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15 Signs You’re Doing Better You Think You Are

15 Signs You’re Doing Better You Think You Are

It is perfectly normal to get to a point where you feel stuck and feel the need to regroup. You have to arrive at that period in life where you assess the choices you’ve made/are making, the lifestyle you live and the company you keep at some point. If mankind had not at one point wondered “how can we make it better?” you’d not be reading this post.

We are all our worst critics, especially when it comes to judging how we measure up against what we initially set out to do. We don’t keep in mind that success is not the end goal, but a journey to something bigger than yourself. Even if you haven’t accomplished one thing on your bucket list this year, you’re doing better than you think you are.

Don’t write yourself off just yet. Here’s a checklist to measure how close you really are- even when you can’t see it.

1.You are more confident than you use to be

Confidence is defined as “the feeling or belief that one can have faith in or rely on someone or something”. Confidence is not about walking tall and bold in a room or bringing more to the table, it’s an unshaken faith and trust in one’s ability to overcome challenges when experiencing uncertainty. When you choose to step out of your comfort zone and take calculated risks, whilst trusting that you can and you will, you access the kind of confidence that can only be gained through learning from experience.

2.You don’t fall for the #Hype (#FOMO)

The #HYPE is that “#IT” thing or latest thing everybody else is doing, just because that’s what everybody else is doing. Some people don’t even bother to ask themselves, “why do I want/like that?” they just know that, at this point in time, they should be into it.

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When you’ve matured, you know yourself more and you’re able to discern what doesn’t speak to you. Then you can shift all your attention, focus and commitment to mastering and strengthening the best version of yourself. Being at a place or doing something you were not called to do automatically compromises you- and acting in this way means that you will always be inferior to someone who is in their natural habitat.

3.You’ve overcome your approval addiction

Approval addiction is the need to have other people validate you. Determining your life status based on the number of likes you can pull on Instagram and doing things to please people you wouldn’t like otherwise are examples of approval addiction.

We’ve all, at some point, done things only to please and get validation from others. But you are now at a stage where the only people you want to please are the ones who matter (i.e. yourself and your loved ones).

4. You are more responsive than reactive

You’ve stopped having fits, throwing tantrums, panicking and dramatizing everything that happens to you. Being reactive is a trait that means throwing in the towel, throwing a pity party, victimizing yourself, and giving up when things haven’t worked out.

People who are reactive let things happen to them.

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Responsive people ask questions like: why? How? And what?

Through being responsive, you allow yourself to feel the pain, but also understand the need for analysis. You are less likely to be swayed by other people’s actions and opinions; you don’t hold things people have done against them but you know to keep your distance for safety measures.

5. You’ve stopped waiting on people

You just go ahead and do it your damn self.

6. You have a handful of friends who can describe you in three words off the top of their heads

These are people you rely on, they are a good support structure and they see you through most situations. This is not family, family is by default. We’re talking about friends that you’ve chosen, you’ve made a good enough impression on them, and you have been so worthwhile in their lives that they have decided (with no inherent obligation or responsibility to you) you are worth them investing their hearts and time into a relationship with you.

7. You know the difference between savings, retirement and investments

You are no financial expert but you’ve gotten the basics of life and work and money down, just so that you know what is absolutely necessary for your future.

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8. You are sooooo over proving them wrong

You know, proving your haters wrong, revenge on the people who’ve hurt you, wanting to show the nay sayers that it can be done… What a draining, pointless and counterproductive exercise.

This kind of attitude evolves from the wrong energy and can cloud your judgement through fear that they might be right. Now you do things because:

a) you genuinely want to and you really love it and b), its the most rewarding and fulfilling thing for you and it’s all you want to do.

If they said you shouldn’t’ write because writers make no money, so your every day is committed to proving the wrong, how much creativity springs from that? Maybe a manuscript or two featuring the vilest characters and soapie drama, but other than that? Hate and resentment.

If you, however, write because that’s what you were called to do and you draw your inspiration from that gift that no one can take from you, you’ll go so much further and live in a very fruitful way.

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9. You are so over arriving late, being disorganized and unprepared

You understand the principle and importance of punctuality. So you don’t waste your time and you don’t waste other people’s time. You plan ahead for all your meetings and you organize yourself accordingly. That is true “adulting” and you know that it’s a habit worth mastering

10. You can organize a report in Word, graphs in Excel and present using PowerPoint

This is because you’ve actually been involved in projects that required these skills and you have once in your life had to present your findings on research that you did, whether it was for investors in your new start up, or a job report, or thesis.

11. You’re learning a new language

This is a good thing. You are open minded and you want to expand your horizons. You know the benefits of being bilingual and you have an interest in other cultures.

12. You can say good things about your least favorite person behind their back

Ah, the true test of character. This matters most because it says more about you than it does about the other person. When you have dignity you have no business tearing others down or giving a bad report on someone who is not there to defend themselves. You respect people by respecting yourself and self-respect does not involve dragging other people’s reputations down into the mud.

