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10 Things To Remember If You Are In Love With An Only Child

10 Things To Remember If You Are In Love With An Only Child

Being an only child myself, and having been in love, I know that we can be quite difficult to be in a relationship in. But there’s a good reason for this, when we were growing up, we spent a lot of time by ourselves and so we’ve had lesser interactions than those who have had siblings. It is probably one of the main reasons why we developed our social skills much later on in life.

But saying that, we do have some unique characteristic traits which can only be found in those who have no siblings. And to help you unravel these gems so you can see our true selves, here are 10 things that you need to remember if you are in love with an only child.

1. We want to be appreciated and adored

When we were growing up, our parents made us the centre of their attention. So we were well loved and admired during our childhood years and we carried this weight of expectation in our  relationships. This can be burden to many people who are in a relationship with an only child. But you should not let this put you off. Sometimes, we just need to be reminded that the world doesn’t revolved around us. It will take a while for us to get used to this notion, but we’ll get the hang of it.

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2. We want to be part of a big family

As you’d expect, when we were growing up, it was just me, mum and my dad. We envied our friends who had brothers and sisters and we always imagined what our lives would have been liked if we did have brothers and sisters. So when we do seek a relationship, we would like to be with someone who is part of a big family. It’s our own natural way of making up for growing up in a tight knit family and having less interaction.

3. We see our parents as our best friends

We don’t see our parents as just a parent. We see them as our friends and we also have very strong bond with them. There are no barriers or restrictions to what we can talk about and we always frequently keep in touch with them. My parents know all about my previous girlfriends and what happened during my day. Although, I won’t say absolutely everything (if you know what I mean).

We do tend to be quite attached to our parents, because we know we can trust them. And by keeping in touch with them, it is our way of saying thank you for giving us all the love they gave us when we were growing up. But take this as a good sign, because if we can look after our folks, we can look after your folks.

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4. We don’t usually ask for help

I may not speak for every only child, but I certainly knew that when I was growing up, I certainly had a hard time asking people for help. Just recently, I was trying to clean the gutter and my friendly neighbour asked me if I needed help. I said no, but the extra help would have been nice.

Since we never had any siblings, we didn’t have anyone to ask for help. We’ve never had a bigger brother to stand by our sides, never had someone to talk to at home who was from my generation, so we just had ourselves to rely on. But the plus side to this is that we became very self-reliant, so we don’t usually need to ask people for help.

5. We crave closeness

This probably stems back to being centre of attention. Since we’ve never had many opportunities to share experiences with someone other than our parents, we do crave intimacy and creating a strong bond with different people. And here’s another thing, we tend to be quite touchy and feely too. So if you are sleeping in the same bed with an only child, be prepared to be the little spoon.

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6. We don’t like being called spoilt

A lot of people assume that an only child is spoilt. On behalf of every only child this is a yes and no. Yes we were the centre of attention to our parents and they did fully support us in whatever we wanted to do in our lives. But we were really grateful of their support. We never take our parents support for granted and we always made sure that we can make them happy for what we do. So when someone calls us a spoilt brat, we do tend to take it to heart. We never take anything for granted.

7. We spend a lot of time with our thoughts.

Since we spent quite a lot of time by ourselves, we spend a lot of time inside our head. This can be a good and bad thing. It is good because we come up with loads of crazy and wacky ideas, but it can be bad because some of these thoughts can lead on to some unnecessary worries. But in time, we learn to spend less time in our head and more on what is happening in the present moment.

8. We don’t want to have just one kid

After going through motions as an only child, we definitely don’t want to be a parent to just one child. We will know what they will go through based on our personal experiences. We want to give them the things we never had.

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9. We are extremely loyal

We value our best friends. They are like the brothers or sisters that we’ve never had (literally). And because we are extremely loyal, our friendships tend to be long lasting. At the age of 28, I am still in contact with my best friends from school and university.

10. We need time to ourselves

Like most people who are an only child, we tend to be introverts. We like to read and like to spend some alone time. We are so used to spending time with ourselves that we are hardwired to use our alone time to recharge our batteries. We don’t need that long, but it will benefit us in the long term by keeping our energy levels in check.

