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10 Signs You’re A Working Mother Addicted To Busyness

10 Signs You’re A Working Mother Addicted To Busyness

As a working mom, it’s easy to get caught in the swirl of busyness! Trying to be all things, to all people, all of the time (a.k.a. Super Woman).

You’re expected to have it all, right?! To be a successful entrepreneur, loving mom, and sexy wife. To keep a gorgeous home, be the ultimate socialite and hostess, a four-star chef and still find time to workout and stay in great shape.

Yeah right!

No time for what’s important in life? Always feel like you’re running faster and faster on the hamster wheel but can’t get off? Feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, frazzled and fried?

Well, we hate to tell you but you might have fallen prey to Addiction to Busyness Syndrome (ATBS). It’s a chronic habit of always filling up your schedule, keeping busy and doing, doing, doing to maintain your Super Woman cape and badge of honor.

Now, you might be wondering, how does it creep up on you and take over your life?

In today’s fast paced world, we seem to honor those who accomplish a lot, do a lot and can magically keep all the balls of responsibility up in the air. But what we’ve come to realize through my recovery process is that it’s really about filling the need of our ego to “look good”, “have it all together” and be “worthy” as individuals.

It’s that little voice in your head that keeps telling you if you just do one more thing, then you’ll finally be good enough, smart enough, successful enough.

It’s as if we’re trying to validate our existence through action. We’ve lost the ability to sit quietly and just be with our selves to hear the whispers of our soul.

You see, the more busy you become, the less time you have to actually feel the stuff that might be difficult in your life. Those “learning opportunities for growth,” as we like to call them. It’s the emotional way of sweeping things under the rug or looking the other way. Because who wants to feel the all those icky emotions like fear and doubt?

In her book, ‘Daring Greatly’, Brene Brown tells us that numbing behaviors are a way to armor against vulnerability (showing others who you really are).

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And if you think numbing doesn’t apply to you because you’re not addicted to drugs or alcohol, she clarifies this by saying, “One of the most universal numbing strategies is what I call crazy-busy. We are a culture of people who’ve bought into the idea that if we stay busy enough, the truth of our lives won’t catch up with us.”

Is any of this ringing true for you? Are you numbing out on busyness? How might you be hiding behind your list of To-Do’s, phone calls and meetings?

If you notice yourself showing any of these signs, you too may be addicted to busyness:

1. You check your phone and email constantly.

Keeping in touch is one thing, but obsessing about being in touch is another. If you find yourself starting to quiver when you’re more than 10 feet from your smart phone or computer, you may have ATBS.

Keys to recovery: Consider creating a digital detox zone in your life. Perhaps it’s in the evenings or over the weekend. “Step away from your devices ma’am!” Give yourself a break and focus on the other areas of your life that need your time, attention and love.

2. Your schedule is packed full from stem to stern.

If you’re so busy that you’re schedule is booked down to the minute, you might need to make some changes. Having no wiggle room or down time in your daily schedule can be detrimental to your health.

Keys to recovery: It’s important to take time to stop, pause, reflect and just catch your breath. If need be, book mini appointments with yourself throughout your day to step away from your desk/computer/phone and just breath deeply for 10 minutes while you take a walk around.

This will get your blood flowing, stimulate your brain and refocus your vision to help you prevent eye-strain.

3. You complain about being Super Woman.

Do you find yourself complaining about how busy you are while secretly feeling proud of yourself for being able to “handle it all” like Super Woman, even though you’re mentally and physically exhausted? Our ego LOVES to feel important. It can be a core driver of success for many people.

Your ego might sound something like this: “I’m needed, I’m important, because ‘I’m In Demand’. This makes me ‘worthy’, right?”

No. If this sounds familiar, it’s time to find other places/activities that feed your self worth as well as your spirit. Your title is NOT all that you are! The world will not come to an end if you step away from your work.

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Keys to recovery: Volunteer at your child’s school or some organization that enriches your spirit and allows you to be of contribution. Whatever it is, find something that helps utilize the other amazing talents you have that fill you up AND help create a better work life-balance.

4. Your relationships are being negatively impacted by your busyness.

When you give someone your full attention, they can feel it. It’s actually a gift that you give them. Conversely, when you’re constantly looking at your phone, fielding emails or phone calls when you’re talking with someone, it lands as disrespectful for the other person.

You’re subconsciously telling that person (partner, child, friend) that the phone call or email is more important in this moment than they are. This can leave someone with a bad taste in their mouth and over time can build up a layer of resentment.

Keys to recovery: When you’re home with your family or out with friends, Be with them fully. Listen to their stories, their jokes, their woes.

When you can do this, they’ll feel more seen, heard and loved by you, which goes a long, long way for building strong relationships. It also models loving and respectful behavior for your children (and your partner) to reflect back at you and with others.

working mom

    5. You get fidgety when you try to just sit still.

    When was the last time you just sat and relaxed? No, really, relaxed? If you can only count on one hand when you gave yourself permission to just sit, relax and ponder your toes over the last month, you might need a busyness intervention.

