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6 Things To Remember After a Break Up

6 Things To Remember After a Break Up

Break ups suck. We all know that but there are some things to remember after a break up which make it easier to handle it.

1. You broke up for a reason.

Either you changed or they changed. There is always a reason for a break up. Moving away from or out of a unhappy situation is the logical thing to do. Just remember that breaking up with them is for the better. Think long term here. Don’t just tolerate anyone in your life if you don’t have to. Set up personal boundaries. Surround yourself with people who add value to your life and treat them with respect so they will stay around. This will contribute a lot to both your overall levels of happiness and success.

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2. With time, you will adapt to change.

You can always recover from loss. Your brain will eventually get used to it and reset itself back at the same levels of happiness that it was at before. Even someone who ends up in a horrible life changing accident will eventually get used to it, move on, and return to their normal state. So let go. A lot of people have a hard time accepting change. The reality is you shouldn’t be surprised by it. Everything has a beginning and an end, including relationships.

3. It’s OK to experience negative emotions.

Don’t try to resist your emotions. Experience them. Notice them. Let them pass. However, don’t let them dictate your actions or control you. You might miss the person for who they were, or the good times you had with them, and that is OK. But those are just memories of what once was. Be grateful for the good times in the past and move on. Be present in the moment. Breathe deeply. Meditate. This is scientifically proven to immediately start reducing stress levels. Science has also proven that viewing stress as a bad thing actually makes it more harmful for your health, so view stress as good for your health’s sake.

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4. You are still you. Be self-sufficient.

Just because that person isn’t in your life anymore doesn’t mean you aren’t the same person. You can still do life fulfilling things without them. You don’t need any one person in your life to start living the way you want to live and moving towards better things. Become self-reliant and self-sufficient. Figure out what motivates you. Develop a good work ethic. Move towards goals that are meaningful to you. Stay busy living the life that you really want to live with or without any one particular person.

5. Focus on what you’ve learned and take responsibility.

We are all constantly evolving, changing, and learning. The people who are around you evolve with you, sometimes for better and sometimes for worse. Someone may develop some negative habits or personality traits. They also might succeed in doing just the opposite and making a great success of themselves. Whatever it is, take the lessons you got from the relationship and move on. By doing this you become a stronger person and you are less likely to be surprised or hurt in the future.

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Don’t try to play the blame game either. We all make mistakes, no one is perfect. You are responsible for letting that person in your life in the first place. Analyze yourself and see where you may have gone wrong in the relationship, even if you never really liked the person anyway. You will find there was probably a better way you could’ve handled certain situations. Forgive yourself and forgive the other person for whatever offenses they may have committed against you. Hanging on to regret or resentment won’t help anybody. Let it all go. Again, take the lessons, learn from it, and move on.

6. Let go of outcomes.

Appreciate any good times you may have had with that person. But let go of the outcome. This may sound really negative, but it’s not. The reason break ups are so painful for people in the first place is because they are attached to an outcome or a result. They may not even be enjoying the relationship moment by moment for what it is. You should be doing just the opposite. Enjoy the time you spend with people and socializing with them. Stop focusing so much on an end result that is never really guaranteed anyway.

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Featured photo credit: Alessandra di Nunno via flickr.com

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Last Updated on July 10, 2020

How to Reinvent Yourself and Change Your Life

How to Reinvent Yourself and Change Your Life

There will always be times in your life when you may need to learn how to reinvent yourself. This could come when you experience a big change, such as leaving your job, moving on from a relationship, transferring to a new home, or losing a loved one. If you are going through a major shift in your life, you may have to find new ways of thinking or doing things, or risk failing to reach your full potential.

“When something bad happens, you have three choices. You can let it define you, let it destroy you, or you can let it strengthen you.”

Many people who dared to leave their old unhappy lives enabled themselves to pursue their passions and find a renewed zest for living. You can also achieve the same if you take a leap of faith and make things happen for yourself.

To help you always be at your best wherever you may be in your life, here are some practical tips on how to reinvent yourself.

The Reinvention Checklist

Before embarking on a journey of self-reinvention, you need to make sure that you have everything that you need to make the trip bump-proof. These things include:

Resilience

Problems and obstacles are guaranteed to happen. Some of them will be difficult and may knock you off course; the important thing, however, is that you learn from these difficulties, never lose focus, and always get back up. This requires building resilience to get through the tough times.

