“A daughter is a mother’s gender partner, her closest ally in the family confederacy, an extension of her self. And mothers are their daughters’ role model, their biological and emotional road map, the arbiter of all their relationships.”
The relationship between mother and daughter is one of the most complex and emotionally intense of them all. From my own experience, I know this relationship can be exhausting and challenging, yet filled with very loving moments. My relationship with my daughter often confuses my husband and my son — and I must admit, at times I too am confused by it.
I look at some mothers who are best friends with their daughters and I wonder how they manage to have that type of relationship. I look at my daughter at 20 years of age and I see me. Then, I remember my relationship with my own mother. We didn’t become best friends until I grew up. In my late 20s, I finally realised that my mother was the only person who truly understood me. She knew what I was thinking and feeling just by hearing my voice or by looking at me. Although my mother died 10 years ago, there is not a day that goes by that I don’t think about her.
The 10 photos below (accompanied by some fantastic quotes) describe the sadness, anger, pain, unconditional love, as well as the fun and happy moments present in one of the most complex and loving relationships in existence — that between mother and daughter.
1. Naomi Wolf
“A mother who radiates self-love and self acceptance actually vaccinates her daughter against low self-esteem.”Advertising
2. Julie Walters
“I keep seeing myself in my daughter, and I see my mother in me and her. Bloody hell.”
“Who has the tenderness of a mother?
Who has the wisdom of a schoolteacher?
Who has the tricks of the magician?
Who has the ability to see the world through a child’s eye?
Who has the stories about Mum and Dad?
Who has always loved me no matter what I do?
Who has the songs to sing to me when I am blue?
Of course, it is my Grandma,
And I love you and you blessed my life!”
“On your wedding day I pray that every ounce of joy that you have given me to me as your mother is returned to you a hundredfold. Only then will you have a glimpse of the love I have for you.”
5. Paula Poundstone
“When Mom said she learned how to swim, someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. That’s how she learned to swim. I said, “Mum, they weren’t teaching you how to swim.”
“When a mother quarrels with a daughter, she has a double dose of unhappiness, hers from the conflict, and empathy with her daughter’s from the conflict with her. Throughout her life a mother retains this special need to maintain a good relationship with her daughter.”
“A mother’s love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It knows no law, no pity, it dares all things and crushes down remorselessly all that stands in its path.”
8. Hope Edelman
“There is an emptiness inside of me — a void that will never be filled. No one in your life will ever love you as your mother does. There is no love as pure, unconditional and strong as a mother’s love. And I will never be loved that way again.”
9. Maya Angelou
“I will look after you and I will look after anybody you say needs to be looked after, any way you say. I am here. I brought my whole self to you. I am your mother.”
10. Anita Diamant
“If you want to understand any woman, you must ask about her mother and then listen carefully. Stories about food show strong connections. Wistful silences demonstrate unfinished business. The more a daughter knows about the details of her mother’s life — without flinching or whining — the stronger the daughter.”
Last Updated on January 18, 2019
7 Ways To Deal With Negative People
Some people will have a rain cloud hanging over them, no matter what the weather is outside. Their negative attitude is toxic to your own moods, and you probably feel like there is little you can do about it.
But that couldn’t be farther from the truth.
If you want to effectively deal with negative people and be a champion of positivity, then your best route is to take definite action through some of the steps below.
1. Limit the time you spend with them.
First, let’s get this out of the way. You can be more positive than a cartoon sponge, but even your enthusiasm has a chance of being afflicted by the constant negativity of a friend.
In fact, negativity has been proven to damage your health physically, making you vulnerable to high levels of stress and even cardiac disease. There’s no reason to get hurt because of someone else’s bad mood.
Though this may be a little tricky depending on your situation, working to spend slightly less time around negative people will keep your own spirits from slipping as well.
2. Speak up for yourself.
Don’t just absorb the comments that you are being bombarded with, especially if they are about you. It’s wise to be quick to listen and slow to speak, but being too quiet can give the person the impression that you are accepting what’s being said.
3. Don’t pretend that their behavior is “OK.”
This is an easy trap to fall into. Point out to the person that their constant negativity isn’t a good thing. We don’t want to do this because it’s far easier to let someone sit in their woes, and we’d rather just stay out of it.
But if you want the best for this person, avoid giving the false impression that their negativity is normal.
4. Don’t make their problems your problems.
Though I consider empathy a gift, it can be a dangerous thing. When we hear the complaints of a friend or family member, we typically start to take on their burdens with them.
This is a bad habit to get into, especially if this is a person who is almost exclusively negative. These types of people are prone to embellishing and altering a story in order to gain sympathy.
Why else would they be sharing this with you?
5. Change the subject.
When you suspect that a conversation is starting to take a turn for the negative, be a champion of positivity by changing the subject. Of course, you have to do this without ignoring what the other person said.
Acknowledge their comment, but move the conversation forward before the euphoric pleasure gained from complaining takes hold of either of you.
6. Talk about solutions, not problems.
Sometimes, changing the subject isn’t an option if you want to deal with negative people, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still be positive.
I know that when someone begins dumping complaints on me, I have a hard time knowing exactly what to say. The key is to measure your responses as solution-based.
You can do this by asking questions like, “Well, how could this be resolved?” or, “How do you think they feel about it?”
Use discernment to find an appropriate response that will help your friend manage their perspectives.
7. Leave them behind.
Sadly, there are times when we have to move on without these friends, especially if you have exhausted your best efforts toward building a positive relationship.
If this person is a family member, you can still have a functioning relationship with them, of course, but you may still have to limit the influence they have over your wellbeing.
That being said, what are some steps you’ve taken to deal with negative people? Let us know in the comments.
You may also want to read: How to Stop the Negative Spin of Thoughts, Emotions and Actions.