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10 Things Only Spontaneous People Would Understand

10 Things Only Spontaneous People Would Understand

Everyone has that one spontaneous friend who is never okay with being bored. They might seem scatterbrained at times, but once they set their mind on something, you know they won’t stop talking about it until they get it. They often will take control of a group, and though at times they’ll drag you into doing something you’re hesitant to try, you’ll end the day with a memory that will last forever. Spontaneous people understand:

1. You think anything new is exciting

Spontaneous people are down for catching a ball game, going to an art exhibit, or taking a road trip to the beach. Of course,  as a spontaneous person you never know which you’ll feel like doing until the feeling hits you. The best thing about having other spontaneous friends is that they come up with something new to do that you would never have thought of otherwise. Just don’t ask them on Monday what they feel like doing on Saturday.

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2. You know that plans change

Being spontaneous means you may avoiding making concrete plans with, because I know by the time the day comes for those plans to come to fruition, something else will have “come up” that is more exciting.  Some spontaneous people overbook themselves without realizing it, and end up having to split on someone in favor of a more exciting adventure.

3. You have to keep moving

Like I said, spontaneous people rarely like to just “hang out.” They want to experience everything the world has to offer, and know they have a limited time to do so. They don’t always have to be going crazy, either. Even if they’re looking for a quiet evening, they’d rather find a coffee house or book club to spend the night at than sit around at a friend’s house.

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4. You find new people exciting

To a spontaneous person, every new person they meet has the potential to be part of an epic adventure. We love hearing everyone’s life story, because we love learning about any and everything possible. Spontaneous people are great conversationalists, because they’ll let you speak at great lengths about your deepest passions, and will never be bored of hearing about your hopes and dreams.

5. You know impulsiveness isn’t always a good thing

Spontaneous people can sometimes get themselves into trouble if they’re not careful. Though an impromptu trip to the beach can be a fun way to spend a day, if you’re too spontaneous you may end up buying a used jet ski or SCUBA gear, despite the fact that you live in landlocked Pennsylvania. Wanting to try out new things is fine, but making expensive commitments without thinking them through can cause some damage to your wallet.

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6. You think being an onlooker is boring

Spontaneous people hate being on the outside looking in. They want to be front and center in the middle of the action. By getting in there and mixing it up, spontaneous people control the ebb and flow around them, and create excitement for themselves and everyone around them. They hate being a passive observer, and want to experience life to the fullest, firsthand.

7. Outside factors don’t affect them

Spontaneous people aren’t affected by contingent circumstances. If rain cancels the ball game they scored tickets to, they’ll hop on the bus and check out a museum. Friend backs out of a concert? They’ll go alone. Spontaneous people know there are things beyond their control, but will always make the most out of any given situation.

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8. You know there’s not much to be afraid of

Spontaneous people live without fear of most things. They definitely aren’t afraid of making a fool of themselves in the name of a good time. They’ll be the ones egging others on to climb the giant tree or rock in the middle of the park, or the one enticing you on to a hot air balloon ride. Simply put, spontaneous people would rather live dangerously than not live at all.

9. You solve problems easily

Like I said, spontaneous people aren’t bothered by much, and they don’t let things beyond their control hurt them. If their plans fall through, they shrug it off and find something else to do. If they get into a jam, they’re able to quickly figure out an innovative solution to the issue. Spontaneous people are always thinking, and because of this, rarely find themselves stuck in a bad situation.

10. You are the source of entertainment

Spontaneous people are always the ones coming up with ideas, so friends will always look to them for a good time. It’s always good to feel needed, but sometimes being relied on to make plans all the time can be taxing, as well. Ironically, perhaps the most spontaneous thing a person can do after a long streak of spontaneity is to actually spend a night in relaxing while everyone else figures out their own darn plans!

Featured photo credit: Flickrr via farm3.staticflickr.com

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Last Updated on May 21, 2019

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

For all our social media bravado, we live in a society where communication is seen less as an art, and more as a perfunctory exercise. We spend so much time with people, yet we struggle with how to meaningfully communicate.

If you believe you have mastered effective communication, scan the list below and see whether you can see yourself in any of the examples:

Example 1

You are uncomfortable with a person’s actions or comments, and rather than telling the individual immediately, you sidestep the issue and attempt to move on as though the offending behavior or comment never happened.

You move on with the relationship and develop a pattern of not addressing challenging situations. Before long, the person with whom you are in relationship will say or do something that pushes you over the top and predictably, you explode or withdraw completely from the relationship.

In this example, hard-to-speak truths become never- expressed truths that turn into resentment and anger.

Example 2

You communicate from the head and without emotion. While what you communicate makes perfect sense to you, it comes across as cold because it lacks emotion.

People do not understand what motivates you to say what you say, and without sharing your feelings and emotions, others experience you as rude, cold or aggressive.

You will know this is a problem if people shy away from you, ignore your contributions in meetings or tell you your words hurt. You can also know you struggle in this area if you find yourself constantly apologizing for things you have said.

