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10 Important Things People Wish They Understood In Their Youth

10 Important Things People Wish They Understood In Their Youth

Hindsight is a funny thing—it can teach you valuable life lessons or fill you with regret. The question is what are you going to do with the benefit of hindsight? If you draw lessons from experiences that have happened and take notes to self, hindsight can empower you to face the future.

Here are ten things many people wish they understood when they were younger.

1. You need to live your life for yourself (not others)

Many young people live their lives to please others. They pursue careers, start businesses and even pick marriage partners to please their parents, friends, spouses and even kids only to realize later on in life that was a big mistake. Back out of people’s plans for you and run away from dreams that aren’t your own. You only have one life to live. Live it in the most meaningful way for you.

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2. Your work can make you truly satisfied or truly miserable

Steve Jobs explained it best when he said, “Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it.” The sooner you understand this fact the better. It becomes increasingly harder and complicated to switch careers as you grow older.

3. Your education is always a good choice—whatever form it takes

Although formal education is often looked down upon by young people, many people who have lived through their youth wish they would have either gone to or stuck to college. One such woman laments, “Why, oh why did I not finish college and have a real career? I am 55 and qualified to do absolutely nothing. Just always thought something will come along. Now I will struggle to pay bills the rest of my life and will never retire. I caution my girls, 17 and 16 to work hard and value their education.

Whether it’s to land you the career of your dreams or to meet people from different walks of life or to learn to see things a little differently, take learning seriously and never stop educating yourself.

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4. You really need to marry well, or not at all

There is nothing worse than a bad marriage. It is almost impossible to do well with your life if your marriage isn’t working. That’s what many people say they wish they understood before getting into marriage. They would have done things differently if they knew this earlier—taken time choosing a life partner and not rushed into marriage. Marry well or not at all and it will spare you a lot of agony in the future. Any kids you may have will also be spared a lot of pain in a dysfunctional family.

5. You need to start saving sooner rather than later

Old age catches up on all of us faster than we imagine. Your 30’s, 40’s, 50’s creep on you and before you know it you are in your sunset years. And nothing is as heartbreaking as staring at the bleak reality of your 401K in retirement. You might find yourself counting every nickel and dime you wasted on frivolous expenses in your youth, and it sucks. Start saving now for retirement. No matter how little your income, try to save a small portion of it. Remember, as cheesy as it sounds, a penny saved is a penny earned.

6. You need to cut back on your debt from the start

Many people are burdened by debt and lament that they are forced to take any job they find because they are tied to monthly payments. Their advice is: TRY and incur as LITTLE loan debt as possible. No matter what they tell you, think long and hard before getting a credit card—it’s not free money. And no matter how high the credit limit, you shouldn’t go blow it all on designer duds and a fancy vacation. Developing large debt early limits your options and narrows your choices in life. Debt is slavery.

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7. You need to speak your mind and stand up for yourself

Believe it or not, many of the biggest regrets people have in life have to do with not standing up for themselves. People never seem to forget or forgive themselves for being too scared to speak up against bullies. And many of these bullies are in our work places. Maybe it’s a boss that you wish you had told off even if it cost you your job. Speak your mind boldly and confidently in front of others and never be afraid to stand up for yourself. You are your one and only true advocate. Besides, regret is terrible.

8. You shouldn’t worry unnecessarily about what others think about you

Many people, particularly when they are young, place way too much importance on what others think about them, which is unfortunate. They are constantly wondering: What will they think of me? Will they like me? However, people well past their youth offer this advice that they wish they had known in their youth: Take all those worries, tie them all to a balloon and cut it loose because in the end none of that matters. You might think other people’s opinions are crucial to your future success and happiness but that simply isn’t true. Other people’s opinions only affect you when you yourself allow them to.

9. Your travels will provide some of your best memories

Most people stay close to home. They don’t travel all that much. And yet, trips with family, friends or just by yourself to Disney World, to Africa, or even to the lake give you the sweetest moments of life. Traveling offers an opportunity to see the world, experience new cultures and have fun, even when it rains. You really remember trips so travel more often when you are young, advice people who have traveled a little more and lived a little longer. It’s the stuff that memories are made of later in life.