    Keys to recovery: Relaxing is an art. Take time to revel in it, doing nothing at all – perhaps just watching the birds outside while sipping a cup o’ tea.

    Meditating is a great way to give your working mind a way to relax because you can tell yourself “I’m working at relaxing.” It’s a practice, a muscle that needs to be developed just like going to the gym.

    This tells the part of you that doesn’t want to sit idle (for fear of not accomplishing something), that you have a goal to achieve (which, by the way, fosters the release of dopamine in your brain, one of your feel good, happy chemicals).

    6. You have a fear of boredom.

    Empty space can mean boredom. Boredom means you might have to be with what IS. And the “what is” might be uncomfortable, so always having a book, or your smart phone or tablet with you is a way to avoid the empty spaces in between the busy parts.

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    If you fill up the empty spaces with yet more stuff, more “doing”, you can avoid feeling the things you don’t want to feel.

    Keys to recovery: Next time you find yourself with some empty space, instead of filling it with another busyness diversion, how about just thinking about what you’re grateful for.

    As you focus on what you’re grateful for, your brain naturally releases serotonin (another one of those great happy chemicals), which leaves you feeling good, feeling valued and boosts your confidence.

    7. You’re constantly on the run and live in a continuous state of adrenaline-fueled stress.

    Between running your business, managing your kids, cooking dinner, attending soccer games, and an assortment of other obligations and activities, when do you stop and take time to breathe? Being busy isn’t a bad thing as long as it’s all bringing you some joy.

    It’s when it moves from busy, to addicted to busy, to burned out, that you’ve got a problem.

    The constant state of stress that you keep yourself plugged into can take a serious toll on your health, impacting your immune system, depleting your adrenal glands and potentially creating a cascade of other ill effects on your body such as diabetes, stroke and heart disease.

    Keys to recovery: Determine what your core values are that are most important to you and make time for those things. For example, carve out time to eat dinner with your family and talk.

    Get out of your head and tune into them and the events of their day. This sets a great example for your kids that they’re important, it helps you to slow down and breathe, and gives you all time to connect at a deeper level.

    8. You feel guilty when you actually do have down time and wonder what you’re forgetting.

    If you’re like me, you might have a running to-do list either in your head or on a sticky note or in it’s own special notebook. Especially as a working mom, there is ALWAYS something you need to do, could be doing, or should be doing (at least that is what you’re telling yourself).

    So when you actually do have that time to relax there is still that little person in your brain reviewing the list, whispering in your ear “Have you completed this?”, “Shouldn’t you be doing this instead of just sitting there doing nothing?” You know that voice I’m talking about.

    Keys to recovery: The best way to quiet the voice is to review your list and decide what can be dropped, delegated or dealt with at the appropriate time and place. Once you’ve gone over your list, then put it aside and enjoy your RnR time. You deserve it!

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    9. You find it difficult to focus on the task at ha… ooh a squirrel!

    Read this, do that, answer this email, sit in on that conference call… and the list goes on. You’re a card carrying member of the Super Woman club no doubt, with a variety of awards for multi-tasker of the year, we’re sure. The problem is, all that multi-tasking really is just fracturing your ability to focus.

    Keys to recovery: The truth is, your brain can only focus on one thing at a time. Yup. Recent neuroscience tells us when you’re multi-tasking there is a stop/start process that goes on in the brain. Which actually costs time, instead of saving you time.

    Even though it’s in micro second bursts, it’s still only processing one thing at a time. So you’re better off, spending a designated amount of time on one thing before switching to the next thing. You’ll be more productive and focused and less stressed.

    10. You constantly feel like you’re under pressure because “there isn’t enough time.”

    No time to take care of yourself, to workout, eat right, have some downtime with your girlfriends etc. This is actually a way of procrastinating and avoiding the bigger game that your spirit it’s calling you towards. When you take time to pause, de-stress and get rejuvenated you’re actually able to think more clearly, be more focused and more productive.

    We know it sounds crazy for you busyness addicts, but slowing down is actually the best way to speed up. Funny thing is, your ego actually wants you to stay in this state of overwhelm to justify it existence and keep you in a place of ‘status quo’, hiding out and playing small.

    So how can you outsmart your ego?

    Keys to recovery: Master your mindset. Your thoughts drive your emotions, actions and reactions. They also trigger the work of your Amygdala, your fight, flight or freeze mechanism in your limbic brain.

    The more aware you become of your worries, fears and doubts that are running you ragged, the more consciously you can reclaim your power back from those fears and gain control over your mindset (and quiet your ego).

    All of which feeds your spirit, and will help you step more boldly into the most brilliant, brightest version of yourself that you have to offer your family, friends and your work in the world.

    black-single-mother

      Yes, slowing down may feel counter productive.

      As you free up your mental bandwidth for the things that really are important and let go of the extraneous details that don’t matter, you’ll find yourself breathing more deeply, finding more joy in your day and having more time to spend with family, friends and yourself.

      Hit reply and tell us abut how you’re overcoming your Addiction to Busyness. We’d love to know!

