Advertising
Advertising

6 Things To Remember After a Break Up

6 Things To Remember After a Break Up

Break ups suck. We all know that but there are some things to remember after a break up which make it easier to handle it.

1. You broke up for a reason.

Either you changed or they changed. There is always a reason for a break up. Moving away from or out of a unhappy situation is the logical thing to do. Just remember that breaking up with them is for the better. Think long term here. Don’t just tolerate anyone in your life if you don’t have to. Set up personal boundaries. Surround yourself with people who add value to your life and treat them with respect so they will stay around. This will contribute a lot to both your overall levels of happiness and success.

Advertising

2. With time, you will adapt to change.

You can always recover from loss. Your brain will eventually get used to it and reset itself back at the same levels of happiness that it was at before. Even someone who ends up in a horrible life changing accident will eventually get used to it, move on, and return to their normal state. So let go. A lot of people have a hard time accepting change. The reality is you shouldn’t be surprised by it. Everything has a beginning and an end, including relationships.

3. It’s OK to experience negative emotions.

Don’t try to resist your emotions. Experience them. Notice them. Let them pass. However, don’t let them dictate your actions or control you. You might miss the person for who they were, or the good times you had with them, and that is OK. But those are just memories of what once was. Be grateful for the good times in the past and move on. Be present in the moment. Breathe deeply. Meditate. This is scientifically proven to immediately start reducing stress levels. Science has also proven that viewing stress as a bad thing actually makes it more harmful for your health, so view stress as good for your health’s sake.

Advertising

4. You are still you. Be self-sufficient.

Just because that person isn’t in your life anymore doesn’t mean you aren’t the same person. You can still do life fulfilling things without them. You don’t need any one person in your life to start living the way you want to live and moving towards better things. Become self-reliant and self-sufficient. Figure out what motivates you. Develop a good work ethic. Move towards goals that are meaningful to you. Stay busy living the life that you really want to live with or without any one particular person.

5. Focus on what you’ve learned and take responsibility.

We are all constantly evolving, changing, and learning. The people who are around you evolve with you, sometimes for better and sometimes for worse. Someone may develop some negative habits or personality traits. They also might succeed in doing just the opposite and making a great success of themselves. Whatever it is, take the lessons you got from the relationship and move on. By doing this you become a stronger person and you are less likely to be surprised or hurt in the future.

Advertising

Don’t try to play the blame game either. We all make mistakes, no one is perfect. You are responsible for letting that person in your life in the first place. Analyze yourself and see where you may have gone wrong in the relationship, even if you never really liked the person anyway. You will find there was probably a better way you could’ve handled certain situations. Forgive yourself and forgive the other person for whatever offenses they may have committed against you. Hanging on to regret or resentment won’t help anybody. Let it all go. Again, take the lessons, learn from it, and move on.

6. Let go of outcomes.

Appreciate any good times you may have had with that person. But let go of the outcome. This may sound really negative, but it’s not. The reason break ups are so painful for people in the first place is because they are attached to an outcome or a result. They may not even be enjoying the relationship moment by moment for what it is. You should be doing just the opposite. Enjoy the time you spend with people and socializing with them. Stop focusing so much on an end result that is never really guaranteed anyway.

Advertising

Featured photo credit: Alessandra di Nunno via flickr.com

More by this author

3 Things Life-Long Learners Do Differently To Make Them Learn Unremittingly 30 Quotes From Buddha For Wisdom and Peace 6 Things To Remember After a Break Up 7 Things That All The Best Leaders Do 7 Things The Most Productive People See Differently

Trending in Communication

1 11 Red Flags in a Relationship Not To Ignore 2 10 Strategies to Keep Moving Forward When Feeling Stuck 3 Easily Misunderstood by Others? 6 Barriers You Should Overcome to Make Communication Less Frustrating 4 7 Simple Ways To Be Famous In One Year 5 How To Feel Happier (10 Scienece-Backed Ways)

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on February 11, 2021

Easily Misunderstood by Others? 6 Barriers You Should Overcome to Make Communication Less Frustrating

Easily Misunderstood by Others? 6 Barriers You Should Overcome to Make Communication Less Frustrating

How often have you said something simple, only to have the person who you said this to misunderstand it or twist the meaning completely around? Nodding your head in affirmative? Then this means that you are being unclear in your communication.