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10. Your health is a priority

Many people tend to take their health for granted when everything is okay and only acknowledge it when things go wrong. Sadly, this is one of the main reasons many people find themselves incapacitated because of their health—a problem that could have been avoided had they taken their health seriously. Adopt healthy habits now that lead to a long life where you’re healthy enough to do everything you want to do, such as eating a healthy diet and exercising regularly. Also, break bad habits like smoking and excessive alcohol consumption. Bad lifestyle habits have ruined more lives than most other causes.

What other things can you add that you wish you understood when you were younger?

More by this author

David K. William

David is a publisher and entrepreneur who tries to help professionals grow their business and careers, and gives advice for entrepreneurs.

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Published on May 4, 2021

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

They say we are the average of the five persons we spend the most time with. For a minute, consider the people around you. Are they truly who your “tribe” should be or who you aspire to become in the future? Are they really genuine people who want to see you succeed? Or are they fake people who don’t really want to see you happy?

In this article, I’ll review why it is important to surround yourself with genuine individuals—the ones who care, bring something to our table, and first and foremost, who leave all fakeness behind.

How to Spot Fake People?

When you’ve been working in the helping professions for a while, spotting fake people gets a bit easier. There are some very clear signs that the person you are looking at is hiding something, acting somehow, or simply wanting to get somewhere. Most often, there is a secondary gain—perhaps attention, sympathy, or even a promotion.

Whatever it is, you’re better off working their true agenda and staying the hell away. Here are some things you should look out for to help spot fake people.

1. Full of Themselves

Fake people like to show off. They love looking at themselves in the mirror. They collect photos and videos of every single achievement they had and every part of their body and claim to be the “best at what they do.”

Most of these people are actually not that good in real life. But they act like they are and ensure that they appear better than the next person. The issue for you is that you may find yourself always feeling “beneath” them and irritated at their constant need to be in the spotlight.

2. Murky in Expressing Their Emotions

Have you ever tried having a deep and meaningful conversation with a fake person? It’s almost impossible. It’s because they have limited emotional intelligence and don’t know how they truly feel deep down—and partly because they don’t want to have their true emotions exposed, no matter how normal these might be.

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It’s much harder to say “I’m the best at what I do” while simultaneously sharing “average” emotions with “equal” people.

3. Zero Self-Reflection

To grow, we must accept feedback from others. We must be open to our strengths and to our weaknesses. We must accept that we all come in different shapes and can always improve.

Self-reflection requires us to think, forgive, admit fault, and learn from our mistakes. But to do that, we have to be able to adopt a level of genuineness and depth that fake people don’t routinely have. A fake person generally never apologizes, but when they do, it is often followed with a “but” in the next breath.

4. Unrealistic Perceptions

Fake people most often have an unrealistic perception of the world—things that they want to portray to others (pseudo achievements, materialistic gains, or a made-up sense of happiness) or simply how they genuinely regard life outside themselves.

A lot of fake people hide pain, shame, and other underlying reasons in their behavior. This could explain why they can’t be authentic and/or have difficulties seeing their environment for the way it objectively is (both good and bad).

5. Love Attention

As I mentioned earlier, the biggest sign that something isn’t quite right with someone’s behavior can be established by how much they love attention. Are you being interrupted every time you speak by someone who wants to make sure that the spotlight gets reverted back to them? Is the focus always on them, no matter the topic? If yes, you’re probably dealing with a fake person.

6. People Pleaser

Appreciation feels nice but having everyone like you is even better. While it is completely unrealistic for most people to please everyone all the time, fake people seem to always say yes in pursuit of constant approval.

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Now, this is a problem for two reasons. Firstly, these people are simply saying yes to things for their own satisfaction. Secondly, they often end up changing their minds or retracting their offer for one reason or another (“I would have loved to, but my grandmother suddenly fell ill.”), leaving you in the lurch for the 100th time this year.

