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What You Should Really Do When You’re Feeling Upset

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What You Should Really Do When You’re Feeling Upset

I bet you know at least one person who somehow always has everything under control – you never see them sad, anxious, or furious. So, how do they do it? Having everything handled at all times practically implies having a superpower to us mortals, doesn’t it?

Well, considering the fact that calm people are only human, we can come to the conclusion that this is something we need to work on and develop step by step.

You probably aren’t even aware of how damaging anger is for you. Recently, I came to realize that I spend way too much time trying to deal with anger issues and that my methods are simply wrong. It’s not about never getting upset – it’s about learning how to cope with things and not letting your anger take over.

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Don’t Keep It In

Most people are too polite to react to a certain situation that causes them to feel upset, or on the other hand, they overreact. It’s very important not to keep your frustrations bottled in, no matter which area of your life they are related to. By staying silent and doing nothing about it, you’ll only allow stress to build up and eat you up from the inside. Besides, your problems aren’t going to solve themselves, are they?

Write, Paint, and Play

02 Write, Paint & Play

    If you’re artistic, this should be the first thing to turn to. Having a talent isn’t something that should be ignored, especially if it can help you deal with your issues. On the other hand, signing up for an art class of any sort will allow you to focus that negative energy into something creative. This is a great way to change the way you deal with your emotions. The third, and equally creative, option is to start a DIY project — if you want to change something about yourself, this decision should reflect in your surroundings as well.

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    Music, Books, and Movies

    When you’re stressed out, visiting your comfort zone isn’t a bad idea. There’s nothing more effective when it comes to dealing with your blue emotions than watching your favorite movie, spending an afternoon with your favorite book, or playing your favorite album and letting the memories it triggers wash over you. Spending a couple of days like this is absolutely acceptable, but try not to get dragged into it for too long.

    Take a Break

    04 Take a Break

      Maybe all you need is a small break. Every now and then you need to give yourself the privilege to do nothing for an entire day. This should be the time to allow others to take care of you, not the other way around. Having a spa day is something that always works for me — it’s extremely beneficial for both your mind and body. Besides, everyone deserves some pampering from time to time.

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      Talk It Out

      Once you’re a bit calmer, and that initial emotional flood has subsided, it’s much easier to figure out the right course of action, but you need to verbalize your thoughts. Having a friend over, talking to a family member, or making an appointment with your therapist will be more than helpful when it comes to figuring things out. A healthy decision requires at least a couple of different points of view, and you shouldn’t hesitate from asking for help.

      Make Yourself Useful

      06 Useful

        When something hits you right on the nerve, you need to allow your mind to work it out. Trying to calm yourself by force won’t get you anywhere. So, you need to give enough space for your brain to cool off and you need to keep your hands busy. Therefore, after a few deep slow breaths, you need to roll up your sleeves and start cleaning or organizing — anything that will make you feel useful and productive. This isn’t a random suggestion — actions like this help your brain work out various issues much faster.

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        Don’t Repeat Your Mistakes

        As I already mentioned, you can’t expect that repeating one thing can possibly result differently. There’s nothing wrong in making a mistake, but repeating that same mistake over and over again can only make you feel more and more upset. There’s a clear path here — when you make a mistake, you should determine what went wrong, remember it, and try really hard not to repeat it. You should look at this procedure as if it were an investment into your mental health and your future happiness.

        Finally, deciding that you want to become a calm person, who manages all tasks and issues by searching for a reasonable solution, is a healthy resolution, but you can’t expect all of this to happen overnight. Give your mind enough time to take it all in, apply one method at a time and you’ll be more than just fine — you’ll be happy.

        Featured photo credit: Ed Gregory via stokpic.com

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        Last Updated on November 18, 2021

        10 Proven Ways to Judge a Person’s Character

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        10 Proven Ways to Judge a Person’s Character

        We all fall into the trap of judging a person’s character by their appearance. How wrong we are! All too often, the real character of the person only appears when some negative event hits them or you. Then you may see a toxic person emerging from the ruins and it is often a shock.

        A truly frightening example is revealed in the book by O’Toole in Bowman called Dangerous Instincts: How Gut Instincts Betray Us. A perfectly respectable, charming, well dressed neighbor was found to have installed a torture chamber in his garage where he was systematically abusing kidnapped women. This is an extreme example, but it does show how we can be totally deceived by a person’s physical appearance, manners and behavior.

        So, what can you do? You want to be able to assess personal qualities when you come into contact with colleagues, fresh acquaintances and new friends who might even become lifelong partners. You want to know if they are:

        • honest
        • reliable
        • competent
        • kind and compassionate
        • capable of taking the blame
        • able to persevere
        • modest and humble
        • pacific and can control anger.

