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Parents With Four Or More Kids Are Happier, According To Researchers

Parents With Four Or More Kids Are Happier, According To Researchers

Want to be a happier parent? Grow your family to at least four children! According to a study out of Australia’s Edith Cowan University, parents with the most life satisfaction (which means those who are the happiest) are those that have four or more children. Dr. Bronwyn Harman, lecturer at the school of psychology and social science at the university, spent the last five years interviewing a range of different families (single parent, same sex, multiple children, single child, etc.) to evaluate their life satisfaction across a variety of categories, and her findings show that parents with four are more children are the most satisfied with their lives.

Four (or more) kids may seem like a lot, but here’s why a large family may actually make you happier.

They have an on-demand playgroup.

Having a sibling means that you have a built in playmate – particularly if you’re close in age. In particular, large families benefit from this as older children interact with younger children when they play and have the chance to learn from each other. The better your kids are at entertaining each other, the less you have to make arrangements for them to meet with other children for play dates.

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In an ABC Austrailia article about her research on families, Dr. Harman goes on to explain “The kids are never bored, they have someone to play with and they get independence quite early on.”

They have a built in support network.

Parenting in isolation can be lonely. Support networks are a critical part of finding fulfillment in parenting, and while we traditionally think of these support networks as other parents or adults, your children may be able to fill this void. Children close in age can play with each other, and give their parents a chance to sit back versus having to be actively involved. Older children may be able to step in and care for younger siblings, either through baby sitting, or even just by providing company or helping out with homework. They can pitch in with household chores as well.

They are used to the crazy.

There is no point crying over spilt milk because it happens all the time! When you have four or more chilren in the house, things will be chaotic, unstructured, and just downright crazy at times. And you’re used to it, because it’s been a long time since you’ve known any different.

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In the same previously referenced article, Dr. Harman explained, “Parents accept that there is chaos in their lives but it does not negate the happiness they get from their families.”

They are more resilient, and so are their kids.

You know what requests are important and what things aren’t urgent. Your kids do, too. With more siblings, no one can be the center of attention all the time, and patience is required for almost everything. That means that they are used to waiting to be served at dinner, or even that their ask for a cupcake with green frosting may not be granted every time.

Their kids are more independent.

If you had to wait for three other people to finish something before you had your turn, you’d be incented to learn how to do things for yourself, too! And that’s definitely the case with children with more than three siblings. Why wait for someone to pour you a glass of milk, or help you pack your suitcase for the upcoming vacation, when you can do it yourself? This helps mom and dad – with your kids gaining independence earlier than singletons or even children with just one sibling, that means that you can take some childcare tasks off your plate sooner.

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They were prepared for this experience.

In the ABC Australia article, Dr. Harman brought this to light quite welll, “These children are not accidents – the parents have to go to a lot of trouble and expense and forethought – so the child is very much desired.”

Most parents with four or more children planned to have big families. That means that they were ready and eager to experience all the ups and downs of life with four or more kids in the house! Having a large family is something you relish and are proud of, so you enjoy the experience.

They have stronger family bonds and relationships.

In addition to a support system, your family has to learn how to get along with each other. That means that you’ve been through sibling rivalries, compromise, and difficult situations together. These bonds last a life time, teach children and parents how to work together and guide healthy human relationship building from the start.

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They are more accepting of diversity and differences.

With such a large family, not everyone is going to be the same. Personalities, likes, dislikes, and habbits will be different from person to person. Large families become tolerant of differences, and open to diversity. This openness gives you a new take on life and makes you more open and adaptable to change.

Featured photo credit: Four Kids 3 / Barney Moss via flickr.com

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Last Updated on August 22, 2019

14 Helpful Tips for Single Parents: How to Stay Sane While Doing it All

14 Helpful Tips for Single Parents: How to Stay Sane While Doing it All

According to the U.S. Census Bureau, over 27% of children under the age of 18 are living with a single parent.[1] That’s over 1/4th of the U.S. population.There is a common misconception that children who grow up in single parent homes are not as successful as children living in two-parent homes.

One crucial detail that was often left out of studies when comparing single and two-parent homes was the stability of the household. There is a correlation between family structure and family stability, but this study shows that children who grow up in stable single-parent homes do as well as those in married households in terms of academic abilities and behavior.

But providing stability is easier said than done. With only one adult to act as a parent, some tasks are inherently more challenging. However, there are a few helpful things you can do to make the parenting journey a little easier for yourself and stay sane while doing it.

1. Don’t Neglect Self-Care

Before anything else can be done, you must be caring for your own needs adequately. Only when you are feeling well-rested and healthy can you be at your best for your children.

Many parents tend to put their kids’ needs first and their owns last, but that will result in a never-ending cycle of exhaustion and feelings of inadequacy. Make time to eat regularly and healthfully, get plenty of rest, and squeeze in exercise whenever you can. Even a short walk around the neighborhood will help your body get much-needed movement and fresh air.

Your children depend on you, and it’s up to you to make sure that you are well-equipped and ready to take on that responsibility.

2. Join Forces with Other Single Parents

At times, it may seem like you’re the only person who knows what it’s like to be a single parent. However, the statistics say that there are many others who know exactly what you’re going through.

Find single parents locally, through your kid’s school, extracurricular activities, or even an app. There are also numerous online communities that can offer support and advice, through Facebook or sites like Single Mom Nation.

Although single moms make up the majority of single parents, there are more than 2.6 million single dads in the U.S. A great way to connect is through Meetup. Other single parents will more than happy to arrange babysitting swaps, playdates, and carpools.

Join forces in order to form mutually beneficial relationships.

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3. Build a Community

In addition to finding support with other single parents, also build a community comprised of families of all different types. Rather than focus solely on the single parent aspect of your identity, look for parents and kids who share other things in common.