13. You have good tendencies

The general vibe about you is that you are reliable, kind, harmless, fun, loving and people get along with you. This does not mean that you go out of your way to please people but you are conscious of the impression you give and you try to be accommodating enough so as to make meeting you pleasant and worthwhile.

14. You are so much more grateful

You don’t do comparisons as much, so you’re not as envious and spiteful. You realize just how blessed you are and when you lack you’re thankful whilst working towards the things you want, never neglecting what you have been blessed with. You know that there are people who don’t have what you have and you don’t take your health for granted.

15. You are the right person

Right person for the job, right person for that life partner, right person to befriend, right person for that dream house, right person to achieve those goals, right person to be at this point in time. You’ve just realized that you are not foolish for having those goals, because you don’t need what you thought you needed: a million dollar idea, more money, more education, more experience. You just need to develop and grow what’s been planted inside you to go forth and create the life you’ve dreamed about living.

More by this author

Kayiba Mpoyi

Writer by birth

Don’t Wait for People’s Validation, Do It Yourself, Every Single Day 10 Reasons Why Some People Will Never Succeed Successful Businesses Use This Tool to Predict the Future and Get Ahead of Their Competitors 15 Signs You’re Doing Better You Think You Are The Key To Reaching Your Goals: Willpower And Planning

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Last Updated on August 19, 2019

How to Be True to Yourself and Live the Life You Want

How to Be True to Yourself and Live the Life You Want

We live in a world that constantly tells us what to do, how to act, what to be. Knowing how to be true to yourself and live the life you want can be a challenge.

When someone asks how we are, we assume that the person does not mean the question sincerely, for it would lead to an in depth conversation. So telling them that you are good or fine, even if you’re not, is the usual answer.

In an ideal world, we would stop and truly listen. We wouldn’t be afraid to be ourselves. Instead, when we answer about how we are doing, our mask, the persona we show the world, tightens. Sometimes even more so than it might have been before. Eventually, it becomes hard to take off, even when you’re alone.

Imagine a world where we asked how someone was doing and they really told us. Imagine a world where there were no masks, only transparency when we talked to one another.

If you want to live in a world that celebrates who you are, mistakes and all, take off the mask. It doesn’t mean you have to be positive or fine all the time.

According to a Danish psychologist, Svend Brinkman, we expect each other to be happy and fine every second, and we expect it of ourselves. And that “has a dark side.”[1] Positive psychology can have its perks but not at the expense at hiding how you truly feel in order to remain seemingly positive to others.

No one can feel positive all the time and yet, that is what our culture teaches us to embrace. We have to unlearn this. That said, telling others you are ‘“fine”’ all the time is actually detrimental to your wellbeing, because it stops you from being assertive, from being authentic or your truest self.

When you acknowledge a feeling, it leads you to the problem that’s causing that feeling; and once you identify the problem, you can find a solution to it. When you hide that feeling, you stuff it way down so no one can help you.You can’t even help yourself.

Feelings are there for one reason: to be felt. That doesn’t mean you have to act on that feeling. It just means that you start the process of problem solving so you can live the life you want.

1. Embrace Your Vulnerability

When you are your true self, you can better self-advocate or stand up for what you need. Your self-expression matters, and you should value your voice. It’s okay to need things, it’s okay to speak up, and it’s okay not to be okay.

Telling someone you are simply “fine” when you are not, does your story and your journey a great disservice. Being true to yourself entails embracing all aspects of your existence.

When you bring your whole self to the table, there is nothing that you can’t beat. Here’re 7 benefits of being vulnerable you should learn.

Can you take off the mask? This is the toughest thing anyone can do. We have learned to wait until we are safe before we start to be authentic.

In relationships especially, this can be hard. Some people avoid vulnerability at any cost. And in our relationship with ourselves, we can look in the mirror and immediately put on the mask.

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It all starts with your story. You have been on your own unique journey. That journey has led you here, to the person you are today. You have to be unafraid, and embrace all aspects of that journey.

You should seek to thrive, not just survive. That means you do not have to compete or compare yourself with anyone.

Authenticity means you are enough. It’s enough to be who you are to get what you want.

What if for the first time ever, you were real? What if you said what you wanted to say, did what you wanted to do, and didn’t apologize for it?

You were assertive, forthcoming in your opinions or actions to stand for what is right for you, (rather than being passive or aggressive) in doing so. You didn’t let things get to you. You knew you had something special to offer.

That’s where we all should be.

So, answer me this:

How are you, really?

And know that no matter the answer, you should still be accepted.

Bravery is in the understanding that you still may not be accepted for your truth.

Bravery is knowing you matter even when others say that you do not.

Bravery is believing in yourself when all evidence counters doing so (i.e. past failures or losses)

Bravery is in being vulnerable while knowing vulnerability is a sign of strength.

It’s taking control.

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2. Choose Your Attitude in Adversity

You can take control of your destiny and live the life you want by being true to yourself. You can start anytime. You can start today.

You can start with one day at a time, just facing what happens that day. Most of us get overwhelmed when faced with the prospect of a big change. Even if the only thing we change is our attitude.