Featured photo credit: Pascal via flickr.com

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Last Updated on March 14, 2019

7 Questions to Ask in a Job Interview That Will Impress the Interviewer

7 Questions to Ask in a Job Interview That Will Impress the Interviewer

Recruiters might hold thousands of interviews in their careers and a lot of them are reporting the same thing—that most candidates play it safe with the questions they ask, or have no questions to ask in a job interview at all.

For job applicants, this approach is crazy! This is a job that you’re going to dedicate a lot of hours to and that might have a huge impact on your future career. Don’t throw away the chance to figure out if the position is perfect for you.

Here are 7 killer questions to ask in a job interview that will both impress your counterpart and give you some really useful insights into whether this job will be a dream … or a nightmare.

1. What are some challenges I might come up against this role?

A lesser candidate might ask, “what does a typical day look like in this role?” While this is a perfectly reasonable question to ask in an interview, focusing on potential challenges takes you much further because it indicates that you already are visualizing yourself in the role.

It’s impressive because it shows that you are not afraid of challenges, and you are prepared to strategize a game plan upfront to make sure you succeed if you get the job.

It can also open up a conversation about how you’ve solved problems in the past which can be a reassuring exercise for both you and the hiring manager.

How it helps you:

If you ask the interviewer to describe a typical day, you may get a vibrant picture of all the lovely things you’ll get to do in this job and all the lovely people you’ll get to do them with.

Asking about potential roadblocks means you hear the other side of the story—dysfunctional teams, internal politics, difficult clients, bootstrap budgets and so on. This can help you decide if you’re up for the challenge or whether, for the sake of your sanity, you should respectfully decline the job offer.

2. What are the qualities of really successful people in this role?

Employers don’t want to hire someone who goes through the motions; they want to hire someone who will excel.

Asking this question shows that you care about success, too. How could they not hire you with a dragon-slayer attitude like that?

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How it helps you:

Interviewers hire people who are great people to work with, but the definition of “great people” differs from person to person.

Does this company hire and promote people with a specific attitude, approach, worth ethic or communication style? Are the most successful people in this role strong extroverts who love to talk and socialize when you are studious and reserved? Does the company reward those who work insane hours when you’re happiest in a more relaxed environment?

If so, then this may not be the right match for you.

Whatever the answer is, you can decide whether you have what it takes for the manager to be happy with your performance in this role. And if the interviewer has no idea what success looks like for this position, this is a sign to proceed with extreme caution.

3. From the research I did on your company, I noticed the culture really supports XYZ. Can you tell me more about that element of the culture and how it impacts this job role?

Of course, you could just ask “what is the culture like here? ” but then you would miss a great opportunity to show that you’ve done your research!

Interviewers give BIG bonus point to those who read up and pay attention, and you’ve just pointed out that (a) you’re diligent in your research (b) you care about the company culture and (c) you’re committed to finding a great cultural fit.

How it helps you:

This question is so useful because it lets you pick an element of the culture that you really care about and that will have the most impact on whether you are happy with the organization.

For example, if training and development is important to you, then you need to know what’s on offer so you don’t end up in a dead-end job with no learning opportunities.

Companies often talk a good talk, and their press releases may be full of shiny CSR initiatives and all the headline-grabbing diversity programs they’re putting in place. This is your opportunity to look under the hood and see if the company lives its values on the ground.

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A company that says it is committed to doing the right thing by customers should not judge success by the number of up-sells an employee makes, for instance. Look for consistency, so you aren’t in for a culture shock after you start.

4. What is the promotion path for this role, and how would my performance on that path be measured?

To be clear, you are not asking when you will get promoted. Don’t go there—it’s presumptuous, and it indicates that you think you are better than the role you have applied for.

A career-minded candidate, on the other hand, usually has a plan that she’s working towards. This question shows you have a great drive toward growth and advancement and an intention to stick with the company beyond your current state.

How it helps you:

One word: hierarchy.

All organizations have levels of work and authority—executives, upper managers, line managers, the workforce, and so on. Understanding the hierarchical structure gives you power, because you can decide if you can work within it and are capable of climbing through its ranks, or whether it will be endlessly frustrating to you.