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Support

Humans are social beings. Although it is important that you learn to rely on yourself when facing any challenge, it is also important to have a support team that you can lean on to give you a boost when things get too tough and to correct you when you’re making mistakes.

The key is to find the right balance between independence and dependence. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable and share the difficulties you’re facing. When you open up, you’ll find the people who are really going to be there for you.

Self-Care

During the process of learning how to reinvent yourself, you will have to pull yourself away from your old comfort zones, habits, roles, and self-perceptions. This can be difficult and cause you to question your self-worth, so it’s important to engage in self-care to maintain a positive outlook and keep your mind and body healthy as you face the challenges that await you. Self-care can include:

  • Participating in a hobby you enjoy
  • Spending time with your support system
  • Taking some time to walk in nature
  • Practicing loving-kindness meditation

Find what works for you and what helps you feel like your true self as you seek a reinvented version of you.

How to Reinvent Yourself

Once you’re sure that you’re equipped with all the tools in the self-reinvention checklist, you can begin your journey of learning how to reinvent yourself.

1. Discover Your Strengths

This step provides valuable information on how you deal with certain situations. If you have this information, you will be able to manage difficulties more efficiently.

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To find out what your strengths are, you can ask your friends and colleagues for feedback, engage in self-reflection, or try these 10 Ways to Find Your Own Personal Strengths.

2. Plan

This step calls for a thorough assessment of your current emotional, psychological, and financial status so that you can develop plans that are realistic and practical.

It’s okay to have ambitious dreams, but your plans have to be realistic. Making use of SMART goals can help you plan your life better.

You can also consult your mentor or life coach for practical tips and advice.

Ultimately, you’ll want to create specific long-term and short-term goals that you can create milestones for. By doing this, you’ll lay out a specific roadmap to your reinvented self.

3. Try Things Out

Sometimes, we don’t know if solutions actually work until we try them out. This is why it is important to experiment whenever possible, especially if you’re dealing with a career change. You may need to simply experiment in order to find the things you like. This can be the same with hobbies. If you’re not sure what you would like doing, accept invitations from friends to join them in their favorite sport or take a class, like pottery or photography.

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By seeing what’s out there in any area of your life, you’ll have a better chance of finding the things you enjoy and the goals you want to create.

4. Manage Your Finances Well

Changes may require a bit of money. If you’re shifting to a new career, you may have to pay for training. If you’re going through a tough divorce or having a hard time dealing with the death of a loved one, you may have to pay for therapy. If you’re moving to a new home, you’ll definitely have to pay a whole lot of expenses.

All of these things are possible, but it will require a bit of money savviness as you learn how to reinvent yourself. If you have that cushion, you’ll feel more comfortable straying from your current path to try new things.

5. Muster Your Courage

Fears and self-doubt may arise when you encounter difficulties and setbacks. Sometimes, they may also come when you’re taking risks. You have to manage these negative emotions well and not allow them to discourage you. Tap into your courage and try doing at least one new thing each week to develop it.

Learn how to deal with your self-doubts to move forward in this article: How Self Doubt Keeps You Stuck (And How to Overcome It)

6. Use Your Support Group

As stated above, you need to build a strong support group before you even start the process of reinventing yourself. Your group will keep you from taking wrong turns and encourage you when you get too weighed down by problems. Don’t be afraid to call them, or even ask them out for coffee if you need to vent about the current difficulties you’re facing.

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7. Remind Yourself Every Day of Your Commitment

Write your goals on different-sized cards and scatter them at home and at work in places where you can easily see them. This way, you will constantly be reminded of where you want to be. Remember, writing down your goals helps them stick[1].

8. Accept Failure, Learn, and Resume Your Journey

Failing is normal, especially when we’re trying out something new. When you fail, simply recognize it, learn from it, and move on. Failure, in the end, is the best way to learn what does and doesn’t work, and you simply won’t be able to learn how to reinvent yourself if you don’t accept the inevitable failures that await you.

Final Thoughts

If you truly want to learn how to reinvent yourself and live the life you desire, take the advice above and start taking action. It will take time, patience, and plenty of effort to make the change you want happen, but it will be all worth it.

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Featured photo credit: Ashley Rich via unsplash.com

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