Example 3

You have an issue with one person, but you communicate your problem to an entirely different person.

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The person in whom you confide lacks the authority to resolve the matter troubling you, and while you have vented and expressed frustration, the underlying challenge is unresolved.

Example 4

You grew up in a family with destructive communication habits and those habits play out in your current relationships.

Because you have never stopped to ask why you communicate the way you do and whether your communication style still works, you may lack understanding of how your words impact others and how to implement positive change.

If you find yourself in any of the situations described above, this article is for you.

Communication can build or decimate worlds and it is important we get it right. Regardless of your professional aspirations or personal goals, you can improve your communication skills if you:

  • Understand your own communication style
  • Tailor your style depending on the needs of the audience
  • Communicate with precision and care
  • Be mindful of your delivery, timing and messenger

1. Understand Your Communication Style

To communicate effectively, you must understand the communication legacy passed down from our parents, grandparents or caregivers. Each of us grew up with spoken and unspoken rules about communication.

In some families, direct communication is practiced and honored. In other families, family members are encouraged to shy away from difficult conversations. Some families appreciate open and frank dialogue and others do not. Other families practice silence about substantive matters, that is, they seldom or rarely broach difficult conversations at all.

Before you can appreciate the nuance required in communication, it helps to know the familial patterns you grew up with.

2. Learn Others Communication Styles

Communicating effectively requires you to take a step back, assess the intended recipient of your communication and think through how the individual prefers to be communicated with. Once you know this, you can tailor your message in a way that increases the likelihood of being heard. This also prevents you from assuming the way you communicate with one group is appropriate or right for all groups or people.

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If you are unsure how to determine the styles of the groups or persons with whom you are interacting, you can always ask them:

“How do you prefer to receive information?”

This approach requires listening, both to what the individuals say as well as what is unspoken. Virgin Group CEO Richard Branson noted that the best communicators are also great listeners.

To communicate effectively from relationship to relationship and situation to situation, you must understand the communication needs of others.

3. Exercise Precision and Care

A recent engagement underscored for me the importance of exercising care when communicating.

On a recent trip to Ohio, I decided to meet up with an old friend to go for a walk. As we strolled through the soccer park, my friend gently announced that he had something to talk about, he was upset with me. His introduction to the problem allowed me to mentally shift gears and prepare for the conversation.

Shortly after introducing the shift in conversation, my friend asked me why I didn’t invite him to the launch party for my business. He lives in Ohio and I live in the D.C. area.

I explained that the event snuck up on me, and I only started planning the invite list three weeks before the event. Due to the last-minute nature of the gathering, I opted to invite people in the DMV area versus my friends from outside the area – I didn’t want to be disrespectful by asking them to travel on such short notice.

I also noted that I didn’t want to be disappointed if he and others declined to come to the event. So I played it safe in terms of inviting people who were local.

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In the moment, I felt the conversation went very well. I also checked in with my friend a few days after our walk, affirmed my appreciation for his willingness to communicate his upset and our ability to work through it.

The way this conversation unfolded exemplified effective communication. My friend approached me with grace and vulnerability. He approached me with a level of curiosity that didn’t put me on my heels — I was able to really listen to what he was saying, apologize for how my decision impacted him and vow that going forward, I would always ask rather than making decisions for him and others.

Our relationship is intact, and I now have information that will help me become a better friend to him and others.

4. Be Mindful of Delivery, Timing and Messenger

Communicating effectively also requires thinking through the delivery of the message one intends to communicate as well as the appropriate time for the discussion.

In an Entrepreneur.com column, VIP Contributor Deep Patel, noted that persons interested in communicating well need to master the art of timing. Patel noted,[1]

“Great comedians, like all great communicators, are able to feel out their audience to determine when to move on to a new topic or when to reiterate an idea.”

Communicating effectively also requires thoughtfulness about the messenger. A person prone to dramatic, angry outbursts should never be called upon to deliver constructive feedback, especially to people whom they do not know. The immediate aftermath of a mass shooting is not the ideal time to talk about the importance of the Second Amendment rights.

Like everyone else, I must work to ensure my communication is layered with precision and care.

It requires precision because words must be carefully tailored to the person with whom you are speaking.

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It requires intentionality because before one communicates, one should think about the audience and what the audience needs in order to hear your message the way you intended it to be communicated.

It requires active listening which is about hearing verbal and nonverbal messages.

Even though we may be right in what we say, how we say it could derail the impact of the message and the other parties’ ability to hear the message.

Communicating with care is also about saying things that the people in our life need to hear and doing so with love.

The Bottom Line

When I left the meeting with my dear friend, I wondered if I was replicating or modeling this level of openness and transparency in the rest of my relationships.

I was intrigued and appreciative. He’d clearly thought about what he wanted to say to me, picked the appropriate time to share his feedback and then delivered it with care. He hit the ball out of the park and I’m hopeful we all do the same.

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Featured photo credit: Kenan Buhic via unsplash.com

Reference

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