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      Last Updated on June 13, 2019

      How to Quit Your Boring Life and Start Living an Interesting One

      How to Quit Your Boring Life and Start Living an Interesting One

      Think you have a boring life?

      The definition of boring is dull or not interesting. Maybe you’ve been doing the same thing and living the same life for too long, or maybe your daily routine is limiting your growth and happiness. Whatever your reason is, the following list of 20 things can definitely make any day more interesting. Some of them are silly, while some are more meaningful, so hopefully just reading the list makes your life less boring and sparks your creativity.

      Let’s dive in the list to quit your boring life and start living an interesting (and meaning) one!

      1. Channel Your 7-Year-Old Self

      What would he or she want to do right now? Color? Paint? Run around outside? Play dress up? Eat with your hands? Play that instrument hiding in the back of your closet that you haven’t touched in years?

      Just because you’re a grown up doesn’t mean any of this stuff will be less enjoyable than you remember it. Give yourself permission to play.

      2. Go Play with Kids

      Speaking of little kids, if you have your own or access to any (in a non-creepy way, like they’re your niece or your best friend’s kid, you get the idea) go play with them!

      They didn’t create an entire show called Kids Say The Darndest Things because kids aren’t hilarious. They also keep things so simple, and we can really stand to be reminded of this and stop allowing ourselves to get bogged down in boring details.

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      3. Order a Hot Dog

      While you’re eating it, Google: “What’s in a hot dog?” You decide whether or not you want to finish it.

      4. For the Ladies: Wear Your Sexiest Lingerie Under Your Work Clothes

      Your “little secret” will leave you feeling anything but boring all day!

      5. Play Cell Phone Roulette

      You’ll need at least one buddy for this. Scroll through the contacts in your phone, stop on a random one and call the person.

      You could spark an incredible catch up session or be incredibly awkward. Neither are boring.

      6. Fill out a Pack of Thank-You Cards

      Give them to random people who probably don’t get thanked too often for doing what they do ever day.

      Ideas: police officers, librarians, servers, baristas, cab drivers, sanitation workers, teachers, people behind any check out counter, receptionists, your friends, the guy at the falafel stand, etc.

      7. Sign up for a Class in Something You’ve “Always Wanted to Do”, or Something That Makes You Really Uncomfortable

      Ideas: pole dancing, salsa lessons, improv, pottery, cooking, knitting (yup, there are classes for this, too!), karate, boxing, something techy like the workshops they run in Apple stores, get Rosetta Stone and learn that language you’ve always wanted to speak, etc.

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      What’s good about joining an interest class is that you will also meet new people!

      8. Interview Your Grandparents About Their Lives

      You can bet they’ve had some crazy experiences you probably never knew about.

      9. Get up on Stage at an Open Mic Night

      Whether you’re funny or not, get up on stage and just talk funny. And if you’re not, memorize a few of your favorite jokes and tell those!

      10. Do Something for Someone Else That You Wish Someone Would Do for You

      We all have a few ideas on this list. I promise you will feel amazing after and anything but bored.

      11. Start a DIY Project in Your Home

      It doesn’t have to be super complicated. If you need ideas, there’re plenty on Pinterest. Or you can also check out these 30 Awesome DIY Projects that You’ve Never Heard of.

      12. Plan a Weekend Trip or an All-Out Vacation

      This will give you something to look forward to.

      Even if you don’t have the time or money to go on a vacation, plan for a staycation, which is same fun and relaxing!

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      13. People Watch

      Find a bench in a crowded area (centers of transportation like airports, bus stops and train stations are great for this!) and just observe.

      People are infinitely interesting.

      14. Eat Something You’ve Never Eaten Before

      Bonus points if it’s a random fruit or veggie.

      15. Dance

      You can get your friends together for a night on the town or just pull up a video on YouTube and bust a move from your own living room.

      If you’re feeling extra brave, you can even dance in public and get other people involved.

      16. Go to YOUTUBE and Search “Funny Pets” or “Funny Babies”

      This is also a great quickie ab workout as you will be laughing hysterically.

      17. Pick up a Book and Start Reading

      Check out the NY Times Best Sellers lists and grab a new book you can get lost in.

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      18. Step Away from the Computer and Go Get Some Time with People You Care About in Real Life

      Facebook stalking doesn’t count as real social interaction. You can even share this post with your friends and vote on which one you’d like to do together!

      19. Check out a Museum You’ve Never Been to Before

      OK, depending on your interests, this one might actually be boring. If you love learning, art or different cultures though, this one is for you!

      20. Write a List of Things You Desire and Truly Want

      This is a great way to help you figure out the real reason why you’re feeling bored about your life. Maybe you haven’t really done things that you truly enjoy? Maybe what you’ve wanted to do all the time has been left behind?

      Think about the list of things you really want to do, and ask yourself why you aren’t doing these things (yet). Then start taking your first step to make what you want happen.

      Now go make your life interesting and live your dream life!

      More About Living a Fulfilling Life

      Featured photo credit: Kev Costello via unsplash.com

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