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What I Realize As I’m Turning Thirty

What I Realize As I’m Turning Thirty

Being on the brink of thirty is an exciting and nerve-wracking situation to be in all at once. Behind you are your carefree twenties where you accumulated numerous life lessons, but ahead of you is the seriousness of your thirties, a time when frequent trial and error is often frowned upon. People say age is just a number, but when you are entering a new decade of your life it is hard to just brush it off and not be affected by societal expectations. The exciting thing about turning thirty is that you know that you will only continue to get wiser as you age and that the life lessons you accumulated in your twenties will only continue through your thirties and beyond. Here’s some realizations I have made throughout the last decade.

Obtaining mental clarity is just as important as physical fitness

There is a lot of emphasis on the importance of staying physically fit through your twenties to prevent age-related diseases later. It turns out that maintaining your mental health is just as important as physical health and that the two are deeply intertwined. Learning to meditate or going to classes for restorative yoga has not only helped me fix a bad mood, but regular practice will hopefully allow me a lifetime of mindfulness that will help combat any stressful situations that are bound to arise.

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Try not to worry what others are thinking

Being self-conscious about every single thing was something that often plagued me in my twenties. If I did something that was slightly embarrassing, I would be mortified the rest of the day. The things is people often are caught up in their own worlds and do not remember that you said something slightly awkward or tripped down the stairs in front of your entire office. I realize that the sooner you are able to move on, the more time you will be able to focus on the present, instead of the past.

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Comparing yourself to others is truly the thief of joy

It is hard not to get caught up comparing yourself to your peers. I would easily get down on myself by scrolling through Facebook and realizing that someone had just landed their dream job or had an enviable social life. It was easy to throw myself a pity party, but in reality it was just a giant waste of my time. Often things are not what they seem (especially on social media) and I have slowly learned that it is detrimental to compare myself to an illusion. It is important to not take your own life for granted and strive towards what truly brings you happiness. I also realized that despite societal expectations, everyone life moves at a different pace and this is the beauty of being human.

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Being successful is a mindset

One of the most important things that I have learned in my twenties is that to be successful in any area of your life simply comes down to perseverance (along with being at the right place at the right time). I often searched for a shortcut to reach my goals, whether they were personal or professional, but I realized that this way does not exist. To achieve something takes a lot of time and most importantly a constant belief in your abilities. I have always dreamed of having a writing career, but it has only been recently after many detours throughout the last decade that I am slowly making this a reality and turning each setback into a lesson. It is also important to define what your personal idea of success is, since it is different for everyone.

Featured photo credit: Flickr via flickr.com

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Last Updated on September 17, 2018

7 Signs of an Unhappy Relationship That Makes You Feel Stuck

7 Signs of an Unhappy Relationship That Makes You Feel Stuck

Relationships are complicated and when you’re unhappy, it can be difficult to tell what’s causing it and what needs to change.

Sometimes it’s as easy as opening up to your partner about your problems, while other times it may be necessary to switch partners or roll solo to get your mind straight.

When you’re in the thick of things, it can be difficult to tell if you’re unhappy in your relationship or just unhappy in general (in which case, a relationship may be just the cure you need).

Here’re signs of an unhappy relationship that is possibly making you feel stuck:

1. You’re depressed about your home life.

No matter what you do in life, you’re going to have good and bad days. Your relationship is no different.

However, no matter what you’re going through at home, you have to feel comfortable in your own home.

If you constantly dread going home because your significant other is there, there’s a problem. Maybe it’s something you already know about, everyone has an argument or just needs some alone time.

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When that yearning to be alone becomes an insatiable obsession over the course of months and years, it’s time to realize you’re not the exception to the rule.

You’re unhappy in your relationship, and you need to take a look in the mirror and do whatever it takes to make yourself smile.

2. You aren’t comfortable being yourself.

Remember all those things you discovered about yourself when you first got together? The way your partner made you feel when you met that made you fall in love with him or her in the first place.

If they don’t make you feel that way anymore, it’s not the end of the world. If your partner makes you uncomfortable about being you, then her or she is only dragging you down. It’s up to you to decide how to handle that.

You need to be comfortable with who you are. This means being comfortable in your skin and with the way you walk, talk, look, breath, move, and all the other things that make you uniquely you.

If the person who supposedly loves you doesn’t make you feel good about yourself, know that you can do better. They’re not even one in a billion.

3. You can’t stop snooping.

Mutual trust is necessary in any relationship. The only way to get that trust is with respect.

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I can find you anywhere online, no matter how private and secure you think you are. The odds of you having a password I can’t crack are slim. If we’ve met in person, I could install a remote key logger on your device without even touching it.

Finding your information online hardly takes a clandestine organization. Any idiot with a Wi-Fi-enabled device can cyberstalk you. I’m just the only idiot in the village admitting it.

So now that we know everyone snoops, it’s time to address your personal habits. Governments snoop because they don’t trust us. If you’re snooping on your partner, it’s because you don’t trust them.

It’s ok to have doubts, and it’s perfectly normal to look into anything that looks weird, but keep in mind that data collection is only half of an investigation.

If you find yourself constantly snooping and questioning everything, clearly there’s a trust issue and the relationship likely needs to end.

4. You’re afraid of commitment.

If you’ve been dating longer than a year and you aren’t engaged, it’s never going to happen.

Commitment is important. People will come up with a million ways to describe why they can’t be committed.

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No matter who you are if you like it, you need to put a ring on it. Find an engagement ring, stick a gemstone in it and marry the person. If you’re not legally able to get married or you don’t believe in it for one reason or another, have a child (or adopt one, however you’re able to) or treat your partner’s family like your own. It’s a huge financial and mental commitment.

If you’re not ready for one or the other after some time, don’t waste anymore of your precious life on the relationship.

Your relationship should be something that propels you forward. If it’s not going anywhere, make it an open relationship and call it what it is—dating multiple people.

5. You imagine a happier life without your partner.

If all you’re doing is imagining a happier life without your partner, it’s a sign that you’re in the wrong relationship. You’re unhappy and you need to get out.

Your partner should be included in your dreams. There’s nothing wrong with wanting a future with someone.

Try to remember what you dreamed of before you got your heart broken by the realities of life, love and the pursuit of human success.

Remember when you would crush on that cute kid in class? You would secretly imagine marrying him or her and going on an adventure—that’s the way life should be.

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If you’re not at least imagining adventures together, then why are you in that relationship?

6. You resent, rather than love your partner.

When a relationship starts to crumble, you begin to resent your partner for all the things you once loved about him or her.

When you’ve reached this point, your partner has reached at least No. 2 on this list. From your partner’s perspective, your unhappiness with them is picked up as bashing them for being who they are.

If you’re both unhappy in the relationship, it’s better if it ends as quickly and painlessly as possible.

7. You chase past feelings.

It’s okay to reminisce about the past, but if all you do is wish things were like they used to be, it’s a sign you’re not on the right path.

You’re unhappy and, at the very least, you need to have an open dialogue about it. This isn’t necessarily a sign that the relationship should end, but it definitely needs a spark.

When you talk to your partner candidly about what it is you’re looking for, you never know how they’ll react. The risk alone is worth it, good or bad.

Final thoughts

If you’re feeling stuck in your current relationship, it’s time to reflect about it with your partner. Don’t ignore these signs of an unhappy relationship as they will slowly go worse and harm both you and your partner in long-term.

Featured photo credit: josh peterson via unsplash.com

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