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8 Things You Can Only Learn By Turning 40

8 Things You Can Only Learn By Turning 40

mistake any people in our society fear turning 40, because of the huge pressure on both men and women to stay young-looking. Our society is still very youth oriented. Age and wisdom aren’t valued in the same way as they are in some cultures. Women; especially, are surrounded by messages from the media that a woman should stay young and beautiful, so getting older can symbolize a loss of their attractiveness . However, those who have passed the 40 mark can tell you that it’s not something to be afraid of. It’s something to celebrate!

This list shows some of the most important things learned by people who have said hello to 40.

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1. Age is Just a Mindset

How you live determines how old you feel. You’ve probably seen 30-year-olds who look like they’re 50. They mope around like life has beaten them down, and there’s nothing left but to shrivel up and die. By contrast, there are plenty of examples of vibrant 50 and 60 year olds who glow with joy and enthusiasm about life. 40 year olds who have lived to tell about it will say that 40 is just the beginning!

 2. The Gift of Confidence

Let’s face it. Most people spend their twenties trying to figure out who they are and where they belong, while falling down and making plenty of mistakes in the process. By the time you’re 40, all of that is behind you. You’ve learned from your mistakes, found your niche, and you’ve got the experience and confidence that you learned from surviving the tough decades of the 20s and 30s. .

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3. Your Wild and Crazy Days Are Over

You’ve done your share of hanging out in bars till 3 a.m (and struggling through work next day with the hangover), standing in line to see the latest trendy band, and chasing excitement with your posse of cool friends. Following trends is a thing of the past. As a mature adult, you lead a balanced life that doesn’t include weekday hangovers. Been there, done that, bought the T-shirt.

4. Goodbye to Drama and the People Who Create it

By the time you’re 40, you’ve figured out the people who are basically toxic, and who you need to avoid. The friend who has her nineteenth nervous breakdown when the married man she’s been dating off and on for three years finally calls it quits. You listen to her for hours, but she never takes responsibility or tries to change. Or the neighbor who does nothing but complain. According to her, she is a victim of fate, and she too will talk endlessly about her problems without stopping to ask how your day is going. By the time you are 40 or beyond, you know how to recognize the people who are like a vortex of negativity — and now you know how to avoid them.

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5. You Don’t Change Yourself to Be Liked

When you are younger, you’re willing to go along with the crowd. Fitting in and being liked used to be more important than expressing your true self. Now you have confidence that you are okay just the way you are. The people who matter appreciate you for who you are.

6. You’ve Learned That “No” Is a Complete Sentence

You may have put up with mistreatment from significant others while you were still learning. Sometimes being in a relationship meant letting people walk all over you. Sometimes it meant spending time with people who criticized you, and took advantage of your generosity. It made you comfortable when they used you for your willingness to accommodate requests. Now you know that you are allowed to set boundaries, not waste your time, and protect your self-esteem.

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7. You’re Comfortable in Your Own Skin

You have the wisdom to ignore magazines and images in the media that try to tell you who you should be. You’ve made yourself into the best you can be. You are full of your own inner beauty and confidence.

8. The Best Years Are Ahead of You

Who ever said that 40 was old? This is the best time of your life. You’ve got confidence, wisdom, and experience. You’ve found your niche in the world, and you aren’t afraid to try new things. You know that the world is full of new adventures, and you’re excited to see what the years ahead have in store for you!

Featured photo credit: Deposit Photos via depositphotos.com

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Last Updated on September 18, 2020

13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

For the original article by Celestine: 13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

“We all have problems. The way we solve them is what makes us different.” ~Unknown

“It’s not stress that kills us, it is our reaction to it.” – Hans Selye

Have you ever experienced moments when things just don’t go your way? For example, losing your keys, accidentally spilling your drink, waking up late, missing your buses/trains, forgetting to bring your things, and so on?

You’re not alone. All of us, myself included, experience times when things don’t go as we expect.

Here is my guide on how to deal with daily setbacks.

1. Take a step back and evaluate

When something bad happens, take a step back and evaluate the situation. Some questions to ask yourself:

  1. What is the problem?
  2. Are you the only person facing this problem in the world today?
  3. How does this problem look like at an individual level? A national level? On a global scale?
  4. What’s the worst possible thing that can happen to you as a result of this?
  5. How is it going to impact your life in the next 1 year? 5 years? 10 years?

Doing this exercise is not to undermine the problem or disclaiming responsibility, but to consider different perspectives, so you can adopt the best approach for it. Most problems we encounter daily may seem like huge issues when they crop up, but most, if not all, don’t have much impact in our life beyond that day.

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2. Vent if you have to, but don’t linger on the problem

If you feel very frustrated and need to let off some steam, go ahead and do that. Talk to a friend, complain, crib about it, or scream at the top of your lungs if it makes you happy.

At the same time, don’t get caught up with venting. While venting may temporarily relieve yourself, it’s not going to solve the problem ultimately. You don’t want to be an energy vampire.

Vent if there’s a need to, but do it for 15 to 20 minutes. Then move on.

3. Realize there are others out there facing this too

Even though the situation may be frustrating, you’re not alone. Remember there are almost 7 billion people in the world today, and chances are that other people have faced the same thing before too. Knowing it’s not just you helps you to get out of a self-victimizing mindset.