In a traditional pyramid hierarchy, for example, the people at the bottom tend to have very little autonomy to make decisions. This gets better as you rise up through the pyramid, but even middle managers have little power to create policy; they are more concerned with enforcing the rules the top leaders make.

If having a high degree of autonomy and accountability is important to you, you may do better in a flat hierarchy where work teams can design their own way of achieving the corporate goals.

5. What’s the most important thing the successful candidate could accomplish in their first 3 months/6 months/year?

Of all the questions to ask in a job interview, this one is impressive because it shows that you identify with and want to be a successful performer, and not just an average one.

Here, you’re drilling down into what the company needs, and needs quite urgently, proving that you’re all about adding value to the organization and not just about what’s in it for you.

How it helps you:

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Most job descriptions come with 8, 10 or 12 different job responsibilities and a lot of them with be boilerplate or responsibilities that someone in HR thinks are associated with this role. This question gives you a better sense of which responsibilities are the most important—and they may not be what initially attracted you to the role.

If you like the idea of training juniors, for example, but success is judged purely on your sales figures, then is this really the job you thought you were applying for?

This question will also give you an idea of what kind of learning curve you’re expected to have and whether you’ll get any ramp-up time before getting down to business. If you’re the type of person who likes to jump right in and get things done, for instance, you may not be thrilled to hear that you’re going to spend the first three months shadowing a peer.

6. What do you like about working here?

This simple question is all about building rapport with the interviewer. People like to talk about themselves, and the interviewer will be flattered that you’re interested in her opinions.

Hopefully, you’ll find some great connection points that the two of you share. What similar things drive you head into the office each day? How will you fit into the culture?

How it helps you:

You can learn a lot from this question. Someone who genuinely enjoys his job will be able to list several things they like, and their answers will sound passionate and sincere. If not….well, you might consider that a red flag.

Since you potentially can learn a lot about the company culture from this question, it’s a good idea to figure out upfront what’s important to you. Maybe you’re looking for a hands-off boss who values independent thought and creativity? Maybe you work better in environments that move at a rapid, exciting pace?

Whatever’s important to you, listen carefully and see if you can find any common ground.

7. Based on this interview, do you have any questions or concerns about my qualifications for the role?

What a great closing question to ask in a job interview! It shows that you’re not afraid of feedback—in fact, you are inviting it. Not being able to take criticism is a red flag for employers, who need to know that you’ll act on any “coaching moments” with a good heart.

As a bonus, asking this question shows that you are really interested in the position and wish to clear up anything that may be holding the company back from hiring you.

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How it helps you:

What a devious beast this question is! On the surface, it looks straightforward, but it’s actually giving you four key pieces of information.

First, is the manager capable of giving you feedback when put on the spot like this? Some managers are scared of giving feedback, or don’t think it’s important enough to bother outside of a formal performance appraisal. Do you want to work for a boss like that? How will you improve if no one is telling you what you did wrong?

Second, can the manager give feedback in a constructive way without being too pillowy or too confrontational? It’s unfair to expect the interviewer to have figured out your preferred way of receiving feedback in the space of an interview, but if she come back with a machine-gun fire of shortcomings or one of those corporate feedback “sandwiches” (the doozy slipped between two slices of compliment), then you need to ask yourself, can you work with someone who gives feedback like that?

Third, you get to learn the things the hiring manager is concerned about before you leave the interview. This gives you the chance to make a final, tailored sales pitch so you can convince the interviewer that she should not be worried about those things.

Fourth, you get to learn the things the hiring manager is concerned about period. If turnover is keeping him up at night, then your frequent job hopping might get a lot of additional scrutiny. If he’s facing some issues with conflict or communication, then he might raise concerns regarding your performance in this area.

Listen carefully: the concerns that are being raised about you might actually be a proxy for problems in the wider organization.

Making Your Interview Work for You

Interviews are a two-way street. While it is important to differentiate yourself from every other candidate, understand that convincing the interviewer you’re the right person for the role goes hand-in-hand with figuring out if the job is the right fit for you.

Would you feel happy in a work environment where the people, priorities, culture and management style were completely at odds with the way you work? Didn’t think so!

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Featured photo credit: Amy Hirschi via unsplash.com

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