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If You Really Love Yourself, You Won’t Do These 7 Things

If You Really Love Yourself, You Won’t Do These 7 Things

Most people, if asked, would probably say that they love themselves. But when you start to look at how they treat themselves, a different answer begins to emerge. It’s easy to get caught up in the pressure to look, be and act a certain way; so easy in fact that we may act more lovingly towards others than we do to ourselves. I’m talking about societal, religious, family or peer group beliefs or pressure to behave a certain way, do a certain job or make yourself believe you should “be” in the world that might not align with who you really are.

The more time you spend trying to conform to everyone else’s expectations, the more lost and less loving towards yourself you may become.

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Here are 7 things you won’t do if you really love yourself – how do you stack up?

1. You won’t over commit.

People who love themselves know how to say no to a lot of things so they can say yes to the things that are really important to them. While people may try to guilt or pressure you into a yes from time to time, setting boundaries with time and energy is a great sign of self-love.

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2. You won’t be afraid to ask for help.

You know how to put down your cape. You know you don’t have to be all things to all people and you don’t have to do everything yourself. You love yourself enough to know when you need help or when you will be honoring and helping another by letting them get involved.

3. You won’t rely on others to make you happy.

Happiness is an inside job. If you wait for the perfect job, the perfect friend, a romantic outing planned by someone else – you may find yourself waiting to be happy. If you really love yourself, you will know what makes you happy and have things to turn to when other things are going as planned. I have a “Happy List” – a written list of things I like to do, from reading to going for a walk to my dream vacation. When I’m feeling less than happy, I grab my list and do something from the list. It’s up to ME to bring as much happiness into my life as possible, I can’t put that on someone else.

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4. You won’t compare yourself to others.

They say “comparison is the thief of joy” and I couldn’t agree more. Comparing your life, your job, your success to someone else is a recipe for disaster. Because you really love yourself, you know that what you see on social media is the edited, often glamorous version of someone’s life. You don’t have all the information and know that it’s best to focus on yourself and stop the comparison game.

5. You won’t second guess your decisions.

While some people can make decisions quickly and others deliberate a long time, people who love themselves don’t second guess the decisions they make that can’t be undone. If you chose to go skiing and wish you were on a sandy beach, you know that second guessing the choice will just make you feel bad about yourself. You learn from decisions and might make different ones the next time, but you don’t spend time and energy second guessing yourself.

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6. You won’t feel guilty for taking “me time”.

When you fly, they always remind you that “in the case of an emergency, put the oxygen mask on yourself before helping others.” People who love themselves realize that that applies to everyday life as well. Taking some “me time” to do things you enjoy and that renew you isn’t selfish, it’s vital. You know that you are at your best when self-care is a priority.

7. You won’t beat yourself up for making a mistake.

You forgive yourself, just as you forgive others, for making mistakes. Many people put so much pressure on themselves to be perfect and then beat themselves up when they aren’t – not you! Because you love yourself, you know that you are human and that you can learn from your mistakes. You find the silver lining or the lesson and move on, forgiving yourself and focusing on the future instead of beating yourself up for something that happened in the past.

Because you love yourself, you also know that you will actually do some of these things from time to time – and you will remember #7 and not beat yourself up. The best form of self love is self-awareness, seeing when you are being unloving towards yourself and changing course. Loving yourself doesn’t mean you are perfect, it means you take care of yourself, are kind to yourself and show up in the world as best way you can every day.

Featured photo credit: Marcy Kellar via flickr.com

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Last Updated on May 17, 2019

This Is What Happens When You Move Out Of the Comfort Zone

This Is What Happens When You Move Out Of the Comfort Zone

The pursuit of worthwhile goals is a part of what makes life enjoyable. Being able to set a goal, then see yourself progress towards achieving that goal is an amazing feeling.

But do you know the biggest obstacle for most people trying to achieve their goals, the silent dream killer that stops people before they ever even get started? That obstacle is the comfort zone, and getting stuck there is bound to derail any efforts you make towards achieving the goals you’ve set for yourself.