Communication should be simple, right? It’s all about two people or more talking and explaining something to the other. The problem lies in the talking itself, somehow we end up being unclear, and our words, attitude or even the way of talking becomes a barrier in communication, most of the times unknowingly. We give you six common barriers to communication, and how to get past them; for you to actually say what you mean, and or the other person to understand it as well…

The 6 Walls You Need to Break Down to Make Communication Effective

Think about it this way, a simple phrase like “what do you mean” can be said in many different ways and each different way would end up “communicating” something else entirely. Scream it at the other person, and the perception would be anger. Whisper this is someone’s ear and others may take it as if you were plotting something. Say it in another language, and no one gets what you mean at all, if they don’t speak it… This is what we mean when we say that talking or saying something that’s clear in your head, many not mean that you have successfully communicated it across to your intended audience – thus what you say and how, where and why you said it – at times become barriers to communication.[1]

Perceptual Barrier

The moment you say something in a confrontational, sarcastic, angry or emotional tone, you have set up perceptual barriers to communication. The other person or people to whom you are trying to communicate your point get the message that you are disinterested in what you are saying and sort of turn a deaf ear. In effect, you are yelling your point across to person who might as well be deaf![2]

Advertising

The problem: When you have a tone that’s not particularly positive, a body language that denotes your own disinterest in the situation and let your own stereotypes and misgivings enter the conversation via the way you talk and gesture, the other person perceives what you saying an entirely different manner than say if you said the same while smiling and catching their gaze.

The solution: Start the conversation on a positive note, and don’t let what you think color your tone, gestures of body language. Maintain eye contact with your audience, and smile openly and wholeheartedly…

Attitudinal Barrier

Some people, if you would excuse the language, are simply badass and in general are unable to form relationships or even a common point of communication with others, due to their habit of thinking to highly or too lowly of them. They basically have an attitude problem – since they hold themselves in high esteem, they are unable to form genuine lines of communication with anyone. The same is true if they think too little of themselves as well.[3]

The problem: If anyone at work, or even in your family, tends to roam around with a superior air – anything they say is likely to be taken by you and the others with a pinch, or even a bag of salt. Simply because whenever they talk, the first thing to come out of it is their condescending attitude. And in case there’s someone with an inferiority complex, their incessant self-pity forms barriers to communication.

Advertising

The solution: Use simple words and an encouraging smile to communicate effectively – and stick to constructive criticism, and not criticism because you are a perfectionist. If you see someone doing a good job, let them know, and disregard the thought that you could have done it better. It’s their job so measure them by industry standards and not your own.

Language Barrier

This is perhaps the commonest and the most inadvertent of barriers to communication. Using big words, too much of technical jargon or even using just the wrong language at the incorrect or inopportune time can lead to a loss or misinterpretation of communication. It may have sounded right in your head and to your ears as well, but if sounded gobbledygook to the others, the purpose is lost.

The problem: Say you are trying to explain a process to the newbies and end up using every technical word and industry jargon that you knew – your communication has failed if the newbie understood zilch. You have to, without sounding patronizing, explain things to someone in the simplest language they understand instead of the most complex that you do.

The solution: Simplify things for the other person to understand you, and understand it well. Think about it this way: if you are trying to explain something scientific to a child, you tone it down to their thinking capacity, without “dumbing” anything down in the process.[4]

Advertising

Emotional Barrier

Sometimes, we hesitate in opening our mouths, for fear of putting our foot in it! Other times, our emotional state is so fragile that we keep it and our lips zipped tightly together lest we explode. This is the time that our emotions become barriers to communication.[5]

The problem: Say you had a fight at home and are on a slow boil, muttering, in your head, about the injustice of it all. At this time, you have to give someone a dressing down over their work performance. You are likely to transfer at least part of your angst to the conversation then, and talk about unfairness in general, leaving the other person stymied about what you actually meant!

The solution: Remove your emotions and feelings to a personal space, and talk to the other person as you normally would. Treat any phobias or fears that you have and nip them in the bud so that they don’t become a problem. And remember, no one is perfect.

Cultural Barrier

Sometimes, being in an ever-shrinking world means that inadvertently, rules can make cultures clash and cultural clashes can turn into barriers to communication. The idea is to make your point across without hurting anyone’s cultural or religious sentiments.

Advertising

The problem: There are so many ways culture clashes can happen during communication and with cultural clashes; it’s not always about ethnicity. A non-smoker may have problems with smokers taking breaks; an older boss may have issues with younger staff using the Internet too much.

The solution: Communicate only what is necessary to get the point across – and eave your personal sentiments or feelings out of it. Try to be accommodative of the other’s viewpoint, and in case you still need to work it out, do it one to one, to avoid making a spectacle of the other person’s beliefs.[6]

Gender Barrier

Finally, it’s about Men from Mars and Women from Venus. Sometimes, men don’t understand women and women don’t get men – and this gender gap throws barriers in communication. Women tend to take conflict to their graves, literally, while men can move on instantly. Women rely on intuition, men on logic – so inherently, gender becomes a big block in successful communication.[7]

The problem: A male boss may inadvertently rub his female subordinates the wrong way with anti-feminism innuendoes, or even have problems with women taking too many family leaves. Similarly, women sometimes let their emotions get the better of them, something a male audience can’t relate to.

The solution: Talk to people like people – don’t think or classify them into genders and then talk accordingly. Don’t make comments or innuendos that are gender biased – you don’t have to come across as an MCP or as a bra-burning feminist either. Keep gender out of it.

And remember, the key to successful communication is simply being open, making eye contact and smiling intermittently. The battle is usually half won when you say what you mean in simple, straightforward words and keep your emotions out of it.

Reference

Read Next