to be disappointed if he and others declined to come to the event. So I played it safe in terms of inviting people who were local.

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In the moment, I felt the conversation went very well. I also checked in with my friend a few days after our walk, affirmed my appreciation for his willingness to communicate his upset and our ability to work through it.

The way this conversation unfolded exemplified effective communication. My friend approached me with grace and vulnerability. He approached me with a level of curiosity that didn’t put me on my heels — I was able to really listen to what he was saying, apologize for how my decision impacted him and vow that going forward, I would always ask rather than making decisions for him and others.

Our relationship is intact, and I now have information that will help me become a better friend to him and others.

4. Be Mindful of Delivery, Timing and Messenger

Communicating effectively also requires thinking through the delivery of the message one intends to communicate as well as the appropriate time for the discussion.

In an Entrepreneur.com column, VIP Contributor Deep Patel, noted that persons interested in communicating well need to master the art of timing. Patel noted,[1]

“Great comedians, like all great communicators, are able to feel out their audience to determine when to move on to a new topic or when to reiterate an idea.”

Communicating effectively also requires thoughtfulness about the messenger. A person prone to dramatic, angry outbursts should never be called upon to deliver constructive feedback, especially to people whom they do not know. The immediate aftermath of a mass shooting is not the ideal time to talk about the importance of the Second Amendment rights.

Like everyone else, I must work to ensure my communication is layered with precision and care.

It requires precision because words must be carefully tailored to the person with whom you are speaking.

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It requires intentionality because before one communicates, one should think about the audience and what the audience needs in order to hear your message the way you intended it to be communicated.

It requires active listening which is about hearing verbal and nonverbal messages.

Even though we may be right in what we say, how we say it could derail the impact of the message and the other parties’ ability to hear the message.

Communicating with care is also about saying things that the people in our life need to hear and doing so with love.

The Bottom Line

When I left the meeting with my dear friend, I wondered if I was replicating or modeling this level of openness and transparency in the rest of my relationships.

I was intrigued and appreciative. He’d clearly thought about what he wanted to say to me, picked the appropriate time to share his feedback and then delivered it with care. He hit the ball out of the park and I’m hopeful we all do the same.

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Featured photo credit: Kenan Buhic via unsplash.com

Reference

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