In one instant, you can become a different person with a change of attitude. When you take control of your attitude, you become able to better understand what is around you. This allows you to move forward.

Originally, you may have had a life plan. It could have started when you were little; you were hoping to become a mermaid, doctor, astronaut or all three when you grew up. You were hoping to be someone. You were hoping to be remembered.

You can still dream those dreams, but eventually reality sets in. Obstacles and struggles arise. You set on a different path when the last one didn’t work out. You think of all the “shoulds” in your life in living the life you want. You should be doing this…should be doing that…

Clayton Barbeau, psychologist, coined the term “shoulding yourself.’[2] When we are set on one path and find ourselves doing something different. It becomes all the things you should be doing rather than seeing the opportunities right in front of you.

But in all this disarray, did you lose sight of the real you?

It may be in our perceived failures and blunders that we lose sight of who we are, because we try to maintain position and status.

In being who we really are and achieving what we really want, we need to be resilient: How to Build Resilience to Face What Life Throws at You

It means that we do not see all possibilities of what might happen, but must trust ourselves to begin again, and continue to build the life we want. In the face of adversity, you must choose your attitude.

Can attitude overcome adversity? It certainly helps. While seeking to be true to yourself and live the life you want, you will have to face a fact:

Change will happen.

Whether that change is good or bad is unique to each person and their perspective.

You might have to start over, once, twice, a few times. It doesn’t mean that everything will be okay, but that you will be okay. What remains or should remain is the true you. When you’ve lost sight of that, you’ve lost sight of everything.

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And then, you rebuild. Moment after moment, day after day. We all have a choice, and in this moment, that matters.

You can choose to have a positive attitude, seeing the silver lining in each situation and, where there is none, the potential for one. Maybe that silver lining is you and what you will do with the situation. How will you use it for something good?

That’s how you can tap into yourself and your power. Sometimes it happens by accident, sometimes on purpose. It can happen when we aren’t even looking for it, or it can be your only focus. Everyone gets there differently.

You can rise, or you can remain. Your choice.

When the worst happens, you can rely on your authenticity to pull you through. That’s because Self Advocacy, speaking up to let others know what you need, is part of finding the real you.

There is nothing wrong with asking for help. Or sometimes, helping others can help us deal with the pain of a hurtful situation. You decide how you’re going to help others, and suddenly, you become your best self.

3. Do What Makes You Happy When No One’s Looking

Being the best version of you has nothing to do with your success or your status. It has everything to do with your Character, what you do when no one’s looking.

In order to create the life you want, you have to be the person you want to be. Faking it till you make it is just a way to white knuckle it through your journey. You have the fire inside of you to make things right, to put the pieces together, to live authentically. And Character is how you get there.

If you fall down and you help another up while you’re down there, it’s like you rise twice.

Along with attitude, your character is about the choices you make rather than what happens to you.

Yes, it’s about doing the right thing even when obstacles seem insurmountable.  It’s about using that mountain you’ve been given to show others it can be moved.  It’s about being unapologetically you, taking control, choosing your attitude in adversity and being the best version of you to create the life you want.

How do you know what you really want? Is it truly status or success?

Unfortunately, these things do not always bring happiness. And aspects of our image or “performance driven existence” may not achieve satisfaction. Materialism is part of our refusal to accept ourselves as enough. All the things we use to repress our true selves are about being enough.

“Enoughness” is what we truly seek, but ego gets in the way.

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Ego is the perception of self as outer worth. It’s not REAL self worth.

Ego represses our true self with a new self— the self of chasing ‘“Am I ever enough?”’ questions. And instead of filling our true selves with self-love and acceptance, when we “should ourselves” and chase “enoughness,” we feed the ego or our image.

It’s important to realize YOU ARE ENOUGH, without all the material trappings.

Stanford psychologist Meagan O’Reilly describes the damage of not thinking we are enough. One of her tactics for combating this is to complete the sentence,[3]

“If I believed I were already enough, I’d ____”

What would you do if you felt you were enough?

By believing you are enough, you can live the life you want.

So many fake it to try to get there, and they end up losing themselves when they lose more and more touch with their Authenticity.

Final Thoughts

By being yourself, you are being brave. By acknowledging all you can be, you tell the universe that you can until you believe it too. The steps are easy, and you are worth it. All of it is about the purpose you are leading and the passion that is your fuel.

Being true to yourself is all about mastering how to live life authentically rather than faking or forcing it. Having the life you want (and deserve) is about being trusting in yourself and the purpose you are living for. Both need passion behind it, fueling it each second, or you will experience burn out.

When you are authentic, you can call the road you walk your own. When you live your life for you and not just the results of all your actions (faking it till you make it), you can let go of what you don’t need. This clarifies and pushes purpose to you, living for something that is greater than you.

You will find that making decisions based on what will actually achieve your goals, will help you attain the life you want, and your success with each step, will allow you to enjoy the process. Good luck!

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Featured photo credit: Ariana Prestes via unsplash.com

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