Join a playgroup, get plugged in at a church, or get to know the parents of the kids involved in the same extracurricular activities. Having a community of a variety of people and families will bring diversity and excitement into your and your kids’ lives.

4. Accept Help

Don’t try to be a superhero and do it all yourself. There are probably people in your life who care about you and your kids and want to help you. Let them know what types of things would be most appreciated, whether it’s bringing meals once a week, helping with rides to school, or giving you time to yourself.

There is no shame in asking for help and accepting assistance from loved ones. You will not be perceived as weak or incompetent. You are being a good parent by being resourceful and allowing others to give you a much-needed break.

5. Get Creative with Childcare

Raising a child on a single income is a challenge, with the high cost of daycares, nannies, and other conventional childcare services. More affordable options are possible if you go a less traditional route.

If you have space and live in a college town, offer a college student housing in exchange for regular childcare. Or swap kids with other single parents so that your kids have friends to play with while the parents get time to themselves.

When I was younger, my parents had a group of five family friends, and all of the children would rotate to a different house each day of the week, during the summer months. The kids would have a great time playing with each other, and the parents’ job becomes a lot easier. That’s what you would call a win-win situation.

6. Plan Ahead for Emergencies

As a single parent, a backup plan or two is a must in emergency situations. Make a list of people you know you can call in a moment’s notice. There will be times in which you need help, and it’s important to know ahead of time who you can rely on.

Look into whether or not your area offers emergency babysitting services or a drop-in daycare. Knowing who will be able to care for your child in the event of an emergency can relieve one potential source of anxiety in stressful situations.

7. Create a Routine

Routines are crucial for young children because knowing what to expect gives them a semblance of control. This is even more important when in a single parent home.

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If the child travels between homes or has multiple caretakers, life can seem extremely chaotic and unpredictable. Establish a routine and schedule for your child as much as possible. This can include bedtime, before/after school, chores, meal times, and even a weekend routine.

Having a routine does not mean things cannot change. It is merely a default schedule to fall back on when no additional events or activities are going on. When your children know what to expect, they will be less resistant because they know what to expect, and days will run much more smoothly.

8. Be Consistent with Rules and Discipline

If your child has multiple caretakers, such as another parent, grandparent, or babysitter, communicate clearly on how discipline will be handled. Talk to your ex, if you are sharing custody, as well as any other caretakers about the rules and the agreed-upon approach to discipline.

When a child realizes that certain rules can be bent with certain people, he/she will use it to their advantage, causing additional issues with limits, behavior, and discipline down the road.

This article may help you to discipline your child better:

How to Discipline a Child (The Complete Guide for Different Ages)

9. Stay Positive

Everyone has heard the saying, “Mind over matter.” But there really is so much power behind your mentality. It can change your perspective and make a difficult situation so much better.

Your kids will be able to detect even the smallest shift in your attitude. When the responsibilities of motherhood are overwhelming, stay focused on the positive things in your life, such as your friends and family. This will produce a much more stable home environment.

Maintain your sense of humor and don’t be afraid to be silly. Look towards the future and the great things that are still to come for you and your family. Rediscover and redefine your family values.

10. Move Past the Guilt

In a single parent home, it is impossible to act as both parents, regardless of how hard you try. Let go of the things that you cannot do as a single parent, and instead, think of the great things you ARE able to provide for your children.

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Leave behind the notion that life would be easier or better with two parents. This is simply not true. There is a multitude of pros and cons to all family dynamics, and the one you are providing for your kids now is the one that they need.

Don’t get bogged down by guilt or regret. Take control of your life and be the best parent you can by being present and engaged with them on a daily basis.

11. Answer Questions Honestly

Your kids may have questions about why their home situation is different from many of their friends. When asked, don’t sugarcoat the situation or give them an answer that is not accurate.

Depending on their age, take this opportunity to explain the truth of what happened and how the current circumstances came about. Not all families have two parents, whether that is due to divorce, death, or whatever else life brings.

Don’t give more detail than necessary or talk badly about the other parent. But strive to be truthful and honest. Your children will benefit more from your candor than a made-up story.

12. Treat Kids Like Kids

In the absence of a partner, it can be tempting to rely on your children for comfort, companionship, or sympathy. But your kids are not equipped to play this role for you.

There are many details within an adult relationship that children are not able to understand or process, and it will only cause confusion and resentment.

Do not take out your anger on your kids. Separate your emotional needs from your role as a mother. If you find yourself depending on your kids too much, look for adult friends or family members that you can talk to about your issues.

13. Find Role Models

Find positive role models of the opposite sex for your child. It’s crucial that your child does not form negative associations with an entire gender of people.

Find close friends or family members that would be willing to spend one-on-one time with your kids. Encourage them to form meaningful relationships with people that you trust and that they can look up to.

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Role models can make a huge difference in the path that a child decides to take, so be intentional about the ones that you put in your kids’ lives.

14. Be Affectionate and Give Praise

Your children need your affection and praise on a daily basis. Engage with your kids as often as possible by playing with them, going on outings, and encouraging open dialogue.

Affirm them in the things that they are doing well, no matter how small. Praise their efforts, rather than their achievements. This will inspire them to continue to put forth hard work and not give up when success is not achieved.

Rather than spending money on gifts, spend time and effort in making lasting memories.

Final Thoughts

Being a single parent is a challenging responsibility to take on. Without the help of a partner to fall back on, single parents have a lot more to take on.

However, studies show that growing up in a single parent home does not have a negative effect on achievement in school. As long as the family is a stable and safe environment, kids are able to excel and do well in life.

Use these tips in order to be a reliable and capable parent for your kids, while maintaining your own well-being and sanity.

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Featured photo credit: Eye for Ebony via unsplash.com

Reference

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