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Unrealistic Expectations For Relationships People Often Have

Unrealistic Expectations For Relationships People Often Have

We all wish to have a relationship that is tailored on our liking. We all know people who spent their life seeking that perfect someone who can meet their expectations in their relationship. We picked up many unrealistic expectations from romantic movies and TV shows, where they convince us that those are what we deserve in a relationship. Truth is, no relationship is perfect. We can, however, make our relationship more fulfilling and exciting. A good relationship requires effort, hard work and dedication from both partners. Unrealistic expectation for relationships, often causes unpleasantness, arguments and chaos in a relationship. Here are 8 unrealistic relationship expectation you should avoid, if you want to live happily with your partner:

1. They will never notice anyone else

Just because they are in a relationship with you, doesn’t mean that they will not look at other people. We are only human, and we will be noticing other people along the way. That doesn’t mean that your partner is being unfaithful to you. It just simply means that they enjoy looking at different people too. Getting upset over this is only going to affect your relationship with them, since this show that you don’t trust them enough and that you don’t have faith in them. Remember that you can’t make someone stay if they intend to leave, but you can definitely do your part to be the best partner for them. Instead of getting upset over it, you can learn to appreciate looking at what they are noticing, and acknowledge the beauty of the other person too.

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2. They will always be romantic

While romance feels lovely and wonderful, understand that your partners have other obligations in life too. They have so many things to handle and take care of, apart from making you happy. Unless you aim to date a person who are not genuine, there are limits to what a person can do to constantly please you. Expecting your partner to be romantic all the time is going to wear them off eventually, as they will get tired of always having to do certain things in order to make you happy. There are many gestures besides the typical roses and candlelight dinners that can be far more meaningful, such as when they did your dishes, cook you a meal, wash your car and so on. Learning to appreciate these little gestures will help you see the true beauty of your relationship and help you appreciate having them in your life.

3. They will always support everything you do

We all have different values that we hold on to in our lives. There will be times when your partner does not support your actions and decisions. You might get upset over it, but this will happen in every relationship. If you expect them to support your actions, even if what you do are against their values, you will only push them away, because they will slowly feel like they will always have to go against their own values when they are with you. Let’s say if you don’t like spicy food. Imagine if your partner, insist that you eat the spicy food, claiming that you will definitely like it, even though you dislike it with all your heart. How will you feel? We are all entitled to our actions and decisions, as long as they don’t affect others. Understand that expecting them to support everything you do is not only unfair to them, but also unhealthy for your relationship.

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4. They will always say the right thing

Remember a scene in one of the romantic movie you’ve watched, where one of the characters said the wrong thing? Well, even in movies we can find flaws in communications. So let’s face it. You can’t always expect to hear your partner say the right thing. They are human with flesh and blood. They will make mistakes. If you expect them to always say the right thing, they will feel as if they are your personal entertainer. They will get tired of having to entertain you and worry about upsetting you when they did not say the right thing. This is not healthy in a relationship. It is absolutely forgivable if they didn’t always say the right thing to you. We ourselves say the wrong thing at times too. As long as the thing they say was not intentionally meant to hurt you, try to accept that we all make mistakes and sometimes say the wrong thing.

5. There will never be an argument or disagreement

Your differences are what tie you with your partner in the first place. No two people are exactly alike. Therefor, there will be disagreement and argument due to different perspectives or point of view. The only relationship that has no argument or disagreement, is one where both partners don’t matter to the other. Expecting your partner to never argue or disagree with you, is almost like wanting them to be a slave who obeys to everything you say or do. Does that sound like a decent relationship to you? Argument or disagreement does not break the relationship, in fact, it would strengthen the relationship if you embrace the differences, because it helps you and your partner understand each other more. The more you understand each other, the stronger your relationship will get.

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6. Everything will always go smoothly

There will be times when there are challenges, where you would have to stand hand in hand with your partner to walk through the hard time together. Some of the challenges will not be easy, but if you are willing to work on them together, you will have so many wonderful memories you can create together with your partner. It is not only unrealistic to expect things to always go smoothly, but is also one of the remedy to break your relationship, because you will not be prepared and willing to walk in the storm with your partner. This will create resentment on both sides in the relationship since you will not be prepared to walk the hard path with them, and they will not get any effort from you when challenges occur. Know that no relationship is easy. Every relationship requires a lot of work, and can sometimes make you feel miserable. These challenges will not happen all the time, but it will happen at some point, and it’s best if you acknowledge this fact than to expect everything to always be easy.