If you want to achieve those goals, you’ll have to break free from your comfort zone. Let’s take a look at how your life will change once you build up the courage to leave your comfort zone.

What Is the Comfort Zone?

The comfort zone is defined as “a behavioural state within which a person operates in an anxiety-neutral condition, using a limited set of behaviours to deliver a steady level of performance.”

What stands out to me the most about that definition is the last part: “using a limited set of behaviours to deliver a steady level of performance.” How many successful people do you know who deliver a steady level of performance?

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The goal in life is to continually challenge yourself, and continually improve yourself. And in order to do that, you have move out of your comfort zone. But once you do, your life will start to change in ways you could never have imagined. I know because it’s happening right now in my own life.

Here’s what I’ve learned.

1. You will be scared

Leaving your comfort zone isn’t easy. In fact, in can be downright terrifying at times, and that’s okay. It’s perfectly normal to feel a little trepidation when you’re embarking on a journey that forces you to try new things.

So don’t freak out or get overwhelmed when you feel yourself getting a little scared. It’s perfectly normal and all part of the process. What’s important is that you don’t let that fear hold you back. You must continue to take action in the face of fear.

That’s what separates winners from losers.

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2. You will fail

Stepping out of your comfort zone means you’re moving into uncharted territory. You’re trying things that you’ve never tried before, and learning things you’ve never learned before.

That steep learning curve means you’re not going to get everything right the first time, and you will eventually fail when you move out of your comfort zone. But as long as the failures aren’t catastrophic, it can actually be a good thing to fail because …

3. You will learn

Failure is the best teacher. I’ve learned more from each one of my failures than I have from each one of my successes. When you fail small, and fail often, you rapidly increase the rate at which you learn new insights and skills. And that new knowledge, if applied correctly, will eventually lead to your success.

4. You will see yourself in a different way

Once you move out of your comfort zone, you immediately prove to yourself that you’re capable of achieving more than you thought was possible. And that will change the way you see yourself.

Moving forward, you’ll have more confidence in yourself whenever you step out of your comfort zone, and that increased confidence will make it more likely that you continue to step outside your comfort zone. And each time you do, you’ll prove to yourself again and again what you’re really capable of.

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5. Your peers will see you in a different way

Whether we want to admit or not, people judge other people. And right now, people view you in a certain way, and they have a certain idea of what you’re capable of. That’s because they’ve become accustomed to seeing you operate in your comfort zone.

But once you move out of your comfort zone, you’ll prove to other people, as well, that you’re capable of much more than you’ve shown in the past.

The increased confidence other people place in you will bring about more opportunities than ever before.

6. Your comfort zone will expand

The good thing about the comfort zone is that it’s flexible and malleable. With each action you take outside of your comfort zone, it expands. And once you master that new skill or action, it eventually becomes part of your comfort zone.

This is great news for you because it means that you can constantly increase and improve upon the behaviors that you’re comfortable with. And the more tools and skills you have at your disposal, the easier it will be to achieve your goals.

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7. You will increase your concentration and focus

When you’re living inside of your comfort zone, the bulk of your actions are habitual: automatic, subconscious, and requiring limited focus.

But once you move out of your comfort zone, you no longer rely on those habitual responses. You’re forced to concentrate and focus on the new action in a way you never do in your comfort zone.

8. You will develop new skills

Moving out of your comfort zone requires that you develop new skills. One of the many benefits you’ll experience is that you’ll be stepping away from the “limited set of behaviors” and start to develop your ability and expertise in new areas.

Living inside of your comfort zone only requires a limited skill set, and those skills won’t contribute much to your success. Once you can confidently step outside of your comfort zone and learn a new skill, there’s no limit to how much you can achieve.

9. You will achieve more than before

With everything that happens once you move out of your comfort zone, you’re naturally going to achieve more than ever before.

Your increased concentration and focus will help you develop new skills. Those new skills will change the way you see yourself, encouraging you to step even further out of your comfort zone.

Featured photo credit: Josef Grunig via farm3.staticflickr.com

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