        The secret is to reserve judgment and take your time. Observe them in certain situations; look at how they react. Listen to them talking, joking, laughing, explaining, complaining, blaming, praising, ranting, and preaching. Only then will you be able to judge their character. This is not foolproof, but if you follow the 10 ways below, you have a pretty good chance of not ending up in an abusive relationship.

        1. Is anger a frequent occurrence?

        All too often, angry reactions which may seem to be excessive are a sign that there are underlying issues. Do not think that every person who just snaps and throws his/her weight around mentally and physically is just reacting normally. Everyone has an occasional angry outburst when driving or when things go pear-shaped.

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        But if this is almost a daily occurrence, then you need to discover why and maybe avoid that person. Too often, anger will escalate to violent and aggressive behavior. You do not want to be near someone who thinks violence can solve personal or global problems.

        2. Can you witness acts of kindness?

        How often do you see this person being kind and considerate? Do they give money to beggars, donate to charity, do voluntary work or in some simple way show that they are willing to share the planet with about 7 billion other people?

        I was shocked when a guest of mine never showed any kindness to the weak and disadvantaged people in our town. She was ostensibly a religious person, but I began to doubt the sincerity of her beliefs.

        “The best index to a person’s character is how he treats people who can’t do him any good, and how he treats people who can’t fight back.”

        Abigail Van Buren

        3. How does this person take the blame?

        Maybe you know that s/he is responsible for a screw-up in the office or even in not turning up on time for a date. Look at their reaction. If they start blaming other colleagues or the traffic, well, this is an indication that they are not willing to take responsibility for their mistakes.

        4. Don’t use Facebook as an indicator.

        You will be relieved to know that graphology (the study of that forgotten skill of handwriting) is no longer considered a reliable test of a person’s character. Neither is Facebook stalking, fortunately. A study showed that Facebook use of foul language, sexual innuendo and gossip were not reliable indicators of a candidate’s character or future performance in the workplace.

        5. Read their emails.

        Now a much better idea is to read the person’s emails. Studies show that the use of the following can indicate certain personality traits:

        • Too many exclamation points may reveal a sunny disposition
        • Frequent errors may indicate apathy
        • Use of smileys is the only way a person can smile at you
        • Use of the third person may reveal a certain formality
        • Too many question marks can show anger
        • Overuse of capital letters is regarded as shouting. They are a definite no-no in netiquette, yet a surprising number of  people still use them.

        6. Watch out for the show offs.

        Listen to people as they talk. How often do they mention their achievements, promotions, awards and successes? If this happens a lot, it is a sure indication that this person has an over-inflated view of his/her achievements. They are unlikely to be modest or show humility. What a pity!  Another person to avoid.

        7. Look for evidence of perseverance.

        A powerful indicator of grit and tenacity is when a person persists and never gives up when they really want to achieve a life goal. Look for evidence of them keeping going in spite of enormous difficulties.

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        Great achievements by scientists and inventors all bear the hallmark of perseverance. We only have to think of Einstein, Edison (who failed thousands of times) and Nelson Mandela to get inspiration. The US Department of Education is in no doubt about how grit, tenacity and perseverance will be key success factors for youth in the 21st century.

        8. Their empathy score is high.

        Listen to how they talk about the less fortunate members of our society such as the poor, immigrants and the disabled. Do you notice that they talk in a compassionate way about these people? The fact that they even mention them is a strong indicator of empathy.

        People with zero empathy will never talk about the disadvantaged. They will rarely ask you a question about a difficult time or relationship. They will usually steer the conversation back to themselves. These people have zero empathy and in extreme cases, they are psychopaths who never show any feelings towards their victims.

        9. Learn how to be socially interactive.

        We are social animals and this is what makes us so uniquely human. If a person is isolated or a loner, this may be a negative indicator of their character. You want to meet a person who knows about trust, honesty and loyalty. The only way to practice these great qualities is to actually interact socially. The great advantage is that you can share problems and celebrate success and joy together.

        “One can acquire everything in solitude, except character.”

        Stendhal

         10. Avoid toxic people.

        These people are trying to control others and often are failing to come to terms with their own failures. Typical behavior and conversations may concern:

        • Envy or jealousy
        • Criticism of partners, colleagues and friends
        • Complaining about their own lack of success
        • Blaming others for their own bad luck or failure
        • Obsession with themselves and their problems

        Listen to these people talk and you will quickly discover that you need to avoid them at all costs because their negativity will drag you down. In addition, as much as you would like to help them, you are not qualified to do so.

        Now, having looked at some of the best ways to judge a person, what about yourself? How do others see you? Why not take Dr. Phil’s quiz and find out. Can you bear it?

        Featured photo credit: Jacek Dylag via unsplash.com

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