7. Everyone in your life will adore them

It is absolutely normal for the people around you to not adore your partner as much as you wish they would. Unless everyone you know dislike your partner, it shouldn’t bother you so much if some of the people you know does not adore your partner. After all, you are the one who is going to be spending most your times with your partner. Everyone has their free will to like or dislike someone, so to expect everyone you know to adore who you love is just not possible. We all have different opinion on how a person should be. That’s why we don’t always have the same reaction towards the same person. Expecting everyone in your life to adore them will give your partner an unspoken pressure to act a certain way, in order to be liked, to make you happy. That is definitely not a good way to develop a good relationship. Be ready to accept the others’ preferences, while work on enhancing some of your partner’s good qualities for them to do better in the society.

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8. They will always understand your feelings

While it’s important to understand each other, it’s just not possible for your partner to always understand your feelings. To expect them to always know what you are thinking, is unrealistic and often ended up in unhappiness. It’s very important to express yourself clearly, and let your partner know how you feel about something, if it’s important to you. Understand that your partner is not the same person as you, and they will not always automatically understand how you feel without you telling them. The key to a happy, healthy relationship is to have a good communication. Learn to be open and say what you mean. Expecting your partner to read your mind all the time will cause unnecessary misunderstanding and confusion. You will avoid so many misunderstanding and get to learn so much more about each other if you learn to communicate openly.

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Crystie Lim

Life Coach

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Last Updated on January 21, 2020

How to Motivate People Around You and Inspire Them

How to Motivate People Around You and Inspire Them

If I was a super hero I’d want my super power to be the ability to motivate everyone around me. Think of how many problems you could solve just by being able to motivate people towards their goals. You wouldn’t be frustrated by lazy co-workers. You wouldn’t be mad at your partner for wasting the weekend in front of the TV. Also, the more people around you are motivated toward their dreams, the more you can capitalize off their successes.

Being able to motivate people is key to your success at work, at home, and in the future because no one can achieve anything alone. We all need the help of others.

So, how to motivate people? Here are 7 ways to motivate others even you can do.

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1. Listen

Most people start out trying to motivate someone by giving them a lengthy speech, but this rarely works because motivation has to start inside others. The best way to motivate others is to start by listening to what they want to do. Find out what the person’s goals and dreams are. If it’s something you want to encourage, then continue through these steps.

2. Ask Open-Ended Questions

Open-ended questions are the best way to figure out what someone’s dreams are. If you can’t think of anything to ask, start with, “What have you always wanted to do?”

“Why do you want to do that?”

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“What makes you so excited about it?”

“How long has that been your dream?”

You need this information the help you with the following steps.

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3. Encourage

This is the most important step, because starting a dream is scary. People are so scared they will fail or look stupid, many never try to reach their goals, so this is where you come in. You must encourage them. Say things like, “I think you will be great at that.” Better yet, say, “I think your skills in X will help you succeed.” For example if you have a friend who wants to own a pet store, say, “You are so great with animals, I think you will be excellent at running a pet store.”

4. Ask About What the First Step Will Be

After you’ve encouraged them, find how they will start. If they don’t know, you can make suggestions, but it’s better to let the person figure out the first step themselves so they can be committed to the process.

5. Dream

This is the most fun step, because you can dream about success. Say things like, “Wouldn’t it be cool if your business took off, and you didn’t have to work at that job you hate?” By allowing others to dream, you solidify the motivation in place and connect their dreams to a future reality.

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6. Ask How You Can Help

Most of the time, others won’t need anything from you, but it’s always good to offer. Just letting the person know you’re there will help motivate them to start. And, who knows, maybe your skills can help.

7. Follow Up

Periodically, over the course of the next year, ask them how their goal is going. This way you can find out what progress has been made. You may need to do the seven steps again, or they may need motivation in another area of their life.

Final Thoughts

By following these seven steps, you’ll be able to encourage the people around you to achieve their dreams and goals. In return, you’ll be more passionate about getting to your goals, you’ll be surrounded by successful people, and others will want to help you reach your dreams …

Oh, and you’ll become a motivational super hero. Time to get a cape!

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Featured photo credit: Thought Catalog via unsplash.com

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