4. Process your thoughts/emotions

Process your thoughts/emotions with any of the four methods:

  1. Journal. Write your unhappiness in a private diary or in your blog. It doesn’t have to be formal at all – it can be a brain dump on rough paper or new word document. Delete after you are done.
  2. Audio taping. Record yourself as you talk out what’s on your mind. Tools include tape recorder, your PC (Audacity is a freeware for recording/editing audio) and your mobile (most mobiles today have audio recording functions). You can even use your voice mail for this. Just talking helps you to gain awareness of your emotions. After recording, play back and listen to what you said. You might find it quite revealing.
  3. Meditation. At its simplest form, meditation is just sitting/lying still and observing your reality as it is – including your thoughts and emotions. Some think that it involves some complex mambo-jumbo, but it doesn’t.
  4. Talking to someone. Talking about it with someone helps you work through the issue. It also gets you an alternate viewpoint and consider it from a different angle.

5. Acknowledge your thoughts

Don’t resist your thoughts, but acknowledge them. This includes both positive and negative thoughts.

By acknowledging, I mean recognizing these thoughts exist. So if say, you have a thought that says, “Wow, I’m so stupid!”, acknowledge that. If you have a thought that says, “I can’t believe this is happening to me again”, acknowledge that as well.

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Know that acknowledging the thoughts doesn’t mean you agree with them. It’s simply recognizing the existence of said thoughts so that you can stop resisting yourself and focus on the situation on hand.

6. Give yourself a break

If you’re very stressed out by the situation, and the problem is not time sensitive, then give yourself a break. Take a walk, listen to some music, watch a movie, or get some sleep. When you’re done, you should feel a lot more revitalized to deal with the situation.

7. Uncover what you’re really upset about

A lot of times, the anger we feel isn’t about the world. You may start off feeling angry at someone or something, but at the depth of it, it’s anger toward yourself.

Uncover the root of your anger. I have written a five part anger management series on how to permanently overcome anger.

After that, ask yourself: How can you improve the situation? Go to Step #9, where you define your actionable steps. Our anger comes from not having control on the situation. Sitting there and feeling infuriated is not going to change the situation. The more action we take, the more we will regain control over the situation, the better we will feel.

8. See this as an obstacle to be overcome

As Helen Keller once said,

“Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experiences of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved.”

Whatever you’re facing right now, see it as an obstacle to be overcome. In every worthy endeavor, there’ll always be countless obstacles that emerge along the way. These obstacles are what separate the people who make it, and those who don’t. If you’re able to push through and overcome them, you’ll emerge a stronger person than before. It’ll be harder for anything to get you down in the future.

9. Analyze the situation – Focus on actionable steps

In every setback, there are going to be things that can’t be reversed since they have already occurred. You want to focus on things that can still be changed (salvageable) vs. things that have already happened and can’t be changed. The only time the situation changes is when you take steps to improve it. Rather than cry over spilt milk, work through your situation:

  1. What’s the situation?
  2. What’s stressing you about this situation?
  3. What are the next steps that’ll help you resolve them?
  4. Take action on your next steps!

After you have identified your next steps, act on them. The key here is to focus on the actionable steps, not the inactionable steps. It’s about regaining control over the situation through direct action.

10. Identify how it occurred (so it won’t occur again next time)

A lot of times we react to our problems. The problem occurs, and we try to make the best out of what has happened within the context. While developing a healthy coping mechanism is important (which is what the other helping points are on), it’s also equally important, if not more, to understand how the problem arose. This way, you can work on preventing it from taking place next time, vs. dealing reactively with it.

Most of us probably think the problem is outside of our control, but reality is most of the times it’s fully preventable. It’s just a matter of how much responsibility you take over the problem.

For example, for someone who can’t get a cab for work in the morning, he/she may see the problem as a lack of cabs in the country, or bad luck. However, if you trace to the root of the problem, it’s probably more to do with (a) Having unrealistic expectations of the length of time to get a cab. He/she should budget more time for waiting for a cab next time. (b) Oversleeping, because he/she was too tired from working late the previous day. He/she should allocate enough time for rest next time. He/she should also pick up better time management skills, so as to finish work in lesser time.

11. Realize the situation can be a lot worse

No matter how bad the situation is, it can always be much worse. A plus point vs. negative point analysis will help you realize that.

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12. Do your best, but don’t kill yourself over it

No matter how bad your situation may seem, do your best, but don’t kill yourself over it. Life is too beautiful to worry so much over daily issues. Take a step back (#1), give yourself a break if you need to (#6), and do what you can within your means (#9). Everything else will unfold accordingly. Worrying too much about the outcome isn’t going to change things or make your life any better.

13. Pick out the learning points from the encounter

There’s something to learn from every encounter. What have you learned from this situation? What lessons have you taken away?

After you identify your learning points, think about how you’re going to apply them moving forward. With this, you’ve clearly gained something from this encounter. You’ve walked away a stronger, wiser, better person, with more life lessons to draw from in the future.

Get the manifesto version of this article: [Manifesto] What To Do When Things Don’t Go Your Way

Featured photo credit: Alice Donovan Rouse via unsplash.com

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