7. Sarcasm and Cynicism

Behind the chronic pasted smile, fake people are well known for brewing resentment, jealousy, or anger. This is because, behind the postcard life, they are often unhappy. Sarcasm and cynicism are well known to act as a defense mechanism, sometimes even a diversion—anything so they can remain feeling on top of the world, whether it is through boosting themselves or bringing people down.

8. Crappy friend

Fake people are bad friends. They don’t listen to you, your feelings, and whatever news you might have to share. In fact, you might find yourself migrating away from them when you have exciting or bad news to share, knowing that it will always end up one way—their way. In addition, you might find that they’re not available when you truly need them or worse, cancel plans at the last minute.

It’s not unusual to hear that a fake person talks constantly behind people’s backs. Let’s be honest, if they do it to others, they’re doing it to you too. If your “friend” makes you feel bad constantly, trust me, they’re not achieving their purpose, and they’re simply not a good person to have around.

The sooner you learn to spot these fake people, the sooner you can meet meaningful individuals again.

How to Cope With Fake People Moving Forward?

It is important to remind yourself that you deserve more than what you’re getting. You are worthy, valuable, precious, and just as important as the next person.

There are many ways to manage fake people. Here are some tips on how to deal with them.

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1. Boundaries

Keep your boundaries very clear. As explained in the book Unlock Your Resilience, boundaries are what keep you sane when the world tries to suffocate you. When fake people become emotional vampires, make sure to keep your distances, limit contact, and simply replace them with more valuable interactions.

2. Don’t Take Their Behavior Personally

Sadly, they most likely have behaved this way before they knew you and will continue much longer after you have moved on. It isn’t about you. It is about their inner need to meet a void that you are not responsible for. And in all honesty, unless you are a trained professional, you are unlikely to improve it anyway.

3. Be Upfront and Honest About How You Feel

If your “friend” has been hurtful or engaged in behaviors you struggle with, let them know—nicely, firmly, however you want, but let them know that they are affecting you. If it works, great. If it doesn’t, you’ll feel better and when you’re ready to move on, you’ll know you tried to reach out. Your conscience is clear.

4. Ask for Advice

If you’re unsure about what you’re seeing or feeling, ask for advice. Perhaps a relative, a good friend, or a colleague might have some input as to whether you are overreacting or seeing some genuine concerns.

Now, don’t confuse asking for advice with gossiping behind the fake person’s back because, in the end, you don’t want to stoop down to their level. However, a little reminder as to how to stay on your own wellness track can never hurt.

5. Dig Deeper

Now, this one, I offer with caution. If you are emotionally strong, up to it, guaranteed you won’t get sucked into it, and have the skills to manage, perhaps you could dig into the reasons a fake person is acting the way they do.

Have they suffered recent trauma? Have they been rejected all their lives? Is their self-esteem so low that they must resort to making themselves feel good in any way they can? Sometimes, having an understanding of a person’s behavior can help in processing it.

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6. Practice Self-Care!

Clearly, putting some distance between the fake person and yourself is probably the way to go. However, sometimes, it takes time to get there. In the meantime, make sure to practice self-care, be gentle with yourself, and compensate with lots of positives!

Self-care can be as simple as taking a hot shower after talking to them or declining an invitation when you’re not feeling up to the challenge.

Spotting fake people isn’t too hard. They generally glow with wanna-be vibes. However, most often, there are reasons as to why they are like this. Calling their behavior might be the first step. Providing them with support might be the second. But if these don’t work, it’s time to stay away and surround yourself with the positivity that you deserve.

Final Thoughts

Remember that life is a rollercoaster. It has good moments, tough moments, and moments you wouldn’t change for the world. So, look around and make sure that you take the time to choose the right people to share it all with.

We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with, so take a good look around and choose wisely!

More Tips on Dealing With Fake People

Featured photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez via unsplash.com

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